filipino-chinese relationships 2

[Mr.Punch]

You can't fight feng shui.  It's one of the non-negotiables in their culture.  Even if you think it's a load of BS (which - let's all admit it - it is), if she believes in it, then you give way.  Period.

[insanelypurpleprincess]

You can't fight feng shui.  It's one of the non-negotiables in their culture.  Even if you think it's a load of BS (which - let's all admit it - it is), if she believes in it, then you give way.  Period.

True that, it's quite difficult and complicated to fight it and yes, quite a non-negotiable for us.
As for it being tagged as BS --- quite harsh. To each his own. In the same way that Filipino-Chinese respect the so-called 'pamahiin' of the purely Traditional Filipino families.

[cindylulu]

^right on sis!   Just don't feed the troll. 

[CityHunter]

Peeps, total BS yun you cannot fight feng shui.  The problem with that is limited yun mind ng people who see it as something na now way out.

True na may mga tao when combined with others will merit kamalasan.  This is through the math and science of the East.  HOWEVER, bakit hindi nila sinabi yun remedies.  Even if it is rooted sa karma kaya kontrahin provided the problem is figured out ano root niya.  It is that simple.

Though as some have pointed out paano nga kung yun lang ang alam nila about feng shui and that so-called feng shui expert ay pinaniniwalaan nga nila

Add ko lang may threat rin of being totally banished from the family ang sinuman who will not agree to what is set upon by the elders.  Isa na rito yun pagsuway sa advise based on feng shui.  To the point na ultimo name and picture mo ay banned from ever being mentioned or seen ever.  This may be one of the reasons why the girl chose to end the relationship despite the feelings.

Its going to be a long hard road and ideally both of you are determined to fight together but if its just you ay its going to be mission impossible

[Mr.Punch]

Someone did not like the way I answered some points and so I was given a warning for supposed "post padding".  And although it boggles my mind as to what I could possibly gain by intentional post-padding, I am complying with the order to consolidate my posts within 48 hours.  I must say I feel really special right now.  More power to GT!

=========================

^right on sis!   Just don't feed the troll. 

I agree, I'm already overweight as it is.

True that, it's quite difficult and complicated to fight it and yes, quite a non-negotiable for us.
As for it being tagged as BS --- quite harsh. To each his own. In the same way that Filipino-Chinese respect the so-called 'pamahiin' of the purely Traditional Filipino families.

I the local pamahiins are BS too.  It's not really a favor if the 2 cultures just reinforce each other's inconvenient superstitions under the guise of "respect".

True na may mga tao when combined with others will merit kamalasan.  This is through the math and science of the East.  HOWEVER, bakit hindi nila sinabi yun remedies.  Even if it is rooted sa karma kaya kontrahin provided the problem is figured out ano root niya.  It is that simple.

No such thing as "math and science of the East".  By their very nature, math and science are the same everywhere.  And feng shui is NOT math nor science.

[little_princess]

^ I respect your opinion on the matter but then I guess you also have to respect ours which is rooted on many things. This thread is about Filipino and Chinese relationships and for sure topics like feng shui will be discussed and many Chinese families still believe and practice it. Posting in this thread, calling feng shui BS and knowing that there are a number of Chinese GT-ers here would just really be flame baiting.

Unless categorically proven that feng shui is really BS, then i guess we need to be at least tolerant of each other's views and not insult each other's culture.

[molybdenumstudios]

we need to be at least tolerant of each other's views and not insult each other's culture.

Amen to this! Pamahiin and feng shui have similarities, but it should not be debated.

[insanelypurpleprincess]

^^ Very well said, little_princess 

[jessicaco123456]

hi mga sis, i have a problem can you guys help me, kasi ganito i have a problem with my parents, we are very traditional chinese, we follow all cultures, my parents are from mainland china talaga. I am happily engaged now with my fiance, so we are planning our tinghun, my fiance is half chinese btw, so they dont really follow traditional culture, and they do not want to spend big money for tinghun and wedding because they are very practical. they are rich naman, but they really dont want to spend lot of money for just the tradition. My problem is my parents will give me house and lot, a car, a jewelry and everything. they want to give to my fiance a patek philippe watch, but they do not want to spend that kind of money for me. can you please help me understand why?. I dont want my parents to look down on his family.

[CityHunter]

Hi, jessicaco123456.

From what I do know kasi pabaon sa iyo iyon ng parents mo kasi per tradition once a girl marries a guy ang connection niya, si girl, to her family is limited na.  As in its the guy and his family na who should care for you. 

I've been to some - but not much - and a bit engrande nga kapag following tradition.  Pero the big question is ay kayong 2 ng special someone mo.  As kayo ang mag-explain to both sides why one side has to do such due to tradition and the other due to practicality.

Ang mabigat na itatanong sa iyo ng parents mo once sure na sure na kayo is how will our fiance support kayong 2.  Yun ang dapat niya masagot na magugustuhan ng parents mo.  Dahil per tradition limited na sila makialam sa buhay mo once you get married. 

[jessicaco123456]

Hi, jessicaco123456.

From what I do know kasi pabaon sa iyo iyon ng parents mo kasi per tradition once a girl marries a guy ang connection niya, si girl, to her family is limited na.  As in its the guy and his family na who should care for you. 

I've been to some - but not much - and a bit engrande nga kapag following tradition.  Pero the big question is ay kayong 2 ng special someone mo.  As kayo ang mag-explain to both sides why one side has to do such due to tradition and the other due to practicality.

Ang mabigat na itatanong sa iyo ng parents mo once sure na sure na kayo is how will our fiance support kayong 2.  Yun ang dapat niya masagot na magugustuhan ng parents mo.  Dahil per tradition limited na sila makialam sa buhay mo once you get married.

Thank you for your reply sis @CityHunter, he is confident naman na he can support me and our future family e, but you know how traditional chinese works, importante rin sakanila ang makikita na material things, more like "for show" "yabang" sakanila un e, hay, dun ako nahihirapan because my fiance's side is very practical, ayaw nila ng yabang and all.

ang problem ko is baka mapag sabihan ako ng parents ko na "yan na nga ang sinasabi ko kaya dapat maghanap ka ng pure chinese blood" natatakot naman akong maisip nila iyon sa fiance ko. dahil alam niyo naman na kapag traditional chinese is laging may halong pasikat and yabang. i dont know if what should i tell my fiance na, my parents naman is willing to spend. dapat kahit papano his side would be willing din.

[molybdenumstudios]

@jessicaco123456: I feel you. Onga, I noticed that in many traditional Chinese families that most of them have lots of luxury stuff, just for show. But it's a good thing you chose someone who is wise on finances.

[CityHunter]

Hi muli, jessicaco123456

Very true yun observation mo na that some want to highlight na they can be like the Joneses.  Ito yun sakit ng mga Mainlanders that have come to our country recently.  Sila yun mahilig sa mga flashy cars, madalas nasa casino o bars, ilantad mga mistresses nila, etc. 

FYI.  Do note na isa rin itong dapat na i-clear sa iyo ng hubby mo.  With some lalo na kung going by tradition it IS acceptable na may mistress(es).  Something that should be changed!

Okay, the reason why I emphasized yun dapat ma-satisfy ng fiance mo sa sagot niya yun parents mo is hindi lang yun current status niya but his very plans.  As in how will he really make those plans into reality with MINIMAL support from others BUT not alienating his and your family as well.

FYI.  Old families lalo na yun still sticking to tradition kahit hindi Chinese suffer the same question you are asking now.  Kung may magbukas ng thread about how it is with Indian-Filipinos or even sa Muslim brothers and sisters natin you'll encounter a question like this.

Oo, maraming mga mahilig magporma.  Heck, associations still do this in the hope of being seen as the better one.  Take very careful note sa mga celebrations like Chinese New Year.  Doon mo mapapansin its not really about the event but more of making porma to others in the event

Sa Chinese remember ang guy lang ang may say.  So it'll be your fiance and your dad and uncles kasama na lolo mo kung buhay pa ang magkaroon ng close door meeting.  Then he has to defend himself well. 

Ang factors na i-consider ay yun current reputation niya.  Umaasa lang ba sa parents niya or not.  Anong mga nagawa na niya sa buhay and not just yun natapos.  Is he a bad sheep or not.  Maliban pa iyan sa usual things like ipa-feng shui ang compatibility ninyo, etc.

FYI.  Kung sa feng shui ay make sure hindi lang reading ha kundi pati remedies i-ask ninyo else ask your money back! 

Observe mo lang bakit yun mga truly rich - taipan level - pag makita mo sila in their environment madalas butas pa yun suot na sando.  Na game lang na kumain using yun takip ng kaldero as plate.  There is a side na for show - yun porma - and mayroon yun real side that they show to those whom they value and trust.  Its the latter your fiance must win on more as that what counts more.

Maaring your fiance and his family may not splurge per requirements ng tradition but if it can be proven they will bring respect and harmony to both families ay mas mabigat iyon.  Remember ang alahas though pwede ibenta ay tatawaran iyan so the value may drop.  Hindi ba mas maganda naman kung ang ilantad ay mga security towards your future as husband and wife.  Some would say invest in gold pero silver is also a commodity that is easily traded with rin - ito yun coins not alahas ha.  You just need to work with your fiance to make your family understand that hindi dahil wala siyang pang present per required by tradition ay malas na ang union ninyo. 

Ang hindi nga lang maiiwasan ay yun maaring comments ng guests.  Its the norm to invite even those na hindi mo trip to come kasi for such just to rub to their faces such things   Kaya its not going to be an easy battle ito until your wedding gets finished at the very least.  After that tiyak comment na yun babies.  More so in want of sons.

[cindylulu]

@jessicaco123456, tradition talaga for the girl's parents to give the groom a watch. not necessarily na watch din ang mare receive mo na dowry from the guy's parents. nowadays it's jewelry. I feel you sis why the guy's parents would not spend that much kasi they're half-Chinese so they don't really adhere sa tradition ng ting Hun. well ganun talaga sis pag ting hun e. pabonggahan ng yaman yan. but nevertheless, win-win situation for you both hehe. Hayaan nyo na kung ano sabihin ng parents mo. as long as hindi marinig ng kabilang family. What's important is tuloy ang ting Hun.

[molybdenumstudios]

Share ko lang: Hindi naman ako aarteng mag-date ng Chinoy since many of them are family-oriented naman. Even though he's only 3/4 Chinese, I'd go for him (usually, mga Chinoys who are not pure-blooded are better-looking).

[Girltalker2]

I dont want my parents to look down on his family.

sis jessica, how is your engagement plans? 

It is inevitable for your parents to look down on their family kasi ang paniniwala ng parents mo is parents should be there "to provide" for the wedding of their offsprings.  lalo pa yung BF mo lalaki ang nasa side nila, so "dapat" mas all out sila.

ang problem ko is baka mapag sabihan ako ng parents ko na "yan na nga ang sinasabi ko kaya dapat maghanap ka ng pure chinese blood" natatakot naman akong maisip nila iyon sa fiance ko. dahil alam niyo naman na kapag traditional chinese is laging may halong pasikat and yabang. i dont know if what should i tell my fiance na, my parents naman is willing to spend. dapat kahit papano his side would be willing din.

Alam mo sis, kahit na pure chinese, may iba practical narin talaga.  Ito ang tradition na hindi ko kasi maintindihan na matagal ko narin iniisip. i have a friend kasi na chinese, fiance nya chinese din. And they are the perfect example - na yung girl side, adheres to tradition. while the guy side, kahit pure chinese, do not adhere to tradition - mas filipino ang culture ng family ng guy kahit na pure chinese sila.

the girl's parents, kita mo yung typical chinese na kuripot, hingi magarbo manamit, simple lang lagi; pero gaya mo, with house and lot ang bigay ng parents sa girl.   

yung guy naman, stable din naman family nila kasi they own properties din naman, kaso the parents are medyo magarbo, laging naka diamante ang nanay, hindi nagc-commute, mga branded ang mga damit/sapatos, at hi tech sa latest gadgets and all. Pero wala silang icontribute sa engagement, moreso sa wedding.

in this case, I really do not know how to advise my friend at that time (mga bata pa kasi kami nun 20s).  In hindsight, if I am to look back, they should NOT have done the engagement nalang para walang issues, then just go for the wedding.  No need to give the philip patek, just "let them be". At least ito iniisip ko ngayon. 

Tapos the way it was explained to me, yung parents ng girl - they cannot feel secure that their daughter is in "good" hands kapag walang maibigay ang side ng lalaki. It is because it is like they are already giving away their daughter to someone na walang mailabas sa tinghun, so how can they be at peace that their daughter will be treated like a queen. Kung engagement palang nga, ayaw na nila "paggastusan" yung magiging daughter-in-law nila, what more kung kasal na?   I am not sure ha - pero mukhang tama nga that this is the psyche that goes on in their minds. But you might know better since parents mo iyan. 

Tama din si sis cityhunter, how to make your parents confident on you marrying this guy and his family?






















 

[Maein]

Napadaan lang ako sa thread na to and saw this topic. 

Im filipino and my bf is tsinoy. Almost 5 years na in the relationship and so far wala naman major issue yung differences namin as to pinoy and tsinoy. I was introduced to his family and all of them welcomed me. I even sometimes go with them sa temple.. Although I cannot fully understand all their practices and traditions, I just respect them just the way my bf respect my practices as a filipino, and im really trying to understand their ways.. kung pwede nga lang matutunan pati pagsasalita ng hookien, kaso hirap talaga ako. 

[insanelypurpleprincess]

^ Good for you then. Hope it all turns out well in the long run. Best of luck to your relationship.

[stameygirl]

My problem is my parents will give me house and lot, a car, a jewelry and everything. they want to give to my fiance a patek philippe watch, but they do not want to spend that kind of money for me. can you please help me understand why?. I dont want my parents to look down on his family.

What do you mean sis by your parents not wanting "to spend that kind of money for me"? Aren't they giving you a "house and lot, a car, a jewelry and everything"?

[bagaholic_chewy]

^ I think she meant that her fiance's family is not willing to spend for her, whereas her family is all-out on the gifts.