^ if for wine toasting, you may consider champagne din, kahit yung Moet.
Para di OT, I'll share na din. I am married to a pure Chinese (chinoy). I met his parents and siblings about a year into the relationship, during his college graduation. But he already told his parents about me nung naging kami. As expected, the mom was concerned na wala ako ni katiting na chinese blood. Kasi nga daw, pano sa relatives and associations, mas conservative kasi ang side nila. For the dad naman, medyo deadma, pero ang concern nya is if I can keep up with the traditions and culture. Di sya masyado concerned sa relatives kasi sa side nya e me mga mixed marriages na din naman. Basta I can blend in, ok lang daw. As for my family, concerned sila sa stereotype na "maltreatment" daw ng chinoys sa mga pinoy wives. But since we were of age naman na, we're both college graduates and professionals, they let us be. Pero yun nga, di maiwasan dati na maging source of conflict yung pagkakaiba ng culture. Like sa family ko, always sya invited even sa smallest occasions kasi he's treated as "family" na din. While sa side nya, di ako kasama esp sa first few years kasi di pa ako "family". Nasasama lang nya ako pag occasions na para sa kanya, like birthday nya or something. His relatives knew of my existence and background pero I was never formally introduced, nameet ko sila ng patingi-tingi pag nagkakasalubong sa mall, or sa ongpin or wherever. Fortunately, his family and his relatives both sides were decent and pleasant enough naman pag nami-meet ko sila.
When we started discussing marriage, yun na yung onti-onti e sinasama nya ako sa occasions ng immediate family nila and sa occasions with relatives. Of course pinagpapaalam nya sa parents nya, and siguro nafeel din naman ng parents nya yung effort ko to understand their culture so eventually pumayag na. Minsan his mom explained things to me, like the significance of the occasion or ritual or tradition or whatever. Siguro hinahanda nya ako nun. When he proposed to me, si Mom nya kasama nya bumili ng engagement ring sa suking jeweler sa binondo. Then dad nya said he'll pay for our wedding. But kami ni bf/hubby already talked about it and we agreed na we'll pay for our wedding ourselves, kasi gusto ko we would have a free hand sa preps and sa guest list. at first me resistance kasi his parents wanted the wedding dito sa Manila (usual hotel venue) and yung iimbitahan yung mga friends and relations nila. Kasi sabi ng parents nya, kami yung first proper wedding sa family nila kaya they wanted it to be a big deal. Nagpakasal kasi yung younger brother ni bf/hubby the previous year, pero civil lang kasi buntis si girl na pure chinese/chinoy din.
Medyo madami naging issue sa wedding preps. Kasi only girl ako, and as the usual pinoy tradition, the wedding venue is usually sa place ng girl, in our case, a big city outside Manila. Yun yung "non-negotiable" ng mom ko kasi ako nga lang ang girl so ako lang ang ikakasal na anak sa place namin. Yung mga brothers ko, ang wedding nila e dun naman sa place ng mga napangasawa nila. So nagtampo ang dad nya kasi ako ang nasunod. Then they wanted ting hun, kahit simple lang daw, but I said no (because naisip ko, me simple bang ting hun??). So nagtampo ang mom nya. As for the wedding expense, we agreed na lang na bigay sila fixed amount instead na sila fully gumastos, compromise namin since bf/hubby said na mao-offend daw parents nya if completely tinanggihan namin ang financial "gift". Tapos we wanted a small wedding (max 150pax) and since sa province, we agreed with his parents na we'll have na lang a post-wedding reception here in Manila for his relatives on both sides. Ganun din sa Mom ko, we had a post-wedding reception the day after for other friends ng mom ko na hindi na-invite sa wedding reception. During the wedding, me "representatives" na lang yung both sides na relatives nya. Tig-1pair na tito/tita each side na principal sponsors na din. And some cousins. Na-appreciate ko din naman yun kasi effort din bumyahe just for our wedding, to think na hindi naman nila nakasanayan ang ganung style.
Fast-forward to our marriage, we're more than ok, with his family and with both sides na relatives. We're married 6years, and we were bf/gf for almost 7yrs so in total e almost 13yrs na kami. It takes effort din talaga on my part kasi as a sign of respect, I wanted and needed to understand chinese traditions and culture din. And I guess nakita din naman nila ang effort ko. And it helped na his relatives on both sides were really understanding din na pag kasama ako, they try to converse in mixed fookien and tagalog so as not to alienate me. Or they tell me, "pasensya na ha if we're conversing in chinese, hirap kasi to express in filipino", and I smile and say "ok lang po" although at first nahi-hurt ako. Pero his mom and my hubby, after the event, would try to make kwento to me kung ano yung mga napag-usapan. And now, since nakasanayan ko na din naman, sometimes I pick up na din the thought ng conversation kahit snippets of filipino words lang ginagamit nila. So sometimes nakaka-join in na ako sa conversations. His family din naman, tried to understand the filipino culture din, minsan napapagusapan kasi namin ni MIL yung mga differences and similarities ng cultures.
And believe it or not, mas favorite ako ng parents-in-law ko kesa sa SIL ni hubby na pure chinay. It started with mutual respect siguro na nadevelop over the years. Alam kasi ng parents nya na di naman pipitsugin ang napangasawa ng anak nila, I graduated from a top university din, same kami ni hubby and I had my share of corporate successes din. Even now na I decided to be a stay-at-home wife, soon to be SAHM, they know naman na I am afted my husband's betterment and success din. And I guess, they also felt and observed na hubby and I are really partners, meaning di ako fully dependent sa kanya, whether financially or whatever, and yet they see naman na I respect my husband din. We compromise and when we decide, e as one kami. And siguro mas na-appreciate din nila ang family/relatives ko kasi they know and personally observed that hubby is loved by my family and relatives. Sinasabi sa akin ni MIL na nahirapan daw talaga sya to accept at first na hindi ako chinese at all, pero now daw masaya sya kasi she knows na I am a great match to her son. When my F.IL was still alive, sinasabi din nya sa MIL ko na di daw nya expected na sobrang maaappreciate nila ako over the years. And on my part naman, I felt naman din the respect and love of my in-laws to me kaya sinusuklian ko din yun. When F.IL got sick, I really made an effort to take care of him up to his deathbed, kasi he was like a real dad na din sa akin (my dad died when I was young). Even my older brother said na ramdam daw nila na mahal ako ng in-laws ko, kahit na at first e medyo nag-worry din sila for me kasi baka nga daw kawawain ako when we got married. Kaya pati kuya ko mataas respeto sa in-laws ko. And I think my in-laws appreciate the fact na di ako nagpapaka-plastic sa kanila, they know that I speak my mind and if meron ako di naintindihan sa culture or tradition e tinatanong ko talaga, whether kay hubby or kay MIL.
Sorry mahaba ang kwento ko. Siguro what I really just want to point out is, filipino-chinese and other mixed chinese relationships work, as long as both sides really make an effort to understand each other's cultures and traditions (the differences and similarities), and as long as you both keep an open mind about things. Di maiiwasan yung minsan mao-offend ka or mahi-hurt but this should not turn into a major conflict. Kami kasi ni hubby, we really talk about it and we compromise when needed. Kasi we know na if puro resistance and angal kami, walang mangyayari, lalaki lang ang conflict and hindi rin makakatulong sa amin. And sa ngayon, napag-uusapan na din namin yung mga traditions and culture na we will impart to our future family, which ones to keep, which ones to "modify" or something.
