filipino-chinese relationships 2

[molybdenumstudios]

Previous thread:

http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,175508.580/topicseen.html

Post here some experiences and thoughts, sissies!

[Mr.Punch]

Oh sige na nga mr punch racist na kame. Whatever makes you happy.. Still it wont change a thing on how we choose our lifetime partner...

Er... what gave you the idea that I'm trying to change the way you choose your partners?  I was just calling a spade a spade. 

I do appreciate your concern about what makes me happy.  I assure you that I do not require it.  (Nor do I care, come to think of it.)

[chicafabulosa]

I dont really care whether you need it or not... Its for you to stop. Because the last thing i want is to have an argument with you...

So thanks for your insight too..

[seven82]

I'm half Chinese but grew up in a very Chinese environment. morena ako so madalas akong pagkamalang hindi Chinese. growing up madami akong naranasan na discrimination. attended Chinese school and ang daming tukso sa akin. uso ng mga panahon na un si gagay-prinsesa ng brownout, black beauty-yung kabayo, uling at kung ano ano pa and i was often mocked and called those things. to think hindi naman ako maitim na maitim. mas kawawa yung mga guys sa school that i attended na moreno as ang tawag sa kanila baluga at kung ano ano pang worse. to think students lang kami that time. dumating sa point na ayaw ko na pumasok. even sa temple, yung mga Chinese grandma hinahanap sa akin mga house help na kasama nila. went to HK with my husband tinatak sa passport ko 7 days lang while my husband 14 days. ito yung mga experiences ko even if i'm chinoy. my husband is pure Chinese. wala naman kaming naging problema sa both sides ng family when we got married.

i've had Filipino and Chinese ex bfs. yung Filipino ex ko lang ang may communication kami, we parted as friends naman. yung sa mga Chinese kung hindi nagcheat e yung isa hindi ko alam bakit pa siya nag pursue ng relationship with me na malalaman ko lang na hindi din niya pala ako maipapakilala sa parents niya kasi hindi ako mukhang Chinese. yung isa naman tanggap ako ng parents pero sobrang nahanginan ako as pinamumukha niya sa lahat ng tao na mayaman sila.

dati sobrang self pity ako kasi bakit ganoon ang situation ko. but sa Chinese community pa din ang world ko and i can't change that. even ngayon i still get discriminated. napagkamalan pa nga akong yaya ng daughter ko! kasi sobrang puti ng daughter ko. and sa business din ganoon. even sa guards sa mall. kapag narinig nila na nag Chinese ako hindi na nila ichecheck bag ko. but ngayon iba na tingin ko. i put my appearance to my advantage. akala ng mga iba hindi ako Chinese so they speak Chinese in front of me saying this and that. ang ganti ko i'll talk back in Chinese. nganga ng bonga ang mga bibig! haha ilang beses ko ng ginagawa yan and masayang masaya ako sa results lagi  hindi naman sa pagmamayabang pero i can speak better pa compared sa mga pure Chinese. 

ngayon we teach our daughter na hindi maging ganoon. madaming bagay na binabago namin ng husband ko. madami kaming naririnig na dapat hindi ganoon hindi ganyan but wala naman silang magagawa kasi we are earning and striving for our own money. traditions and culture wala na tayong magagawa to change it. but what we can do is learn from the negative and wrong na nakikita and nararanasan natin. madami naman ways to practice tradition but we have our own choice and judgement. and we know what's rigth from wrong.

just my POV 

[Mr.Punch]

^^ did you mean "for you to stop"?

Ey, I'm just answering, not necessarily arguing.    Aren't forums designed for exchange of opinions?  an

You must have posted at least 10 times more words than I did in the old thread but did I make any attempt to stop you in your defense of your "traditions".  No.

If you have such a loose definition for "argument", it might be a good idea to just put your thoughts in a blog (title suggestion: "The traditional Chinese, but totally not racist, blog") where you can control or block any opinion that you can not tolerate, and stop any "argument" before it even begins.

 ...instead of, say, jumping into the chaos of a public forum where you will most certainly be exposed to various and even directly opposing opinions.

I likewise thank you for your insights. 

= = = = = = = = = =

By the way, I was in Taiwan last year and I got to know some Taiwanese individuals.  (And if you know the Taiwanese, they pride themselves in being more traditionally Chinese than their mainlander counterparts.)  I got to discuss the topic of interracial marriage with them.  I was expecting them to give the typical racist justifications given by Chinoys over here in the Philippines, but I was surprised how open they are on this topic. 

I pointedly asked them if they will allow their sons and daughters to marry Filipinos.  I can't remember the exact wording but they gave me an equally pointed answer: "If they're good people, then why not?  You think we're racists?"  (Note that this answer is vastly different from the unyielding "no Filipinos!!!" frame of mind by the "traditional" Chinese over here.)

The key difference is whether one is overgeneralizing.  You make a blanket prohibition based on some unfounded generalization that applies to an entire ethnic group, then that's racism. 

Example:
1.  "Lahat ng Bumbay mabaho." vs. "Yung mga Bumbay na hindi naliligo, mabaho."
2.  "Basta Arabo, manyak at rapist!" vs. "Maraming OFWs ang inabuso ng mga Arabo nilang amo."

[chicafabulosa]

Ang point ko lang is stop saying racist kame... Yun lang. So end of argument. Ayoko makipagtalo sayo okay.... Oh yeah tama ka na nga di ba..

[molybdenumstudios]

Don't worry sis chicafabulosa, that person is not someone worth your time haha.

[chicafabulosa]

Thanks sis moly.. I am just trying to explain the tradition of a traditional chinese family pagdating sa serious relationship. And di naman ibig sabihin nun even sa friends kailangan chinese rin. Marami akong friends na di chinese, yun nga lang pagdating sa love and lifetime partner, yun na agad ang naka instill sa akin. Kasi yun ang choice ko rin not because like what i said tingin ko mas mababa ang ibang lahi but for me na maging comfortable sa tao na makakasama ko mg lifetime who understand ang kultura ng chinese. I had rin naman non chinese exes like what i said before kaso lahat sila tingin nila weird ang ibang kaugalian, so just to spare myself from that pain, i decided to choose a chinese partner too.

E.g. The engagement or ting hun, they find it weird bakit may ganun pa. As if parang kasal na. Di ba daw pwede simpleng pamamanhikan na lang. Bakit aw kailangan pa ng exchange of jewelries and may kaugalian na dapat gawin for the engagement... This is just an example bakit di kame nagkatuluyan ng ex ko na american. Magastos daw yun and not practical. So with this,naisip ko na what if makatuluyan ko sya, baka isipin nya bakit 2 beses ako mag celebrate ng new year, bakit may mooncake festival ako na pinupuntahan, bakit pag august ayoko bumili ng gamit (ghost month) and so on... So i just saved myself from explaining and pains sakali

[molybdenumstudios]

^ Pero 'wag ka... I have a friend (gay siya) who is attracted to Chinese guys so kung sakaling naging Chinese raw siya, it would not be a big deal for him... but let me clarify this, totoo bang bawal maging gay ang isang eldest son? (No offense)

Also, marrying someone from the same community as yours, whether it's imposed or not, it may be something for one's safety... well, as the saying goes, it's better to be safe than sorry, hindi ba?

[chicafabulosa]

So far sis sa family namin its not an issue but thank God wala sa amin lumbas kasi alam mo ba na even now in China gay men are pressured to marry and have a child so they can pass on their surnames.


I remember my grandfather told us before it was an old saying in China that the worst thing you can do to your parents is not to give them a grandchild. So mostly pressured na magkaanak kahit gay sila

Pero ang alam ko now mas open na sila about gay and lesbian.

[molybdenumstudios]

I'll tell my gay buddy about that. He would love to hear it. (:

Now I know why China is overpopulated... the grandparents will be very disappointed when they're not given a grandchild... :/

[aquacharly]

Both sides, my great grandparents after their respective arranged marriages in China, settled in either Lipa or Ilocos.  All had no money, & led industrious hard lives. Sa Lipa mga bata sport nila batuhin ang Chinese na poor -- as in itulak pa cart na diario bote ng tatay ng lolo namin.  Hindi pinagbabawalan ng mga magulang, kinukunsinti pa.  Hahaha.  Sa Ilocos, game ng mga bata pagtawanan bread our great grandparents sold sa sarisari -- lahat daw inaamag.  Yung breadv- tawag don?  tinitirador daw. wala carabao at 1st our greatgrandpa -- the kids threw stones at him & made the  sounds used for carabaos.  Racist sila? Hindi, may pera  lang kasi  sila.  hehe

Walang child abuse, child labor, child protection noon -- basta study & work in the family business & may house chores pa, while pinapagalitan/criticize ng parents.  Wala na child anything now -- kasi enlightened parents kami, pero andon you nail into your kids' cocote:  value for hard work.  So, IMO, we are not different in some  ways because we feel superior... But because we live by certain values --  birds of the same feather eff together.  Ngek, este  flock pala.   Or, water seeks its own level. 
Teka Teka , hindi ko sinabi we are better ha. kasi whatever your color, que big or small eyes mo --  there will always be others of all colors & different eye size who will be less or better than you (andon yan sa Desiderata di ba). 

After the "immigrants",  most of our forbears married people with Chinese DNA.  It was less complicated that way.   But ewan ko ha, but on both sides --  priority yung integrate into Pinoy living eh.  Being practical lang:  Fookien alam ni Lolo; Cantonese si Lola; pwes Englsh & Tagalog common with the kids.  When we were kids, kami mga cousins Tagalog usap. . Yung Pinoy playmates - English. .  Chinese kami - baduuuyyyy!  Uhugin pa daw.  Lolz  (My MIL flirted with my father in law in  Guangzou -- they married & she moved here.  Galing tumalak in Tagalog. Her firstborn had a name she had difficulty pronouncing daw noon. When she's asked:  What's the baby's name? Sagot nya: "I don't know". Her MIL clucked her tongue. Lolz)

Kelangan ma osmosize to lessen discrimination.  Dati, tease kmi Intsik Beho. . Lolz. Weird daw kami  kasi our dad, not our mom, goes shopping with us daughters for our clothes .  We spit daw on all food we cook. Etc etc.
Creepy our homes daw kasi yung photos of dead ancestors andun -- eh we are big on appreciating and utang na loob -- sa mga sacrifices ginawa ng ancestors to get us to where we are, na hindi na kami in the Diario bote business.  We are thankful daily. 

Kelan  lang hindi naman "hot" GI girls. Tisay lang "hot".  Heart Evngelista started to make the GI girl "hot", kasi packaging nya arte arte rich Tsinay.  Kami mukhang pera?  Dream din namin ma accept kahit poor girl ha. 
Uuuyyy may pera na some Tsinoys --  Aba! Minamata  na nila Pinoys!  - Sabi.  Really?!  Binabato ba ng Tsinoy kids  poor Pinoys?  Hindi ha, kinikidnap nga  sila mga  Tsinoy kids.  Lolz

We have traditions we cling to kasi it makes our lives orderly.  Pag ang couple to be engaged -- Ibig sabihin, the parents close ranks.  Both sets will do what they can to give the couple a good start together. Kaya may tapatan of expensive assets during the engagement.  Di ba okay yon? Hindi yung araw na ng church wedding eh dramatic nega pa a parent?  If you give your kid going off to school proper clothes and baon, ganun din sa engagement/marriage.  -- start sending them off adequately prepared.  Sa iba, interpretation nila sa ganon tradition -- payabangan/tapatan.  Well, I don't mind being slapped with high end jewelry, hahaha. 

Practical lang kami with our old ways.  Even before the wedding, yung residence ng couple -- que rented/owned tiny or palatial --  complete na with gifts from brand new furniture appliances, even cars, plates, lahat down to the toothpick  holder. And complete baby layette (may plastic tub and tabo pa kmi gift pero years bago may baby kami. Lol).   Feel na feel namin the sincere wishes for happiness, prosperity, good health, & good luck from our families, relatives & friends. Practical lang kami, not necessarily "it's all about money".

[break_free]

^ Halos same story din tayo!

[chicafabulosa]

Hi sis Aquacharly and sis break free I think most of us Tsinoy's have same stories... Although buti nga sayo sis Aquacharly they went here voluntary. While my great grandfather went here because of war in China. Literally magsasaka ang great grandfather namin sa China. But he has to move and find his luck dito sa Pilipinas when he couldn't take his step mother's abusive behavior.

Then he started here in Cebu. Ayun little by little it took off. And it was passed through his sons ang importance ng chinese culture and value. And that include na sana Chinese rin daw ang makatuluyan ng nga anak at apo. Di naman necessary na dapat kasing yaman nila but.... Sana daw naiintindihan daw ang value and culture natin.

And when my great grandfather died, almost his kids have to start from zero kasi nga gera non so almost all properties and wealth were seized. Luckily, all his descendants naman did great. Lahat maayos ang kalagayan sa life now.

We dont look as well sa status ng tao. Like sis Aquacharly, we just want someone who would understand our culture.

Oo nga sis Aquacharly, pinagtatawanan rin kame bakit nga daw may offering pa and may incense pa palagi yung mga pictures ng dead ancestors haha.. For me who cares. We are just paying respect.

[jonielle]

Im 1/4 chinese  father ko kasi half na lang so natural ako 1/4 na lang.

whats wrong dun sa nag offering and insenso sa sementeryo nga ginagawa namin to eh naglalagay pa ng papel na iba iba kulay nagsusunog pa ng papel pera daw nila sa itaas.

well re sa topic I married a filipina but who cares wala naman kumuntra kasi di naman big deal samin kung may dugong chinese o wala. uso lang naman yung chinese sa chinese sa mga mayayaman lang na chinese.

 

[chicafabulosa]

Kasi bro jonielle yung sa iba yata pag deads na, they would usually have one picture lang but they never do any offerings.. Wala naman mali dun pero syempre yung iba medyo di nila maintindihan yung ganun na tradition natin. Sanay sila na sa sementeryo lang yung mga offerings.

[molybdenumstudios]

Korek bro jonielle. I have a Chinese guy BFF who is actually pure Chinese, and a very rich one. Sayang, I really cannot pursue him because first: He's rich. Pangalawa, he's pure Chinese... and third... they're traditional.

As for me, I am simply part-Chinese, but not half, a quarter, 1/8 or so, but I am a bit familiar with some Chinese traditions.

[khriseeee]

I'm pure chinese and all my relatives are the same. Since I was in highschool my parents have instilled in me that I need to marry someone who is also chinese. I was miserable! I attended an international school and all my crushes were the am-boys or foreign boys!

When I was accepted in both DLSU and ADMU, my mom wanted me to go to DLSU so that I would have more chinese friends. Luckily her friends convinced her to have me to go ADMU. I know it's always been a concern of my mom that I don't have many chinese friends.

Thankfully I met my hubby and he is chinese. We've had this conversation numerous times - what if we had been attracted to non-chinese people? I don't even want to think about what my parents would have said or done. With his parents naman, they would allow it but they wouldn't be as supportive. For example, we had a pretty lavish wedding, if he had married a non-Chinese most likely it wouldn't have been lavish. His parents bought us our condo and gave us a new car too - that wouldn't have happened daw if I wasn't chinese.

When we got engaged, I actually told my MIL that I didn't want a ting-hun and agreed with my mom on that. When my dad heard about it he was furious! He was yelling na it's tradition, custom, and how can we turn against it, etc etc. Ending we pulled together our ting-hun in two months (taking into consideration favorable dates). When we had our baby, my god! Even more traditions and customs to follow! My hubby is amazed that I put up with it, eh what if he had married a non-chinese, it would be a source of argument with his parents and family if these customs were not followed.

Being chinese in itself is difficult with the tradition, culture, intrigue and expectations. It's exhausting enough, what more exhausting if you are with someone who does not understand where you are coming from? I'm not saying I married my husband out of convenience, fortunately he is the love of my life AND he is chinese.

My brother is in a relationship with a Filipina, has been for many years. My mom has been so furious about it and I know it makes her so sad. However, it has come to a point na she has told me, she either needs to accept it, or lose a son. Of course she doesn't want to lose a son. She even said she would be happy for him if she knew the girl was a good person. Unfortunately, this girl is not a good person, but that's a whole different story.

I also have friends who gave up perfectly fine relationships with a Filipino/Filipina because they were not willing to fight for the relationship with the family. Are they wrong? I can't say, to each their own on what battles they want to fight for.

[chicafabulosa]

I feel for you sis khrisee.. Being traditonal chinese have its own ups and downs.. But I am happy I settled down with someone who understands the our custom. Di na mahirap iexplain why may ganun..

[fabuleuxmoi]

ngayon we teach our daughter na hindi maging ganoon. madaming bagay na binabago namin ng husband ko. madami kaming naririnig na dapat hindi ganoon hindi ganyan but wala naman silang magagawa kasi we are earning and striving for our own money. traditions and culture wala na tayong magagawa to change it. but what we can do is learn from the negative and wrong na nakikita and nararanasan natin. madami naman ways to practice tradition but we have our own choice and judgement. and we know what's rigth from wrong.

I bow down to practice