When the Love fades... :(

[xhien]

pano ko siya lalambingin sis langley eh halos ayaw nga niya na nadidikit ako sa kanya..sinabi ko na lahat wala parin pinaghahanda ko siya lagi lahat pag dumadating siya ok ako..pero mag 1 month na kami ganito..pag kakausapin ko siya nagagalit siya hinahayaan ko na nga eh.inaamin ko di ako perfect na asawa lahat naman tayo meron at meron ding bad attitudes at handa ko baguhin lahat yun..ganun din naman siya eh di siya perfect.. lagi naman pinag aawayan pag iinom ayn minsan kasi di uuwi ng bahay talagang nagagalit ako di siya ganyan dati tapos kung uminom ngayon madalas talaga.. uuwi umaga na kahit may pasok pa siya minsan di uuwi sino ba naman di magagalit sa ganyan kung umasta siya parang di pamilyado buti sana kung minsan lang eh kaso paulit ulit wala siya ginagawang pagbabago.. ewan ko ba magmula nagwork siya sa sales naging ganyan na siya.. andami talaga nagbago.. nagayon mas nagiging worst para bang pag nakikita niya ako lagi siya naiinis o ewan.. nilalayo ko na nga sarili ko..nasaktan na ako niyan physically 2 tyms na garabe talaga nitong huli sipa lang inabot ko sa kanya kasi wala lang naiinis lang siya sakin kaya niya ginawa yun..ngayon sana kausapin na niya ako kasi di ko na alam san ko ilulugar sarili ko para na akong sasabog sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko.. mas ok ba na lumayo na lang muna talaga ako yun din suggestion sakin ng mga friends ko yung space daw..bigyan ng time to think

[langley]

lagi naman pinag aawayan pag iinom ayn minsan kasi di uuwi ng bahay talagang nagagalit ako di siya ganyan dati tapos kung uminom ngayon madalas talaga.. uuwi umaga na kahit may pasok pa siya minsan di uuwi sino ba naman di magagalit sa ganyan kung umasta siya parang di pamilyado buti sana kung minsan lang eh kaso paulit ulit wala siya ginagawang pagbabago..

mukhang madami ngang issues ang marriage niyo sis xhien.
about sa pag-inom naman siyempre hindi naman maganda 'yun pero sadly wala ka magagawa kung gusto ng asawa mo na uminom, magpakalasing at umuwi ng madaling araw. Baka kasi 'yun pag-inom ang way ng asawa mo para makalimot at makawala sa stress. Ngayon kung lalo ka magagalit sa kanya mas lalo magpapakalasing yan asawa mo. Kaya ang gawin mo hayaan mo lang siya. Kahit pa may pasok siya kinabukasan at ma-late siya, hayaan mo lang. Pag umuwing lasing, wag mong kausapin, matulog ka lang, wag mong awayin. Especially wag kang mang-aaway ng lasing, madaming babae nabugbog dahil inaway nila ang asawa nilang lasing.

nasaktan na ako niyan physically 2 tyms na garabe talaga nitong huli sipa lang inabot ko sa kanya kasi wala lang naiinis lang siya sakin kaya niya ginawa yun..

sis xhien bakit ka naman nasipa ng asawa mo? dati na ba siya nananakit sa'yo. Of course kung physically nasasaktan ka na niya hindi na tama 'yun.

ngayon sana kausapin na niya ako kasi di ko na alam san ko ilulugar sarili ko para na akong sasabog sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko..

sis tandaan mo ang lalaki hindi makikipag-usap 'yan sa'yo especially ngayon na madaming issues sa marriage niyo. Tandaan mo na ang lalaki hindi magaling sa salita. Again you cannot control your husband. You can only control yourself.

Sis I suggest magdasal ka. Isuko mo sa Panginoon lahat ng problema mo sa asawa mo. I suggest sis you read peacefulwife.com.  Madaming magagandang articles diyan. And pray sis, okay. 

[xhien]

sis langley ayun nag decide na ako umalis na lang pero sa weekend na may work kasi ako sayang din [textspeak!] sasahurin kasi..pero di ako magpapaalam na aalis kami nasabi ko na sa ate niya about this lahat nasabi ko pati physically abuse nagalit siya sa kapatid niya pero nakiuasap ako na wag muna sabihin sa mama niya at sa kapatid niya.. kumukuha lang ako tyempo para kausapin byenan ko..nakasuap ko na din kasi mama ko eh ok na lahat..kagabi ko naramdaman na tama na lahat.. na ayoko na siya makasama nasaktan niya ako ulit ako kagabi eh..di na tama..imaging maiinis ka lang sasaktan mo asawa mo di dahilan yun diba..kung may nararamdaman man ako ngayon galit na lang kung dati nagmamakaawa pa ako sa kanya na maging ok kami ngayon hindi na parang na immune ako wala ako maramdaman na kahit anong panghihinayang ngayon sa pag alis namin..ewan ko ba ganun pala yun pag napuno ka na, mas gumaan pakiramdam ko nung nakapag decide na talaga ako ng gagawin ko..

Then eto may nalaman kasi ako kinonfrim ko kasi dun sa kawork niya kung siya yung naka wrong send sakin that was 3 weeks ago siguro na tart ang tawag so sabi niya hindi..it means sa asawa ko yun diba? di siya magsisinungaling kung di sa kanya yun. pero ewan ko din ba di ako gano nasakta sa nalaman ko na niloko niya ako althpug di talaga siya umaamin tol now kahit sabihin ko na idedemanda ko siya proweba nalang talaga need ko bago ko ipamukha sa kanya. for now yun lang nasa isip ko yung lumayo kami na anak ko..

[langley]

^sis xhien if you have decided to separate with your husband, and you think this is the best for your family, then by all means go.

Pray sis ok. Sana kahit makikipaghiwalay ka diyan sa asawa mo eh meron ka pa din hope na magkabalikan kayo. Ipag-pray mo din ang asawa mo. Who knows di ba? Baka 2 or 3 years from now eh magkabalikan ulit kayo. Especially my child kayo.

Seek God and pray.

[xhien]

ofcourse may hope parin sis kahit pano kahit gano ako kagalit ngayon kasi kahit ano mangyari mag asawa pa din kami..  ganun talaga siguro ang buhay..di para sakin yung marriage na yun.. alam ko sarili ko ginawa ko lahat di man ako naging perferct sa kanya pero minahal ko siya ng totoo.. sabi ko sa kanya may karma din di man siya umamin alam kong meron eh.. pero pag siguro binalikan niya kami siguro sasama ako kasi una palang buong pamiya lang ang gusto ko lalo para sa anak ko.. sana malapasan ko na lahat to..magiging proud talaga ako sa sarili ko pag naging totally ok na ako kasi nakaya ko lahat ng mag isa..dadating yung time tatawanan ko na lang tong pinagdadaanan ko ngayon..for now di ko mapigil emotions ko pero nid ko ilabas eh un na lang magagawa ko sa ngayo para gumaan pakiramdam ko..

[gharz412]

^ofcourse may hope parin sis kahit pano kahit gano ako kagalit ngayon kasi kahit ano mangyari mag asawa pa din kami.
 
sis, okay yung idea na you are hoping pero if you really want to get out of the marriage it won't help.
 
^ganun talaga siguro ang buhay..di para sakin yung marriage na yun.. alam ko sarili ko ginawa ko lahat di man ako naging perferct sa kanya pero minahal ko siya ng totoo.
 
if you did everything na sis so I guessed it's time for you to stop, stand up and know your self worth. Magtira kahit konting respeto sa sarili. Hayaan mo na muna siya.
 
 
^magiging proud talaga ako sa sarili ko pag naging totally ok na ako kasi nakaya ko lahat ng mag isa..dadating yung time tatawanan ko na lang tong pinagdadaanan ko ngayon
 
 
definitely darating ka dun kung sasamahan mo ng dasal sis, always pray. Samahan mo ng determinasyon na magiging okay ka at magfocus ka sa ibang bagay. Change your life but it should be for the better. Sabi nga nila Living a better life is the best revenge. I will be happy to hear you soon na you are moving on sis. Keep the faith

[langley]

share ko lang:

Most women deeply desire an intimate marriage full of passion, romance, and emotional connection. However, few realize that they are the one keeping their marriage from all these wonderful things.

Trying to control, manipulate, nag, and criticizing your husband produces the complete opposite type of marriage most women desire. When women treat their husbands like this, their husbands feel emasculated and like a child. They are being treated with no respect or honor. A husband will NEVER be drawn to a wife who treats him this way.

In order to have an intimate marriage with your husband, you must give up all control of your husband. You must allow him to make mistakes and say the wrong things without correcting his behavior. He is not your child. God made him your leader and calls you to respect him. This is the greatest need a husband has from his wife.

Why do we want to control our husband's behavior so badly? Is it really because we are so much wiser and intelligent than them? I think it all comes down to fear and trust but mostly selfishness. We fear if we let him eat what he wants, he will kill himself. If we let him discipline our sons the way he wants, our sons will grow up rebellious and injured. If we don't tell him how to do the dishes, the dishes may stay dirty and not get done the way we like. If we don't make him stop watching television, he may become an addict. If he watches the stock market, he may lose all our money. etc. etc.

Bottom line, we don't trust our husbands and we want our own way. As long as you don't trust your husband, you are going to try to control his behavior and you will NEVER have an intimate marriage. NEVER. Men don't want to be controlled by their wives. They aren't suppose to be controlled by their wives. You will never have a romantic and passionate husband as long as you try to control your husband with your words, emotions, or behavior.

Therefore, as an older woman, I encourage and admonish you to stop controlling your husband in ANY way. Allow him to make mistakes and learn from them. Only say encouraging and uplifting things to him. Build him up. Smile at him often and I can guarantee you that you are on your way to having an intimate, romantic, and passionate marriage. God knew this and this is why He commanded me to teach you to love and obey your husband. Now, go love your husband!

My lover is mine, and I am his.
Song Of Solomon 2:16

-Lori Alexander from Always Learning Blog

[xhien]

gharz412 thanks for that sis.. we' re leaving on saturday.. na settle na lahat so na.. usap na lang kami ng MIL ko ulit maya kasi gusto niya iwan ko [textspeak!] bata..siyempre di ako papayag nun noh.. aalis ako ng kasama anak ko kahit magkagulo kami..ayoko na sayangin buahy ko sa walang kwentang lalakeng yun..nakakapagod na din talaga.. move on yun na lang masasabi ko

[gharz412]

If decided kana sis well I guess kelangan there's no looking back. Goodluck sis! Kaya yan, you have your children. 

[Darshan]

Sis xhien best of luck sayo today sa pagalis mo sa poder ng asawa mo.. Sana everything will runs smoothly at walang pigilan na mangyayari.. Sana din may lalake kang family member na tutulong sayo just in case things can get ugly.. U can never know..

God bless sis and take care.. Look at the bright future ahead

[donya_dyosa]

go sis! push mo nayan... panindigan mo... wag ka na babalik don... hayaan mo siya magmakaawa.. its time to find your happiness... I was a single mom but now I am happily married. I chose to be happy kesa magmukmok sa sama ng loob. sa case mo married kana, kung mhrap magpaannul. kahit legal separation nalang muna basta maging free ka..

[pinkneth]

hi everyone i am in and out of this forum BUT I REALLY NEED HELP AND SOMEONE WHO I CAN TALK TO WITHOUT BIASES, my marriage is almost two years but with these two years we are now financially unstable since we have 1 year old child, we have the house to pay, we have the car to pay and everything else is unstable. Hubby was so thoughtful before but until now i have been begging him to stop his addiction to shoes, why do i say so addictions? he cannot control himself buying EXPENSIVE limited editions shoes that would cost almost payment of one vacine of my son or a sort of savings to have a bank, we are in an LDR relationship and i guess he is fading much of becoming a husband. I have blocked ever form of communication so as to let him realized but to my dismay he enjoys a lot in the shoes forum not thinking of lessons to be learned why i was soooo badly hurt when i discovered that he had orders from different forums hook up na sya with the materials which is the shoes. he is not matured enough to check our financial status. I told his family bout it but as usual when he would always reason out of being homesick kasi nga middle east but does it excuse him from spending much more than what we can afford. I am planning to legalized all papers from here na parang assurance and exact amount sa dapat ibigay nya sa amin or kasunduan  and i dont know anymore from here what should i do?? i havent even heard him asking apology it seems as though ako pa ang Kj sa gusto niya but he has to consider our financial capabilities sana i dont know if this belongs to this post but i just want to hear your opinions on the matter

[xhien]

update ko lang kayo sis,, ayun umalis na kami nung saturday...den hindi na niya talaga kami pinigilan.. for now moving on na ako as in di ko na siya kinakausap.. kasi pinagmumura pa niya ako nung huling nag usap kami tinaboy niya ako ulit..ngayon nag chuchurch na ako gumaan pakiramdam ko kahit paano.. as in di talaga siya umamin na may iba siya.ipapamukha daw niya saming lahat na mali kami na hinusgahn daw namain siya eh totoo naman..madami sa mga nasabi niya sakin na nahalata ko talagng meron although di talaga niya inamin ng deretso..pero mamanmanan ko talaga yan wag lang muna ngayon at mainit pa sitwasyon namin

[Girltalker2]

hi everyone i am in and out of this forum BUT I REALLY NEED HELP AND SOMEONE WHO I CAN TALK TO WITHOUT BIASES, my marriage is almost two years but with these two years we are now financially unstable since we have 1 year old child, we have the house to pay, we have the car to pay and everything else is unstable. Hubby was so thoughtful before but until now i have been begging him to stop his addiction to shoes, why do i say so addictions? he cannot control himself buying EXPENSIVE limited editions shoes that would cost almost payment of one vacine of my son or a sort of savings to have a bank, we are in an LDR relationship and i guess he is fading much of becoming a husband. I have blocked ever form of communication so as to let him realized but to my dismay he enjoys a lot in the shoes forum not thinking of lessons to be learned why i was soooo badly hurt when i discovered that he had orders from different forums hook up na sya with the materials which is the shoes. he is not matured enough to check our financial status. I told his family bout it but as usual when he would always reason out of being homesick kasi nga middle east but does it excuse him from spending much more than what we can afford. I am planning to legalized all papers from here na parang assurance and exact amount sa dapat ibigay nya sa amin or kasunduan  and i dont know anymore from here what should i do?? i havent even heard him asking apology it seems as though ako pa ang Kj sa gusto niya but he has to consider our financial capabilities sana i dont know if this belongs to this post but i just want to hear your opinions on the matter

sis, given na wala ka nang maaasahan sa husband mo, you have to find work.  Ikaw na kelangan kumita for you and your baby. Complaining that your husband does not provide for both of you won't do you any good. If you are not working now, siguro oras na bumalik ka sa work, walang choice eh.  Tapos seek help nalang from your parents or inlaws para mabantayan ang anak mo while you are working.

Mahirap ang pinagdadaanan mo.  But you have to be strong for your child.  Good luck sis.


^^ sis xhien, again, what you are going through right now is not easy. I know because I went through the same. Hindi naman yun tipong after separation, everything will magically be OK. Syempre may moments nakakalungkot, pero isipin mo na temporary lang ang tiis mo na iyan. Puedeng a few weeks or months, minsan maiiyak ka parin.  Pero don't lose hope.  Basta pag isipan mo mabuti ang landas nyo ng anak mo, in the long run, everything will be OK.

[xhien]

yes, may time talaga na naiisip ko padin kaso wala na gano tumutulong luha sa mga mata ko eh di ko rin alam kung bakit..kaya now ang ginagwa ko di ako humihiga ng matagal hihiga lang ako pag talagang antok na ako deretso tulog agad.iniiwasan ko kasi mag isip, so i keep may self myself busy talaga para maiwasan ko mag isip.. medyo ok naman na ako now compare nung past week..na ka recover ako kahit pano with the help of my firends narin..so thankful padin.. ang paniniwala ko ngayon alam ko may mgandang dahilan kaya nangrayri lahat to..alam ko ramdam ko sa sarili ko may magandang mangyayari sa buhay namin ng anak ko in god guidance

[langley]

^sis xhien you should know that our God is not a God of Divorce. He hates divorce (or in the Philippines annulment)

Our God is a God of reconciliation. He can turn ashes into beauty. He can restore what the locust has eaten. He can change people's heart.

So pray for your marriage now. Pray that God will soften your husband's harden heart. Pray that all bitterness, resentment and anger be put away from you. Pray for his peace.

I suggest you read rejoiceministries.org. It's a really beautiful site filled with devotionals and testimonies about marriages restored.

If the world's way never work, try God's way.

[The5thElement]

pucha! yun saktan mo emotionally ang isang tao masakit na tanggapin, tapos sasaktan mo pa physically?! iwanan mo na yan! go find another love...darating yun panahon na makikita mo rin yun tamang tao para syo...

[Girltalker2]

^sis xhien you should know that our God is not a God of Divorce. He hates divorce (or in the Philippines annulment)

Our God is a God of reconciliation. He can turn ashes into beauty. He can restore what the locust has eaten. He can change people's heart.

So pray for your marriage now. Pray that God will soften your husband's harden heart. Pray that all bitterness, resentment and anger be put away from you. Pray for his peace.

I suggest you read rejoiceministries.org. It's a really beautiful site filled with devotionals and testimonies about marriages restored.

If the world's way never work, try God's way.

It is not wrong to pray. Kaso I think the dilemma of cheated wives is aasa pa ba sila or do they have to move on?  The reason why we have saints and martyrs is because they have this outstanding ability to endure pain and suffering for so long as they can.  Kaso hindi lahat capable nito - may iba nag-aadjust by committing suicide or nasisiraan ng bait or nagkakaron ng sayad by believing that God can give miracles while they succumb themselves to unending suffering.  We also do not want this.  We need to spare each and every person of pain.

So parang ang hirap ng magpray pero magmove on?  Kasi praying na sana a miracle happens na umayos ang loko lokong hubby ni xhien, somehow umaasa ka pa. So kung umasa ka, here goes the cycle of disappointments, being delusional and all.  So for a cheated wife to keep herself sane, she has to move out from the situation.  She cannot just commit the "sin of omission" by consenting to the wrongdoings of her husband.  She also has live a normal life, earn a decent living, provide a safe living environment for the sake of her son. 

This is just my opinion lang naman.

Most women deeply desire an intimate marriage full of passion, romance, and emotional connection. However, few realize that they are the one keeping their marriage from all these wonderful things.

I don't know who Lori is pero I really don't understand why women is always to blame in relationships.  Kahit gano ka na katino at gaano katarant*do ang lalaki, babae parin ang may mali?

In order to have an intimate marriage with your husband, you must give up all control of your husband. You must allow him to make mistakes and say the wrong things without correcting his behavior. He is not your child. God made him your leader and calls you to respect him. This is the greatest need a husband has from his wife.

Yes, no nagging. Pero a marriage involves 2 people. You cannot just have one person in control ALL the time. Siguro puede kung responsible yung tao. Pero kung sira nga ang *lo, basagulero at lasenggo, sya parin ba ang gagawin mong in control ng asawa nya at mga anak?  Baka wala silang makain nyan.

Why do we want to control our husband's behavior so badly? Is it really because we are so much wiser and intelligent than them? I think it all comes down to fear and trust but mostly selfishness.

I don't think husbands should be controlled.  Kaya nga may tinatawag na free will. Kaso this free will is practiced by both husband and wife. Pareho silang tao, hindi naman katulong lang si wife. They are 2 individuals na bumubuhay ng pamilya so both should be equally respected.

Smile at him often and I can guarantee you that you are on your way to having an intimate, romantic, and passionate marriage. God knew this and this is why He commanded me to teach you to love and obey your husband. Now, go love your husband!

This is BS.  Sino mang asawa na naloko na ng hubby nila sabihin mong magsmile sa asawa nila. Kung kaya pa nga nila di umiyak eh. 

Sorry sis Langley, I cannot help but react, kasi sobrang opposite ito in what I believe.  Don't get me wrong. It is always best to honor your husband, that is, if he respects you. Pero kung binatok-batukan ka na, alangan naman i-honor mo pa sya? 








 

[baliwsayo]

^Makikisabat na din sis. Hehe. If you would notice, mas madami ng broken marriages ngayon kasi nga headstrong na mga girls. Di tulad noon na sila talaga nagpapasensya. Heard so many times na babae daw talaga nagdadala ng relationship. It's BS I know but that's the truth. Just look around you. Yun mga matitibay ang relationship usually mga babae kasi took the back seat na (or the guy took a back seat na, in short under yun guy). Basta may isa talagang martyr dapat sa relationship eh (which madalas talaga eh babae kasi nga siyempre yun lalake kasi yun nakapantalon). Sorry kung juggled thoughts but I'm sure gets mo what I mean. 

[Girltalker2]

^Yes, I know. 

Pero kasi tingin ko ngayon, over parin ang mga ugali ng mga lalaki na kaliwa't kanan ang pambababae.  Mas edukada narin mga girls ngayon at hindi na t*t*nga t*nga.

Parang hindi ko maubos isipin na magmukha kang sisa as the wife samantalang ang asawa mo nagpapalaki ng tiyan at naglalasing. Tapos ok parin ang marriage?  How can?