When the Love fades... :(

[iamshiela]

Sinabihan din ako ng mom ko ng ganyan..na kahit na may asawa na don't give up on your job. Healthy din kasi yun compared if your staying at home lang, nakakaloka daw yun.

[stylishmomy]

I always tell my daughters not to give up their job kung mag aasawa.  Actually, I was recently separated with my husband. Yes, it's lonely, but I don't fear for me and my kids' future because I am financially independent.  On the contrary, Siya ang dependent sa akin  and that's one of the many reasons why we separated.

that's a really good advice for your daughters sis money cant buy love but it can
certainly make you happy... I cant imagine being heartbroken and penniless! I'd rather cry
inside my comfortable home rather than looking for a place to go pa, then shopping galore
the next day.

[Msfi]

I was a stay at home wife for 5 years but that didn't stop me from earning money of my own. Iba kasi if my earnings ka, d ka nahihiya to buy personal things Lalo na yung ang pangea beauty.

At ngayon marami ng available work na pwede Kahit sa bahay Lang kaya no reason not to earn Kahit maliit Kung nasa bahay ka lang.

[Ma.Jewel_1987]

Sorry curious lang, sis yummy05 how are you na po?

[Girltalker2]

that's a really good advice for your daughters sis money cant buy love but it can
certainly make you happy... I cant imagine being heartbroken and penniless! I'd rather cry
inside my comfortable home rather than looking for a place to go pa, then shopping galore
the next day.

shopping!  ya!  dagdagan mo pa ng spa, parlor, facials!    na kelangan na kelangan mo talaga in times where you feel broken hearted.  nakaka lift ng spirits.

[toydoll]

 
hi sis, na sad ako sa post mo,, ang hirap talaga pag bigla bigla nagbabago na lang ng wala ka naman makitang dahilan,, sis may question lang ako,, sabi mo sabi nya walang iba? paano mo ito napatunayan? how sure are you na wala? kasi sis for me, lahat ng pagbabago may dahilan and mostly ang reason is dahil may iba kaya sya nagiging cold sayo,,,,, saka gaano katagal na kayo kasal sis? baka naman sa part mo may mga hindi ka din nagagawa for him?

[xhien]

same here, ganyan din sitwasyon ko sobrang hirap!! gusto ko sumuko pero naawa ako sa anak ko na 1 yr old palang.. nagbago din siya sa sakin di na daw niya ako mahal.na kesyo wala na daw kami dapat ayusin pagod na daw siya..gusto ko bumitaw pero may natitira padin ako pag asa na baa isang araw mag bago siya marealize niya lahat ng pinagdaanan namin kahit 3 yrs palng kaming kasal..

[aquacharly]

My point exactly. If nawala ako di gutom ang wife ko. I always stress that point to my wife. In addition to her career i show her the ropes of all my businesses para just in case something happens hindi magugutom ang family ko. And i dont see the point of holding back the earning potential of my wife...if she can earn big she has my support. Nothing wrong with that. 

Totally agree!  You're a secure man -- fantastic!

But well, some women equate financial dependence with total commitment to motherhood & marriage.   They feel cared for and cherished when dependent financially on their husbands.  They have a right to believing this.   
                                                BUT.. IMO, a woman can lack both:  commitment & financial independence; or,  be good at both financial independence & marriage + motherhood. 
Kung may diskarte, focus and persistence + sipag:  you can have it all. . 

---------------

?  AFTER MOMMY FE GLORIA posted her puzzlement why the profile of TS YUMMY5 reflects a male profile --  is my back reading accurate??:  hindi na nagpost uli si TS. 
Is this thread "in aid of research"  For a script? For a report? .

Well, I too am curious as to how TS is now.
Has the reading of the astute Sisses here  --  that he is in the temporary sweet & remorseless phase of a certified abuser --  and their prediction he will go back to physically abusing her --  proven true?   
----------------

same here, ganyan din sitwasyon ko sobrang hirap!! gusto ko sumuko pero naawa ako sa anak ko na 1 yr old palang.. nagbago din siya sa sakin di na daw niya ako mahal.na kesyo wala na daw kami dapat ayusin pagod na daw siya..gusto ko bumitaw pero may natitira padin ako pag asa na baa isang araw mag bago siya marealize niya lahat ng pinagdaanan namin kahit 3 yrs palng kaming kasal..

IF you can afford, financially & emotionally, to temporarily separate --  do it. It may be your best move now, to give each other space.

IMO, It is good to hope; and it is best  to do everything you can to fight for & save your marriage -- for a time, not  Forever.  You must have a Deadline; Time does not stop for anyone.
Hindi yata practical or fair na  ikaw lang umaasa.

He already told you:  hindi ka na niya mahal.  Love  cannot be forced.
What else should he say or do for you to accept that it's over. He may still be going home every night, but he has already psychologically abandoned you and your marriage. 
Hwag ka na kumapit  sa 3 yrs nyo as the thing that will save your relationship. History na yan.

Whatever you do now, sarado na sya.
So, your hope may lie in doing something different. Ano mawawala sa yo?
So, go for a trial separation --  be apart.   It will give you both time to think deeply about yourselves, about your relationship. 
You may, you may not reconcile.  But you will definitely move on.   

IF you are not financially capable to separate:  pwes, do something each day to work towards your financial independence. Give it a year or so --  you can liberate yourself then. 

Good luck, Sis

[gharz412]

^IMO, It is good to hope; and it is best  to do everything you can to fight for & save your marriage -- for a time, not  Forever.  You must have a Deadline; Time does not stop for anyone.
Hindi yata practical or fair na  ikaw lang umaasa.

*tama ka sis, ang hirap din magmove on kung alam mo naman talaga na wala na pero aasa kapa    better nga to just move on.
 
 
^he has already psychologically abandoned you and your marriage. 

*ito yung pinakamasakit na part na dati halos gusto ka niyang makita ngayon parang kriminal na turing niya sayo.
 
 
^Whatever you do now, sarado na sya.

*mahirap kausapin ang taong sarado ang icip better nga bigyan ng time ang isa't isa. or ayusin mo nalang life niyo mag ina.
 
 
Kakayanin mo yan sis, walang impossible kung determinado ka samahan mo lang lagi ng prayers...
 

[xhien]

thanks mga sis, naapreciate ko lahat ng advices nyo..alam nyo dumating sa point na gusto ko tapusin buhay ko as in na depress ako.. wala siya alm sabihin kundi tumigil ako. actually may time na ok ako eh pag di ko naiisip yung sitwasyon, may time na emotional talaga ako di ko mapigilan..naiinis ako na di ko mabibigyan yung anak ko ng buong pamilya.. actually 1 time maghihiwalay na kami i packed all our things sinundo ako ng mama ko sa house namin kasi nakatira kami sa family ng husband ko eh..pumayag na siya nung una eh mga bandang afternoon binawai niya wag na daw kami umalis at nagalit din kasi MIL ko nun bakt daw kami aalis kung gusto niya yung husband ko daw ang umalis.. after what happen that time cold treatment na..gusto ko umalis baka makabuti samin pero may pag asa kasi ako baka isang araw mag bago siya..alam niyo yun iniisip ko what if umalis ako or [textspeak!] if di ako umalis iniisip ko mga possible na result..ayoko pagsisihan magiging decisyon ko..as of now ok na naman ako di ko na lang siya pinapansin ngayon.

[aquacharly]

XHIEN,  gawin mo lahat para maayos kayo.  BUT give yourself a DEADLINE, and do multi-tasking.

Start with SELF EXAMINATION.   May mga ugali ka bang kelangan I-adjust?
Improve yourself:  emotionally, physically, psychologically, intellectually & financially.
Improve yourself for yourself:  so that you become a better person, better wife, better mom, better daughter... Hanggang sa better citizen of the world.  In short,  ADVANCE yourself. 

Focus mo yan -- para hindi ka ma depress, and you do not waste your time, or have regrets later on.
Gawin mo lahat para ... Whatever happens ---
 
     1.  Hindi mo sisisihin sarili mo na sana ginawa mo ito, ginawa iyan.   Regrets are never good
     2.  Hindi ka maawa sa sarili mo.   If you do not move now and each day -- 1 year from now ganyan pa din nguynguy mo.  Self Pity is the worst accessory to wear.
     3.  Hindi ganyan mananatili  pag tingin nya sa yo:  na kung mawala ka sa buhay nya, ok lang.  After a year of self-improvement  puedeng hindi ka pa rin nya uli mahalin but he will have  to respect you & admit you are a strong woman.   Hindi ba good revenge yan: you can live without him?

Yes  mahirap mag-umpisa.  Nakakalito  na nga ang buhay  as it is now.  Nakaka distract your emo swings.  So, best to focus on something.
START somewhere. Ang problem ng iba -- gusto mabago buhay nila. Gusto umahon  at sipain hubby nila. Pero, katamaran, kaduwagan or pride blocks them.  I am not saying ganyan ka ha, yung iba lang.
Start somewhere no matter how modest, basta each effing day you do something to improve yourself.  Isn't that better than hoping and doing nothing?  Matalo ka man, hindi ka zero, hindi ka yung hopia.

Do not make your child as the excuse why you don't want to set a deadline for your marriage.   Your child deserves a mom who's whole: buo sarili,  hindi broken. 
Do not make your marriage as an excuse for living in hell while still alive.  Marriages now are not vows but Contracts with exit clauses.    Pwes, he wants the exit clause now -- tinutulak  ka na nga nya to exit.  You don't deserve to love  someone who has turned his back on you.   IMO, God does not expect you to be a martyr nor to suffer for 1 person. Hello, sino ba sya?!!!

Fr Cruz of the Ateneo said:  Christ suffered on the cross for 3 hours, then surrendered & died.
Filipino wives suffer for 30 years bearing a cross, and still don't want to surrender until they die.

Darling XHIEN,  kung andito pa tayo on this forum even  in  5 years ---   I don't want to be pained reading you are still suffering, in the same boat.  Mag-iba ka na ng user name. 

Pray, but please do something each day to advance yourself. God helps those who help themselves.   

[xhien]

thank you so much sis aquacharly gagawin ko sinabi mo..tama ka hindi naman ako perfect wife for him, madami din talaga akong bad attitudes which is pinag aawayan talaga namin ganun din naman siya ang akin lang din naman kaillngan humantong sa ganito na biglang bumitaw na siya diba? ganun ganun na lang yun..im employed naman so may source of income ako if ever.. minsan nilalabanan ko talaga yung feelings ko na dapat ganito ganyan, wag na ako umiyak kayanin ko para sa anak ko kahit wala siya,there are several times lang talaga na emotional ako..i still dont believe na andito kami sa sitwasyon na to..na dati masaya kami..mahal na mahal niya ako ngayon ganito na..

naisip ko din yan pakisamahan siya ng maayos kahit ganito kami baguhin ko lahat lahat baka sakali mag bago tong sitwasyon nadudurog lang ako pag parang wala na siya pakialam talaga sakin the way he talks to me bsta lahat ng actions niya..even wedding ring namin di na rin niya sinuot nun so ang ginawa ko tinago ko na lang kasama nung akin.. umaasa ako isusuot ulit namin yun ng sabay..

[aquacharly]

XHIEN, nobody is perfect.
I apologize if  naisip mo sa mga sinabi ko na ang nasa isip ko eh:   na sya walang pagkukulang, or better than you.
You can do something about yourself, your perspective, your actions, etc.  you cannot control him though.

All I suggest is you give it your ALL, kahit malaki pagkukulang nya sa yo.
BUT SET A DEADLINE, for your sake.
In the process of giving your All,  look at yourself in totality, all your roles: and advance yourself on all fronts.   Lalo na sarili mo, do not neglect.   Little things add up & after sometime of improving yourself each day -- you may not recognize yourself after a year or 2. 

So, after advancing yourself -- he may still not want to be married to you.
So be it.  No regrets, you gave it your All.
Whatever you do, you cannot control anybody.
So just focus on advancing yourself.   That way, the time you gave it your All, before the Deadline when you say: Enough is enough ---   Is not wasted. You emerge better and stronger.   

Pray. Do it all. Believe.  And you will find yourself in a Better Place.   

[narz83]

@aquacharly well said,sis.. very well said kinakawawa na nga tayo,kakawawain pa natin sarili natin.. staying isn't a strong move lalo pa at sinasaktan ka,it is a weak move. walang abuser kung walang magpapaabuse.

[gharz412]

I really like sis aquacharly, I can relate to her comment. i feel motivated because of her 

[cabbagepatch]

i really love all the advice given by sis aquacharly 

[langley]

i still dont believe na andito kami sa sitwasyon na to..na dati masaya kami..mahal na mahal niya ako ngayon ganito na..

I believe mahal ka pa din niyang asawa mo sis xhien kaya lang baka dahil sa dami ng issues sa marriage niyo kaya nagiging aloof siya sa'yo.

Ang lalaki kasi kapag problemado hindi katulad ng babae na emotional at gusto magsalita ng magsalita. Ang lalaki sasarilinin lang ang problema, minsan iiwas pa, magiging aloof, hindi mamansin, magpapaka busy sa trabaho, sa barkada, sa computer games o kung saan man.

Pero wag mo naman isipin na hindi ka na mahal ng asawa mo. Try putting yourself in his shoes. Have empathy. Paano ka ba naging asawa sa kanya? Masyado ka bang dominante na naeemasculate mo na siya? masyado ka bang controlling? Baka nga nasasaktan din ang asawa mo sa nangyayari sa inyo pero di niya lang masabi kasi well, lalake yan eh. Iba ang lalaki sa babae.

Paano ba mababalik sa dati ang pagsasama niyo? Magsimula ka sa sarili mo hindi mo naman kasi makokontrol ang asawa mo. Develop humility. Wag ma-pride. Ask forgiveness to your spouse and be a better wife. Let go of all the bitterness and resentment in your heart. Tanggapin mo na hindi perpekto ang asawa mo. Nagkakamali kasi tao lang kaya matuto magpatawad.

Give to your husband what is due to him: Love, honor and respect. Learn to control your emotions.
Do your wifely duties. Develop a joyful attitude, wag laging nakasimagot.

Sow good things and you will reap good things.

Remember don't do all those things kasi you want to please your husband or you want him to change. That is controlling again. Do all those things kasi yun ang tama. I suppose you are a Christian, then do all those things for God, for yourself? be careful baka mapuno ka ng pride, remember humility.

One more thing are you working? Are you spending too much time at work na wala ka ng time sa asawa mo? Then cut back on your work siguro much better quit your job. Providing for the family is the man's job anyway. Diyan sila magg-grow. Diyan nila mapi-feel na lalaki sila kapag sila ang nagpprovide sa pamilya nila.

[xhien]

oo..iwan ko parang may pag asa padin ako kahit pano na kumapit dahil may pag asa pa kami maaayos.. kaso grabe sakit na everytime nilalapit ko sarili ko tinataboy niya ako.. i dont think naman kasi na may 3rd party eh.. lagi lang ako naghhinala pero minsan wala ako nahuli.. ang gusto ko lang naman sana siya din db makitaan ko man lang ng kahit konting pag asa or assurance na gusto niya din maayos to.. sabi ko sa kanya ok lang kahit ganituhin niya ako sinasabi ko padin sa kanya everyday na mahal na mahal ko siya kahit ganito. ang masakit kasi dun sasabihan pa niya ako na bahala na daw ako sa buhay ko.di ko maintindahan bakit ganun na lang siya katigas ngayon.. dati naman kahit mag away kami niyan ilang days lang ok  na kami..eto lang talaga pinaka grabe na parang maghihiwalay na talaga kami at nawawalan na ako pag asa..

actually nag iisip na ako ng plans ko para if ever alam ko agad ano magiging 1st move ko. di ko kasi alam mga  pwede mangyari in the next days.. ang gusto kasi niya nung 1st time na maghihiwalay kami which is naudlot space daw..so ngayon kailngan ko na ba ibigay yun para maging ok muna kami pareho? im planning to talk to his mother about the situation.. siya kasi pumigil samin nung una.bka kapag enexplain ko sa kanya maintindihan niya this time.. grabe kasi yung sakit sakin everytime magkikita kami sa bahay mainit ulo cold treatment. i dont know what to do..naaawa ako sa anak ko

[outandaboutph]

Very ideal and views ko before but after I got married, I now understand bakit may mga naghihiwalay and nafo-fall out of love. HUbby has many shortcomings. Nakakapikon madalas plus may pagka mama's boy pa. May ugali siya na parang walang pakialam - in other word, selfish. Okay lang before kasi wala pa kami anak, but after dumating baby namin, may times na natutulala ako because of disbelief na kahit pala sa baby mo pwede kang maging selfish. May times na nawawalan ako ng gana, and feeling ko hindi ko na siya mahal maybe because sobrang disappointed ako how niya kami itreat ng baby ko.

Pero that's the other side of him, may ibang side pa siya na will make you stay. Iniisip ko na lang minsan, siguro kasi bata pa siya, immature pa. Actually, hind ako takot ma fall out of love, mas takot ako dumating iyong time na siya ang makaramdam ng ganon sa akin.

[langley]

parang may pag asa padin ako kahit pano na kumapit dahil may pag asa pa kami maaayos..

that's the start, hope, hope for the best for your marriage

kaso grabe sakit na everytime nilalapit ko sarili ko tinataboy niya ako..

paani ka niya tinataboy? sinasabihan ka ba niya na "umalis ka na" or cold shoulders?

i dont think naman kasi na may 3rd party eh.. lagi lang ako naghhinala pero minsan wala ako nahuli..

medyo paranoid ka pala. Konting tiwala din sa asawa mo.

ang gusto ko lang naman sana siya din db makitaan ko man lang ng kahit konting pag asa or assurance na gusto niya din maayos to..

expectations. Hindi mo kayang kontrolin ang asawa mo. Just do your part and hope for the best.

sabi ko sa kanya ok lang kahit ganituhin niya ako sinasabi ko padin sa kanya everyday na mahal na mahal ko siya kahit ganito.

you are saying "i love you" to your husband everyday. How about your actions? Does your actions shows that you love him? Tandaan mo action speaks louder than words. Pero continue mo lang yan pagsasabi ng "i love you" sa asawa mo. At pag sinabi mo naman 'yan samahan mo ng ngiti at kiss. Eh ano kung pumalag ang asawa mo? Gawin mo lang ang tama at wag mag-e-expect ng kapalit.

ang masakit kasi dun sasabihan pa niya ako na bahala na daw ako sa buhay ko.di ko maintindahan bakit ganun na lang siya katigas ngayon..

malamang na may nagawa ka kaya matigas na asawa mo ngayon. Maybe defense niya yan para di mo na siya masaktan. Matigas na siya kasi nun medyo soft pa siya sa'yo eh nasaktan mo siya.

dati naman kahit mag away kami niyan ilang days lang ok  na kami..eto lang talaga pinaka grabe na parang maghihiwalay na talaga kami at nawawalan na ako pag asa..

Eh baka napuno na sa'yo ang asawa mo. Pero wag ka mawalan ng pag-asa. Pagsubok lang yan. Tandaan mo: for better or for worse. Eh kung ikaw nga siguro dati pinakisamahan ka mabuti ng asawa mo. Kahit nga siguro medyo controlling ka eh pinakisamahan ka ng asawa mo. Ngayon naman na nagsusungit ang asawa mo ikaw naman ang makisama sa kanya. Bigayan lang. Hindi pwede ang selfish at laging gusto mo ikaw ang masunod. At matutong irespeto ang asawa.

ang gusto kasi niya nung 1st time na maghihiwalay kami which is naudlot space daw..so ngayon kailngan ko na ba ibigay yun para maging ok muna kami pareho?

kahit naman magkasama kayo sa bahay ng asawa mo pwede mo siya bigyan ng space. Pano? wag mo siyang kokontrolin. Hayaan mo lang siya. Pag emotional ka wag mo siyang kakausapin. Gawin mo lang ang wifely duties mo. Always be pleasant, wag nakasimangot.

im planning to talk to his mother about the situation.. siya kasi pumigil samin nung una.bka kapag enexplain ko sa kanya maintindihan niya this time..

Suggestion lang, wag mo ng sabihin sa mother-in-law mo ang problema niyong mag-asawa. Baka kasi lalong mainis ang asawa mo at isipin noya na pinagtutulungan niyo siya. Baka lalong mapalayo sa'yo ang asawa mo.

grabe kasi yung sakit sakin everytime magkikita kami sa bahay mainit ulo cold treatment. i dont know what to do..naaawa ako sa anak ko

just let him be. Kung mainit ang ulo ng asawa mo wag ng gatungan, ipaghanda mo na lang ng pagkain. Sabi nga nila, "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" 
Maging mabait ka sa asawa mo at konting lambing din.
Find joy not in your husband  but in God.