Cool Off Dilemma

[bellaMe]

me and my boyfriend have been fighting-then-sweet for almost two weeks now. then he decided that we should give time for ourselves because both of us were deeply hurt emotionally and i agreed. he told me that he doesn't want to break up, that he will never let that happen, it's just for the both of us to relax for a while and be okay. but after reading a lot of threads about cool-off leading to break-up, i'm scared that even though he gave me the assurance we would still end up the same what do you think girls?

[aquacharly]

Well, a cool off period --  is best used to think over the dynamics of a relationship.
What do you usually fight  about? How do o you fight?   what are your individual non-negotiables?   Mag isip isip, eto na chance -- kung happy ka pa, at kung puede kayo mag adjust sa isa't isa. 
Any relationship is a continuing period of adjustment naman talaga coz well, people keep on developing or changing/improving in response to the world/problems/opportunities. 

No, it does not always result into the ending of a relationship. 
Kasi nga, it is supposed to be an opportunity to do in-depth thinking -- parang retreat.

BUT IMO, some people use the cool off period to pursue what they think they were denied by the relationship -- unfortunately. As in nagbibinata eh binata pa nga sya; and vice-versa.
Or, to continue monkey business they are already doing.
Or, a way to get out of the "nasasakal" feeling.

Where do you think he thinks he belongs?

[heaven_charm]

samin ni bf ako yung nagrerequest ng cool off now. i need time to think kasi and get over with my personal insecurities about the relationship. ayoko na kasi pareho kame nastress pag nagaaway kami.

i think give him the timeoff. actually both of you needs it kasi pareho nyo need magrelax and magisip eh

[Naughty^GuRu]

@heaven_charm: may deadline ba yang cool off? i mean when would you know na ok ka na and ok na kayo to continue your relationship? and what happens pag cool off kayo? do you still communicate? personally, i don't believe in cool offs, its either you're together or you're not.

i think, if you still want to continue the relationship, timing is critical. if you reconcile too early, baka hindi pa kayo ok and still in the process of 'finding yourselves'. if you reconcile too late, baka naman masanay na kayo or masanay na yung isa of being 'alone' and might realize na he/she is better off being single. 

[xRylaine]

hi sissies.. I dont know if this is the right thread pero share ko na rin..kasi parang cool-off kami na hindi..

last saturday, me and bf had a huge fight, sa sobrang galit ko bigla akong umuwi, then pag-uwi ko dun lang kami nakapag-usap ng maayos, well, to make the long story short, nakipagbreak siya sakin nung because he needs space daw, he needs to improve himself or and he needed the time daw para ayusin ang sarili nya. And according sa friend niya nasasakal na raw siya.. Then the next day (sunday) I called him, tinanong ko kung sure ba talaga siya, sabi niya oo daw pero babalik daw siya ng june, and sabi pa niya kahit ngayong may lang daw, yun yung hinihingi nyang time.. should i wait for him? i know 3 weeks is such a short time, pero worth it ba? I really do love him, but with this pain, I don't know what to do..

[aquacharly]

^you say you love him. Really? Then, what's 3 weeks?

If he breaks up with you after 3 weeks -- look at it this way:  mabuti nang habang batabata ka pa eh he sorts himself out and his doubts about your relationship. 

Love cannot be forced.

[xRylaine]

^ tama ka po..I'll wait for him nalang, kung kami talaga, kami talaga.. thanks sis..

[renrai23]

I can't get this. I mean, kung pwede namang idaan sa upo at magandang usapan bat di nalang ganun kesa sa cool off tas mamumuroblema si ganto si ganyan. lahat ng problema at may solusyon. kailangan nating gamitin ang ating utak di lang ang puso.

^ tama ka po..I'll wait for him nalang, kung kami talaga, kami talaga.. thanks sis..

sorry sis ha? pero para sa akin di ako naniniwala sa "kung kami talaga, kami talaga" kasi una sa lahat tayo ang gumagawa ng mga decisions natin sa buhay eh. kung gusto mong magkaroon ng mala happy ending story in real life, you need to do something pero ayun nga tulad ng sabi ng karamihan impossible daw yun pero kung gusto maraming paraan, kung ayaw maraming dahilan. dun sa boylet mo sis, hayaan mo siya kasi bat ka pa niya niligawan or something kung aayusin pala niya ang sarili niya? tsaka diba pwedeng ayusin ang sarili niya kahit kayo? pwede naman siguro right? pero kung nasasakal nga talaga siya sayo, pwede naman niyang sabihin sayo.

pasensya na po mga sis, ayoko kasi sa lahat yung mga lalaking ganyan eh. ayoko rin sa lahat na may nakikita ako or nalalaman na may nasasaktan ang kapwa kong babae. I do experienced those in my past relationship kaya I can say na medyo hustler na ako pagdating sa ganyan.

basta sis if ever na wala pa din talaga, let go mo na and try to move on. aral mabuti (kung nag aaral ka po right now) or isipin mo ang future mo at tuparin ang iyong mga dreams.

[FOURever]

^dati yan ang paniniwala ko. Dapat gawin ang lahat kung gusto mo talaga yung tao but then experiences change us.. Now i believe, kung di para sayo, kahit anong gawin mo, hindi mo makukuha yun.
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Yung cool off dilemma, depende siguro yan sa usapan. Yung sakin kasi he was really begging for cool off pero tigas ng ulo ko sabi ko hindi, magbreak na kami. Sabi nya cool off lang daw but i wanted break up na rin since he wanted cool off, it's my chance to say na rin na ayoko na. Di ko maintindihan kasi after few weeks ng breakup nalaman kong may 3rd party na since 5th anniv namin.. Pero masaya ako na breakup ang pinanindigan ko kesa sa cool off thing nya kasi sa iba pala nya gagamitin yung cool off time nya

[imyourangel]

I also don't believe in cool offs. If may problem, then go give space muna for the other person, but breaking up should never be an option... lahat naman ng problema kasi eh may solusyon.

[nikki09]

I also don't believe in cool offs. I always take that a sign of break-up. IMO kasi pwede namang bigyan ng time si bf/gf magpalamig or magmuni-muni ng walang cool-off na nangyayari.

Nagiging excuse pa kasi yang cool-off para magbago daw 'kuno', pero in a short span of time ang labo naman na from a not-so-perfect bf/gf eh bigla na lang siyang magiging perfect bf/gf.

[Myealexis21]

Ano ba talaga ang Cool Off?

is it cool off na parang break na kayo.  No commitments and all, but with the chance to get back together after a certain period of time. (at pwede ring tuluyan na sa break after that allotted time)

Or

Cool off na tipong kayo pa rin but you both or one you needs time to think things over, kelangan ng space.  Meaning committed pa rin kayo sa isa't isa but no phone calls, communication, and the likes.  And at the end of the cool off period, kayo pa rin.

Which is which?

In my past relationships kase never ako pumapayag sa cool off.  It's either he stays in the relationship or leave for good.  But that's only me.

[blisstacy]

My Ex and I had a cool off before because he wanted it.   I guess masyado na rin kasi kami matagal sa relationship nun... 5 years!  Lage siya nagcocomplain na nasasakal siya and ako naman gusto ko rin magfocus on my studies because he is demanding too much attention. 

We had a cool off mga 2 months ata.  Wala naman nagsabi when it would end pero nung pag punta niya napansin niya na wala na akong feelings.  Ako naman narealize ko rin na I've been more happy and productive without him so I broke it off with him officially.  Mga ilan months na in denial pa siya and he thinks na baka need ko pa more time to cool off etc.   He still wants to get back and even told me na magiging serious na daw siya  pero I never looked back and couldn't be happier.  For me blessing in disguise nga yung cool off kasi narealize ko yung truth na hindi ko nakita before dahil sa commitment and loyalty.  You can't force love talaga and if its meant to be meant to be.  Tingin ko hindi kami nagbreak dahil sa cool off pero parang short cut siya as to what is supposed to happen anyway.

[may12]

^Sis parang naguluhan ako... nasasakal siya, yet he's demanding for more attention? HEhe.

[blisstacy]

^Sis parang naguluhan ako... nasasakal siya, yet he's demanding for more attention? HEhe.

Sorry complicated hehe

Nasasakal siya dahil kinukulit ko siya na maghanap ng work and to be productive when gusto niya kasi is magdota with friends etc.   For him, I should motivate him to go to work so hoping na mamotivate nga siya ... for five years, I tried as much as possible to give him attention pag visit siya and then help ko rin siya find ng work... ginagawan ko siya ng resume and punta sa mga job fair para isubmit resume niya etc.