Hubby is all work and almost no play at all

[brendzy]

Story is this, when I followed my hubby in abroad, I learned to control myself in spending too much in bags/shoes kase gusto ni hubby makapag-ipon kami to buy our own house&lot sa Pinas, which is ok with me. Kaya lang, this year, we have plans to go vacay sa Pinas. I told my hubby na gusto kong mamasyal sa Palawan with our parents. Sabi nya masyado daw magarbo gusto ko at magastos. At first, I took it positively and tried to reflect. But since I have my work naman na dito, I told him na mag-iipon ako for that and if he wants to, next year na ako magsi-shell out ng savings for the house/lot. Hindi ako maluho na wife mga sis, yung basta meron na ok nako. I love branded shoes and bags which I indulged nung nagwowork pa and was single, so feeling ko enough na yun. another thing, I am working sa company na mostly Arab nationals, so I cannot wear yung usual na tight fitting and blazer and skirt tulad nung nasa Pinas. I really need to buy yung mga blouses with long sleeves at medyo loose for office which is parang nagiging issue na din kasi nagiging too spender na daw ako. OM! take note yung mga long sleeves blouses were like 450-600php lang (converted in peso na).
I don't know what to do, my hubby is really driven na makabili na ng bahay and would not like to enjoy life. Wala pa kami baby. Ang gusto ko lang sana is mag-loosen sya ng konti at mag enjoy kami habang wala pa kaming baby. I am not asking too much mga sis. I appreciate na meron syang drive na magkabahay at lupa kami, kaya lang, I felt na sobrang natitipid namin even to our own enjoyment.
Help naman sis, ako lang ba talaga problema? 

[justin3]

^guy here... hindi ka naman naghahanap ng kakampi dito sis? 

ayoko nang pakinggan ibang kwento mo sis. baka maawa pa ko.
huli na nga kayo eh.
ang masabi ko lang... nag pakasal kayo nang walang masabing at matawag na "sariling bahay"?

[evilwoman]

^^ since abroad kayo, i would assume target nyo makaipon agad for the house. Ngayon ba paano lifestyle ng asawa mo?tipid ba sa sarili? Kung ganun naman sa akin ha, di ko na mamasamain ang sobrang pagtitipid nya. Focus na lang muna sa goal. Konting tiis. Madami kasi nagiging problema yung di makauwi kasi di pa natatapos ang bayarin sa Pinas. Nabanggit mo din naman na nakapagenjoy ka nung single ka, matuwa ka nang naexperience yun.

[brendzy]

^guy here... hindi ka naman naghahanap ng kakampi dito sis? 

ayoko nang pakinggan ibang kwento mo sis. baka maawa pa ko.
huli na nga kayo eh.
ang masabi ko lang... nag pakasal kayo nang walang masabing at matawag na "sariling bahay"?

hindi naman kakampi bro, parang enlightenment lang kasi nga baka masyadon lang ako naging mapaghanap. and to answer your question yes, nagpakasal kami ng walang matawag na sariling bahay. why? kasi naunang pinagawa ni hubby yung house ng parents nya, no question about that, i understood it.

[brendzy]

^^ since abroad kayo, i would assume target nyo makaipon agad for the house. Ngayon ba paano lifestyle ng asawa mo?tipid ba sa sarili? Kung ganun naman sa akin ha, di ko na mamasamain ang sobrang pagtitipid nya. Focus na lang muna sa goal. Konting tiis. Madami kasi nagiging problema yung di makauwi kasi di pa natatapos ang bayarin sa Pinas. Nabanggit mo din naman na nakapagenjoy ka nung single ka, matuwa ka nang naexperience yun.

thanks sis - yes tipid pa din kami, thank heavens din na wala kaming naiwang utang sa pinas. siguro nga, I just need to take the ride. maybe lilipas din itong nararamdaman ko. Thanks.

[evilwoman]

^ yes.konting tiis pa. In a few years makakaluwag din kayo.

[break_free]

Reasonable naman pala pag titipid ng husband mo eh. I am sure gusto din niya mag enjoy and all that pero maswerte ka nga kasi inuuna niya na maka ipon kayo for your own house and lot. Ibig sabihin siguro he values money and time working dyan - sayang din kasi kung magpapa alipin ka sa ibang bansa tapos hindi ka pa mag iipon at mag titipid ng todo todo to the max. Eh yung ibang problema ng sis natin dito eh, mga asawang wala ata balak mag ipon. So siguro this time mas kampi ako kay husband. 

Try mo nalang mag simple BBQ weekend sa backyard niyo, movie marathon during weekend nights, mga ganun ba muna for now.

[justin3]

hindi naman kakampi bro, parang enlightenment lang kasi nga baka masyadon lang ako naging mapaghanap. and to answer your question yes, nagpakasal kami ng walang matawag na sariling bahay. why? kasi naunang pinagawa ni hubby yung house ng parents nya, no question about that, i understood it.

oha? ulirang anak at asawa naman pala si hubby mo eh.
buti nga yan all work at pagtitipid ang inaatupag. para sa future nyo naman yon. sige ka, pag napasubo yan sa "play" baka malulong pa, mas masakit sa ulo mo yon.

so, better support your hubby sa pagtitipid. wag mainip, magtampo, mainis, mapaghanap... makakaahon rin kayo nyan in due time if you support each other.

bagong kasal kayo, ayt? tip ko lang, NEVER ever nyo pag-awayan o magsimula ng argument na ang dahilan ay pera.
marami akong kasamahan at kakilala na nag-aaway ng dahil sa bisyo at ugali pero nagkaka-ayos pa. but yung nag-away na ang dahilan ay pera?... kaputz ang pinagsamahan. irreconcilable talaga. 

[imblack]

OMG sis your hubby is so like my boyfriend. Saving so much for house to the point wala ng para sa kanya. He is also working abroad. Though he tries naman to make me happy and we travel pa minsan minsan. Oo, minsan nakakainis na super tipid, gusto ko na mag enjoy din siya sa present kasi hindi naman natin alam anong manyayari sa future. Just lean on God.

[smoothie]

Yes, tiis lang muna. I think gusto lang ni hubby mo i-prioritize yung magka-bahay kayo agad.
Pagnagawa niyo na, then I think pwede na kayong mag vacation as a reward to yourselves.

[imbisibol_]

instead of spending time thinking about this or that, thank your lucky stars you have a husband who is zeroed in on the goal of being a homeowner.  your role, as a wife, is to support him in that.  palawan will always be there.  your chance to stand by your husband at the moment when it really matters to him might not. 

[brendzy]

OMG sis your hubby is so like my boyfriend. Saving so much for house to the point wala ng para sa kanya. He is also working abroad. Though he tries naman to make me happy and we travel pa minsan minsan. Oo, minsan nakakainis na super tipid, gusto ko na mag enjoy din siya sa present kasi hindi naman natin alam anong manyayari sa future. Just lean on God.

thanks sis! very true, i just want him to have fun paminsan minsan especially habang wala pa kaming mga bagets. I am into couselling now kasi nga feeling ko my feelings is getting out of hand.

[brendzy]

oha? ulirang anak at asawa naman pala si hubby mo eh.
buti nga yan all work at pagtitipid ang inaatupag. para sa future nyo naman yon. sige ka, pag napasubo yan sa "play" baka malulong pa, mas masakit sa ulo mo yon.

so, better support your hubby sa pagtitipid. wag mainip, magtampo, mainis, mapaghanap... makakaahon rin kayo nyan in due time if you support each other.

bagong kasal kayo, ayt? tip ko lang, NEVER ever nyo pag-awayan o magsimula ng argument na ang dahilan ay pera.
marami akong kasamahan at kakilala na nag-aaway ng dahil sa bisyo at ugali pero nagkaka-ayos pa. but yung nag-away na ang dahilan ay pera?... kaputz ang pinagsamahan. irreconcilable talaga. 

yes, we are about to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary. in as much as possible we are trying to avoid argument with money matters

[quinone]

agree on a certain reasonable budget preferably in percentage for quality damit, for weekly/monthly na pasyal ninyo, etc. para hindi sabihin ni hubby mo na "too spender" ka. yung pag spend time together, kain sa labas at pasyal importante yan sa mag-asawa.

minsan we work so much for a better future, di natin naiisip baka nga bukas ni hindi na tayo magising

[aquacharly]

?Ikaw lang ba may ganyang problema?

No.
It happens to most couples  who are just starting to invest/save to invest. Big project, so big time kakuriputan. 
Financially successful people  always watch every peso/$ --  it is the little-cost expenses kasi that  add up to big totals. 
Also, people who aim to be financially secure   --  they are able to forego/deny themselves  current pleasures for  long-term financial success. 

I do not like disagreements over money.  So basically, masunurin ako.  BUT ... Hahaha, I learned to be creative financially. 
What can I say but that I am a nagger when it comes to a woman's self empowerment & financial  independence,(  AND skill to hahaha  hide money from hubby). 
See, men sometimes  do not understand why women must spend on  "some stuff"; nor  why women spend so much on such "some stuff".   

Pwes, imbes magka inisan kami at ma judge pa ko na warped my needs-vs-wants description;  at ma judge ko sya as apo sa talampakan ni Scrooge --  haha, I make my own money;  spend his most of the time (whatever he sets as maluwag-sa-kalooban-nya-spendable);   and spend mine sometimes. I do not consult him about "some stuff"  I want. I lie at times  about how much "some stuff" cost.  Or,  I lie and
say my lola/mom/his mom/a sister/a friend gave it to me.  Or: "Oh, that? Matagal na yan sa kin."  Yeah,  my foot!   End of interrogation.  So shoot me, but I want a certain lifestyle, want to enjoy  "some stuff" without  either 1 of us sweating "some stuff".

If you can't swing the above  yet --  oo, sumunod ka. Forego Palawan, for now.   Look for almost-free/cheaper ways to enjoy reunions.  Believe me, sacrificing now yields big gains  sooner than later. .               

[brendzy]

thanks for the replies sisses!
Hubby and I  had a very emotional talk the other night (which cause me to become puyat at sleepy sa work  ). Started when I asked him where he plans to buy the lot to build our house kase I browsed some prospective area & just to let him know that I am open to the idea of really saving for the future, but he just brushed off yung question ko with "Hun pleasssseeee...our savings is not enough yet to think where to buy, why waste time to think where? let's think first on how we can save more..." at kase nga emotional ako, naiyak nalang ako  . yung point ko lang kasi is para may mapag-usapan kami about dun sa goal na lot that's why i asked.
OA nga siguro ako at too emotional but I felt that I don't know where to stand, or masyado lang wala sa lugar yung mga tanong/approach ko. so I decided na it's time for us to really talk.
I can say it was good yet very painful talk kasi it also opened can of worms from past.
we ended apologizing to one another and meet halfway through our goals,wants and needs.
Now, I feel like we're starting all over again. picking the pieces and move forward.
thanks for your thoughts sisses, i was enlighten honestly. thanks GT!

[m_lim]

honetly ha, kung ako sayo pasalamat ako yan ang pinoproblema ko. kesa pangangaliwa ang sakit ng ulo ko.

yung pagtitipid ng hubby mo, pagsusumikap kasi nag uumpisa palang kayo-- maganda yan. positive yan.

now, kesa mainis inis ka dahil lang hindi masunod ang gusto mong vacation,
bakit hindi mo tulungan pa lalo si hubby para dumating kayo ng mas mabilis sa point na pwede magbakasyon, maski saan pa.

[Girltalker2]

TS pag usapan ninyo nalang.

This thread just reminds me of my ex. Grabe daw mag OT, overnight na tipong hindi natutulog. Then hindi puede magbakasyon, all work no play daw sya. Duh!  Yun pala may mistress nang kinakasama.

[mrsdee]

can relate to TS.
akala ko ako na ang pinakakuripot na nilalang -- until I met my husband. haha. reason nya, di naman kami forever sa abroad so better we save and save habang na-rerenew pa kami sa work. ayaw din nya ng bonggang vacations, di ko na rin mabili mga luho here and there without getting a side-comment from him. I felt deprived at first pero minsan nadadala pa rin sya ng convincing power ko. hehe. so one time due to my insistence, napilit ko sya mag out of town trip + shopping. true enough, medyo napagastos kami  and at the end of the day, I told myself na I should have believed him na lang. and he had this, " I told you so" face. hehe. 

dun ko na-appreciate yung discipline nya sa money. ako kasi si Ms. Instant gratification. ako yung gusto ko at the end of a back-breaking day, may reward kaagad akong makukuha like splurge sa food or weekend getaway. siya si long-term goal foreseer. mag-splurge lang sya pag medyo may extra from last month's salary at almost salary time na ulit for the current month (take note: monthly ang salary dito, not bimonthly).

anyways, I still want to buy those "wants" pero I've found a way to get them without stirring fight from the hubby, that is, I don't get money from the savings. I've managed to get a second job (online content writing) to pay for my orders from online shopping, haha. he knows about it, pero di na nya pinapakialaman kasi sinasabi ko halimbawa na, "beh, wait my project ako kailangan tapusin today. pambayad ko yun sa inorder kong bag/dress." di na sya rereact nyan. on my part, di rin ako guilty kasi alam kong I've shelled out money using extra effort, at the same time, di rin ako nagkulang on contributing to our monetary goal.

so ayun, parang yung lessons learned ko dito - natuto ako to curb my luho cravings, and ang condition ko sa self ko, I will only splurge if I get a project from the second job. secondly, because alam kong mahirap magsecond job, na-lessen din yung cravings na yun. good for me, kasi kaya ko na i-forego yung iba (not all) of my cravings. pangatlo, hindi ko na nafeel so deprived. I got what I want, without denting our marital compromises.

sorry napahaba. paulit-ulit naman ata sinasabi ko. haha.

[brendzy]

thanks sisses sa mga advises.
@Girltalker2 - kakasad naman yun...

@mrsdee - super pagtitipid ako ngayon if I want to buy something, I keep some from my personal allowance cut from the salary