my mother wants us to move

[donzski_doinks]

hello fellow GT's. i need your advice about this matter. may inuupahan kaming sari-sari store ni husband. that store has been our bread and butter for the past four months kaso 2 days ago, kinuha na sa amin nung may ari yung tindahan... wala kaming choice since we are just renting that. isinara na namin.

now here is my problem. my husband and I are both jobless. I have epilepsy and that condition prevents me from working. i have seizures all the time...any time, any where. so hindi ako makapag work.si husband naman, may work sya dati pero nagsara yung company...kaya nag tindhan nalang kami. ngayon, since pareho kaming walang pinagkakakitaan, umaasa lang kami sa kapatid nya. in exchange for that, aalagaan namin yung anak nang kapatid nya...yestarday, inutusan pa ko nung kapatid nya n maglaba (yung kapatid nya,younger sa kanya) wala naman ako magawa kundi sumunod.

naikuwento ko sa pinsan ko yun and yung pinsan ko, sinabi yun sa mother ko. now, my mother  told me na hindi nya ako iginapang na makatapos ng college para maging baby sitter. she wants us to move out from the house of my husband's family and live with her and my siblings until makahanap nang work si husband. pumayag na si husband pero di kami maka-alis kasi walang mag aalaga sa anak ng kapatid nya... at parang [textspeak!] naman balak humanap nang bagong tagapag-alaga nang bata yung kapatid nya...

naiinis ako...

[imbisibol_]

is there a contract somewhere that stipulates you have to take care of your husband's niece/nephew?  no?  then for the love of God, it's yours and your husband's lives.  get up and move.  it should not even be a question of should you do it or not.  but be gracious and express your gratitude to your husband's sibling's prior help.  then thank the heavens tonight for your well-meaning mother

[aquacharly]

Give the Kapatid a deadline. Problema nya anak nya.
Good your hubby is ok with the move.
I agree with your mom - hindi ka pinalaki to be a babysitter. 

Good luck.

[Girltalker2]

sis donzski, I think your BIL/SIL just want help kasi feeling nila tinutulungan nila kayo. Kaya they expect you to help them in return.

sa pov nila, parang wala kayong utang na loob. iyan ang hirap sa ibang tao kasi, once na tumulong sila, feeling nila alipin na yung tinulungan nila such that they do not have the right to say no.

I think mas ok kayo sa place ng mom mo.  Sabihin nyo nalang na gusto ka maalagaan ng mom mo kasi nga may epilepsy ka.  moreso, delikado kung maiwan kayo 2 lang ng bata at atakihin ka.  kung gusto nila pa -babysit talaga, sabihin mo ok lang naman sayo and you would be happy naman.  kung ihatid nila sa umaga (before sila pasok sa work) at sunduin nalang nila before sila uwi from work, puede mo naman maalagaan anak nila.

[nageinna]

i think more than anyone, you should let your husband talk to his brother. kapatid niya yun eh. and tama sabi nung isang sis dito, give them a deadline nalang, like until next month nalang kayo dyan. or mauna ka munang umuwi sa mom mo, then susunod nalang si hubby. mag dahilan ka nalang na your mom wants to take care of you kaya need mo na umuwi, hindi ka pwede masyado magpagod etc.

[darkmocha]

yep sis, tama ang mga sis natin dito... set a deadline for taking care of your pamangkin. you have your own life, and as a wife, you will also have a family of your own who you need to take care of. it's important to love yourself as well so you also need to take care of your emotional self... hindi kasi maganda na meron negative feelings around the house you live in so better follow your mom's advice and move out. hope you're gonna be fine then.

[donzski_doinks]

my husband told me last night (again) na kailangan muna makahanap ng sis nya nang yaya for the baby before we can move out. i told him that we should tell his sister our plan to live my family temporarily para mag umpisa na sis nya maghanap nang nanny for the baby. he told me that he doesnt want to pressure his sister.. oh well..

[Crazylabel]

Buti sis (knock on wood) Hindi ka inaatake ng epilepsy mo habang nagaalaga sa bata?

[donzski_doinks]

^there are times na nakakaramdam ako ng seizure aura sis habang nagbabantay. pag ganun, i call hubby's attention agad.. buti nga i have seizure aura m0st of the time..kasi yung ibang patients with epilepsy walang aura. basta nalang nagse-seizure..ako may aura kaya nakaka-hingi ako agad nang tulog..

[Crazylabel]

Sis take care of yourself, much better talaga if dun ka muna sa mom mo. If your hubby's concern enough dapat pumayag na sya and wag na mag antay ng yaya, ang hirap kaya maghanap ng yaya noh!

[donzski_doinks]

^sinabi mo pa sis. and yung sis pa nya is medyo maselan. she wants a nanny who is actually a relative kasi mahirap daw  pagkatiwalaan yung di ka [textspeak!]-ano. unfortunately, wala naman sila mahanap sa mga relatives nila na gusto maging yaya.
meron sila nanny dati. 2nd degree cousin. but she left a month ago. nahirapan kasi.. usapan kasi nila yaya lang sya but she ended up also doing the laundry of the baby, my SIL's and my MIL's... e sa bahay pa naman nila hubby walang washing machine.. kaya ayun, nagpa-alam lang mag day off yung yaya tapos di na bumalik.

[freelancer_babe]

^I agree with what others had mentioned. Move out. But since you are suffering from a condition, better move to your mom where she could still watch over you.

I hope your husband is trying to find ways to get the next job. Or kahit part time lang muna until he gets a good one.

Try ninyo rin ang online jobs sis - both you and the husband. There's serious money in there. The catch is, you need to learn some skills and probably devote time for such jobs. Unless you already have the skills for it. Kahit ikaw na ang gumawa ng online jobs at si husband naman, maghanap ng mga offline (traditional) job.

Point is, it's best to be self-sufficient despite all odds. Eventually you have to move out. Ngayon na ang time to do that. Mahirap talaga ang umaasa sa iba.

I think you still have to move out kahit may makuhang yaya or wala - give a deadline. Paano na kung wala tulad ng sinabi niya - eh di ikaw pa rin ang obligated maging yaya? Give that sis some pressure to worry.

Baka magrerelax lang yang si sis kasi di ka magmo-move out kung wala pang yaya - as she required you to do.

[annika]

Or much better pasundo ka kay Mom mo para wala ng masabi si brother in law, and maforce na din si hubby mo na sumama.

[sistah!]

move. just do it. the longer you stay as their babysitter (and occassional laundrywoman), the harder it will be to move forward. hello, for someone na hindi nagtratrabaho sa office dahil may epilepsy, your in laws have the gall to ask you to do their laundry? 

tama naman your mom, you need to be self sufficient so your husband needs to find work pronto and just make some excuse to your in laws about why you need to move in with your mom. tell them you're starting a business with your mom or for medical reasons, just move out.

[donzski_doinks]

we are back here at my in-laws house after our four-day vacation at my mother's house.

it seem to me that husband has no plans of leaving his mom and sis.. i guess, nag-agree lang sya sa akin para wag ko na sya kulitin.

ngaun nag-iisip ako. parang i want to leave on my own nalang..kung ayaw sumama ni hubby, i can't do anything about it..

this is so depressing..

[heaven_charm]

our sisses have given you good advice to consider. sana push mo then si hubby mo to find a new job. wala kasi kayo lalo magiging future kung pati siya hindi man lang maghanap ng new job eh wala naman siya defect. i am also wondering why hindi nalang kayo nagput-up ng new business nun naclose yun store niyo. mahirap kasi talaga pag dependent sa iba

[donzski_doinks]

^hubby naman is lookin for a new job. biglaan kasi pagsasara nung store namin e kaya wala kaming fall back plan..hirap lang kasi kay husband, medyo overage na. he is 36 btw..kaya hirap makahanap.

thanks for the advice mga sis.  i'll reflect and see what I can do.. update ko kayo.

[heaven_charm]

dont worry sis tyagaan lang he will find a job din. i have trainees nga sa office na 45 years old na eh. meron pa bago lang sa work pero 60 years old na siya.

[Red Rack 21]

i agree bata pa sya madami pa sya makikitang work esp. sa mga call centers. been there done that sis. mahirap talaga nakapisan at yung hubby mismo ang tipong hindi makahiwalay sa family. sa pov ko lang bumalik kayo sa house nyo sis para mas mag push sya maghanap ng work lalo na kung uncomfortable sya sa house nyo mapipilitan syang maghanap ng work talaga. kasi kung sa kanila kayo at so at ease lang sya dun kasi bahay nila yun hindi gaano yan magpursige maghanap ng work.

[donzski_doinks]

^yeah.. hubby told me that his family is my family too and that it is normal for family members to help each other at times of need. i told him that I have nothing against taking care of the baby but I guess doing their laundry is no longer my responsibility. lalo na in my condition, bawal mapagod nang sobra at ma-stress. but this situation im in now is giving me a lot of stress!