Freeloaders

[Romina]

My husband's bestfriend is currently in my living room, lying down on my couch and watching over my tv, using my remote, with the heater on, living room chandelier on, half-bath downstairs all dirty and baggage all over the floor. It's been 3 days now. He doesn't have anywhere to go. His mom dont want him in her house. He's jobless, he gets foodstamps from the government, and is not doing a damn thing for his future. At first i thought 1 night lang, then hubby asked for a couple more nights. Ok, not a problem. What pisses me off is the tv is on almost 24 hours, he doesn't even clean his mess, leaves the kitchen dirty, and eats all the food in our pantry. I don't care about the food, but at least clean up the mess you created. We live in a loft-style house. So I can hear everything from downstairs . He is on his phone all the freakin time. Honestly I want him out, like right now. But he is my husband's bestfriend, and I know they've been together for a long time.. I told my husband, if only he at least asked me if he can stay longer, just some appreciation would be nice. But no. He bosses around my hubby, makes him do stupid things, to them it's funny but not for me. Last night after dinner, I told them to better do the dishes or I'm going to kick then both out. His bestfriend was still sitting his ass on the couch while my poor husband had to wash. I know he is torn between him and I. This morning he thanked me for understanding. But I can't take it anymore. I've never liked him because he's the one who introduced hard drugs to my husband. If not for me, he's prolly dead by now. Even my dog dont wanna be downstairs anymore. I don't understand these kind of people..

[Purple_Power]

Actually I have a Tito naman who is like that too. Pumayag na yung father ko na gawin ng Mama ko lahat for her brother like patuluyin at bigyan ng pera and all. Same as your husband's bestfriend yung tipong jobless, walang matutuluyan, nakikikain, nakikitira and all. Tapos ang kinaiinisan talaga namin lalo na ng father ko is yung 24 hours nakabukas ang TV at tinutulugan pa niya as in walang patayan, makalat kung saan saan, tapos nakakainis kahit mga gamit ko pinakikialaman niya ng walang paalam. Long story pa pero dahil I am pissed off during that time binangayan ko Tito ko kasi nga sobrang inis na ako. Nagsalita na ako kasi andyan pa yung nakakastress during that time na yung anak ng gf niya parati niyang pinagagalitan o sinisigawan kahit walang kasalanan eh! baby lang yun. Nakakairita rin yung parati niyang pinagmumura yung bata. So dahil yun nga nasigawan ko Tito ko napilitan siyang umalis ng kusa. Mama ko nagalit sa akin, yung Papa ko sinabihan lang ako tapos nataon siya unang umuwi galing US so hindi naman ako pinagalitan, instead kinausap pa Tita ko yung sister ng Mama ko na ganun nangyari and he can't blame me naman raw. Nag-aaway parati Mama at Papa ko kahit yung Tito at Tita ko.

From there, kahit papaano naging responsable na siya saka aware na siya sa kilos niya then may kusa na rin siya to wash dishes. Sa amin pa rin nakatira ngayon pero maysakit naman na kasi saka matanda na.

If I were you and the fact that you are already pissed off just continue to fight of what is right because from what I see your privacy between you and your husband are being sacrificed here. Hindi porket bestfriend siya ng husband mo ay wala nang limitations. What I am afraid here is the fact that he will cross the line then because of his needs and other wants he will do something in a form that he can betray your husband which is his bestfriend. There is a big possibility na mamihasa siya nang husto sa husband mo to the extent na husband mo na mananagot at maging responsibilidad ang bestfriend niya. That is a big NO NO!!! Seems that your husband is too nice in which he can tolerate whatever his bestfriend wants. If I am in your situation I wouldn't really allow his bestfriend to stay in your house, baka nga papiliin ko na siya kung sino ang gusto niyang mag-stay kung ako o yung bestfriend niya.

I am wondering wala bang ibang relatives yang bestfriend niya na matutuluyan o baka pati run pinalayas rin siya? That 3 days of living in your house is really OVER. Sana man lang may kahihiyan siya na nagkakaroon na kayo ng conflict with your husband nandahil lang sa kanya.

[Romina]

He's got a sister here in Georgia pero about 3 hours away. His mom naman don't want him in her house kasi nga what he's dping here right now is ganun din gawain nya sa bahay ng nanay nya. Aside from them, sa Chicago na the rest of his relatives. He lost his job cause they found out that he's been giving away company coupons and such. His sister told him to get his sh*t straight and he ended up cursing her and posting anti-gay things on her facebook ( she's lesbian). On her facebook, for the whole world to read. And the only person who was actually willing to help him then was her.

The first night he was here, my husband and i had a fight. I made him choose and he got pissed off kasi why would I make him choose daw when he doesnt even say anything about me helping out my relatives in the Phils.. I send $500 a month to my auntie back home, to help out with my cousin's tuition and other expenses. I told him they are the only ones I have left and when my mom died, they were the only one who helped me out. I told him that his friend's situation is different with mine.

Ive been with freeloaders my whole life. My uncle and his family relied on my mom's business back then. They would literally sweep the whole fridge empty. Anything they can get their hands on. It only stopped when my mom lost everything and sila naman ang nagkapera, ni "hi or hello buhay ka pa ba kapatid" eh wala. Kaya siguro ganun nalang ang inis ko sa mga taong mahilig magtake advantage.

And it happened to me before too. I was fresh out of college, no mom to support me, so I had to stay with a cousin. But yung pag stay ko sa kanya before, eh pinapalitan ko naman. Kusa akong nagluluto at naglilinis. Until I found a job and decided to move out. Nung una ayaw nya, para daw may kasama sya pero I told her na how would i know how to deal with the world on my own kung hindi ako magiging independent.

The situation im in right now, I think of it nalang as paying forward for the help my family has given me. Ang nakakwalang gana lang, eh that I see him doing nothing to change his future at all. Today he told me na all he wanna do is stay in the house and sleep.. Kanina lang, we were all watching tv and there's this new show na  is going to start on saturday. He asked who wants to watch it with him, me and hubby looked at each other and I just rolled my eyes. Siguro nakakuha ng hint na ayaw ko na sya dito and he just said na by that time siguro eh wala na sya dito sa bahay. Hopefully. Kung pwede nga lang eh right now umalis na sya.

[Purple_Power]

^I agree on that, pinapili mo na rin pala siya I mean I expect naman na it will be really hard on his part. Pero naman helping your relatives in finances is far different from a person who needs to disturb your privacy. The help that both of you are doing to that man is already too much. Parang na nga niya ginawang hotel accommodation yung tirahan niyo eh! I hope your husband would understand the situation, hindi naman kasi pwede yang mashadong kampante yung bestfriend niya sa pagtitira sa inyo. As I could see as well it is more on taking advantage of your husband rather than asking help. Kasi if he wants help kahit naman papaano may kahihiyan pa yan.

  Tuloy naisip ko tumawag sa charity institution na pwede na niyang tirahan kung wala siyang planong magtrabaho or to think for his future. Mukhang magulo nga ang taong yan.

Nahahalata na ba or alam na ba ng bestfriend ng hubby mo na ayaw mo na talaga siyang tumira sa inyo? Mukhang wala lang sa kanya ang reaction mo dahil andyan yung husband mo.

[lent0t]

kick him out of your house.... does it sound rude? hehe

i'm 100% sure he won't change for you or your husband. he did not even bother to change for his mom or sister. living with a person like him is stressful. hindi pa ba stressed ang hubby mo? siguro pag nagkalat ang friend nya, hayaan mo si hubby maglinis tutal sya yun may idea na patirahin for couple of days si friend. he will most likely feel stressed out and fed up and maybe he'll decide to let go of his friend.

his friend needs counseling however help should start from his family. Friends always support each other but it doesn't mean to tolerate someone's wrong doing pero in your hubby's case, he allows him to. it's time to set rules in your house, if he can't abide tell him the door is wide open.

[Purple_Power]

^Very well said!

I agree seems that yung husband ang kailangan makarealize nito tapos siyang siya na mismo ang magpapalayas dahil siya na mismo yung na-stress. I mean kailangan pa ba umabot sa ganun? Huwag naman sana diba. Sana he could help his bestfriend in other ways but not in the sense of tolerating the wrong doings.

I could sense as well na may ibang problema as a person yung bestfriend niya. Kita mo nga sariling pamilya niya pinalayas siya ibang tao pa kaya?

[aquacharly]

Tell him to  his face that you want him out in x days coz you can't tolerate his untidy ways. 
He will get that nd move -- ganyn pag ugali nila: say it upfront.

[snowberry]

Our sisses are right. Wala nang paligoy-ligoy pa. Tell him that you are already uncomfortable having him in your house.

MAy I ask sis ,is your husband a foreigner or Pinoy din?

[Romina]

He's a foreigner. He is Polish and his friend is African-American.

Turns out his friend has a pending warrant of arrest for not paying child-support to his baby. Kasi wala ngang trabaho. He is actually turning himself in on Monday. And the US Marshall will be picking him up at my house. Ayos din eh, bahay ko pa binigay na address. I told him yesterday I want him out asap and do his business somewhere else. My husband talked to him narin. He wanted my husband to drop him off at his friends house for this party they're having, right before my husband can say anything, i said NO and that it's already enough that we're letting you stay in our house and that my husband is not a chauffer. His facial reaction was priceless he did not expect that from me. Rght before he closed the door, I told him that he is not a guest anymore and dont make my house like a hotel where he can just sleep and take a shower then head out and have fun. I left his luggage and other stuff will be in the front door. Para hindi na nya kelangan kumatok. Until now andun pa mga gamit nya. If ever he begs me to open the door for him, im calling the cops. Ive warned my husband about it and he said he's gonna support me naman, just let him know agad.

[break_free]

^ Bravo sis! Taray!

Tama that you set clear boundaries and while your husband may enjoy being the guest's buddy, you cannot allow yourself or your home to be walked over.

You can also suggest that maybe authorities can partner him with a counselor who can help him assess the big picture and help identify problems.

[brendzy]

Regardless kung bestfriend sya or whatever, dapat he should know simple house rules naman. it's different kung bibisita lang sa mag-i-stay ng couple of nights. tsaka there's no really comparison sa case mo with your relatives and this freeloader. kawawa yung husband mo kasi he's torn nga but he needs to stand up for the welfare of everybody. Kung ok makisama yung bestfriend edi happy lahat.

[Purple_Power]

Nice one Romina! 

Mabuti naman naging understanding na husband mo. Kahit saan at kanino siya magpunta maiinis at maiinis ang tutulong sa kanya worst case may mag-aaway at mag-aaway dahil sa inaasta niya.

I am not surprise na may anak pala siya then he will be arrested of not having child support. I am sure mismong naging karelasyon niya ayaw sa kanya. Kahit hindi na maikwento ang buong detalye ang bottomline naman dyan is hindi talaga sila magkakatuluyan or walang magtatagal sa inaasal.

[Romina]

Thank you mga sis. Kung hindi sa mga payo nyo, wala akong guts na gawin yung ginawa ko lol. Hubby and I talked about what happened, and that even if bestfriend nya yun, he would still choose me kasi im his wife and that we are stuck with each other until forever na, kaya dapat lang na magsuportahan kami. And that we gave his friend a chance, but he f*cked it up. Even his other friends na tama lang yung ginawa ko. Now, we dont know if he turned himself in or what. Pero wherever he is, I hope one day eh matauhan na sya.