Financial Decisions

[jamberryknots]

I just want to ask for who are in serious relationships (with thoughts of settling down with your partner) how do you decide / plan on financial matters?

Thing is my partner broke up with me because para sa kanya wala daw akong consideration/plans for our future puro family ko lang daw ang iniintindi ko. I am in a 2 year relationship, i have been working abroad for the past 1 year and 3 months.

Yung first year ko, half of my salary went to my mom (she was having problems in finances kasi) so yan yung unang major pag-aaway namin kasi daw nagdecided ako without consulting her.
ang promise ko naman ngayon lang tutulong ako after that magfocus na ko sa pagiipon.
so now na tapos nako and this year i have made arrangements para pumunta dito ang mommy ko, 14 year old niece and tita ko (who took care of me) so ayan nagalit ulit siya at nakipag break na naman kasi daw ganun pa din daw ako walang pag papahalaga sa future namin

ako at this point ayoko ng maghabol at magpaliwanag ng actions ko
meron naman na kong savings although hindi pa malaki
tsaka feeling ko hindi naman mali yung itreat ko din yung mga taong mahalaga sakin

kayo ba mga sis how do you go about your financial decisions, always niconsult or with approval ba ng partner niyo?

i am 26 by the way.

[chicafabulosa]

First and foremost sis di pa kayo kasal. So bakit nya pakikialaman na agad finances mo. Paano na pag kasal na kayo? Total control na yan sa finances mo. As long as di mo naman hinihingi sa kanya yung ginagastos mo sa pamilya mo, wala syang right to say how you will spend your money. But.... In a way may point sya to save for your future but not to the extent na magdamot ka. Share what you have. Kung di naman abusado family mo and talagang helpless sila, go on and help. But if tipong kaya naman sila nagkakaron ng financial problem is because of their own doings rin, think twice. Tama ka, di tama naman tama na itapon mo family mo just simply because si partner eh atat na atat na magsettle down. Sorry ha pero tingin ko sis kung magkatuluyan kayo, baka di na nya talaga pabibigyan family mo. Harsh to ha, wag kang magalit sa akin pero MADAMOT PARTNER MO.

Tama ka, you dont have to explain your actions, its your own money naman so wala syang paki dun. So since nakipagbreak sya sayo, paano kung mag asawa na kayo, iiwan ka rin nya? Aba hindi naman tama yun. And di rin pwede papiliin ka nya family mo sya, mahirap yan pag kayo na. Malaking gulo yan. Kawawa mom sakali

[jamberryknots]

i am a frank and honest person myself so i appreciate the honesty sis
ako din nagulat medyo nagulat sa reaction lalo na yung first time (which was last year nung ngang tumulong ako sa mommy ko) kasi hindi ganun ang pagkakakilala ko sa kanya

i admit kasalanan ng nanay ko why she was in that financial difficulty at nung ginawa ko naman yun nagusap kami ng masinsinan ng nanay ko na she needs to be more responsible pero sabi ko nga sa kanya what am i supposed to do lumapit ang mommy ko asking for help and eto ako able to help titiisin ko ba siya

hay nakakalungkot lang syempre kasi this is my first serious relationship i have sacrificed a lot and pinaglaban ko talaga ang relationship na to because i do love her and yes after ng OFW stint ko i am willing to settle down with her but there you go wala na daw kaming pupuntahan kung "ganito" ako magdesisyon

[chicafabulosa]

Sorry sis ha question lang, your partner is a girl? Anyways, yeah but do you see your mom changing na ba? If she is, walamg rason para tiisin mo. At the end of the day, iisa lang nanay natin eh. Kung nakikita mo naman no changes kay mommy mo, maybe you need to re-evaluate how to help her. But im shocked na pinakikialaman nya how mwill you handle your money. Buti naman kasi sana if nauubos sa shopping, gimmick eh. But you are spending it to your mom. Paano kung kayo na? Baka ilayo ka na nyan sa family mo.

[jamberryknots]

yes sis, she's also a girl
yes that is why this year ang pinapadala ko na lang sa mommy ko eh parang sort of allowance na lang my mom has work pa naman another thing is my 14 year old niece is with us since she was a toddler yun din i also support my niece which i am super close to at super love ko na parang anak/younger sister ko (her parents are still there pero sa amin na siya lumaki ng mommy and ko)

and nung medyo nagsisimula pa lang kami ni partner i have explained na ang mommy at ang pamangkin are my responsibilities ( i don't feel burdened at all) akala ko ok na kami sa aspect na yun but i also promised her na i am saving para naman din sa future namin (although to be honest sa dami ng pera niya - na never kong pinakealaman - kahit wala akong sariling pera eh ok na ok pa din kami, not that i am planning to be dependent sa kanya)

but it turned out hindi pala kaya nga nagulat na lang din ako sa mga reactions niya
akala ko nga nung una ako ang mali kasi nga i have decided withot consulting with her kasi sanay din ako na i decide on my own pero kasi the way she says things medyo off na for me nakakasakit lang din

[junetwentythree]

^ Agreed. Parang ginagamit ka lang. Cuz you work abroad and obviously you bring home the cha-ching!

Sorry, sis but I really think you're better off.

[jamberryknots]

Sis amethyst028
well ang plan is to get our own place (which she already has) na sabi niya we'll live there (ayoko makitira sa parent's house niya promise ko kasi yun sa sarili ko don't live with the in-laws) and live together..

yes pinay din siya..ako personally ang plan ko is to put up a business or ewan kung meron ding mahahanap na work na ok but definitely merong business..she has already a mixture of investments in place..ewan ko nga ang laking issue ng money nasabi ko na nga magkano ba dapat ang net worth ko para acceptable sayo..yes i am trying to focus na lang sa "positive" side ng nakakalungkot na pangyayari

sis junetwentythree
hi sis i like your username haha wala lang birthday ko kasi junetwentyeight haha
hindi naman actually on her own madami siyang liquid assets and investments pwedeng hindi magtrabaho ako and yet still live the good life but never ko naman niplan ko yun
kaya hindi ko magets bakit hindi siya mapakali with money


sabi niya, kasi she's suffering from a chronic condition which limits her physical abilities, baka daw maging kulang ang money/savings for the future lalo na pag nag worsen ang condition niya kaya she insists na i should have savings
eh ako naman nagiipon na nga ako pero minsan lang din syempre gusto ko naman nai-treat din yung iba kong loved ones

[chicafabulosa]

Sis why you have to save money for her? Di ba parang ginagawa nya lang yun para solo nya money mo? You can find other person who will accept you and your responsibilities. Wag mo na ipilit na matatanggap nya yung decisions mo about your family. Sorry talaga sis ha pero ang damot nya eh, hate ko kasi yung pakialamera sa pera ng iba. Yun lang

[jamberryknots]

she's 36 sis amethyst028
yun pa sabi niya baka daw dahil bata ako at kaya ganito daw ang priorities ko yung tumulong sa family siya daw kasi gusto na niya yung para sa sarili niya although she also helps her parents and siblings paminsan-minsan

tingin ko siguro hindi niya tanggap yung as you said "package deal" ako pero ang akin lang hindi ko naman sa kanya papasagot ang responsibility na yun

sabi din ng isang friend ko parang too early in the relationship daw to be discussing money na akala mo daw eh shared property and dapat daw iaccept ng partner ko na part of why i am working so hard eh para sa family ko (mommy and my niece) akala ko nga ang ganitong issues eh supposedly would come in pag kasal or living together but there it is

[junetwentythree]

It is definitely too soon to be arguing and even breaking up because of financial issues. Don't stay with her because you feel sorry for her and she's somewhat dependent on you (that's also too soon). It certainly seems that your love is not exactly being reciprocated. You deserve better, sis.

[j.adore]

Pag serious relationship with plans of being together in the future, I think ok lang na pareho kayo magdecide ng current and future finances niyo. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nun na isang tao lang ang masusunod. Kailangan pareho kayo mag-agree kung ano ang mga priorities niyo pati na rin monthly budget ganon.

[Girltalker2]

I think depende kasi sa expectations ninyong dalawa.  Baka expect ni lalaki ikaw ang gagastos sa wedding kasi ikaw ang nasa abroad. well, sinewerte sya! hehe 

Pero nasa pag uusap naman iyan eh. Pero since medyo conservative ang mindset ko, mas prefer ko parin lalaki ang gagastos sa wedding at tutulong lang ako kung kelan ko gusto. At kung mahal ko naman talaga sya, kahit simpleng handaan lang ok na sakin, mas importante na mahal nyako nang tapat forever at ang magiging buhay namin after the wedding.

Ngayon pati finances during marriage kelangan din ninyo pag usapan. Kasi marami akong nakikitang filipino families na maraming kamag anak na pinapakain and this is not ideal. Maraming issues papasok sa mag asawa because of this.

May mga officemates ngako na nagtatanong about Pinay. Sorry to be blunt pero ang general comment ko lang sa kanila is mag ingat because if they plan to marry a Pinay, make sure to check if they will raise 1 wife or a whole clan.  At kung willing sila pakainin kahit kamag anak nito. Otherwise, there will be challenges in the partnership.

[BicuriousGm]

Hi Im a newbie here. And it catches my attention about ur situation. Actually all the girls here were right...para sa akin naka turn off na kapag money matters na pinag usapan and specially if the concern persons is your FAMILY. I grew up in a close knit family ties and for me it's just a payback time to give luxurious life to our parents. Wala masama kung mag share ka ng blessings mo sa kanila. Before my Mom died she always told me that I gave her the best and she was thankfull for my generosity. Habang buhay pa parents nyo give them the best that you can give...not only on financial matter but also spending your time with them.

And also just to enlighten you sis...me and my fiance dont argue about money matters. Most specially kapag family na namin involve. Good luck and God Bless!