When is it enough to hold on?

[neraks]

Hi sis jjqxiv,sis super bilib ako sayo kung pano mo nahandle yung situation mo tapos pregnant ka pa.you're so brave,habang binabasa ko yung story talagang napaluha ako because nakarelate ako yung sa kin lang is na save namin yung marriage namin...na realize ng hubby ko yung pagkakamali nya.anyway,lalo kang magpakatatag sis and i do believe in karma ayaw ko man mainis sa hubby mo pero NAPAKA nya! para gawin sayo yun wala siyang awa,at talagang pinili nya pa yung kabit nya kesa sa family nya.hay naku,alam ko sis malalagpasan mo rin yan.

[jjqxiv]

Hi sis! I know its really hard dahil sa mga kids nyo, but hang in there. And pray harder. Remember, nothing is impossible with God. Listen to what He's trying to say to you. And always, always put your trust and faith in Him. hindi Ka nya papabayaan sis.

Yes sis, I know. I lift everything up to Him. Thank you very much. God bless!

Hi sis jjqxiv,sis super bilib ako sayo kung pano mo nahandle yung situation mo tapos pregnant ka pa.you're so brave,habang binabasa ko yung story talagang napaluha ako because nakarelate ako yung sa kin lang is na save namin yung marriage namin...na realize ng hubby ko yung pagkakamali nya.anyway,lalo kang magpakatatag sis and i do believe in karma ayaw ko man mainis sa hubby mo pero NAPAKA nya! para gawin sayo yun wala siyang awa,at talagang pinili nya pa yung kabit nya kesa sa family nya.hay naku,alam ko sis malalagpasan mo rin yan.

Hello sis neraks! Thank you so much. Kumukha lang ako ng strength sa mga daughters ko and to my baby on the way. And of course I just pray everyday para maging okay na yung lahat kahit papano. Siguro nagawa ko na nga lahat para masave yung marriage namin but unfortunately, sya na mismo yung bumitaw. Good to hear that sis. Stay strong.

Thank you sis! I lift everything up to Him. God bless you and your family!

[justin3]

If you were in my shoes, what will you do?

Isumbong ko sya kay General at kay Judge para maposasan at masentensyahan!  

madame, sadyang recidivist na talaga yang si sir ah. pogi kasi eh, no?
kung una't pangalawang beses pa lang, iudyukin pa kitang pagbigyan sya. pero naman, 3x na? aba, malamang baka dati nya nang hobby yon at thrice mo lang sya nahuli kasi busy ka attending to your constituents. 

pero eto madame, pagbigyan pa rin natin sya, alang-alang sa kwatro-Marias nyo, isa pa, nagdadalang-tao ka. nakapanghihinayang rin kasi.
teeners na mga kids nyo di ba? siguradong aware na rin sila sa nangyari. ayt?
have they confronted their father? if so, ano reaction ni EQ?
have you talked to them? ano ang saloobin nika?

alam mo, ang lalaking likas na babaero, kahit na gaano pa kaganda at ka-yummy si misis, hahanap at hahanap ng paraan yon para maka-iskor sa iba. kahit na lumpuin mo yan, mang "gagapang" pa rin yan. kahit na magdasal ka pa ng paluhod dyan sa Quiapo mula kay Santa Anacleta hanggang kay Santo Zaturnino, di magbabago yon.
pero wag ka, pag ang pinakamamahal nyang (mga) anak ang pumuna sa kanya... itaga mo sa bato, parang sibat yan kukurot sa puso at utak nya... parang binuhusan yan sya ng yelo. baka nga lahat ng libooog sa katawan nun matutunaw eh.

talk to your daughters ng masinsinan. payag ba sila na maghiwalay kayo? malamang hindi... isa pa, ibang "E" ang tumatakbo na mayor sa  lilipatan nyo... malapit na kaya ang Mayo 13
now, let each one of them talk to their father. kung nag-aalangan sila, let them do it in writing. let them pour everything. (wag mo nang pakialaman kung ano ang sasabihin/isusulat nila)

sumpa man. papasok ako ng semenaryo at magpa-pari kung di tatalaban si sir. pwamis!


ganung puro good-looking pa mga gurls nyo? nakows! mapapaisip nang husto yan. (ayoko nang i-elaborate)
(pag di sya tinamaan... baka hindi "babae" ang kinahuhumalingan nya)

Goodluck sis!

[imagodei082990]

hi sis my sarili ka apalang thread .. Sis siguro ito na yung time para wag na maghold on .. Kase diba sabi ko sau once na nagawa na gagawin at gagawin nya ulit .. Siguro time na bigyan mo ng leksyon yang hinayupak mong asawa. Ihagis mo sa labas ang mga damit nya palayasin mo bayagan mo . Ipakita mo na hindi ka dapat ginaganyan .. O kaya kasuhan mo sila ng kabit nya ,. Ang kapal ng mukha nya ..  Maging strong ka para sa mga anak mo

[jjqxiv]

@justin3 - I sent you a PM.


Hello sis imagodei082990! Yes sis, eto na talaga yung time. Tanggap ko na din sa sarili ko na wala na talagang pag-asa. I stayed in our house, though he visits our daughters everyday and nasa compound kami with my in-laws. I'm trying to be casual with him for the sake of my kids para iwas stress na din. Thank you sis. God bless!

[bwiset12]

^ good for you sis..
ako din i'm into the process of letting him go slowly..dahan dahan lang muna dahil mahirap biglain.ang hirap kasing utusan ng damdamin na wag na sya mahalin.sa kabila ng mga ginawa nya sakin.kahit papano ngayon natitiis ko na sya.dati araw araw wala akong ginawa kundi tawagan at imessage sya.para kong nababaliw.samantalang sya eh isang malaking dedma.hanggang sa napagod na rin siguro ako kakamessage at kakatawag sa kanya.naisip ko lang din na sayang ang load.nasa abroad pa man din sya.malakas lang naman ang loob nya kasi nasa malayo sya.tignan ko lang pag nandito sya kung makaarte sya ng ganon.pero aaminin ko namimiss ko sya.yung partner ko na umalis a year ago.yung lalaking nakasama ko halos kalahati ng buhay ko.yung lalaking hinatid ko sa airport na punung puno ng pangarap para sa pamilya namin.
grabe ang hirap pala.walang araw na hindi sya nawala sa isip ko.good and bad memories lagi ko syang naaalala.iniisip ko na lang na someday he will regret all the bad things he did to us.na mas madaming mawawala sa kanya kesa samin ng mga anak nya.
tingin nyo ba do we still need to have closure??kasi di naman biro ang 12 years na relationship namin.sabagay,di ko din naman alam kung may balak pa ba syang umuwi samin.or kung may balak pa ba sya magpakita samin ng mga anak nya.di ko din alam kung ako ba gugustuhin ko pa ba magpakita kami ng mga anak nya sa kanya.para kasing ayoko na.kaya lang yung baby ko.ok lang ba na di ko na ipakilala tatay nya sa kanya
malapit na pala mag 1year since nalaman ko na may kabit sya.ayan nanaman naaalala ko nanaman na para bang kahapon lang ang lahat

[aquacharly]

BWISET12.   When you let go -- let go all the way todo todo, do not look back. Hwag mo gawing teleserye, cine 1 showing/panood lang.   

I really do not have much of your cuento pero 1 year ka na dine deadma; 
   may kabit & he makes no moves to dump the kabit  and make it up to you; 
   hindi ka sure kung magpa kita pa sya sa inyo mag-iina --- 
Naku, darling, he has psychologically abandoned your marriage... I hate to have to say that.  Look at The Truth -- it will set you free.

Paki read my posts for T/S.  IMO, it applies to you too.

Tibayan mo loob mo.  Tama ka, he is far off and does not have to deal with you --  so deadma deadma.  Cobarde.
Tibayan mo loob mo, kasi talagang nag-iisa ka na. 
Tibayan mo loob mo, kasi wala kang mapapala/abante/ganansya sa kaiiyak.  Waste of time.
       Humagulgol ka 1,2,3 araw - tapos, itigil  mo na yan.  Sure, masakit sa dibdib --  but crying will not change anything.  Bato na sya sa decision nya magkabitch.  Hindi sya open to appeal, kahit dalhin mo pa yan sa Supreme Court.

Umayos ka.  Kelangan source of strength ka ng mga anak mo.  You are all they have.  Count your blessings, thank God & humirit ka to give you Guidance & Courage. 

Be positive. Mahirap mag move on if negative mindset mo. Do not feel helpless & hopeless.  Hwag mo isipin kawawang victim ka forever.   Hindi ka naman sinagasaan ng truck.  Kaya mo yan.
Baka mas okay baguhin mo your name BWISET12 to something positive & palaban.  Something like:P*STEKAYOBANGUNGUTINSANAKAYO!  Hehe, just kidding, but you know what I mean. .

Life is beautiful, Sis.  Kung minsan lang, may bagyo/tsunami -- pero natatapos din yan -- hwag ka lang pumayag malunod.   

Atchaka, do not worry or hulaan/predict mga bagay bagay na hindi under your control 100% - habang hindi pa dumating ang araw hindi kelangan pagisipan ito.
Magpapakita pa kayo magiina?  Paalam  mo sa baby mo tatay nya?  Babalik pa ba sya to visit you?  Haynako, pag andyan saka mo isipin. Pag wala - hwag ka magmunimuni. 

Umayos ka, Sis --  that is the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids. 

Take care of yourself. 

[imagodei082990]

ue welcome sis

[imagodei082990]

ue welcome sis

[Girltalker2]

your husband is already gone- you just haven't accepted it yet.
   
sis parang ganito ako bakit ang hirap ilet go ng taong niloko ka na nga? kahit ilang beses nya ng pinamukha sakin na mahal nya yung kabit nya,kahit sinabi nyang hindi nya na ko mahal at di na daw maibabalik yung kami..hayyy,i'm so sad nakakahiya man aminin pero umaasa pa din ako na babawiin nya yung mga masasakit na salitang sinabi nya at magiging ok pa din kami

Yes, acceptance is key.

Making yourself stronger and preparing yourself for a life on your own is the next step.  Kapag na enable mo na ang sarili mo emotionally, financially and physically, magdusa sya.  Hanggang ngayon, hindi parin ako tumitigil in telling my ex na sana 100x maranasan ninyo ang ginawa ninyo sakin, then you will understand the pain and suffering you have caused me.

[Girltalker2]

sis, nabanggit mo you are staying with your in laws' compound?  are you aware that you are in your enemies' territories? 

akala ko dati that I can get some restitution from my in laws, pero bali baliktarin mo man ang mundo, kahit pa sobrang sama ng anak nila, mas kakampi pa sila sa anak nila. and the only reason they allow you to stay there is because of the kids.  for now, fine, if you need their support, just take advantage. but you have to prepare to separate yourself. ito mga nakatulong sakin to make myself fall out of love from him (consciously)
- isip ko ang t@nga t@nga ko, bakit hindi ako mafall out of love sa kanya eh binabastos nanga ako nang harapan
- songs helped me a lot (pm me I can share them to you if you want)
- lots of prayers
- beautifying myself, dedicating myself to my work
- re-starting my hobby na hindi ko na nagawa since I got married. it is like remembering how it was like to be single again (which I had a very vague memory of kasi nga childhood sweetheart si ex)

@ sis mrs.trish - Yes, ang number one na iniisip ko yung daughters ko. I've always wanted to give them the happy family I never had but I think I failed. Pero hindi pa huli yung lahat, I can be the best mom that they need and deserve.

sis, how can you be the best mom kung laging mag bumabagabag ng damdamin mo and you cannot be your fulfilled and complete self?  with a dysfunctional hubby like that, one can never be the best she can be as laging may magd-drag sa kanya pababa in terms of self-esteem, emotions, psychological issues etc.

And by the way, now he's back and saying sorry. Parang walang nangyari. Nagkaron lang daw ng problem dun sa isang client nya. I accepted his sorry but I don't think he's forgiven. Kung maka-buntot sya sakin ngayon kala mo dead na dead. Siguro nga nagsawa lang sya dun sa babae nya.

and yeah, men are like that. parang walang nangyari. easy for them, kasi nga kinukunsinti natin. heard of beyonce's song If I were a Boy - I will quote the important lyrics here.... (which I can really relate to during my dark days)


If I were a boy even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted
And go drink beer with the guys

And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause they stick up for me


If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home

[jjqxiv]

Yes, acceptance is key.

Making yourself stronger and preparing yourself for a life on your own is the next step.  Kapag na enable mo na ang sarili mo emotionally, financially and physically, magdusa sya.  Hanggang ngayon, hindi parin ako tumitigil in telling my ex na sana 100x maranasan ninyo ang ginawa ninyo sakin, then you will understand the pain and suffering you have caused me.

I agree sis, I'm trying my best to be emotionally, financially and physically ready. Not just for my husband and children but of course for myself.

Regarding to my in laws, yes I'm staying with them and I don't think they're my "enemies" sis. They know and understand what's happening between me and their son pero hindi naman nila kinakampihan yung husband ko, hindi sila biased or whatever. And sila din yung isa sa mga kumausap sa kanya para umalis muna dito sa compound. Ever since wala akong problema sa inlaws ko. Though still, aalis kami dito pag summer na.

For now, I can't still work but for sure I will dedicate myself to my kids. Lalo na I have another one on the way. And thank you very much sis. I'll PM you for the songs. God bless!

[Girltalker2]

BWISET12.   When you let go -- let go all the way todo todo, do not look back. Hwag mo gawing teleserye, cine 1 showing/panood lang.   

Bwiset12, I agree.  Todohin mo na, tutal hindi rin naman pala sya nagpapakita. All the more it is easier. Sakin kasi, when it happened, pasulpot sulpot sya whenever he likes to come home. Ang hirap, kasi parang nakakaloka.  Yung malungkot ako then appear sya, all gone ang lungkot. Then mawawala uli sya. Pag nawala sya, iiyak ako, magagalit, malulungkot, magdadasal. Then pag nakalma ko na ang sarili ko, just as when I am already alright on my own, susulpot na naman sya. Hindi ako maka move on. That's why I had to go/leave and just be in one place na hindi nya maistorbo madalas, malayo sa Manila.

It is easy for you to move on and treat his disappearance as a blessing.

You first have to accept wala na kayo.  Otherwise, you are clinging on something that is imaginary.  Lam mo san ako nagstart?  Sa cab driver.  One time tinanong ako if I am married, I said I am separated.  It was taboo for me before to even say the word, because never in my wildest dreams have I thought these things would happen to me.  Ever since bata ako, I dedicated myself to be a good student, daughter, doing everything right.  Followed my parents all the time. So when it was time for me to get married, I was a virgin then, and he was the only man in my life.  Tapos nangyari sakin ito.  I simply had a hard time accepting it. Hindi ko matanggap ano ba nagawa ko to deserve this. Pero I had to kasi wala naman akong choice, kesa naman mag imagine ako all the time. Pero to break out of my shell, I started introducing myself as separated (which is the truth naman) na to strangers, practice practice hanggang sa nasanay nako. And it is OK.  Walang papatay sayo just because you do not have a partner.

Remember stick to Reality. The Truth. Acceptance is key and wala ka naman talagang choice kasi but to accept it na wala na sya sa buhay mo/ninyo ng baby mo. 

Bata ka pa, huwag mo  sayangin  ang oras mo. Be beautiful and eventually you can meet the right one. Ako nga wala na sa kalendaryo, since I spent 20 years+ of my life with my ex, eh nagd date ulit    Don't you ever look forward to that feeling of finding that someone who you can love and can love you back wholeheartedly?   

[jjqxiv]

Hello sissies! I have another dilemma and I need your helpful opinions once again.


So here it is, I have a turning 10 years old daughter and lagi nyang snasabi sakin na birthday wish nya daw na maging together ulit kami ng daddy nya (her birthday's next month). We're trying our best to explain to her what's happening in our family right now, but one day at a time of course. Right now, pag nagre-request syang tawagan at papuntahan yung daddy nya dito sa bahay, gagawin ko nman agad kasi one time iyak talaga sya ng iyak so hirap syang mag-breathe properly. I can say that she's really fragile (with heart complication since birth).

When it comes to my husband, "parang" agree nman sya sa sinasabi ng youngest namin. I don't want to assume but yun talaga yung npapansin ko sa kanya. Everyday sya nandito, may dala pang flowers, food na gusto ko and minsan magigising nalang ako na may breakfast na naka-prepare sa bed ko. Pag sa afternoon naps nman, nagigising ako kasi may nakahawak sya sa tummy ko, if not nkalapit yung mukha nya as if pnapakinggan si baby. Pero naiinis talaga ako sa kanya kasi parang walang nangyari saming dalawa  kung maka-asta sya As much as possible, gusto ko lang maging casual sa kanya for the sake of my kids pero hindi ko talaga mpigilan na may maramdaman pa ring sakit and galit.

I really don't know what to do... I'm so confused Once again, what will you do if you were in my shoes?

[imagodei082990]

pautot nya lang yan .. Dadaanin ka sa ganyan pag bumigay ka sa isip nun ang billis mo maamo then pag nagtagal gagawa nanaman ng kalokohan then ganyan nanaman gagawin nya parang circle lang .. Kung ako sau bigyan mo ng leksyon .. Be cold ..

[imbisibol_]

I have a turning 10 years old daughter and lagi nyang snasabi sakin na birthday wish nya daw na maging together ulit kami ng daddy nya (her birthday's next month).

that's cute and heart-wrenching at the same time.  but she's not the only 10-year old that has gone through, is going through, or will go through the same situation.  you are the adult, and your decisions should be based on reality.  but keep affirming and talking to your daughter that she is loved nonetheless and that it is not her fault that things are the way they are now.  it would help if she heard the same from her father.  it's also good that she has other sisters she can draw strength from.  they are all, in fact, going through the same experience and emotions together.  is she close to her other sisters?

i also got to thinking about your unborn child who will not know what it's like to have his/her father permanently in the house.  it might even fare better than your 10-year old since it really wouldn't know what it's missing..

and yes- please continue being casual to your wayward husband.  are your emotions worth that cheap that they can be bought back by breakfast in bed?  my suggestion is to enjoy the breakfast for what it is- food!  no emotions, no raised hopes, nothing.  c'mon- you already got off that ride.  are you going to hop in again, go through the motions, and then hop off again?   if so, then good luck on your merry-go-round ride..

[EllaBratin]

Sis jjqxiv, ang hirap talaga kapag anak na ang nag-request. Don't worry, pag nagkaisip siya, marerealize niya rin ang nangyari.
Sarap sampalin ng mag-asawang sampal na walang family planning ang asawa mo e! Ewan ko lang kung hindi mamaga mukha niya...  Ganyan din ba ka-sweet ang ginawa niya nung 1st at 2nd time na nagloko siya?

[Girltalker2]

c'mon- you already got off that ride.  are you going to hop in again, go through the motions, and then hop off again?   if so, then good luck on your merry-go-round ride..

I'd say more of a roller coaster ride.

[jjqxiv]

@ sis imagodei082990

That's what I'm thinking actually, baka kasi sa umpisa lang yun tapos maulit na nman yung mga kalokohan nya. I just pray na maging okay na lahat para hindi na rin maguluhan yung daughters ko, lalo na yung youngest. Thanks once again sis!

@ sis EllaBratin

Ang hirap talaga sis. Puro smile nalang yung gnagawa ko sa kanya, tapos snasabi ko nalang na mag-pray sya lagi. I hope so sis, thank you. No this is the first time actually, hindi kasi talaga sya yung typical husband na "sweet" kahit nung okay pa kami.

@ sis imbisibol_

As much as possible, gusto ko sanang kasama sila sa decision ko but of course alam kong mahirap, sobrang hirap. Everytime my youngest tells me that she wants me and her father to be together, I can't help but to feel bad although I know that this is my now fault and most specially not their fault.

Will do, thank you sis. I'll keep that in my mind. God bless.

I'd say more of a roller coaster ride.

And true, I agree that this is definitely a roller coaster ride.

[Girltalker2]

@ sis imagodei082990

That's what I'm thinking actually, baka kasi sa umpisa lang yun tapos maulit na nman yung mga kalokohan nya. I just pray na maging okay na lahat para hindi na rin maguluhan yung daughters ko, lalo na yung youngest. Thanks once again sis!

Hindi ba deja vu ito?  hindi ba iyan paulit ulit?

regarding kung maguluhan ang youngest mo, it is out of your hands kasi hindi mo controlado ang gagawin ng hubby mo in the future.  all you can do is hope and pray for the best.  but in case, it does not work out, you should somehow equip your daughters to be strong and be able to accept life without a father.

As much as possible, gusto ko sanang kasama sila sa decision ko but of course alam kong mahirap, sobrang hirap. Everytime my youngest tells me that she wants me and her father to be together, I can't help but to feel bad although I know that this is my now fault and most specially not their fault.

Remember, it is your life and being the adult, you have to decide for your kids and what is best for them.  Dumaan narin kasi ako dyan, minsan iniisip ko na gusto nila together kami, pero pag hindi naman ako masaya at malapit nako maloka, how can I be an effective mother. 

If you know you are doing the right thing for them, you should not feel bad at isipin mo lang bakit mo nagawa ang ginawa mo, babalik at babalik ka sa totoong reasons - ayaw mo ng partner na binabastos ka at walang maidulot sayo kundi sakit ng ulo, ayaw mo lumaki ang anak nyo na kalakihan na ok lang may mga babae on the side ang lalaki at baka paglaki nila, they might end up on the same relationships or worse to be the kabit of some married man. Sakin kasi ayaw ko lumaki boys ko na parang mga aso like their dad, kaya lagi ko ito binabalik balikan and I just want to make sure they grow as responsible human beings.