When is it enough to hold on?

[EllaBratin]

Minsan kasi kahit paulit-ulit tayong sinasaktan, isang sorry lang, ok na ulit, parang walang nangyari. Kasi we keep on hoping na magbabago ang lahat. Sometimes, hindi nangyayari ang ineexpect natin from them.
Unfortunately, darating din ang araw na magigising ka na lang na ayaw mo na, pagod ka na.

[danne]

Hi sis jjqxiv, I think that once is enough. Kung pinatawad mo siya noong first time na nambabae siya, tama na iyon. Sobra sobra na ang pagtitiis na ginagawa mo, you don't deserve na itreat ng ganyan. Baka iniisip niya na patatawarin mo lang siya habambuhay diyan sa pambababae niya.

[jjqxiv]

@ Doink! - I am trying my best sis. Thank you. God bless!

@ sis gorgeous gal - I'm trying to be casual to him sis, pinipilit kong wala akong maramdaman sa kanya na kahit ano. Susundin ko yung advice ng member din dito, hindi ako aalis dito sa bahay namin. Bahala sya kung gusto nya kaming iwan, pero hindi kami aalis. Kinausap na din ako ng daughter ko and sinabi nya na isipin ko naman daw yung sarili ko, wag lang lagi sila pero syempre hindi ko naman magawa eh. Anyway, thank you sis! God bless

@ sis EllaBratin - Martyr kung martyr sis. Pwede ko syang patawarin pero hindi ko na makakalimutan yung mga ginawa nya. I think sumusobra na talaga sya eh. I know that day will come sis. Thank you very much. God bless!

@ sis danne - You're right sis. I think sobra na talaga, pero hihintayin ko nalang syang gumawa ng first move. I'm willing to let him go. And I need to accept na hindi na talaga kami magwo-work. Thank you very much. God bless

[EllaBratin]

It's good to know na unti-unti mo ng inihahanda ang sarili mo sa posibleng mangyari. Just keep on praying and be strong for the kids! 

[smoothie]

I think you are just being dependent on him and since may go signal ka naman sa daughter mo and I think you have the means
to leave him I pray that you will realize that your husband does not care at all anymore.

I was in that situation before. My parents are like that. I also told my mom to leave my dad. Pero hindi niya nagawa,
ang pangit ng effect sa aming kids. Ang stressful ng situation pag magkasama ang parents ko.

[bwiset12]

ako din i'm getting ready na whatever might happen. good or bad i have nochoice but to be ready

[evilwoman]

@jjqxiv - sis pasintabi ha..i dont think mga anak mo pa ang iniisip mo sa sitwasyong ito.this is more for yourself kasi ikaw na binibigyan ng permiso na "isipin ang sarili" e ayaw mo pa gawin.please realize na mas mahirap para sa mga anak nyo ang setup nyo ngayon."buo" nga pero di naman maayos ang pagsasama.mas mahirap kalakihan yan.mahirap pero unti-unti mo nang tigilan ang paghostage sa sarili mo.sa akin ha,yan na best solution para sa yo at sa mga anak mo.

[lent0t]

@ sis jjqxiv- i do understand your feelings and your reasons for staying in the relationship.
for me, your mom is right. magusap muna kayo, i know it's already his 3rd time right or going 4th na yan cheating incident? anyway, naniniwala kasi ako na lahat nadadaan sa maayos na usapan.

sa paguusap nyo, ask him what are his reasons for doing that... maybe nasa genes nya na yan pero at least malaman nyo sa isat-isa kun may dapat nga bang ayusin. sabihin mo din ang gusto mo mangyari sa relationship nyo. sabi nga nila "think before you click... este decide" 

if after nyo magusap tingin mo walang patutunguhan, siguro that's the time you decide to let go. be wise na rin na prior sa decision na yan, magipon ka muna. sarilinin mo yun pera. i suggest itago sa name ng anak mo yun savings mo since if it's under your name lalabas na conjugal property sya. ask for your children's advice din, bukod sayo affected din sila sa married life nyo ni hubby actually mas affected sila  may effect din kasi sa kanila yan.

*** may isa pa pala akong masasabi and i know i'm not the right person to say this since di naman ako religious pero i've heard so much stories na nagbago si MR or HUBBY after nyan. pero catholic ba kayo sis? baka kasi suggest ko iba pala religion nyo anyway try nyo lumapit sa mga CFC (couple's for christ) or sa THE FEAST ni bo sanchez. baka divine intervention lang ang magpapabago sa kanya. syempre kun di nya gusto magbago wala din mangyayari pero it's worth a try diba. baka makonsensya sya after...

good luck sis and god bless 

[jjqxiv]

sis EllaBratin - Yes sis. Thank you very much. God bless!

sis smoothie - I guess so, sobrang dependent ko talaga sa kanya ever since that it took me almost 20 years before I start my own business. Ayaw nya kasi talaga akong pagtrabahuhin, he just want me to stay at home.

When we're in front of the kids, casual kami. I try my best to avoid the "awkward" feeling. Ginagawa ko nalang yung for them.

sis bwiset12 - I'll pray for you too sis. Kaya natin 'to.

sis evilwoman - Yan din sinabi ng isa kong friend sis. Kaso hindi pa ako tapos mag-"explain" dun sa youngest ko. As much as possible, gusto ko prepared sya kung ano man mangyari. Sya naman kasi yung nag sabi ng opposite ng sinabi ng ate nya. Pero ayoko naman din dumaan sa point na naapektuhan na talaga sila. Thank you sis. God bless!

sis lent0t - Thank you very much sis. Sobrang parehas kayo ng reason ng mom ko, wala daw problem na aayos hangga't di napapag-usapan. This is his 3rd time already.

I'll put everything in my mind sis. Maybe sooner makapag-usap na kami ng maayos. Kasi as much as possible I don't want to stress myself anymore sa mga nangyari specially naapektuhan na yung baby ko. Pero sa tingin ko, at sa tingin ng marami, wala na talagang pag-asa yung marriage namin.

Yes sis, I have my personal savings under my daughters' name. Yung eldest ko, yung advice nya isipin ko naman daw yung sarili ko wag puro sila. Pero laging sinasabi ng youngest ko na wag kaming maghiwalay ng daddy nya (since nung napansin nyang hindi umuwi yung dad nya) so magulo yung isip ko about that.

We're catholic sis and ang dami na naming counselling na napag-daan but wala din namang nangyari. But thank you for the suggestion. Thank you once again and God bless!

[evilwoman]

^sis i hope na pagkatapos m magexplain sa current bunso mo e dun naman sa tyan mo ikaw magpprep ng paliwanag.in the first place sis,yung pagkawala ng asawa mo,di mo choice yan kundi ni husband so sya ang may madami dapat ipaliwanag sa mga bata.

[jjqxiv]

^ That's actually my other dilemma sis - how to explain to my baby. Syempre I know pag lumabas na sya and magka-isip na, magtataka sya kung bakit hindi na kami magkasama ng daddy nya. Pero tsaka ko na siguro pro-problemahin yun Sana nga next time sya naman mag-reach out sa mga daughters namin. Thanks again sis!

[aquacharly]

JJQXIV, darling --  let us not lose sight of the fact that YOU are the adult here.
Yes, you should consider the feelings of your kids, but you should heed the advise/wisdom of elders/peers & YOUR  better judgment.  Your kids love you, sure, but you cannot let them be the ones to decide for you.  Though they know of tension, unkindness, hurt, betrayal, & unhappiness --  what do they know of the financial requirements of raising kids?   

IMO, be sensitive to the age-appropriateness of your sharing with each kid; and do not go into "info sharing overload".  Keep in mind he has provided  for them, & he is their father --  whatever, regardless -- may pagmamahal sila for him.  Do not make the mistake of --  by wanting to keep them abreast of your marital state, eh you give them "conflicted emotions".   
            Unless.... If you are a battered wife -- Aba, you gotta show them in a decisive manner it is not ok to suffer, one must act to do something to stop the abuse. 

Going back -- why worry about how you will explain to your 5th kid?
Do not worry until the day to worry  comes.
IF you do get estranged from hubby, yan ang makagisnan ni Baby  #5.   Yan ang "normal" sa kanya.
By the time she asks tricky questions, your older kids will help you explain it to her.

[jjqxiv]

Hello sis aquacharly! It's not that they're deciding for me, it just serves as a reminder lang. I finally talked to my husband, I told him that I'll be the one to leave with my kids pero ayaw nya so I'll stay in our house in Pasig (we're currently in Sampaloc). But he will still gives us the financial support I need.

Yes, I never forget to tell my kids that no matter what happens, he's still their father and dapat wala silang maramdamang hate or anything sa kanya. Also, hindi ko naman ipapagkait kay baby #5 na makilala yung daddy nya. Thank you very much and God bless!

[maiandra]

^So sorry to hear that sis. Did he already decide na to choose the other woman? Hindi kasi masyadong clear how you knew na may babae nga sya.

[jjqxiv]

^ Nalaman ko na may babae sya kasi nakita ko sa may room namin yung pictures and everything - he even bought the girl a condo and a car. May kinausap akong person dun sa condo na binilhan ng hubby ko and he told me na para daw yun sa "asawa" nya. So yun nalaman ko na talaga. And when we talked last February 28, umamin na sya sakin. Wala naman syang snabi na magsasama sila nung girl pero hindi na rin ako interested. Hayaan ko nalang sila. Basta what's important is I get the support I need for my kids and sana wag nyang makalimutan na tatay pa rin sya ng mga anak ko.

[lent0t]

^ Nalaman ko na may babae sya kasi nakita ko sa may room namin yung pictures and everything - he even bought the girl a condo and a car. May kinausap akong person dun sa condo na binilhan ng hubby ko and he told me na para daw yun sa "asawa" nya. So yun nalaman ko na talaga. And when we talked last February 28, umamin na sya sakin. Wala naman syang snabi na magsasama sila nung girl pero hindi na rin ako interested. Hayaan ko nalang sila. Basta what's important is I get the support I need for my kids and sana wag nyang makalimutan na tatay pa rin sya ng mga anak ko.

ang sakit naman nyan sis... i hope and pray maka recover ka the soonest.

[jjqxiv]

ang sakit naman nyan sis... i hope and pray maka recover ka the soonest.

Yes sis, masakit pero kailangan tanggapin. Thank you very much and God bless

[butterfly20]

Sis, bilib ako sayo na nakakaya mo pa sya pakisamahan after ng mga ginawa nya. Ako siguro isang beses lang at hindi ko na kakayanin makita ang pagmumukha nya. Nahu hurt ako habang binabasa ko ang post mo, and hatred for ur husband. I must say that, u deserve to be happy and not to be treated like that. Be strong to let go.

[jjqxiv]

^ Hello sis butterly20! Siguro kasi I think if we can't save the marriage, atleast save the friendship for our daughters. Hindi madali sakin 'to, pero mas hindi madali sa mga anak namin. And siguro nga sobrang mahal and sobrang dependent ako sa kanya. But anyway, thank you for your concern sis. God bless!

[butterfly20]

Hi sis! I know its really hard dahil sa mga kids nyo, but hang in there. And pray harder. Remember, nothing is impossible with God. Listen to what He's trying to say to you. And always, always put your trust and faith in Him. hindi Ka nya papabayaan sis.