Mataas ang standards

[angelzero]

sis amethyst028, i also have a friend like you. mataas standards nya pero heavily based on looks. siguro since NBSB si friend, hindi pa nya naga-grasp yung idea ng being in a relationship, and i understand that. kaso yun nga, gusto na nya magka-bf na husband material na rin. hindi ko sinabing babaan nya standards nya pero dapat mas isipin nya yung qualities of the guy instead of just his looks. yun kasi yung hindrance nya bakit hindi sya nakikipag date. naka focus sya agad sa itsura.

i guess with you iba yung case mo? i mean, are you looking for a bf na husband-material na ba? pag hindi pa naman, just enjoy what you have right now. hindi mo naman na kasi maiisip yung mga standards or what-have-yous if you meet the guy who will really pursue you and be serious with having a relationship with you. malalaman mo na lang na husband-material na pala sya pag nakilala mo na sya through years of being bf-gf. i guess for me it's not about lowering standards, but being more open. i agree with the other sisses na may mga non-negotiable like having a stable job/income, someone you get along with well, hindi ka sasaktan etc.

your friend is not exactly wrong pero baka iba lang yung pagka deliver nya kaya nairita ka. just tell her na it's not just the looks you're concerned about, but you're also looking at other qualities kaya "mataas" ang standards mo. 

[Priceless]

Maraming magandang points sa mga advice na nabigay na.

Our own personality has a lot to do with attracting other people. So tama yung sabi nung isa nating sister dito na  we are naturally inclined to surround ourselves with people with similar backgrounds and interests, similar characteristics and therefore "realistic" standards or criteria means aligning them with your own background/nature/personal interests. I have a friend who I consider "high maintenance" who was in a relationship with this gwapo, matalino, mayaman, accomplished guy - and she realized that nakatagpo sya ng katapat nya sa pagiging high maintenance. At the end of the day, she decided to stick with the guy because despite being high maintenance (materially, mentally, emotionally, physically) because that was the "negotiable" part of her list. Yung other characteristics - gwapo, matalino, mayaman were her non-negotiables. And whenever she gets to the point na naiirita sya sa demands nung partner nya (resulting from his being high maintenance) she just reminds herself na ginusto nya yun and she needs to stand by her decision to love that person despite his flaws.

Which brings me to the next important point: taking responsibility and paninindigan. If you decide on having those standards - whatever they may be, que high or low man yan, they will come with consequences. In other words, whatever you end up as - married man or single, any decision you make, guided by your standards will have consequences - and sadly you can't control what the future holds for you because people change and that perfect someone at the start of a relationship may not be so perfect after all. Inversely, you might overlook someone who is "good enough" now who could've possible grown with you and worked hard with you in perfecting a relationship.

Basta accept the fact that it does get lonely - even if you surround yourself with friends, family, or you're comfortable on your own. The saddest thing would be to find yourself being alone, bitter and lonely because you've restricted your own life with too much rules or expectations that you've unnecessarily imposed on yourself. Remember - we can't turn back time.

[cream_puffs]

naalala ko tuloy dati, may list din ako ng gusto ko sa isang guy kasi hinahanap ko yung perfect guy e. pero ayun, na-meet ko yung guy (hubby ko now). ang daming naging exception at negotiable sa list ko. haha ;P  i guess na-realize ko lang na mas dapat pala e ideal guy yung mahanap mo. hindi yung perfect guy for you 

[1choi_ko9]

Tama ka rin naman sis. Buti nga at your age masasabi mo established ka na. And mas mabuting mag hanap ng someone na yung tipong sya na talaga. Ang pangit din naman kase ng jump from one relationship to another... bukod sa nakaka stress, well ubos panahon din yon.

Although, to find the right person in your life, for me its like a hit or missed kind of thing. You wouldn't know really unless nasa relationship ka na. Kase most often, you think you're in a perfect relationship from the beginning. Everything is okay, you have alot in common, nagkakasundo kayo etc etc...as in masasabi mo talagang perfect and you say you want to spend your life with him. Ang kaso, does this person feel the same way? Madami guys ngayon, kadalasan ayaw muna pasakal...este ikasal. So kesehodang 10years na kayo and a happy couple and ikaw si hoping na he would popped the question...pero tatagal tagal lang kayo...waley nangyayari...wala ayaw nya pa rin. Alangan naman ikaw lang pakasal mag isa? Masarap din naman yung may security na kayo na forever... but then again...reality hindi kayo pareho ng gusto in the future. So yun ang isa sa point nagusto ko sabihin \, hit or missed. You think he could be the one...pero hindi rin pala.

Or you found the perfect guy ulit, got married after lets say 2 years of bf/gf... yes you're happy etc etc...pero after being married of what 10 years? Boom, you found out something about your partner...something he did...then you contemplate whether to stay or not... pero you have kids...

Stories like these makes you think,,,, so diba kahit mamili ka ng maraming marami.... in the end it would depend pa rin in the hands of God. You wouldn't really know unless you're in the relationship na. In a relationship pa nga, its not all about you...think about your partner also. In marriage naman daw, its not give and take. Its give and give... hehe

Sabi pa nila, its easy to find someone to love...ang mahirap is to stay in love.

Now kase kailangan mo talaga ipag PRAY kay God na iguide ka sa taong para sayo.

[princessrio]

lahat naman may karapatan magkaroon ng standards e. yun lang, when love strikes you hard at wala sa kanya yung standards na hinahanap mo, parang mag-aalangan ka, lalo na if yung non-negotiables ang wala sa kanya.

nung mag-bf pa lang kami ng husband ko, parang more or less eh hindi nya na-reach yung mga gusto ko sa isang lalake. hindi nagsisimba. maangas. malayo rin agwat namin financially. shempre ako, gusto ko, either same or higher status than me. but i decided to stick with him for 13 years. kala ko nga noon, hanggang dun na lang e..na parang wala na patutunguhan relationship namin.

but change is the only permanent thing in this world. he changed.

what he did? nag-abroad sya..nag-ipon. ayaw nya na ako ang bumaba sa level nya. so, itinaas nya ang sarili nya. whenever andito sya, we never miss mass together. we pray every meal. hinigitan pa nya yung mga naiisip ko.

siguro, malakas ako magdasal. i prayed for my husband. he is not perfect, but he is the right one for me.

[khriseeee]

sis funny lang how your "friend" who is separated and living with a partner who can barely make ends meet say that you should lower your standards. I think she wants someone on the same level of misery as herself!! I would ex-communicate that friend if I were you.

In any case, as all of the others have mentioned - why lower your standards? This is a lifelong commitment you are getting into - not buying a bag, car, or even a house that you can dispose of in the future.

Yes you can re-assess and determine what is non-negotiable and what is a "nice to have" but like others have said, be open rin. You may be surprised that the right man for you is someone you may never have considered before!

You are single, pretty, successful and confident in yourself, enjoy your single life!

Don't get fooled into the "feeling of love". I have recommended on other threads to read Scott Peck's article on love. Love is not a feeling, love is a decision to continue to act in a loving way even when you don't feel like it. It is a conscious decision to do so and you must choose someone who can stand with you as you would choose to stand with him.

[snowberry]

Of course if I know that I am a "de kalibre", bakit ko naman ibababa standards ko  na parang bargain magka bf  or magka -asawa lang ?  Eh di para namang nanalo si guy ng mega lotto. Tama lang sis magkaroon ng high standard if you know yourself is worth it. Kaya lang ang set back nating mga Pinay ay tayo ang nag aantay lapitan . Kung may nakita na tayo na pasado sa standard pero hindi naman attracted sa atin , yan ang problem. I am sure ayaw mo rin masabi na ikaw nanligaw sa guy . One more, our biological clock is ticking very fast.  My friend and I have a joke when we talked of our standards when we were single and young. Based sa age ng girls ang requirements:

Here are the standards of women belonging to these  age bracket :
     16-  20y/o  -  lalaki na mabait ,  mayaman  guwapo, matalino,
     21 - 25  - lalaki na mabait ,  mayaman,  guwapo
     26- 30  - lalaki na mabait , mayaman
     31 - 35 lalaki na mabait
      36 and up - lalaki
   

But the truth is attraction plays a big role in our choice too. Lahat naman siguro ng babae nangarap ng mataas na standards ,kaya lang minsan talaga bumabagsak tayo dun sa hindi naman pala pasado talaga sa standards natin. Pero as our sis said , there are negotiable and non negotiable requirements or at least a minimum requirement man lang .

   

[sistah!]

may i also add the other piece of advise that i got years and years ago? this is something that has stuck with me for many years and i tell this to my single friends din.

instead of looking for the one, "be the one". so while you need to have standards that you set for your potential partner like guapo, matalino, mabait, god-fearing, maayos mag-english at kung ano ano pa, work on yourself din. make yourself pretty, read more, get involved, be charitable and kind to others, take pride in your work, fix your finances, be independent and self-reliant, be fun and allow yourself to become unforgettable. somewhere in the world, a great guy is probably making a checklist of standards and you might be the one to meet them. if not naman, there's nothing like a great single girl with a lot to offer. you'll find yourself happy whether you're with a partner or not.

[Priceless]

It's good to have a good understanding and appreciation of your self worth. Pero wag naman to the point na mababa ang tingin natin ibang tao na hindi natin "ka-level". There will always be people who are "more" than you, or "less" than you - just depends on what angle you're looking from.

[jazzlawyer]

Here are the standards of women belonging to these  age bracket :
     16-  20y/o  -  lalaki na mabait ,  mayaman  guwapo, matalino,
     21 - 25  - lalaki na mabait ,  mayaman,  guwapo
     26- 30  - lalaki na mabait , mayaman
     31 - 35 lalaki na mabait
      36 and up - lalaki
       

haha tawa lang! 

[k_heart]

he!he!he! Natawa din ako sa post ni sis Snowberry kasi pwede ka talagang makakita ng
mabait,mayaman, matalino at gwapo all in one pero hindi ka sure kung lalake nga. ha!ha!

[Girltalker2]

Funny ka sis Jazzlawyer ha!

It's a reality, pero there are times lalaki is not a criteria narin because some women would just want companionship at kung maasikaso ang admirer na hindi guy (lesbian), ok narin. So hindi kelangan lalaki, basta magkaron ng life partner.

Anyway, regarding the standards, I have always thought na as we grow older, dapat mas lalo nating in-u-up yung standards natin because fewer years are left, and getting involved with someon dysfunctional would just make your remaining years miserable, so for what pa na nagka relasyon kung hahanap karin ng sakit ng ulo.

So nakakatawa man ang joke ni sis jazz, kahit totoo sya na nangyayari na mas nagiging desperate tayo as we grow older, I still don't agree na dapat ganun nalang ang pagbaba ng standards.

Natural lang na humanap tayo ng nararapat for us othrwise sa hiwalayan din mauuwi yun, so no point in having that relationship, naghanap ka lang ng sakit sa ulo.

And one more thing, I believe kasi sa Pinas mas maliit ang sample size mo kaya minsan mahirap makahanap. Una una 70% is within the povertyline, so cross out na sila. Tapos out of the remaining 30, kokonti nalang ang available kasi maaga mag asawa ang mga Pinoy in general. Tapos dagdagan mo pa ng may itsura, etc. So kokonti talaga sample size mo. Sinusuggest ko lagi sa single friends ko na explore studying or working abroad, para mas maraming ma-meet na eligible bachelors na kaya itaguyod ang sarili (at walang pinapakain na extended family) at single parin at 35yo.

[brendzy]

Here are the standards of women belonging to these  age bracket :
     16-  20y/o  -  lalaki na mabait ,  mayaman  guwapo, matalino,
     21 - 25  - lalaki na mabait ,  mayaman,  guwapo
     26- 30  - lalaki na mabait , mayaman
     31 - 35 lalaki na mabait
      36 and up - lalaki
   

natawa din ako dito. IMO naman sis amethyst028, i certainly agree with the girls' advices here. If you know yourself na you are someone na highly qualified so you really need to be with equally qualified guy. Alangan naman you get someone na walang work or someone you just met sa kalye, just to have a BF. But then again, you will still consider because what you will be dealing is choosing the person you will choose to spend your life with. Maybe you can try also getting along with other people na may potential na mapunta or mareach yung standard mo (like few steps and they are there) - makulit lang 

[Crazylabel]

Wala din akong problem sa high standards, kanya kanyang trip nga kasi yan. In your case, I think sobrang little ng chance na magkaron ka ng bf na mahirap dahil di mo naman sinusubukang maligo sa dagat ng basura. I'm pretty sure sa mga social na malls, bars, cafe and etc. ka naglalagi so most likely may angat sa buhay ang ma mi-meet mo. Kaya agree din ako sa isa nating sis dito na you go out out of the country, mas malaki nga ang chance mo dun sis. 

[Helsinki]

Hahaha natawa ako sobra.
Siempre dapat mabait, swak kayo sa ugali, pasensyoso, no hang ups, hindi mahirap. hehe. Sino bang may gusto na maghirap?

[Crazylabel]

^sis I think kahit ayaw mo magka bf/gf ng mahirap no choice yung mga mahihirap eh. Parang sa pelikula lang nangyayari yung mahirap at mayaman na nagkatuluyan. Or ewan ko lang ha kasi ako parang wala pang akong kilala na ganun eh.

[m_lim]

Sis, bakit ka naman magpapa apekto sa sinasabi ng friend mo or ng ibang tao?

sige, kumuha ka ng hindi mo ka level, edi-- pwedeng palamunin mo pa, or hindi kayo match ng lifestyle, ng mga trip, etc etc.

magiging masaya ka kaya? shempre hindi.

kaya gawin mo ano gusto mo, kung saan ka magiging masaya. hindi yung magpapa pressure ka sa sinasabi ng iba.