On Long Term Relationships

[geraldita03]

6 years na kami. On and off din sa relationship. Kaya lang parang di ako nagmamature. Immature pa din ako sa aming dalawa. I still mad at petty things. Kahit pag change niya ng password s facebook ikinagagalit ko. I want his attention when I needed it. Kaya lang di niya maibibigay totally kasi busy siya sa med school eh. Is it ok po ba not to know his password in fb? I'm a controlling girlfriend kasi. I want to know everything he does.

[aktib]

@geraldita03, @geraldita03, Sis have trust on him, let him feel na kahit di ka nakatingin eh alam mong hindi sya mambababae. Unless na lang may issues sya na nag cheat before, then tell him na kailangan ka nia i-assure.

On the other hand, I'm also on our 7th year. Mahal na mahal namen ang isa't isa, wala pang proposal kasi may family problem pa si bf, pero nag iipon na kami for wedding, we also have our own property na(JOINT). Walang sawa, walang away masyado, walang 3rd Party, kilig araw2, damayan sa problema. He also changed his FB password na dati ay alam ko, I didn't get mad naman or asked for his password again, I know he wants his things private, and I understand.  But from time to time I check his phone, not because I doubt him but I want to know his issues, minsan kasi bigla na lang syang malulungkot, at hindi nya sinasabi sakin anong problema, He'll try to conceal with a smile. Ganito kami for the past 3 years. Then kagabi, thru call nag open sya, hindi naman daw sya masaya working abroad, ang dahilan nya lang na nag sstay dito is ako. Nasurprise ako na totally hindi pala sya masaya dito at hindi nya talaga ma work out yung maging masaya sya sa work. Also, hindi daw sya makapag open sakin madalas kasi ayaw nya daw ako mag-alala tsaka sinasabi ko daw sa mga bestfriend ko lahat about sa kanya, which is kaligayahan ko talaga sabihin lahat sa bestfriend ko. What do you think mga sis? I'm willing to adjust naman for him, mukang magkakaron ng maraming revelation ang 7th year namen. Any advice for those who experience 7 year itch?

[simang]

6 years na kami. On and off din sa relationship. Kaya lang parang di ako nagmamature. Immature pa din ako sa aming dalawa. I still mad at petty things. Kahit pag change niya ng password s facebook ikinagagalit ko. I want his attention when I needed it. Kaya lang di niya maibibigay totally kasi busy siya sa med school eh. Is it ok po ba not to know his password in fb? I'm a controlling girlfriend kasi. I want to know everything he does.

Alam mo palang controlling ka at immature, so sinong mag aadjust?

[yannuh]

@geraldita03: sis do you make any effort para magmature ka? and bakit ba need mo pa ang fb password ni hubby? meron ba kayong naging trust issues before? i used to know bf then's password sa lahat ng site. nung college ata. pero ngayon di ko na alam and i don't mind. i can use his phone whenever i want to, random browsing lang ganyan and wala naman issue sa amin. ganun din gawa nya sken pero di na namin need kunin password ng isa't isa. baka kasi wala na sa lugar sis yung mga pagdududa mo kaya syempre, sino ba namang bf ang hindi maiinis dun?

[rasee16]

7 years this December. Naiinip na rin sa marriage proposal. Turning 30 nako next year. :-(

[yannuh]

^sis more patience:) baka bumubwelo lang si bf:) ako din sis 5 years pa lang kami inip na inip na ako kasi walang proposal na nangyayari. Inaaway ko na sya non hahaha! Pero on our 7th year, dun na sya nagpropose. Ayaw lang daw nya talagang pinapangunahan sya.

[rasee16]

^Thanks sis. Worried lang ako kasi I'm not getting any younger. Sa mga lalake kasi walang problema if they married later in life. Yung uncle ko got married in his 40's na nga eh but his wife is around 10 years younger. Sa girls kasi parang may expiration date nakakaloka.. 

[hedonista]

Huh! Hello 2017.
Thank you for this thread because I come with great gratitude to all the sisses here who witnessed my ups and downs when it comes to relationship.
Me and hubby is turning 9 years few days from now. I joined GT 10 years ago.
I HAVE MATURED here. I followed the wisdom shared and experiences of other sisses. I appreciate reality checks and even the gift of an hour for a counselor (though I have not gone to the session) The gesture was nice.

So to answer, I am contented now. Settled with my first bf and now hubby, with one kid who is five. Life is good.

TRUST THE PROCESS

[nocturnalnerd]

Been inlove with my guy for straight 6 years and counting, met him at college, di pa kami kasal at no children pa, carefully planning our future and settling down with the right timing.

[px17]

@geraldita03 I really don't mind kung hindi ko alam password niya. Sarili ko ngang password nakakalimutan ko aalamin ko pa ba password niya? hahaha pero seriously, nakaka-sakal kahit kanino pag pinipilit kunin password mo.

Si partner hinahayaan ko lang . Kaya siya na mismo nagbigay ng password niya sakin pati nga sa phone niya binigyan niya ko ng space sa touchID niya. As in siya lang nagkusa. Hindi ko siya diniktahan na ilagay fingerprint ko sa phone niya. Kaya sa tingin ko if both of you are matured enough di na magiging issue mga ganyang bagay. Try to talk kung anong set-up okay sainyo. Wag maging one sided sa decisions.

[thanybawasanta]

4 years na kami ni BF and nag move-in kami sa condo. Anyone here did this?

[rasee16]

^Actually sis, iniiwasan kong makipag live-in kasi baka mas mawalan ng reason na magpakasal kami. Sa ngayon palang nga, 7 years na kami and para na kaming mag-asawa. Umuuwi pa rin sya sa kanila but everyday kami nagkikita. Tuwing sat, nagoovernight sya sa condo ko. But that's it. Halos wala na kaming hindi nagagawa na nagagawa ng mag-asawa eh. Yung magsama sa isang bubong at magkaron ng anak nalang. So as much as possible, living in is not an option for me.

[khaleesiCersei]

^^living in with my partner for 6 years now and we've been together for 8 years in total. Ok naman sis, made us stronger as a couple. Matagal na namin napapagusapan ang kasal, he wants us to wed na kahit civil lang daw muna ako tong ayaw pa kasi gusto ko church para isahan na lang kaya ipon muna. Actually nung una madami akong issues kaya ayaw ko magpakasal hehe, parang ako pa yung lalaki ayaw magpatali lol! pero habang tumatagal kami nawawala na mga issues ko kaya gusto ko na rin magpakasal kami. So ayun ipon ipon na for the wedding, simple lang naman gusto ko  basta church. hopefully late next year or sa 2019.

[rasee16]

^aww sis.. I'm not sure if ico-congratulate ba kita or I will feel sorry since ganyan ang treatment ng fiance mo sa'yo. Siguro spend time alone muna, reflect on it. Pag-isipan mo a thousand times kung gusto mo ba talaga itong papasukin mo. Then pagusapan nyo ng maigi and do whatever it takes to be honest about your feelings. If you are still having doubts, it's better to call the wedding off or postpone until maayos nyo yung problems nyo. I'm pretty sure malaki na ang pressure ng mga tao na nakapaligid sa inyo na magpakasal na kayo. But at the end of the day, ikaw ang makikisama sa kanya for the rest of your lives. So be very, very sure about it.

[Girltalker2]

Whenever we are having misunderstanding, hindi niya ako kakausapin for like 5 days, 1 week. He would even block me on iMessage. He will not go online. Then when he feels okay na siya, I have no choice but to be okay na rin. But deep inside, hindi ako okay. I will tell it to him, but eventually he will say nagiinarte lang ako. He doesn't like dramas. Medyo masama lang loob ko kasi he knows na I'll get hurt pero palagi niyang ginagawa yan. He would always shut me off. That's how he wants to deal with our misunderstanding.

Normal lang magkaron ng misunderstanding. And people react differently. Sa kaso nyo, your fiance gives you the cold shoulder. And ang mahirap, LDR pa kayo. I think it might be better for you to talk to him in person, nang andyan ka/sya lang for days para if may succeeding issues, mapag usapan nyo agad.

What worries me though is if he is not willing to talk about it after nyo magkaron ng misunderstanding, hoping it will never happen again. But he has to realize na need nyo pag usapan para both of you can help support each other para di na magkaron ng issue ulit.

Sad lang kasi feeling ko, kasi alam niyang ikakasal na kami, kaya na niyang gawin lahat. I feel emotionally abused tuwing gagawin niya yun. Feeling ko napaka controlling niya. Almost everything is set now for our wedding, pero ngayon ko kini-question sarili ko if I am really ready or kaya ko bang tanggapin yung ganitong treatment. We were okay naman before, siya yung nanunuyo siya yung naglalambing. Pero ngayon, very seldom niyang gawin

This is a no no. Di pa nga kayo kasal, iyan na nararamdaman mo? What if kasal na kayo at wala nang choice after? Worse, walang divorce sa Pinas and you will be stuck with someone na ganyan ka insensitive.

Impossible to have a happy marriage with someone who is controlling. I don't think he is ready for this marriage. Baka dapat ipostpone nyo muna ang kasal for another 2 years. End the LDR and be near each other muna bago kayo Ikasal.

[badw33d]

We've been together for over 11 years and recently got engaged. Wedding will be on our 12th year   Yay! Ang tagal ko itong hinintay.
LDR kami ngayon for 11 months na. He's in Pinas, and I'm here in Abu Dhabi.

PERO! Kung kelan naman ikakasal na kami, tsaka naman kami laging nag-aaway. Minor problems na nagiging malaki. Whenever we are having misunderstanding, hindi niya ako kakausapin for like 5 days, 1 week. He would even block me on iMessage. He will not go online. Then when he feels okay na siya, I have no choice but to be okay na rin. But deep inside, hindi ako okay. I will tell it to him, but eventually he will say nagiinarte lang ako. He doesn't like dramas. Medyo masama lang loob ko kasi he knows na I'll get hurt pero palagi niyang ginagawa yan. He would always shut me off. That's how he wants to deal with our misunderstanding. Sad lang kasi feeling ko, kasi alam niyang ikakasal na kami, kaya na niyang gawin lahat. I feel emotionally abused tuwing gagawin niya yun. Feeling ko napaka controlling niya. Almost everything is set now for our wedding, pero ngayon ko kini-question sarili ko if I am really ready or kaya ko bang tanggapin yung ganitong treatment. We were okay naman before, siya yung nanunuyo siya yung naglalambing. Pero ngayon, very seldom niyang gawin

Sorry sissies,  I just need to vent out.

that's considered as emotional abuse. but ano pinag aawayan ninyo?

also, there might be a deeper and hidden issue.

how's the financial status?

[books_mags]

to sis kccllj, yung changes in behavior is like warning signs na.  something might be up lalo na LDR kayo, mahirap makita kung ano ang totoo.  I had something similar before,  more than 5 years kami tapos ldr nung last 1-2 years. bigla na lang busy lagi after sumali sa isang religious group.  almost every week may event, charity, etc.  Imagine my surprise nung nahulaan ko password niya at nakita ko and i love yous nila nung kasama niya sa church group.    at mega deny pa siya at drama until nahuli ko na nag overnight si girl sa bahay nila.

wedding might not be the solution.   i had a friend who got married to her bf of 10 years only because everything was prepared, umaasa rin na aayos pa sila and nagkahiyaan mag back out.  after 1 month, lumayas na si lalaki at nakipag live in sa iba.  only to find out buntis siya the next month and the guy doesn't want the responsibility.

[books_mags]

^ unfortunately sis, third parties always come as a surprise. 
anyway, third party or not, the way he behaves is not acceptable.  kung ngayon pa lang pinapahirapan ka na kung nag aaway kayo, what more if mag asawa na kayo.  you'll feel tied down and magtitiis ka naman just to save the marriage.  so if you push through with it, imagine being the one running after him forever. 

[badw33d]

Sis badw33d, so far and thankfully hindi pa naman issue ang pera. We have a business sosyo kami dun. We both have stable career din he works as an auditor and i'm a medtech. Supportive naman ang parents financially sa aming wedding.

Hindi ko lang talaga siya madecipher. Kung bakit ganun yung treatment niya saken. Madalas namin pag-awayan ngayon, time. Although everyday kaming nag-uusap i feel kulang pa rin yung nabibigay niyang time sa akin. And itong huling away namin about sa wedding planning may konting disagreement lang kami and then he suddenly shut me off again. Nagiinarte na naman daw ako. Ni hindi man lang niya pinakinggan yung side ko.

wala madali sa LDR plus the long term type pa.

since money is not an issue, next is may pinagseselosan ba siya? 

if wala naman, then maybe there's something happening on his side na ayaw niya sabihin. if wala naman, that can be an attitude issue.

Difficult to calculate as we can't see the real actions.

[Girltalker2]

^ why don't u take some time off at umuwi ka muna ng pinas?

You have to prioritise this. Kung ituloy or postpone ang kasal. This is your life you're talking about. Hindi puede bahala na, or all other reasons. Since You're both financially stable naman, Baka you can just take a month leave to sort this out.