Is your husband passive aggressive?

[maiandra]

Does your husband have these behaviors:

Fear of intimacy
A reluctance or failure to keep promises. Intentionally Forgetful. The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by "forgetting."
Ambiguity. They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean.
Blaming: The passive-aggressive man refuses to take responsibility for his behavior, protesting loudly “You’re the crazy one."
Fear of Dependency. They want to be the one in control.
Victimization. They feel they are always the victim.
Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are for everyone but them.


How do we deal with this kind of husband?

[quinone]

no my hubby is not this way pero i have read the book
The Calm and the Storm: Notes from a Passive Aggressive Relationship

kaya lang what the author is saying, some people raw are inherently broken daw,
sabi "free yourself from a relationship that will always remain broken" so you can heal.

edit: a quote from the book - "We waste a lot of time and energy trying to understand and fix people who are inherently broken instead of walking away and surrounding ourselves with people who are truly emotionally capable."

i used to have a guy friend, after a few years of being friends ... sa akin siya nagsasabi ng mga problems niya at nanghihingi ng advice. may napapansin akong iba sa friend ko na ito, at kinwento ko rin sa hubby ko yung mga napapansin ko sa guy friend ko na yun at he agrees na parang something is wrong. i realized na parang passive-aggressive siya sa akin.
i have long stopped communicating with him.

i'm sorry wala akong magandang nasabi, but i hope ma.solution-an mo yung problem ninyo.

[khriseeee]

^so agree! I had a friend like that too. He would come to me with all his problems and complaints and I would listen and give advice. But after awhile I noticed na his patterns remained the same, he never changed. Well I've cut him out from my life completely.

[gab54]

Does your husband have these behaviors:

Fear of intimacy
A reluctance or failure to keep promises. Intentionally Forgetful. The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by "forgetting."
Ambiguity. They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean.
Blaming: The passive-aggressive man refuses to take responsibility for his behavior, protesting loudly “You’re the crazy one."
Fear of Dependency. They want to be the one in control.
Victimization. They feel they are always the victim.
Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are for everyone but them.


How do we deal with this kind of husband?

Parang 2 out of 7 ang score ni hubby jan. He's forgetful and likes to procrastinate. I guess he's just passive... 

[princessrio]

parang walang ganito ang asawa ko.

[aquacharly]

Hon! Makinig  ka:  are you passive aggressive? (I read the checklist; he keeps quiet & concentrates more on the economic reports he's reading on-line.)
I answer: Ah, NO, kasi   "aggressive-aggressive" ka.  LOL
"BUT you have Selective Amnesia once in a blue moon."    (Deadma)

I previously thought a "passive-aggressive" person was one who just did not have the guts to speak up, yung may fear of confrontation. Or, yung magaling mang alaska, pero madali din mapikon -- hehe.  It is more complicated pala.  Very.  If my husband was like this, 3 scenario:  maloloka ako;  masagasaan ko sya 1 day sa  sobrang bwiset ko; or I will have him locked up in the Psychiatric Ward of a hospital for 20 years.  NO, , don't listen to what I just said -- it is due to my incompetence in dealing with such a personality.

The best advice I can offer:  Consult a competent psychiatrist like Dr Jercyl Demeterio.  You will get from her a frank description of what it is all about, and solid/feasible advice about what you can do and should not expect.   The best approach to helping your husband is to gain as much knowledge about his condition & to embark on a continuing (yes - lifelong) program of dealing with his passive-aggressive personality under the guidance of a competent psychiatrist. 

Sometimes, yes -- people are broken. But as long as he harms no one, as in physical harm. --  we must try to make him less broken, try to glue back his broken pieces together. It's what Love is about, it's what having God in your life is about.  Do not surrender before the battle has ended. 

Good luck. Pray. Nothing is impossible with prayers. 

[quinone]

as mentioned above, yung isa kong guy friend napansin ko passive-aggressive sa akin. yung mga iba hindi ko na matandaan pero ito mga examples ko:

minsan nagkukulitan kami bigla niya sasabihin "baboy ka" or "antaba mo"
(as per my relatives, friends, & hubby average lang ang size ko)
hindi ko pinapatulan yung mga ganyan niya kasi minsan sasabihin naman niya "ang ganda mo" "ang sexy mo" minsan sasabihin niya sa akin "naiinis ako sayo" basta raw naiinis siya sa akin.

galit siya sa lahat ng tao, yung parang walang kakampi ganun, api. kesyo ang parents daw niya hindi enough ang money na binibigay ka kanya, e pwede na siya magwork sa tanda niya! kesyo bakit daw wala siya masyadong photo gigs e maganda naman mga shots niya. kesyo yung teacher niya inggit sa kanya kaya binagsak siya sa subject. it's everyones fault ganun.

lampas na siya sa age ng college pero nag-aaral pa rin, pinipilit ng nanay. nage-enroll pero hindi matapos-tapos ang schooling. may 7 subjects, 4 ang bagsak. nasabi ko nga sa kanya one time alam ko sinasadya niya yun na i-extend studies niya kasi ayaw niya ng responsibility of taking care of himself at working kapag tapos na siya.

one time naka-usap ko yung isa niyang friend, sabi nung friend niya naalala niya one time nagagalit daw itong si guy friend ko sa akin kasi bakit daw antagal ng padala kong pera. (lol he asked for a gift, christmas ata iyun, at he will cook spaghetti raw. fave niya yun). sabi ng friend ni guy, naalala raw niya nung dumating yung padala dumerecho sa beach si guy. tapos i recall na nagpunta nga siya sa beach the day after i sent my gift. pero my guy friend kinuwento sa akin na nagluto raw siya ng 2 kinds of spag, pinataikim pa raw niya sa mom niya; i don't know if it's true.

dumating yung time na he needs money kasi he got his fubu pregnant. so i gave him work. yung fubu niya & him naghati sa work, pero nung naka 1/4 na sila kesyo nabura daw. ilang buwan lumipas inuwi pa niya sa province yung work at nakabalik na siya rito sa manila pero naiwan daw niya sa province ang work. one time pinadala niya from their home town yung passport niya at tinanung ko kung bakit di pa niya sinabay yung trabaho, nakalimutan raw niya. sinabi ko sa kanya na the book that is with him cost 2K so he needs to give it back pero nakalimutan na niya ng tuluyan. btw, nakunan yung fubu niya.

one time tumawag gf niya sa akin nagsusumbong, kesyo controlling daw si guy. yung accessories ni GF pati shoes gusto ni guy siya pipili. lumalabas gusto ni guy kokontrolin niya GF niya pero never the other way around. 3-5 months lang naglalast GFs niya.

ito lang ang kaibigan na talagang naka-away ko. sina-silent treatment niya ako kapag ganyan ay talaga nga namang super mega nakaka-asar kapag ganun kasi i am confrontational at frank.

one time i was looking at his FB albums, sabi ko parang i don't like his gay friend, mukhang hindi disente, hindi rin naman sila close nun. aba, the next day yung album na yun makikita mo na sa timeline niya at yung gay friend pa niya ang cover. sabi ko nanandya siya he is acting passive-aggressive, sabi niya hindi daw wala daw siya ginawa. sabi ko alam ko yang ginagawa mo kahit anung pagde-deny gawin niya.

andami pang examples pero hindi ko na matandaan. basta for me he is passive-aggressive. sometimes i feel na something does not fit sa mga kwento niya, parang he is lying ganun but hinahayaan ko lang pero i don't completely believe him kapag may duda ako. hindi naman siya completely bad person most of the time pero habang tumatagal napapansin ko pa-negative siya ng pa-negative.

now i don't talk to him. hindi naman kami magka-away. ayoko lang yung ganung klaseng friendship. minsan he messages me sa wall na he misses the friendship nila-like ko lang.

sana hindi off-topic.

edit: i recall may times na kapag may issues at kailangan niya ito sabihin sa parents niya, ang reply niya sa akin is hindi daw siya papansinin or pagbibigyan kaya he will just keep to himself.