does hating your ex means you haven't moved on?

[plumpolka]

Does hating you ex means you haven't moved on yet? Cause I hate him so much but not because we broke up. Believe me, I would never ever ever want to be with him again. I also dont think of him anymore. My anger just strikes me whenever I see his posts (we have common friends & we're not friends in FB) about anything or when he writes a post on my FB friends. Is this feeling normal? Does hating your ex means you're still bitter and holding on?

[showermist]

It could be. You have an emotional grudge towards him still. Unless that hate feeling is valid.

If you have moved on, then you won't get affected anymore of what he do. Methinks.

[freelancer_babe]

Based from personal experience, I believe it is - that you haven't moved on yet.

Because if you really, really, really have moved on, then you really do not care anymore and you wouldn't feel the hurt.

[muahmuahmuah]

yeap i agree with the two posts maybe you've moved on from not liking him and you've probably succeeded in disassociating yourself from him  but maybe it's time to move on from the anger and be at peace with whatever pain he caused you and with whatever hate you have for him. forgiveness kumbaga solicited or not.

[ohcmon]

I don't think "moving on" is synonymous to "forgiveness".

[muahmuahmuah]

^sorry i wasn't giving synonyms nor was i akin 'moving on' to forgiveness. to clarify i was referencing the 'solicited or unsolicited' part to her ex, whether or not  he asked for forgiveness, (whether she was wanting/needing it or not).  i was giving the suggestion to be at peace with the act, atleast start somewhere however way you can find peace with what she hates or maybe resents about the ex...forgiving is a healthy option so as doing yoga, counting your blessings and or skip reading fb if  it burns a bit at the moment but overall do something to revert the emotions. overall it somehow is better to be at peace with whatever it is that causes one to hate.

Which brings me to share an article about the Amish school shootout that happened a couple years back, I don't want to misconstrue the word 'forgiving' to any synonym, 'hate' is too strong of a feeling to dismiss and not address. i get reminded of this article when hate looms around or when I need to overcome stuff on my own. i'm not suggesting hate equates to shootouts ha, maybe someone will pick up something from this read : http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-10-01-amish_N.htm 
 

[ohcmon]

^ No need to say sorry, my reply was for TS.

We all have our own perceptions and I perfectly understand that.

[plumpolka]

thanks for the reply guys! he asked for forgiveness naman. he messaged me on fb nung bday ko. he wish me well and he hopes that someday we'll be okay. I just dont think I have a forgiving heart. I just hate him for not showing remorse on what happened to us (3-yr relationship). Saying this, medyo bitter nga siguro ako. HAHAHAHA. I know (think) I've moved on but I hate him as a person.

May God bless me with forgiving heart...

[books_mags]

i can somewhat relate to the question...

i have moved on but sometimes, nabwibwisit pa rin ako when i see updates.
It's not like i want to see the updates, I already removed him from my friends list several times but ginugulo lang ako lagi kung bakit ko siya tinatanggal. 
So to avoid having to talk to him and hear his drama, sige isama sa friends list, pero deadma. 

Yes nabwibwisit ako minsan sa updates but I am 200% sure i dont want to see or be with him again.  I think i am more irritated kasi I find his status and posts very hypocritical.  Kasi naman kung maka post, akala mo ang bait at santo, hindi lang alam ng lahat ng kaibigan niya na yung pinakasalan niya is yung kabit niya for 1 year while we were still together. 

[shieldmaidenofRohan]

I don't think so. Maybe it just means you're a different person now and hindi ka na makarelate sa trip nya sa buhay.

[aquacharly]

For me, "having accomplished moving on" means you no longer care whatever that ex comes up with. 
As in, you feel relieved he is an  "ex" &/or disinterested ka na talaga with whatever he comes up with.
As in, effortless na -- no bitterness/no anger/no nothing at all. 

[sugardrop]

Hating your ex means you still care enough to have any kind of emotion towards him. In this case, hatred.

[ReservoirDogs]

On the contrary, there's a research study that was published (by Christopher Fagundes) which shows that people who have "negative implicit evaluations of an ex-partner immediately after a break-up show superior post-break-up emotional adjustment".  This study implies that people who hate their ex after the break were able to adjust more quickly than those who don't.

This actually applies to me.  When my ex cheated on me, it was easier for me to move on because all I saw were his flaws.  If the break-up was amicable, I would have been left with what-ifs, regrets, etc. and would have been harder to move on.

[latte]

Based on my personal experience, I was able to say I have moved on when I don't feel any emotion at all towards my ex on whatever he say or do. It's a feeling of indifferenc. Aquacharly is right I just felt relieved every time na sumasagi sya sa isip ko I would feel like "ay salamat tapos na ko sa kanya"

[nikki09]

Well it depends talaga, but in your case I think hindi ka pa nga nakakapag move on. Either yung closure nyo before is hindi pa rin clear sayo or baka magulo yung closure nyo.

In my case, isang ex lang naman yung kinaiinisan ko kasi ba naman kahit na break na kami tatawag pa rin siya dito sa bahay para lang sabihin na mahal pa rin nya ako, na kami pa rin daw kasi ako lang naman daw yung nakipag break at hindi naman siya. So super imbyerna talaga ako. Tapos last year hinanap niya ako sa fb tapos kinuha lang niya profile pic ko (mukha ko) sabay messagen sa akin ng i miss you  naku kulang na lang mapatay ko siya sa galit. May 6 years mahigit na kaming break pero sumusulpot sulpot pa rin siya and super annoying. Pwede namang friends hindi yung ewan mo ba sa kanya kung anong sayad sa utak 

[klengmorales]

Hmmmm.. Hindi naman siguro sis..

Based on my current situation...I broke up with him last Christmas, until now, I hate him because of what he did. He cheated on me twice, the latest is until now hindi pa nya inaamin...
He even informed his family na nasasakal daw sya... to think na yun ang same reason last year, the first time he cheated. Wherein fact ang totoo eh may nilalandi.. uhm.. mga nilalandi sa office. May pa "hindi ako magkakagf hangga't may nararamdaman pako sau. ek ek pa sya" BS lang! walang balls! hahahaha

Ayokong makita sya, tahimik naman sya sa FB, hindi ako nakikibalita pero yung balita talaga ang lumalapit sa akin. hehe. Officemate nya kasi yung girl. Medyo naging ka close ko naman din ang mga office mate nya, But hindi ko nameet ang girl.
Example ng kinagagalit ko, recently lang.. ginagamit pako para makapag invite.

So when he resigned (advised by his guy boss/bestfriend, kesa materminate sya). syempre may despedida. nalaman ko nalang na pinagkakalat nung isang girl officemate (not the girl he's pursuing) nya na kasama daw ako? Someone texted me to confirm if it's true, so I told them no.
Nakakainis na gagamitin ka pa para lang mayaya mo mga officemates mo para sumama.. in the end around 5-6 lang ang pumunta (usually isang baranggay pag may event at overnight) puro bago pa at hindi overnight!
then I learned the may Despedida part 2 na naman para daw sa  hindi nakapunta, nabalitaan ko nalang na 3 lang ang pumunta. hehe. nakakaawa na nakakainis lang...

Now, I'm happy with my current relationship, he helped me to move on... I don't think hate ko si Ex, I hate lang yung mga ginawa nya sa akin (well pareho na din siguro yun hahahaha) ... plus the fact na wala syang balls hahahaha. 28 na wala pang direction ang life.. kamustasa naman

[TowBerryBlue]

I guess this implies to me as well. Sa sobrang galit ko sa ex ko, nag snap na lang ako bigla. I mean, I remembered crying deliriously and shouting at him over the phone then my sister and cousin took my phone and told me..."ate, tama na! kaya natin to..."

Ayun, I fell asleep after that. The next day, ay...keber na ako sa kanya! I don't care anymore pero galit pa rin ako. Siguro hindi na para sa akin yung galit eh, it's for my son. Galit ako sa kanya kasi irresponsable syang ama sa anak namin.

I'm really better off without him. If he feels the same way, edi okay din. Kung okay na ipagpalit ako sa isang may asawa at 2 anak na babae, edi okay sa kanya yun!

[mayzelle]

Siguro.. kasi kung galit meaning my feeling parin.. kung WA-Care ka dun lang talaga masasabi na moved on ka na...  8 months na kaming hiwalay may galit parin ako... watatatah!!!  ****### Niya!!

[i_v_y]

naalala ko sabi ni papa jack - we can really REALLY moved on kapag may dumating na na bago.

anyway, i agree with the majority. i can only say that i have moved on talaga if i dont feel anything anymore towards the person no matter what he does. I just got separated last August and I would say that I have not 100% moved on pero i feel the indifference already. sabi nga ni kris aquino, i am not bitter but i dont desire for closeness. pag nakikita ko ex hubby ko at yung kabit nia, yung mga pix nila, hindi na ako naghuhumintada. wala lang deadma na.


so my answer to your question, yes it means you havent moved on yet.

[break_free]

For me sis, NO. It doesn't mean na kapag hate mo si EX ay hindi ka pa nakaka move on.


S experience ko, yes I hate him and I know I have moved on kasi I really really don't care about him anymore, what he's doing, kung may gf ba siya, kung nag hihirap ba siya now, as in I don't care at all. Ayaw ko lang siya sa buhay ko - that's it, and that doesn't mean na hindi pa ako nakaka move on.


I agree with aquacharly, ReservoirDogs and ohcmon.


And yes, it doesn't mean na porket hindi mo pa napapatawad yung tao eh ibig sabihin hindi ka pa nakaka move on. What if may physical and verbal abuse or something like that? Infidelity. Damay pa financial and everything? Like what happened to me, so hindi ganon kadali mag forgive pero rest assured ayaw ko na siya sa life ko and there's no katiting na love anymore.


"People who have been wronged badly and wounded deeply should give themselves time and space before they forgive...There is a right moment to forgive. We cannot predict it in advance; we can only get ourselves ready for it when it arrives..." - Lewis B. Smedes - The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive And Don't Know How