Mothering or Smothering? Strict ka ba o easygoing mom?

[faghag]

Just couldn't help but notice: some kids raised here can be so sheltered na it's not good for them anymore. Like hindi pinapa-play outdoors or sa kalye. Puro na lang iPad or computer.


I noticed sa US, my nephews and nieces there, very independent, smart and mas madiskarte. Just want to get feedback from moms so I know how to deal with kids in the future. Mas ok ba ang maging strict sa pananamit, sa exposure, letting them be messy. Or just let kids be kids?

[k_heart]

^tamang timpla lang sis! although ako,fun mom! yes,mas easy going than strict. yung strictness, si hubby ko yun.he!he!

[nageinna]

not yet a mom, hopefully soon hehe. ako naman lagi ko rin to naiisip, one thing talaga na ayaw ko is ma addict sa computer/video games magiging kids ko. nakikita ko kasi mga pamangkin ni hubby addict sa computers, ang hirap mapag sabihan pag nakatutok na sa mga games nila. i used to play outdoors when i was a kid, yun din sana mas prefer ko for my kids, but the environment we're currently at is not conducive for outdoor playing. would still find ways para ma enjoy ng kids ko yung outside world. hindi lang puro computer.

[faghag]

^tamang timpla lang sis! although ako,fun mom! yes,mas easy going than strict. yung strictness, si hubby ko yun.he!he!

Haha ok din yun para balanse. Nagwowork ba yun? Yung may "bad cop" and 'good cop"?

[faghag]

not yet a mom, hopefully soon hehe. ako naman lagi ko rin to naiisip, one thing talaga na ayaw ko is ma addict sa computer/video games magiging kids ko. nakikita ko kasi mga pamangkin ni hubby addict sa computers, ang hirap mapag sabihan pag nakatutok na sa mga games nila. i used to play outdoors when i was a kid, yun din sana mas prefer ko for my kids, but the environment we're currently at is not conducive for outdoor playing. would still find ways para ma enjoy ng kids ko yung outside world. hindi lang puro computer.

Super agree ako dyan! Ang hirap talaga kung they prefer computers and iPad over camping, swimming or biking. Noon bata ako, we had so much fun just playing patintero, Chinese garter, and syato. Naalala nyo yung syato? Hehe

[k_heart]

^ha!ha!ha! yes sis, good cop/bd cop ang drama naming mag-asawa. Yes,in fairness, nagwo-work naman. Basta pag nagalit na husband ko,tatahimi, na ako at saka ko kakausapin after ang mga kids ko at bakit pinagalitan sila ng dad nila. Pero both of us, hindi talaga gumagamit ng corporal punishment, walang nanakit sa amin or hindi nadadapuan ng palo ang mga kids. Pero despite that,mababait naman sila at honor students.
They re allowed to watch tv and play with their ipad (lumang ipad ko at share share sila) pag walang pasok lang. Ang TV allowed also pag walang pasok.
we have 2 vacations a year, 1 is yung out of town, usually pag summer yan, going to the beach or Other summer destinations within the Philippines. The 2nd vacation will be always out of the country which is really educational at nilo-look forward na nila,lalo na at growing up na sila.

[m_lim]

new mom here! ako ang gusto ko sanang pagpapalaki sa baby ko eh yung mamulat siya sa reality.  as much as i want to spoil her, ayoko.

 ayoko kasing lumaki na puro alam lang shoes, bags, kakikayan. kailangan alam niya na life is hard. na sarili mo lang ang aasahan mo sa mundo kaya kailangan magsikap.

gusto ki rin yung marunong siya makisama at makibagay sa may pera at sa mga wala sa buhay. ayoko naman ng maiilang siya kung upper class ang mga kasama niya. ayoko rin ng matapobre at mag iinarte siya kung mga lower class ang mga kasama.

yan eh based  sa ibang mga kakilala ko ngayon sa buhay ko. may iba kasi super sheltered ng mga magulang kaya konting problema eh hindi ma handle. meron naman ang tanda na puro shopping lang alam , panay post sa facebook ng outfit, wala naman trabaho. naiisip ko tuloy kawawa naman kasi what if one day mawala ang parents na provider, pano na sila mag survive?

[aquacharly]

My guidepost:   "Everything in moderation".   I mother & smother, both. 

I am a stage mom, coz they are still very young & need to be guided by me, and not by the inferior background of the yaya (though college grad my current yaya).  I bring the kids everywhere, everyday with me -- even to most business meetings. 
I don't smack, yet -- I try to reason out every issue; but I will not spare the rod if required. 

[khriseeee]

This is my concern too, I do not want my daughter growing up submerged in technology. I want her to have memories of running around in a park, swinging on swings, spontaneous play with other children in the park.

The problem is, where? There aren't too many nice parks that you would deem "safe". Luckily I have an aunt who lives in a nice village and we just took my 10 month old daughter over the weekend. It was a nice breezy afternoon. She enjoyed the playgym, baby slide, tire swing and looking at the other kids. Hopefully we can bring her often.

I do not allow my baby to watch TV, the only videos she gets to watch are Disney song clips on the ipad. Other than that she doesn't not have electronic toys.

With regards to learning how to be independent, it's all in upbringing in your daily routine. We had maids when we were younger but my mom never allowed us to ask them to do anything for us. If we wanted something (glass of water, etc) we had to get it ourselves. My mom would make us clean up after ourselves, dress ourselves and learn all household chores. I don't like doing them but at least I know how. This is compared to other friends I have who would even have an intercom to ask their yayas to bring them water, then cake, and get mad when the yaya takes too long!

Even with my 10 month old daughter now, we are teaching her to put away her toys after playtime (she finally caught on, yay!) If she loses interest in the toy, we pack it up right away. I'm lucky my yaya hates kalat and likes things neat and cleaned away. As she gets older, she will have more responsibilities, preparing her clothes the night before, folding and putting away her underwear and toys, etc. I want my daughter to be independent from a yaya by the age of 5. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I see kids aged 10/11 at restaurants with yayas!! As in the yaya would still serve them food, wipe their mouths, etc. Ew. No.

[twelvth_goddess]

I'm a little bit of both but more inclined to be strict. Sometimes I think I have too high of an expectations from my 2-year old just because she seems really smart.

I agree with kids nowadays that they are too deep in technology. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, it has its pros and cons but I still prefer my daughter to grow up with more interaction and physical activities rather than watching TV or playing with gadgets. We do old-school activities with her like physical play, going to the zoo, reading books, dancing and singing. She rarely watches TV mostly because she loses attention on her own.

My husband and I try not to spoil her too. Sometimes though, I shop a little bit too much when it comes to clothes and shoes pero sa toys, bihira kame bumili and we dont buy more than one. My daughter likes going to the toystore to look around but when we call her na to leave the store, she leaves happily din. Ayoko din ng masyadong bine-baby like yung konting bagay iyak. It really has something to do with how the parents interact with the kids. we want her to know that she is deeply loved but not overly protected to the point na she wouldnt learn how to be strong for herself anymore.

[bluegintonic]

I'm an easy going mom. I've learned that kids do better when you don't put pressure on them to accomplish milestones/activities. Having had two kids who differ from each other (as in night/day difference when it comes to personalities), it's not ME as a mom who should handle HOW to raise them "perfectly". They give clues as to how to be a mom for each of them. So yung diskarte ko with Ate, forget it na yun for my bunso kasi hindi applicable. I let my kids be kids, lalo na si bunso (Ate kasi is somewhat teenager na so medyo iba na activities niya)-I let her play in the sand, I let her pick up things off the park grounds (like twigs, fallen leaves, etc...).I've let them run through water sprinklers, let them play in the rain and jump in muddy puddles (with rubber boots of course). We enjoy going to petting zoos, libraries, parks, playgrounds. I allow them TV  kasi active naman sila with other things, so why not? Both girls enjoy books, imaginative play and music. HIndi man genius level sa katalinuhan but at least okay ang personalities.yun naman pinakaimportante dun, for them to develop personalities

[faghag]

I'm an easy going mom. I've learned that kids do better when you don't put pressure on them to accomplish milestones/activities. Having had two kids who differ from each other (as in night/day difference when it comes to personalities), it's not ME as a mom who should handle HOW to raise them "perfectly". They give clues as to how to be a mom for each of them. So yung diskarte ko with Ate, forget it na yun for my bunso kasi hindi applicable. I let my kids be kids, lalo na si bunso (Ate kasi is somewhat teenager na so medyo iba na activities niya)-I let her play in the sand, I let her pick up things off the park grounds (like twigs, fallen leaves, etc...).I've let them run through water sprinklers, let them play in the rain and jump in muddy puddles (with rubber boots of course). We enjoy going to petting zoos, libraries, parks, playgrounds. I allow them TV  kasi active naman sila with other things, so why not? Both girls enjoy books, imaginative play and music. HIndi man genius level sa katalinuhan but at least okay ang personalities.yun naman pinakaimportante dun, for them to develop personalities

That's refreshing to hear! Madami parents kasi, lalo na pag girls ang anak, hindi na pinapalaro outdoors!

I think Filipinos sometimes place too much premium on book learning. Nakakalimutan nila yung learning how to be "street wise"/madiskarte. What do other moms think?

[faghag]

^ha!ha!ha! yes sis, good cop/bd cop ang drama naming mag-asawa. Yes,in fairness, nagwo-work naman. Basta pag nagalit na husband ko,tatahimi, na ako at saka ko kakausapin after ang mga kids ko at bakit pinagalitan sila ng dad nila. Pero both of us, hindi talaga gumagamit ng corporal punishment, walang nanakit sa amin or hindi nadadapuan ng palo ang mga kids. Pero despite that,mababait naman sila at honor students.
They re allowed to watch tv and play with their ipad (lumang ipad ko at share share sila) pag walang pasok lang. Ang TV allowed also pag walang pasok.
we have 2 vacations a year, 1 is yung out of town, usually pag summer yan, going to the beach or Other summer destinations within the Philippines. The 2nd vacation will be always out of the country which is really educational at nilo-look forward na nila,lalo na at growing up na sila.

Saya naman. I always say: Travel is one of the best learning experiences a child and adult will ever experience. It expands your world view and makes you understand people's uniqueness, differences and you learn tolerance.

Do you allow your kids to play outdoors and madumihan though?

[faghag]

You said it! It's a harsh world out there and kids should know how to handle any difficulty with a positive attitude, perseverance and diskarte.

new mom here! ako ang gusto ko sanang pagpapalaki sa baby ko eh yung mamulat siya sa reality.  as much as i want to spoil her, ayoko.

 ayoko kasing lumaki na puro alam lang shoes, bags, kakikayan. kailangan alam niya na life is hard. na sarili mo lang ang aasahan mo sa mundo kaya kailangan magsikap.

gusto ki rin yung marunong siya makisama at makibagay sa may pera at sa mga wala sa buhay. ayoko naman ng maiilang siya kung upper class ang mga kasama niya. ayoko rin ng matapobre at mag iinarte siya kung mga lower class ang mga kasama.

yan eh based  sa ibang mga kakilala ko ngayon sa buhay ko. may iba kasi super sheltered ng mga magulang kaya konting problema eh hindi ma handle. meron naman ang tanda na puro shopping lang alam , panay post sa facebook ng outfit, wala naman trabaho. naiisip ko tuloy kawawa naman kasi what if one day mawala ang parents na provider, pano na sila mag survive?

[aceofhearts]

For my son, I try to balance myself. Though, I admit I am more strict.  But like other moms, I want my son to be independent and responsible. In fact, at his age, nakaka over night na siya sa ibang house with his cousins or tito/tita. I let him do that for him to learn independence and to sleep without mommy too. 

Every weekend, I want to us to have special family activity which serves as our bonding time. And since, daming incidents sa mall nowadays, I try to stay away from it. Marami naman din magagawa sa house lang like cooking (pizza making, cooking hotdogs together, frying eggs, etc), laundry, household chores, car wash, and the like.

In summing up, I guess, us moms need to balance ourselves. The key in disciplining our child is whether  strict or not as long as we show them our genuine love and the purpose or meaning of such actions/decisions.

[faghag]

May I ask, How old is your son na?

[chicafabulosa]

I have a 3 year old son. Right now mahigpit kame ni hubby and we tend to be until 12. Kasi eto yung critical period of developing your child.but we dont hit, swear or anything na harsh. We just discipline him by giving him time outs. And now he knows when we say no, its a no.. He would just say "awww" with muching pout and medyo close na eyes. But he does not throw any tantrums. Then pag twelve will 18, medyo maluwag na kame kasiforus siguro naman sa 12 years na mahigpit kame na instill na namin yung basic discipline and he knows na what to do kahit kaunti. He knows what is right and wrong, what is acceptable and not. When he turns college, kaunting loose ulit. Curfew will be until 2 am na (friday and sat night lang). But sunday till thursday night sa house lang, aral. After college, aba eh bahala na sya. Tapos na sya ng college eh. He needs to support himself na.

My hubby and i were raised like this. Swerte rin namin our son is advanced for his age and he understands when we explained to him why its a no. Mabait naman kasi son namin, makulit lang. He wants kasi sya ang center of attention but its nice naman kasi lagi sya pasikat sa amin by showing us lots of stars pag uwi nya from playschool. So as a reward, may toy sya kasi he earned it. Or sometimes, we asked him what he wants, if he says car,we buy him one.

[aceofhearts]

^^ sis, turning 5 years old. 

[faghag]

I have a 3 year old son. Right now mahigpit kame ni hubby and we tend to be until 12. Kasi eto yung critical period of developing your child.but we dont hit, swear or anything na harsh. We just discipline him by giving him time outs. And now he knows when we say no, its a no.. He would just say "awww" with muching pout and medyo close na eyes. But he does not throw any tantrums. Then pag twelve will 18, medyo maluwag na kame kasiforus siguro naman sa 12 years na mahigpit kame na instill na namin yung basic discipline and he knows na what to do kahit kaunti. He knows what is right and wrong, what is acceptable and not. When he turns college, kaunting loose ulit. Curfew will be until 2 am na (friday and sat night lang). But sunday till thursday night sa house lang, aral. After college, aba eh bahala na sya. Tapos na sya ng college eh. He needs to support himself na.

My hubby and i were raised like this. Swerte rin namin our son is advanced for his age and he understands when we explained to him why its a no. Mabait naman kasi son namin, makulit lang. He wants kasi sya ang center of attention but its nice naman kasi lagi sya pasikat sa amin by showing us lots of stars pag uwi nya from playschool. So as a reward, may toy sya kasi he earned it. Or sometimes, we asked him what he wants, if he says car,we buy him one.

That's a great way to raise a child. Ano yung binabawal nyo sa kanya to do at this age though? Just curious and want to learn.

[faghag]

^^ sis, turning 5 years old. 

Wow how modern of you! Overnight na sa ibang house at 5?