Married young and still going strong?

[maiandra]

My husband and I married at age 20 and by God's grace we are still together after 9 years. We have went through every marriage problem I can think of, we have been through immaturity together, various jobs, and even infidelity.

The journey is difficult and trying, but we are committed to work on it whatever it takes.

I created this thread to support those young moms who married at a very young age and struggling, and for those who have advice to give to keep the marriage for life.

Anyone with stories and advice to share? Feel free to share

[aquacharly]

Young, very, not preggers.
Our families are very close; starting with the deep friendship between our grandparents.
Hahahahahaha, I answer questions of that category:  "Where/how did you meet?" with:  Oh, it was love at 1st Sight for him when he was with his mom visiting my mom, & he saw me for the first time in the hospital's Nursery.   (Oi, kilabutan ka ha! he kids back. But, well...)

Coz he was financially independently established already,  and comes from a financially set family na walang ka weirdohan; & early marriages on my mom's side are no big deal --  we overcame objections. Go.

What can I say?  God has been generous to us.
Kids are great.  Businesses, never small --  steadily growing still.   
We  have time and energy to enjoy the trappings of The Good Life.

But, there is no such thing as a Perfect Life -- but of course.
Somewhere along the way, the Trite Story  of Infidelity.
Oh, those were bad years that wreak havoc like Self-Doubt,  Aimless Re-invention & Dis-connection.
Did I end up The Loser? LOL, ano kala ni hubby & Kabitch (ex Kabitch) --  Merry Christmas forever?

Well,  we are happier these years each day than we ever were before.
The key is hubby's True Remorse & Reform; the foundation is our clearer individual definition of self & priorities.

So, my advice:
      Don't marry young. By 30, you would have had more time to run & weave your Own Dream. 

My advice, if young & married:   
      Don't have kids right away.  Get your Higher Education done 1st (Loca, hindi High school --  MBA/MA/med school/law school -- ganon na high)
      For financial self-dev,career, etc etc BETTER reasons yang postponement.

My advice, if young, married with a kid:
      Family planning!

My advice, to ALL young married:
      Far more important than pandering to your objective of always looking Forever 21 max --  is working each day towards your financial independence.
      There will be no better insurance you can ever give yourself than the reality/ability of making your OWN MONEY.
      But if you wanna risk becoming The Loser 1 day:  sige, maniwala ka sa fairy tale that puede mo i-asa on 1 person your future happiness & stability.  It is not only Infidelity that can break your marriage or make you wanna throw yourself off Guada Bridge. 
      Of course, there's that too, loz:  Better to be suffering in the midst of the trappings of your wealth, than in the midst of your labada of other people's clothes. Ngek.

ALWAYS HAVE YOUR OWN MONEY, ALWAYS MAKE MORE OF IT TO MAKE MORE & TO SAFEKEEP.  Regardless, of how much money your hubby makes/shares with you.
Regardless of his Good Boy History to-date. Regardless of his promises of undying love, fidelity, etc etc.  (Never underestimate the power of The Itch That Needs Scratching to lower a man's IQ/diminish his Better Judgment). 
        MAKE, HAVE, HOLD YOUR OWN MONEY.   

[Pretty_ava]

count me in, married at 22, why?! cause I'm preggy.. We are bf and gf for almost 6 yrs then I got pregnant and got married, so yun, we are together for almost 11 yrs and hopefully forever.

But, marami kaming away bati moments, financial struggles and more...pero ayun, we are still together.

nakakasawa lang ang away bati, we tried to talk palagi, pero we end up doing it again and fighting over petty things.  mind you pati pag ha hung ng itouch, pinag aawayan namin.  we are both eldest and wala talagang nagpapatalo sa amin dalawa. 

like now, medyo di kami ayos, ewan ko ba, kung pano pa...  I'm tired to patch things up with him, pero he's a good hubby, doesn't have bisyo well OL games lang naman and sa bahay pa yun, binibigay nya sweldo nya sa akin.  doesn't have history ng kabit or anything.

ewan ko, baka we need time lang para sa sarili namin, he's turning 29 and I'm turning 28, we have a 4.5 yrs old toddler.  napapadalas ang tampuhan namin ngayon, sana yung boracay trip namin this coming February will rekindle the old flame.

I'll open my own account para sigurado, like what aquacharly said, have your own money.
tamang tama, I'll have my SL conversion this Feb, diretso na sa BDO yun.

And I always wanted to have a Divorce here, para di na mahirap pag di ko na kaya.

[katie_21]

Yes still going strong married at age 25 been thru some problems no perfect relationship naman kasi. But with faith and trust in the lord were keeping our promise on our wedding day :-) 

We have a son (6yrs old) since the new year we are better than last year. We have plans to spend vacation as a family and save for our dream vacation. We are in long distance set up for the past six months but we manage to carry on, constant communication and trust is the key.
 

I agree its good to be financially independent just in case :-)

[ayami]

Ako rin ganito, 20 naman ako nung kinasal, 21 si hubby. Same sa karamihan, nabuntis kasi 5th year na rin ng relationship namin nung nabuntis ako, at ngayon going 8 years na kaming together. Nung bf-gf days, smooth na smooth ang samahan namin. Nagkandaloko-loko lang nung nabuntis ako haha.

Going 3 years na kami ngayon, and mas maganda na ang relationship namin compared sa first year na sobrang gulo. Dati, gusto ko na ring makipagsplit, gusto ko magpa-counseling, etc. Dami kong binasang books about marriage, tinatry ko iapply kahit konti (lalo na yung Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood). Feeling ko aside sa constant effort, nagmamature talaga kami parehas, lalo na't magdadalawa na kids namin.

Family rin ang sandigan namin, magaling mag peptalk ang parents-in-law ko. Sila rin kasi, katulad namin. Parehas kami ng MIL ko, 19 nabuntis, gagraduate na nga lang. Pero yung F-I-L ko, 24 na nung kinasal sila. Kaya todo suporta talaga sila samin.

Ngayon, 33 years na yung parents-in-law ko. May nangyari nang infidelity issue on my F-I-L's part, at tinanggap ng MIL ko yung half SIL ko nang buong buo. Actually, napapagkuwentuhan din yung struggle nya dati, bago nya talaga fully natanggap na may anak sa iba ang asawa nya. Hindi siya sumuko, and ayun lumaki pa family nila, naging 5 kids lahat. Happy naman sila together. Naovercome nila yung biggest hurdle nila. Communication rin ang nilang nirereiterate. Pag galit daw, bigyan ng space ang isa't-isa, tsaka dapat may kaniya-kaniya daw na activities di yung puro kayo na lang magkasama na mag-asawa.

Basta idol ko talaga samahan nila hehe sana kami rin magtagal nang ganon.

[itcha123]

married at 22 my hubby was 24 now we're on our 18th year as partner thanks God for the graces & guidance.  To God be the glory...

[maiandra]

^nice to hear your stories, mga sis.

I got married nga pala since napreggy din ako at 19, married at 20. I didn't even get to plan my own wedding! Maliit na civil wedding lang, but hope to renew our vows sa church at our 10th anniversary, God willing.

The good and the bad is you grow up with your hubby, minsan you both change for better or for worse. So the person you married is not really who you think he was.

Maganda advice ni sis aquacharly, better to be financially smart than have a pretty, young face.

To add, here are some things we agreed on:

We will never mention divorce.
We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.
Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.

[Pretty_ava]

married at 22 my hubby was 24 now we're on our 18th year as partner thanks God for the graces & guidance.  To God be the glory...

wow!  very good sis!  sana kami din ni berto:-)

[patchi2012]

Just wanna share my parents story, they got married right after college, mos. after grad, on 20's pa lang sila. Since life is tough nung time na yun, kayod talaga sila. They worked away from home, to make ends meet. Nobody expected na tatagal ang ganung union, since ldr sila. Plus, relatives judge us din kung pano nga daw kami mag grow na matino, since wala parents namin, but sorry nalang sila, we proved them wrong, Di madali ang lahat, but we manage to survived naman.
Good thing naman at may age e, wala pa naman may kumatok sa house namin na nagpapakilala na anak sya ng father ko sa iba, which of course me and my bro expected na since magkalayo nga sila.

While having my bridal march, i was teary-eyed kase dyan parents ko sa tabi ko. Though tinukso nila ako na i chose a different perspective daw when it comes sa marrying age. The good thing bout having a younger parents kase parang mag barkada lang kayo, i can talk to them openly bout anything. At pag nagkakasama kami, people always comment na parang magkakapatid/magbarkada lang daw kami, taliwas dati na andun yung kutya nila sa mom ko na ke bata bata e nag asawa na.

Di madali ang lahat, yan ang na observe ko sa naging situation namin noon, but a good support system from my parents family naka ahon din. Btw they're married 32yrs na and 25yrs dyan are in long distance.

[glamorosa_09]

Married at 24 and hubby was 25.

With just the two of us with no support system and no God, I don't know if we will make it to the end...

But if we will continue to commit in putting God at the center of our marriage, regularly surround ourselves with strong couples from our prayer community,  commit to make our marriage work through maintaining our intimacy and resolving conflicts, then for sure it will continue to go stronger.

A lot of older couples tell us, "Marami pa kayong pag-dadaanan..." Ok lang. I can always cling to Someone stronger if ever I grow weak. And to Him is where my confidence lies and not in my own strength. Syempre kasama na dun ang support system naming mag-asawa. =)

I put high value on family. Sheltering my kids emotionally is a priority to me. So separation is not an option. Unless it's a life and death situation =) Sabi nga ni Friedrich Nietzsche, "That which does not kill me, strengthens me." =)

[ToughEmpress]

ALWAYS HAVE YOUR OWN MONEY, ALWAYS MAKE MORE OF IT TO MAKE MORE & TO SAFEKEEP.  Regardless, of how much money your hubby makes/shares with you.
Regardless of his Good Boy History to-date. Regardless of his promises of undying love, fidelity, etc etc.  (Never underestimate the power of The Itch That Needs Scratching to lower a man's IQ/diminish his Better Judgment). 
        MAKE, HAVE, HOLD YOUR OWN MONEY.

My mom used to tell the same things to us when we were young and through the years nalimutan ko na ito and I'm just glad you mentioned this. This reminder is just in time. Thank you, sis.

P.S. Btw, I'm still single, getting married soon pa lang

[stylishmomy]

Got married at 22, hubby was 19... really young but were happily married and going stronger. Been married for 9 years

[camsicle]

Eloped at 22 years old and 6yrs happy being married. I love my husband so much.

[babyAndy]

Doing okay... but can be better.  mahirap talaga to make a relationship work pagtumatagal ...

[Kady_14]

HS friends
BF/GF - at 15-16
Got preggers at 20 & 21 (Yes magkasunod babies namin) and we lived together.
Got married in civil when we were 25 (nag-away pa ang kids namin sino mag-aabot ng wedding ring)
Still together now. We are both 30 yrs old.

If i could turn back time, will i do everything again? May babaguhin ba ako? Wala, siguro mag-aanak pa ako ng 2 pa. Hahahaha... Para tapos na ngayon.

Madaming natutuwa when they see us now, siguro kasi di sila makapaniwala na tatagal kami, ang bata pa namin nuon. Imagine nagsisipag graduate pa lang yung mga ka-batch namin kami ngaalaga na ng anak.

Yung mga kasabayan namin nag-asawa and anak nuon, either hiwalay na ngayon or may mga bagong asawa na.

My advice to those who are in that situation now, hindi sagot ang KASAL if nabuntis. Kilalanin nyo muna maigi ang isa't isa if ready na ba kayo na pakasal, if kaya nyo ba tagalan ang isa't isa. Kahit me 2 anak na kami, we waited 5 years bago kami nagdecide kung mgpapakasal ba kami.

Madami din kaming pinag-daanan. Pero masasabi kong dahil dun napa-strong ang relationship namin. More on money matters and issues namin nuon kasi hindi kami fully nagdepend sa parents, nagtrabaho kami and ngtiis maging malayo sa or magwork ng weird shifts para lang magkapera and makapag provide for our family.

But that is all behind us now. God is really good. Make him the center of your marriage and everything will fall right into place.

[April30]

We decided to live together when I was 20 and he's 21. For the same reason that I'm preggy na. He decided to marry me before my second child was born. I am 23 then and he's 24. We are getting stronger as years pass by. We've been together for 13 years now. We started our relationship kasi way back 2000. I was 17 then and he's 18. Looking forward for more fruitful years...

[Happywith5]

I was 16 yrs old when i got pregnant with our 1st child, pilit ng pilit parents namin na magpakasal kami to think na you and me against the world ang peg namin nun,pero hesitant talaga ako magpakasal, not that i don't love my partner but i'm just not ready for marriage. as years go by, nagdagdagan anak namin hanggang ngayon 5 na anak namin and we're still together. 13 years of love,lust,friendship,hate,anger etc etc.. i definitely have no regrets with whatever happened in our life. tumibay kami sa mga problemang pinagdaanan namin, natutunan namin wag magiwanan in times of troubles. we're planning to get married pero since 5 anak namin, napagkasunduan namin na we will only get married once and that will be a church wedding, kung ndi kami makakapag church wedding better not to get married at all yun ang pact namin sa isa't isa. 

[Banker86]

Got pregnant at age of 22 and married at 23 just 3 months after giving birth.  So far no regrets.  I think I'm the luckiest woman on earth kasi napakabait ni hubby...Hopefully, tuluy na tuloy na ito forever..

[sailors girl]

engaged right now.. getting married by the end of the year.. wew... im 23, and he's 26..im hoping for the best...