first time mom, how to deal with baby

[cerelina]

I want to know how did you deal with the first weeks/months of your baby almost 3 weeks pa lang baby ko pero na iistress na talaga ako    pag umiiyak na sya na hindi ko alam reason i feel so helpless parang wala ako silbi naiiyak na lang talaga ako ang stressful samahan pa ng pagod saka puyat.  . Nakakaawa naman baby ko minsan natratrauma na ako kay baby hindi ko mapatahan buti anjan mom and hubby ko sila taga pag patahan. I want to become a good mom kay baby pero hindi ko alam how

[honeycrushed]

Hi sis.  I just want to share my experience and the points I learned from the nurses and doctors at the hospital.  My baby was born premature and we stayed for a month in the hospital because he doesn't know how to suck.  He was in the incubator for a week and the doctors entrusted him to me afterwards, with a little guidance from the nurses.  I am a first time mom and I don't know what to do.  My mom is afraid of handling such a small baby (40cm 1.5kg).  So I'm left to do the task.  Here are some tips:

1. Keep the head elevated, this makes the milk go down the drain in short, logic ng gravity pag flat on the back si baby the milk has a tendency to go back to the lungs -- this causes pneumonia.  Put a pillow (throw pillow or something smaller) beneath the bed pad to elevate the head level.

2. Change diapers every 3-4 hours.  Don't wait until there's poop or the diaper is soaked before you change.  This avoids infection as well.

3.  Feeding happens every three hours.  But be sensitive, if he asks for more milk, then give him more.  Beware though, possetting (lungad) is a sign that you're giving too much milk.  As you feed him, you'll become aware of the changes - +/- milk or +/- hours of feeding.  But start with the three hour interval.

4.  After feeding, ipa-burp mo.  I cannot distinguish a burp before.  Sometimes its so soft that I couldn't hear it.  Tips ng nurses is iburp si baby for an hour.  At least then the milk would have started digesting.

5. Kabag is another reason why babies cry.  Ask your doctor for anti-colic meds or you can massage chamomile oil (aceite de manzanilla) every night on his stomach.

One thing I've learned from taking care of my preemie is that there are only three reasons why they cry: either their hungry, wet, or may kabag.  so yun muna itrouble shoot mo.  if your baby still won't stop crying, then go to your doctor.  Basta may lagnat, doctor agad.  They'll tell you naman if expected ang lagnat or not.

Don't worry sis, you'll be fine.  Maternal instinct will lead you to do the right thing for your baby.
Mothers know best, sbe nga nila 

[m_lim]

16 days old si baby today and first time mom here.

buti ka nga sis you have your mom to guide you kahit papano. at sure ka mapagkakatiwalaan mo. ako wala, mga maids lang kasama ko and our old yaya na nagpalaki saken since i was 3. problema, hindi rin siya marunong sa newborn.

so dahil desperate nako, i hired my cousin na midwife student. kasi ayoko kumuha ng hindi ko kakilala dahil talagang nakakaubos ng pasensiya. lalo pag wala kang tulog at groggy ka na.

then ginawa ko 2 shifts. sa gabi si midwife since bata bata pa siya at sanay sa puyatan, then our old yaya sa umaga. for me, hindi talaga pwede iisa lang ang tutulong sayo mag alaga. nakaka burn out kasi. lalo ako i am exclusively pumping so every 2hrs talaga, 24/7, need ko magpump for 30mins total. ubos oras talaga.

turo ng midwife cousin ko, tatlo lang yan pAg iyak ng iyak:
gutom, dirty diaper or may sakit na nararamdaman.

tama, every 2 to 3 hours feeding time nila but our pedia said feed by demand. so watch out for hunger cues. dati natataranta kami pag iyak na ng iyak dahil di pa namin tanchado oras ng gutom niya. ngayon mas alam na namin, pinapa thaw ko na 30mins before siya magising.

kailangan lang may nakatutok sa newborn 24/7. hindi ko magawa yung sinasabi ng iba na sabayan sa tulog si baby dahil takot ako sa SIDS.

so far so good. good job kami kay pedia dahil i am feeding her breastmilk since day1 tsaka from 7.9lbs, naging 8.2lbs siya in 12days. usually daw kasi nagllose ng weight pag newborn. natuyo rin agad pusod niya, thanks to my midwife cousin na magaling maglinis.

oo nga pala sis, pag sobrang iyak baby ko, minsan gutom pa pala kahit kakadede lang. kaya pag bigay ng milk, ayun, himbing ng tulog after.

struggle parin kami minsan. basta makaraos ng isang araw. one day at a time. iniisip ko nalang mabilis lang lumaki mga babies kaya savor each moment kahit mala zombie na ako at gusto ko ng tumalon sa bintana. hehe

[marose17]

@honeycrushed, first things first.  Aceite de manzanilla is not recommended for newborns as it might burn the baby's sensitive skin. 

For everyone: My children were preemies too and nothing compares to the pain of not being able to take them home with me for two months.  Totoo, I was relieved from the first time mom challenges that you are going through because there were doctors, nurses and midwives taking care of them round the clock.  But you know, I would have taken all the puyat, uncertainty, pagod, stress, etc. in exchange for being able to bring them home when I went home.

Having said that, when we brought home my twins, I too experienced all that you are experiencing right now.  And you know what?  It does get better in time. 

Rather than focusing on how difficult it is to take care of a newborn, savor this stage in your baby's life.  This is the only time wherein your baby needs you completely.  My children are now five years old and strangely enough, I really miss those puyatan times when nothing came between my babies and me.

Think positive!  Rest well.  Enjoy motherhood.  Marami pa kayong mas mahirap na challenges na dadaanan sa pagpapalaki ng anak.  Umpisa pa lang iyan. But if you ask me, I wouldn't have it any other way.

[clueless]

Cerelina, i'm also a first time mom. When i gave birth, i also didnt know how to handle my baby. I was crying all the time because i felt so helpless. I wanted to breastfeed but i had a very difficult time. I didnt know how to give her a bath, i didnt know how to give her a bath, i resented the fact that i was stuck at home with a baby i didnt know how to deal with. A lot said it looked like i was having post-partum depression or at the very least, a mild case of baby blues. What made things worse fir me was that my sister gave birth to twins the day before i did and she was handling things so well despite also being a first time mom, she was able to cope and all even if her husband was not physically present and our mom stayed pa with me.

I am very lucky to have a very supportive family. Everyone was there when i needed them. They gave me encouraging words, came over to help, etc.

Sometimes when i held my baby, i would just burst into tears then she'd feel agitated na din ang begin to cry tapos ang hirap na mapatahan.

My crying lasted about a month then it hit me that i had to get a grip for my baby's sake. She didnt deserve what i was doing to her and she certainly deserved a better mom. I took to heart what my sister told me - not being able to breastfeed doesnt make me less of a mom. Giving her formula didnt mean i loved my baby any less. It took me a while to accept what she said. No one forced me to get my act together. My husband didnt make it an issue that i was practically useless around our baby for about a month. He was there to bear the weight.

I think it's very important that the people around you understand what you're going through so as not to make things worse for you, especially if you are indeed having baby blues because we dont want that to develop into full blown post partum depression. Talk to your husband and your mom. Ask for their help and understanding. I didnt hold my baby much during her first month of life. She's 2 years old now and we are very close. Kahit na hindi ako ang nagalaga sa kanya nung umpisa, alam niya pa din na ako ang mommy nya.

Tama si marose, it gets better over time. Di ko maisip yon nung una. Parang di ko maintindihan how things will get better lalo na parang motherhood comes so easily to some bakit sakin hindi. Pero totoo, it really does get better. Imo, mahirap maging magulang kasi napakadaming challenges pero napaka-fulfilling naman. Nung natanggap ko na ang mga bagay bagay, naging mas ok na. Sana lang makuha mo din ang suporta ng ma taong nasa paligid mo para matulungan ka nila.

You may read a bit more about baby blues here:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-baby-blues_11704.[textspeak!]

[m_lim]

^tama!

kaya ako kumuha ako talaga ng tutulong saken dahil kilala ko hanggang saan lang kaya ko. kung magpapaka hero ako na kaya ko mag isa eh magiging bitter ako sa buhay.

kung si sis clueless, hindi kaya mag breastfeed, ako talagang aminado, hindi ko kaya mag alaga 24/7. which is masakit rin saken tanggapin dahil parang failure ba ako? pero ayoko ng negative thoughts!

mas kilala mo ang sarili mo, ang limitations mo. hindi kawalan ng pagkatao mo kung hindi ka maging Perfect Mother. yun nag bbreastfeed, yung siya mismo nag alaga at nag tiyaga 24/7 etc etc..

kung magawa mo lahat yan, good for you! kung hindi rin naman, ITS OK! acceptance is the key.

ngayon mas nakaka rest ako ng konti (1hr tulog in between pumping) kasi 2 naka toka kay baby, mas happy ako at mas may energy pag nasa akin si baby compared nung first few nights na kami lang ng husband ko.

mas naeenjoy ko si baby ngayon. at ang husband ko mas nakakafocus sa work niya. shempre kailangan kumayod para kay baby .

[khriseeee]

With easy access to internet nowadays, it is both a savior and a boon because you can learn so much but at the same time unrealistic expectations are set.

Babies cry for a variety of reasons, you will eventually learn the different types of cries. In my baby's case, if she wasn't hungry or had a dirty diaper, she wanted to be held. Don't cry or stress rin because your baby can feel it.

Ask for help when you need it, a few straight hours of sleep will do wonders to your disposition

[annie19]

I agreewith our sisses. Most of us pinagdadaanan yan. I'm also a first time mom, i had a helper until maka 1month si baby, umalis sya kaya ayun ako mag-isa nag-alaga. Nagkaron ako ulet ng helper before mag2 mos si baby pero house hold chores lang alam kaya ako padin mag-isa. Pag free si hubby tinutulungan ako, but mostly ako nag-aalaga kasi shifting work nya.before mag 3mos si baby, pinaalis nadin namin si helper tamad kasi. Right now i am a sahm, and happy to be one

My mom would just visit me once or twice a month before. It was very stressful talaga nung una lalo pa sa gabi gising si baby and tipong naka ilang rounds na ng dede at hele tapos pag nilapag mo didilat naiiyak ako nun kasi antok na antok ako tapos minsan iyak ng iyak kasi gusto  laging karga. Palagi lang ako sinasabihan nanay ko na tiis at tiyaga lang dahil magbabago din daw. Maganda rin daw na maranasan ko lahat nung hirap bilang isang ina. Dun ako nabuhayan ng loob. Nagsearch din ako sa internet ng mga pwede kong gawin. Pag umiiyak si baby at nagawa ko naman na yung 1st 3 possible thing bakit sya umiiyak tapos ayaw pa di  tumahan, ginagawa ko nilalabas ko sya. Say, if nasa room kami lalabas ko sya sa sala or sa gate if daytime para change of environment. Minsan sinasayaw ko, slowly lang syempre.

And i very much agree with sis khriseeee, kalma ka lang pag pinapatahan si baby. Nung 1st 2 months ni baby, pag umiyak na sya at di ko mapatahan natataranta at naiistress nako. Ayun mas lalo nagwawala, pero nung ang naging approach ko is parang "don't worry baby, mommy's here", it really helped a lot. Parang nararamdaman nga nila kung ano nararamdamannatin.

Cheer up sis, isipin mo na kung kaya ng iba kaya mo din.lilipas din naman yang ganyan

[cerelina]

Thank you sa inyong lahat its comforting to know na hindi lang ako yung ganito may time kasi talaga na naiinis ako pag iyak ng iyak si baby hindi ko mapigilan magalit talaga 

[twelvth_goddess]

Cerelina - I feel you sis, pero wag ka masyadong ma-sad, it gets better in time.

When I found out that I was pregnant, I launched into a full research of what I should expect, do, and prepare for. I was very confident with the load of information that I had but it's very different in reality. Every child is different, every parent has different coping mechanisms too. If you're getting too stressed na, you need to take a step back muna and relax. This site is very informative and ang dami din maghe-help sayo dito.

On the first few weeks of my daughter, I had crying episodes too. I was so worried na baka I wasn't doing well as a mom and naawa ako sa daughter ko na baka kulang or may mali akong ginagawa. Minsan tinitignan ko pa lang sya, naiiyak na ko kase I felt so inferior. Pero what was good was I had a very strong support system. My husband is a hands on dad, hinde gaya ng ibang dad friends ko na ang daming off-limits pagdating sa pag-alaga ng babies. I also got constant reassurance from him, my family (especially my mom and sister), and my sisters in law (who are nurses), plus friends.

Nung newborn pa daughter ko, ang dami ko din hits and misses and I was so frustrated. But those hits and misses will teach you, experience is really the best teacher. Sabe nga ng isang boss ko non, if the situation was very perfect, then I had a doll and not a baby. My daughter naman, thank goodness, was very low-maintenance. Hinde iyakin kahit na nagkakasakit sya. If she wanted to sleep, she'd sleep. But like I said, every child is different. Pag may hinde ako alam non, text ako kagad sa mga friends ko or my SILs or I'd ask here kagad. My mom kase supportive sobra pero very traditional to the point na may mga things na hinde kame naga-agree like bigkis, manzanilla, etc. Pero pinaka-important yung may nakakausap and nakakarelate sa pinagdadaanan mo.

I didnt have a matinong yaya until my daughter was around 3-4 months. Nakabalik na ko sa office non and it was quite challenging kase I was exclusively breastfeeding and I was very particular on the instructions sa pag-store/thaw/feed ng bm. Pero everything went well naman. Like they say, in parenting, the child is always the teacher and we are the students.

Relax sis and enjoy your time with your baby

[khriseeee]

sis annie is right, when my baby would cry for a long period of time, I would talk to her in a calming voice "mommy's here, don't cry na, there's on reason to cry, mommy's here, mommy loves you" It works!!

I have a high maintenance baby, she won't sleep unless in very specific conditions, won't drink milk unless she is in a certain position, etc. But I always told myself this too will pass, my baby will only be a baby once. True enough, she's turning one na next month and I wish I could go back to her newborn days.

I dunno if it's just me, but once in awhile, after a crying session and I put my daughter down, when she opens her eyes as soon as she touches the mattress I think of those mga horror movies where the scene at the very end is some dreaded creature come to life. Come to think of it, I still think that way sometimes and I catch my breath. Hahaha Of course it's in a funny way, I don't thikn my daughter is a monster!

[wengerts]

cerelina, get some sleep! i think yan lang e. pasa mo muna sa parents/in laws/husband ang baby for just a few hours. you'll notice a change in mood saka di mo mapapakalma ang baby if she/he senses na stressed ka. ganon katindi ang bond ng mag ina..

[princessrio]

pagod + puyat = fussy mom

get some rest. i know most people would say na when the baby sleeps, sabayan mo. unfortunately, hindi lahat kaya sumabay kay baby (like me). what my parents and I did (since husband is abroad-based), shifting kami of taking care of the baby. pag napipika ka na or nagfufrustrate, ibaba mo si baby or bigay mo muna kahit kanino, then inhale/exhale ka muna ng konti. it really helps. remind yourself that you're lucky na kasama mo ang baby mo.

don't worry.. it gets better naman. let yourself and your baby adjust. i too cried a lot because i got frustrated na parang hirap na hirap ako. my mom said that i was frustrated because my husband is not beside me. tapos nung nakausap ko yung husband ko, he made me realize something. he said, "wala yan sa kalingkingan ng pinagdaaanan ng ibang ina. maswerte tayo at normal ang baby natin." yun na.. dun na ako nagising na this is just a stage and my baby will not be a baby forever. 

[nikki]

Reading everyone's posts here made me smile. I feel and go through exactly the same thing as first time mom. I was lucky I have my mom for 4 weeks with me Kung Hindi siguro Nabaliw na ko. No one told me it was this hard to take care of a new born since everyone would say.. "Sarap ng may baby tapos Christmas Pa, etc etc). I too felt frustrated. I even resented the fact that i was in this situation and admittedly, may moments na parang "inis" ka na rin Kay baby Dahil sa kaka-iyak.. At some point, I admired my mom and friends who had more than 1 child. Pero Kung kinaya nila, I know kaya ko rin.

When my mom left na for the US and me/hubby was left with our baby, dun na ko nag start ng crying episodes esp when hubby goes to work at night and I'm left alone. Pero tama mga sisses here, I feel this only when I don't have enough sleep.  And sleeping indeed does wonder to your mood. And Gaya nga ng sabi nila, cherish every moment u have with your baby.. Hay, I'm going back to work na in 2 weeks and Im already missing my baby.

We're in better situation now since we found 2 HH na, yaya and and all-around help aside from our old "manang" who takes care of laundry and our 7 dogs

[Mommy P]

First time mom here and sobrang nakaka relate ako na minsan napapaisip ako na Kung pwede Lang ibalik si baby sa tyan ko sa sobrang inis. Cried 3 days ago dahil sa pagod and puyat. My dad said na nagsisimula na lahat nang sakripisyo nang pagiging ina ko sa anak ko, ganun daw talaga pag magulang ka na.

My baby likes to be carried, imagine mo na pag gising siya lagi dapat nakakarga kung ibaba nagigising at umiiyak to the point na the whole day Wala akong na aacomplish sa mga bagay na dapat kong gawin.

Fortunately, nag bago yung sleeping time ni baby. He sleeps during night at gising the whole day pero need kargahin, which is frustrating pa rin sa part ko to the point natrtrauma ako pag nagigising siya kasi ka kargahin mo na naman. Haist! 

I have a maid at helpful naman siya, Kaso minsan ako talaga nakatutok Kay baby kasi syempre si yaya need to do the household chores pa.

Kaya minsan naisip ko na wag na ulit mag baby..tama na ang isa and don't want to go through with this again..siguro nga baby blues etong pinagdaraanan ko.

Sleeping would really help and minsan pag naiinis ako, I do errand, lumalabas ako para change of environment, pero uwi kagad ako kasi na mimiss ko baby ko.

[aquacharly]

Yes, the 1st time sure is full of surprises.  Thereabouts, you learn you just can't do it all. But of course, birthing is a very taxing experience -- you need time to regenerate your depleted energy.

Work out a sched with your mom -- so that during her sched -- you will be able to let go, with no guilt/worries about care of your baby. Saka mo upakan ng deep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  (It may be better if she takes the night shift so you & hubby can have sleep time together.  Do your toilette before you take over in the morning.  Hubby can help bathe you if you still need assistance.)

Be mindful of eating nourishing food at regular times.  Do not even think of dieting now.

You will be more nurturing if you take care of yourself too.
Find time to attend to your toilette in the mornings -- even if you lack sleep -- you will feel better if you feel clean, fresh & pretty.  Smell fresh too --  take time to spritz yourself with baby cologne.
You can even have your mani pedi done at home. (However, best you have it done at your lanai so kung may colds or whatever man your manicurist -- hindi na papasok sa house mo to contaminate your interior space)
Lipstick is always a quick fix to tiredness/crankiness   hehe, specially red lipstick.
My point is:  you must force yourself to feel & think pretty -- that helps in maintaining a Positive Attitude.
 
What else? SMILE, as often as you can. It also contributes to maintaining a Positive Attitude.
Exercise -- may be as simple as walking around carrying your baby.
Basta do not entertain worries, fears, regrets, anything negative.
Focus on The Now, be thankful for your blessings.

[cerelina]

Thanks sa mga advise  now im actually doing better may times that i still cannot pacify baby but im learning siguro nga i jusy need to sleep kasi when i tried thinking and speaking with baby na mommy is here nababawasan yung fussiness nya and surprisingly parang alam ko agad yung needs nya.  nagugulat nga din ako eh.

Sobrang thank you talaga 

[ladykristinn]

ako rin sis first time mom. suwerte mo nga natutulungan ka ng mom mo at hubby mo. wala kasi kami sa Pinas so no choice kundi mag all around ako. si hubby naman nagwo work syempre kapag uwi pagod na pero kapag weekend natutulungan naman ako. mega research na lang ako sis plus tanong sa mga kamag anak sa pinas. basa basa at saka kapag nagtagal tagal malalaman mo na ang reason ng pag iyak ni baby.

[sleepless]

Hello mga sissies!!!

I am also a first time mom, my baby is just a week old now... since first timer nga at nag iisa sa bahay kasi wala yung parents namin ni hubby after we got out from the Hospital at talagang pag umiyak si baby, napa praning ako. hindi ko alam ano gawin kasi baka may nararamdaman si baby na kung ano,  until nag babasa ako sa thread dito, at least naman  may natutunan ako. Salamat nalang sa mga ganitong topic sa forum at nakakatulong.

kaya lang mga sissies, ang napapansin ko kasi  ngayon sa baby ko, madalas siya sinisinok. at naaawa ako sa kanya pag sinisinok. ano  ba pwede gawin pag sinisinok si baby para mawala?,

Thanks mga sissies! your reply will be very much helpful to me.

[m_lim]

^ganyan rin baby ko, palagi sinisinok. very normal lang yan sabi ng pedia.kahit nga nung nasa loob sila ng tiyan, sinisinok mga babies. sa atin lang parang nakakairita. pero sa kanila, wala yun. kusa nawawala ang sinok