Feud between dad and husband

[ceejhei]

mga sis please help me i don't know what to do now.

it happened January 1st 2013 right after we celebrated the new year. Hubby and i had a misunderstanding. my husband being so pusong mamon decided to go home (we celebrated the new year in my parent's house kasi) he's on his way to the car then pinigilan ko. my dad went upstairs to rest na, also the rest of the family.

We were arguing outside. then suddenly, i heard my dad coming over, shouting and said, "pumasok kayong dalawa" i immediately went outside but this hubby tried to escape palakad na sa kanto, but nagmura si dad, "pumasok ka sabi eh" then they started arguing, nakainom sila pareho pero i should not say lasing sila. this husband pinipilosopo ang daddy ko, " we grew up in the family as domesticated talaga ang dad ko, isang tingin lang niya we know we are doing something wrong. at sa inasal ng husband ko na sinagot sagot niya i am sure its my dad's first time to encounter such behaviour.  i know what my dad is trying to explain to him, na bakit sa labas nakikipag argue, and if he really respect me as his wife, he will not argue with me, or he will not leave just for the sake of matapos ang usapan, sabi pa ng dad ko, "lagi kang ganyan, konting tampuhan aalis ka, matagal na akong hindi kumikibo, pero yung paulit ulit mong gawin yan sa anak ko dito sa pamamahay ko naririnig pa ng mga kapitbahay hindi na ako papayag"

My brother and mom was already downstairs trying to lighten the situation pero, this husband was really persistent na umalis, we don't want him to leave kasi kilala namin siya at isa pa baka mapaano sa daan and kami pa masisi sa nangyari (3:00am), pero sa kakapilit niya, mom finally said to let him go, i called his brother to inform him na we are letting him leave because he is really insisting.

Naging  cold ngayon sakin ang husband ko, even with my mom who visited us earlier, nag mano siya pero di siya nag paalam when he's leaving for work. bastos talaga. alam ko yung pinangalingan niyang family, hindi maayos, lumaki sa parang maling pag didisplina. he does not want to touch everything my dad has given to us including the business. he said ako na daw ang bahala. hindi ko na talaga alam gagawin ko. and my dad said nung nag aaway sila, ganyan bang lalaki pinapakisamahan mo? buti nakakayanan ko daw? i realized what he said was true. he said i need to think if i still want to live with him. ang hirap mga sis.. hindi naman ako pinapapili pero parang sa situation ngayon, i need to move. i don't think it will never be the same again. sayang at super close pa naman nila noon. please advice me on what to do.  

[rianne_mallows]

hmmm... ang hirap magcomment.. ang sinabi mo lang kasi pusong mamom ang hubby mo at dad mo naman domesticated kayo.

1. from what i understand, ugali na ni hubby mo magwalk-out.. at doon galit dad mo right?
sabi paulit -ulit na ginawa sa iyo walk-out drama..  if you think it's an uncalled for, then treat it as a separate issue.. huwag mo magpatung patungin ang faults ng hubby mo .. he'll shut himself up.. lalayo loob niya sa iyo.

2. away mag-asawa iyon.. pero naman pumagitna ang parents but from what you said, nauna sumigaw daddy mo.. siyempre nakakalalaki iyon. plus pareho nakainom.. so both of them are at fault

3.  iyong nagpumilit umalis.. it's his pride acting up. siyemore nakaaway niya na may-ari ng bahay doon pa siya matutulog?

4. yung ginawa niya when your mom visited. its not a big deal.  nagmano naman diba? hindi lang nakapag paalam bastos na? dont you think your imposing on him too much? sabi mo nga hindi siya ganun lumaki. parang ang dating sakin pinipilit mo ang ways mo sa kanya... diba dapat sa mag-asawa acceptance? compromise?

ewan ko kung ano pinag-awayan niyo but puro magandang traits lang ng side ng family mo ang nabasa ko at puro negative ang sinabi mo sa patungkol sa asawa mo.

hindi na ako nagtataka na may problema kayo. kasi ni wala ka na masabing positive kahit kapiraso sa asawa mo..

siguro maganda kung ikaw magsimula sa sarili mo... try to see your husband's good points.. maybe a change of perspective is all you need..

iyang away nila ng dad mo.. huwag mo muna pakialaman.. it's still too fresh.. ayusin mo muna kayong mag asawa

[1choi_ko9]

i guess parang naiipit ka sis...parang if hindi nakita ng dad mo yung misunderstanding, kinabukasan lang tapos na issue nyo ni hubby. Eh kaso since its your dad and your husband na ang naging feud naging big issue na. Parang its like this (how I see it ha), sa side mo nahihiya ka sa dad mo dahil sa inaact ng hubby mo... yung mga sinasabi ng dad mo like "ganyan bang lalaki pinapakisamahan mo? buti nakakayanan mo"..syempre as a wife masakit yon. Kase kung tutuusin binebenta nga natin asawa natin sa parents and family natin. AS much as possible puros good traits nasasabi natin all bec we dont want them to think na mali napili natin. Ayaw natin as wives na magkaron ng lamat sa pamilya natin mga napangasawa natin.

I know nakakabastos ginawa ni hubby mo...pero since dad mo yun syempre kampi yon sayo and vice versa..ikaw kampi ka ke dad mo (now kase naiinis ka pa sa inaasal ni hubby mo)... Pero whatever is your misunderstanding with your hubby...like what sis rianne_mallows said treat it as separate issue. Issue ng mag asawa yan e. MIsunderstanding lang not even a big fight but it will be a big fight in the long run if not resolved asap...better if you resolve the issue with your hubby now then talked it out with your parents. Since lalaki, ang ego ayaw paapakan...kahit na pa inlaws... siguro its better to air your hubby's side as well. And after that resolve it with your dad naman. Okay sana if yung hubby mo kakausap with your dad kaso malabo ata yon... most often ang wife talaga nagsasalita para sa side ni hubby.

[twelvth_goddess]

Hi sis ceejhei. I know where you're coming form, nakaka-stress pag may issue between your partner and your family.

First of all, now na may-asawa ka na, your first duty is to your husband. Secondary na lang ang parents mo. I know it's a bitter pill to swallow especially if you're really close to your family pero ganon talaga. So kung may issue ngayon daddy mo and husband mo, set that aside first cus you need to settle your issues with your husband first.

Yung walk-out issue nya, lage ba nyang ginagawa talaga yan or he does that lang pag naga-away kayo na andon kayo sa house ng family mo? Yung pagwo-walk out kase, communication issue yan. Maybe your husband doesnt know how to express his feelings? Maybe na-express nga nya pero feeling nya hinde mo sya naiintindihan? You need to sort out your differences first, syempre ibang pamilya pinanggalingan nyo, magkaibang culture and values din yan.

Ayusin nyo muna yung sainyo sis. Saka nyo na isipin yung sa daddy mo. Sometimes din kase may mga things na hinde na kelangan ayusin, kusa na din naayos over time basta wag lang pairalin ang pride. Your dad was prolly just worried for you pero he must also understand na ang away nyong mag-asawa, sainyo lang yan. I'm sure naiisip na din nya yon kaya nga sabe din nya for the longest time hinde sya nakekealam. But for now, there are differences between you and your husband that should be prioritized. It's just part of being married

[nageinna]

kahit ako man nasa position ni TS mahihirapan din ako. but i have to agree with our other sissies, ayusin niyo muna yung sa inyo ni hubby before anything else. yung sa kanila ng dad mo, that's a separate issue. i think once naayos mo na yung sa inyo ni hubby it will be easier for you to talk to him regarding his issue with your dad.

and yung pag alis na walang paalam, same question, is he like that even before pa ba or pag may instance lang na nag aaway kayo? kasi ako man mababastusan if ever umalis asawa ko ng bahay na hindi man lang nagpapaalam lalo na kung andun yung parents ko. kahit na iba upbringing ng isang tao, i think respect should always be there. lalo na sa mag asawa. but it seems like may mas malalim pa na dahilan yung galit ni hubby? ngayon lang ba sila nag away ng ganito? kasi like you said ayaw niya hawakan anything na binigay ng dad mo, first thing i thought, immature naman, but then again, baka mas may malalim pang pinanghuhugutan si hubby? good luck sis. talk to hubby first. yung maayos na usapan walang sigawan. better to talk to him sa bahay niyo para walang ibang tao and hindi siya makapag walk out.

[ceejhei]

^ i appreciate all the responses mga sis. tama, bago lang kasi kami mag asawa, mag 5 years pa lang and im sure marami pa kaming ma-encounter. Close sila ng daddy ko, as in mukhang mas super close pa sila ng dad ko kesa sa brother ko. I know ngayon lang din siya nakaramdam ng father figure wherein nakakainuman niya, my dad even gave him an slr kasi gusto matuto ng photography ni hubby, dalawa sila nag ddiscuss ganun, they will clean the car together.

alam niyo naman kapag galit eh ang daming nasasabi sa isa't isa, knowing my dad super bait at minsan lang magalit sa mga ganitong pagkakataon. First time nangyari sakanila ito. And to answer your questions mga sis, lagi siyang ganun, pag nag aaway kami lagi umaalis nag iinom at lasing na uuwi, yun ang ayaw ng dad ko my dad is trying to explain to him na hindi maganda yung ganun, pag may problema, pag usapan hindi yung aalisan mo. tapos daw kapag umuwi tutulugan ang problema at nagkakaron ng unresolved issues. sobrang naintindihan ko yung daddy ko. ganun din kasi gusto ko, ayoko matulog ng may kaaway at may samaan ng loob

[Yaya]

kapag nakainom ang isang tao, wag na subukan pagsabihan pa. pabayaan na siyang umalis at magdrama. kapag sya ay hindi na lasing tsaka ka makipag usap ng maayos at masinsinan. kailangan mag usap silang dalawa ngayon.