My hubby was placed in rehab by his mom w/out my knowledge :'(

[pinay_superstar]

Mga sissies, mahaba po ito, pls. bear with me..

I am a common law wife to a 36 year old man who still depends on his parents money. We have been living together for 5 years but i was the one providing for us most of the time. We have a 3 year old son and I have a 6 year old son from a previous relationship that are both living with us. His family never liked me since day 1 especially his mother... I remembered she told my hubby na nagpakasarap daw ako sa ibang lalake tapos sya magpapalaki ng anak ko, ganyan kabastos ang mom nya. But i let it pass. She already did a lot of things to us that most people would not be able to accept and be quiet about but i stayed quiet because I love him and because he doesn't have anyone else. His mother is the devil incarnate, and this is not an exaggeration.

He was always promised by his mom that she would give him money to start his own business but there are always conditions and mostly involves hurting me mentally and emotionally. and even if he did the conditions, she would always let him down. not keeping her end of the deal. My hubby is actually a mentally and emotionally battered son. They also wont accept my son as their grandchild and thats what hurts me the most. To think that he looks more of them than me.

Anyway, we celebrated his birthday last week of Nov. The day after his birthday, he woke up early and went to his parents house. His parents are currently in Manila seeking medication for his father. When he came back, he informed me that he will be flying to Manila that same day (we live at the Province). I asked him why it was so sudden. He said that it's an emergency and about his dad, that he's not doing great, the dad has colon cancer so he has to fly to Manila immediately. I was really mad, i know i sound insensitive but there was something absolutely not right, my gut tells me something bad is going to happen.

And my instinct did not fail me.

He was texting me the whole time that day until midnight and i was ignoring him. He was asking about what we and the kids were doing and asking me not to be mad anymore, if we ate already and that he will be back in a few days with pasalubong so wag na daw ako magtampo and that he loves me.

The next day he called me early in the morning and said that he got a call from a certain police official in our province and he was again part of PDEAS top list for drug users/pushers. This was again the work of his mother.
Prior to this, she reported us to the local police and the NBI that we were selling drugs.  she was insisting that i was a drug pusher and i was the one providing drugs to her son. I dont even smoke and i rarely drink. I have not seen an actual drug item in my life except in movies or tv programs.

That is how bad she is. Even our friends are so pissed with his mother because they know better. She doesn't have evidence to file a case but just the thought of people following us everywhere we go is disturbing and nerve wrecking even if your conscience is clear.

I was really mad, i told him na bakit hindi ba talaga tayo tigilan ng nanay mo! sya talaga ang sumisira sa buhay mo at wala syang pakialam basta makita nya lang na nahihirapan ka habang kasama ako..

but eventually i calmed down kasing awang awa ako sa kanya. We are at a point that we were fixing our relationship because we had a fall out a few months back but that's a different issue but still his family is a big part of it, as always. and I always end up the one hurting the most.

That same day, i was preparing lunch in our kitchen, i missed his call but when i checked my phone there was a text message saying " beybi, go back to mama bing's (my mom) house muna, nagwawala na naman si mama (his mom). Gumawa na naman sya ng move, ipinakulong ako sa rehab. it may take a few days. I love you" --- thats it.. thats the last text that i got and the last contact.. it has already been 13 days with no contact at all..

I was devastated. hindi ko alam kung sang rehab sya dinala, kung hanggang kelan sya and kung talaga bang drug user sya kasi wala talaga akong idea..
He doesnt hurt me or say bad things when we fight, lagi lang sya nagsosorry, so hindi pumasok sa isip ko na he is indeed a drug user. He even bought us matching nike running shoes and jogging pants so that we can go jogging every morning to get back in shape.

And as if hindi pa grabe ang nangyayare, his family kicked me and my kids out of the apartment (owned by them) the very next day. His mother planned it all out. There were even tanods there at baka daw magwala at pumalag ako.. I didnt, i just got our things then left.

I really don't know what to think or what to do.. He left us with nothing. I just resigned from my job in Manila and went back to the province because we want to fix things between us and for the meantime while i'm jobless , he will solely provide for us but that did not happen..

I just want to know how to find him, how long will it take for the rehab program, will i be allowed to visit and talk to him,  to know what really happened? because no one is giving me any information especially that his family hates me.

5 years is already a long time for me to put up with his devil of a mother and family.

[muy003]

Dont find him, he'll find you. Kng itatago sya ng nanay nya and he cant do anything about it, ikaw pa kaya? He's a 36 yo male who still depends on his parents money, there's plenty of wrong in that statement. Pati pala bahay na tinitirahan nyo, galing pa sa parents nya. Sabihin na natin na masama talaga ugali ng parents nya, well it didnt help at all na dependednt kayo sa kanila..

Something tells me that he's not even in rehab. If he wants you, he'll go after you. But instead of looking for him, i think you should be thinking of how to raise your kids without any help from anyone...

Also, five years is indeed a long time, have you considered moving on? Kasi siguro nga against all odds ang drama nyo, but you also have to want peace of mind for you and your kids. You can ask for child support... Im not sure how that goes in the phils, im not sure if you need a lawyer for that... There are lawyers here in gt, try consulting them, or google na lang...

Your kids should be your priority now...

[pinay_superstar]

Thank you for replying on this thread sis.


wala pa kaming 2 months nakatira sa apartment nila, it was a temporary thing dahil nga kauuwi ko lang galing Manila. I dont want us to stay with my mom, that she willingly offered kasi medyo marami na rin sila dun. Ijust want us to have privacy coz we really need to sort things out fr ourselves. We used to rent out an apartment somewhere else dahil di nga puede ako anywhere near their property but there was laready a tenant when I came back. Ang pagtira namin sa apartment nila, di alam ng family nya, akala siya lang, kaya nung nalaman na kasama ako dun kasi ang alam nga nila nasa Manila ako,  dun na kami pinuntahan at pinaalis.


We were not entirely dependent on them. They never gave anything for our family, ang parents money na sinasabi ko sis 250 kung good mood nanay nya pero may kasamang sangkatutak na pangaalipusta and this is not even a daily thing. kulang pa sa gas nya, yan lang binibigay sa kanya to make sure na di nya kami mabubuhay. If that is dependency then i guess we are indeed dependent on them.


Its easy to say na move on, pero actually its very hard to make that first step especially if my kids adore him. Everyday naghahanap mga bata sa kanya. what should i tell them?, when he just disappeared and that hasnt happened before. Even my eldest grew up knowing that he is his dad. But i dont have plans in hiding the truth from my kid about his biological  father. I just need him to be at the age that he will already understand before we tell him everythng.


This morning, I talked to one of his relatives that we trust because were schoolmates then, he said that hubby is indeed in rehab but he doesn't know where and when he'll be back because the mother is keeping mum about it.


You're right, my kids should be my priority and they are but it doesnt mean that i have to lose hope para samin at mag move on na lang basta basta.


I just have this feeling sis na for now i just have to hang on..

Dont find him, he'll find you. Kng itatago sya ng nanay nya and he cant do anything about it, ikaw pa kaya? He's a 36 yo male who still depends on his parents money, there's plenty of wrong in that statement. Pati pala bahay na tinitirahan nyo, galing pa sa parents nya. Sabihin na natin na masama talaga ugali ng parents nya, well it didnt help at all na dependednt kayo sa kanila..

Something tells me that he's not even in rehab. If he wants you, he'll go after you. But instead of looking for him, i think you should be thinking of how to raise your kids without any help from anyone...

Also, five years is indeed a long time, have you considered moving on? Kasi siguro nga against all odds ang drama nyo, but you also have to want peace of mind for you and your kids. You can ask for child support... Im not sure how that goes in the phils, im not sure if you need a lawyer for that... There are lawyers here in gt, try consulting them, or google na lang...

Your kids should be your priority now...

[aquacharly]

Dami issues.  Let's just prioritize.  . 

1st, he is in rehab -- they will keep him there coz his mom reported him & he must have tested positive for drug use.  You cannot take him out of there to even transfer him to another rehab facility coz legally, you have no right over him -- you are not married.  And yes, his mom can sign that you be denied access to him.

36 and still dependent  on his mom.  This doesn't look good for you.
I hate to be the one to point this out, but:  you are alone, really. 
Your focus should be on how, without current shelter & financial support --  you & your 2 kids will survive.

Even if his mom is Cruella de buong Filipinas,  what can you do?
Hindi mo puede idemanda. (Puede You Tube mo if she comes around to do an Amalyer? episode on you.  But that will not advance your interests.)
Ok, she's a devil you say.  But you cannot blame her for your sad state now.  It is her son, yung ka live-in mo WHO put you in your sad state now.  You 2 had 5 years within which he could have helped you 2 become independent of his mom.  What did he do?  Some men just do not have it in them to be a padre de familia, guiding their family, advancing their family to betterment,  taking care of their family, etc.   

When he does get around to getting back to you, be prepared, be strong to be the main provider of your family.  You have experienced how he can let you down. 

5 years is 5 years. You can see it both ways.  5 years you don't want to throw  away; so you  will continue with this relationship, &  be the stronger  1 in charge of your family.
Or, you can look at the  5 years as your quota of trying to make everything work -- and now, it's time to move on.

[nageinna]

i think his mom prefers seeing his son inside a rehab than seeing him with you. and the rehab facility naman siguro won't take anyone ng basta basta lang if hindi naman nag positive yung tao sa drug test? i have to agree with si muy003. dont find him. kung gugustuhin niya talagang balikan kayo he'll find a way and i assume he knows naman how and where to find you if ever? kasi like you said his family hates you and wala kang makuhang info from them. so why waste your energy pa? ituon mo nalang lahat sa kids niyo. dont worry about your hubby. he's 36 years old! he can take care of himself. if tingin at pakiramdam niya na nalagay siya sa isang alanganing situation then let him be the one to find a way to work it out. it's his family anyway. i know waiting can be hard, especially if hindi mo alam kung hanggang kailan ka mag aantay. but at this point kasi, dead end ka na eh. wala ka nang makuhanang info.

maybe you're right, mabilis sabihin mag move on, but hindi ba mabilis lang din sabihin na not to lose hope? but mabilis bang gawin? either way you go mahirap. if you move on, ang daming factors to consider. kids mo, pinagsamahan niyo, yung love mo for him, etc. if you keep hoping and keep hanging on, nandyan yung parents niya or buong family niya na hindi ka titigilan and iba pang factors. so kahit anong piliin mo mahirap. you just have to weigh which choice would be worth it in the long run. two options, move on, have a normal life with your kids, be the best mom to them, as they mature enough you can explain to them mga pinagdaan mo, why you have to let go of their dad. and maybe, you'll get to meet someone na pwede punuan yung mga naging pagkukulang ng dad nila. or second option, fight for your hubby, suffer whatever "evil" things na dadalhin pa sa inyo ng mil mo. and hoping na hindi na madamay mga anak mo sa kasamaan niya and makita nila kung gaano kasama mil nila sa paglaki nila. and of course wait for your hubby to be man enough to stand up for your family. just think carefully. both decisions mahirap. but ano ba pinaka worth piliin? hindi lang para sayo. but also for your kids.

[jamberryknots]

first thing that entered my mind when i read the topic title is that since ikaw ang wife you should have the right/say over the rehab action but then hindi pala so yes yung mom niya [textspeak!] me right in 36 years of your partner's life naka depend sa parents? hindi nakapaghanap ng work on his own para sa family niyo kasi from your post sabi mo ikaw ang provider..

question lang din pwede ba iparehab ang isang person without proof i mean do they you prior to the admission what if negative hindi ba dapat hindi siya i-institutionalize, based on your post feeling mo hindi user si partner.. so bakit siya na-admit?

anyway, what is more important now is be strong, kamusta ka and the kids? nasaan kayo ngayon..advice ko you may hope for the best BUT prepare for the worst

stay strong you have two little angels depending on you

[muy003]

Sis TS, i think you need a hug, lotsa virtual hugs comingyour way..

Damn right, moving on is easier said than done, pero as madam aquacharly mentioned, maybe quota ka na after five years... Its not givinig up on your relationship, it's you living for yourself and your kids. Its hard if the kids are looking for him, pero what can you do? Sbihin mo ba na nagrehab si dad nila? Na tinago sya ng lola nila? I dont really know, but in this case, maybe you have to use your wits to DELAY na malamang ng kids ang truth. Id agree with other sisses, baka nga naman he tested positive in using kaya he was admitted, unless friendship ni mom ang admin ng rehab... Again, she's just trying to take her don away from you...

You were the one who said na dependent ang partner mo sa parents' money, kung 250 lang, eh pano naman your food and other necessities, pang gatas ni baby? Diapers? School needs ni 6yo? Ikaw lang ba nagtutustos nyan? What is he doing with his life? Isn't he working?

Sis TS, what you do next will be your decision, i hope you'll be guided accordingly. Pray ka, sis.. Pero i'll keep saying to you, he'll come for you if he wants to. Focus your energy on your kids while he's not here, kesa hanapin mo, eh kung tinago and mother dear is powerful enough to hide him, waste of time na lang yan, focus your energy on your kids...

[pinay_superstar]

Thank you sa lahat nang nagreply. I decided to move on coz i found out wala na palang dapat ipaglaban pa.

[junepets]

^ what happened na sis? just read this post now.

take care of your children. am sure you are a good provider... yun na rin naman ginawa mo for 5 years.

just keep on praying sis. we'll include you in our prayers to... *hugs*

[muy003]

^i hope you find peace, and eventually happiness, with your decision.

[maiandra]

will pray for and your kids sis. Hindi lang ikaw ang mahihirapan sa MIL mo, pati mga anak mo walang halaga sa kanya. Bago ka naman dumating sa eksena magulo na talaga pamilya nya, as you said, your hubby is actually a mentally and emotionally battered son.

But please keep us updated sis. Nakakatulong magrelease ng stress dito sa GT

[pinay_superstar]

Hi mga sis! I truly appreciate all the support and kind words.


Just to update you. He finally got out of rehab. He went straight to me and the children and explained everything that happened but just what i previously posted, I decided to move on and I am proud to say that I already did.


We are now civil and i might say friends. Already forgave him but i told him, I will never forget everything that i went through because of him and his family..


We went our separate ways but now he is trying to help me provide for my children.


Honestly, it is better this way. Now I am free and happy again.

[sistah!]

good for you sis!

i was feeling very sad when i read this thread (i just found this today) but you sounded like a reasonable being and while life obviously dealt you a blow with this horrible mother out law mo, at least you were able to move on. its also good that inspite of you not being with him, he's manned up to share the responsibility of parenting. may i ask lang, what happened that you realized na "wala na dapat ipaglaban"?

[whitesheep]

Sounds like hell.

Hubby should have a backbone and stand on his own, with or without the help of his parents! He's 36 and has a kid already!

You're better off alone than live with your in laws.

[enilec]

Hi sis! As i was reading your earlier posts I really felt sorry for your situation. I can empathize with you cos I experienced a similar situation. I'm glad that you have come to a decision to move on, and I think you made the right choice. Minsan, it's really hard to let go of someone lalo na when you were able to endure hellish experiences for that person. I'm confident things will be better for you since you've made the leap na. I really feel for you on your mother in law hoolaboo, cos my partner's mom was like a devil to me too (seriously). She really put out all the stops, lahat ng klaseng panggigipit kay bf, at pangungutya sakin ginawa nya.

Ang difference lang natin, my bf rose to the occasion at di ako pinabayaan. He made sure na wala na kong masasakit na salitang maririnig from his mom by being completely independent. Sa mom niya kasi siya nakatira noon, since he's only 22 at nagka-college pa. (btw i'm 23, bata pa kami) Maski yung ninakaw na personal money nung nanay nya sakanya, pinabayaan nalang nya ("inipiit" lang daw nya yung money ni bf to save him from the mistake of choosing me). Lahat ng atraso ng mom nya samin-we just let it all slide, and now in the end, siya din yung kawawa dahil kahit anung paninira ginawa sakin, ako pa din pinili ng only son nya. Para siyang naawalan ng anak sa sarili niyang kagagawan. Right now, we're renting an apartment, he just graduated sa university and pareho kaming nagw-work so we don't need to rely on anyone to get by. Challenging, yes. But definitely rewarding.

Payo ko nalang sayo, Believe in karma sis, si God ang mag gaganti sa lahat ng ginawa sayo ng nanay ng ex mo. And lastly, wag na wag ka manghinayang kay guy. A man who can't stand up for you will never be worth keeping. Yung mga bagay naman na nawala sayo, you'll earn them back. Prayers at pagtitiyaga lang. Good luck and God bless you, sis.

[sum.mer]

Ohmy sis. Naiyak ako sa post mo because I went through the same thing, yun nga lang kayo married, kami hindi. Ganyang ganyan din yung nanay at maraming beses pina-rehab yung bf ko. Anyway, all the times he experienced it, after sometime nagkita din kami cos he found a way to see me. Pero ang ending, ganun pa din, na-rehab sya and that last time, wala na talaga. Nacut-off  communication namin.

So for you siguro sana keep communicating. Tsaka sis wag ka masyado padala sa emotions. Yun ang naging mali ko dati eh. Kasi pag nagpadala ka, you'll regret in the end. Be strong kung talagang gusto mo, ipaglaban mo basta wala ka mali ginagawa. Mahirap pero keep a focused mind. Sa ganyan, pautakan na lang. Basta wag ka din gagawa masama. Use your time wisely and look for a steady source of income para di kayo nakadepend kahit konti man lang sa parents nya. Mabuti na yung kayo lang sa sarili nyo.

Take care

[jhenpretty]

To sis TS, sobrang nalungkot ako sa situation niyo ng mga anak mo. Pero mabuti at nakayanan mong lampasan yung problemang pinagdaanan mo. I will just pray for you at sa mga anak mo na mabigyan kayo ng strength, guidance, blessings and happiness. Just be a good mother to your kids.. Kaya mo yan sis..  Big hug sa inyo ng angels mo.. *- -*

[sugar n spice]

Well, ako naman I'm happy for you since you come to realize na hindi nyo kelangan na magkasama kayo sa hirap na walang paparating na ginhawa. What matters most is you're now "free" and happy.

I can tell that you're a very strong woman. Goodluck sa bagong path na tinatahak mo . Hope your kids are okay, too.   

[twelvth_goddess]

Pinay_superstar, I admire you for being strong enough for you and your kids. I think most of the GTalkers here have pointed out what I want to say to you so I'll just wish you luck in your new endeavors and I pray that you and your kids find peace and happiness. Kaya mo yan, madameng single moms out there who are very successful on their own