Annulment

[kaiz]

di ko alam ano dapat title ng thread na to.
anyway, my husband and i have been married for 4 years. we have 2 kids. sa 4 years na yun, mas madalas ang away. ang daming unresolved issues. now i want an annulment na. nawala na all the love for my husband. di lang ako makapagdecide WHEN ako dapat makipaghiwalay, now or hintay pa ako ng years. but definitely, aabot kami dun. for now, iniisip ko kasi the kids, the relationship with the inlaws, the inconvenience na haharapin ko once nalaman nila na nakikipag usap na ako sa lawyer. ang gulo gulo ng isip ko.

[i_v_y]

hi sis.

tingin mo ba annulment na ang solusyon sa problema? hindi na ba kayang dalhin sa pag uusap at mag compromise kayo? wala na ba talagang love?

anyway, sa kahit anong paghihawalay laging may inconvenience. while you are thinking of it, maraming worries. when you get to that point, kakayanin mo din yan. it all begins sa single step at magtutuloy tuloy na yun.

when i was in the process of wanting to tell my husband that i was leaving, ang hirap hirap. ang dami kong worries; families, in laws, family days with my friends... mababago yung kinasanayang ko na cycle. pero i had to do it and i did. tapos na realized ko  na, sayang lang yung time na nagworry ako kasi it was not that bad at all.

good luck sis. i know how it is to be in that sitch. pray, pray a lot.

[kaiz]

^did you file for annulment sis?

[rara_avis]

Have you thought about marriage counselling or trial separation? If not, I think dapat i-try nyo muna ito and see if things will work out and para ma-assess nyo mabuti what the real problem is.  Minsan kasi sa sobrang galit natin sa partner natin we tend to think na nawala na yung love but ang totoo natatabunan lang dahil sa ill feelings natin towards them. Medyo incomplete kasi ang story mo so I think mas makakakuha ka ng sound advice from the others kung magbibigay ka ng more details about your marital woes.

[aquacharly]

Marriage is a journey of joys & hardships.
If you fight because of problems/trials ... Counselling  will help. Coz it most probably is a case of poor communication.   IMO, problems are just trials ---   solvable.

But if it isn't problems/trials  destroying your relationship, but a spouse's aberrant/dysfunctional  character/habit/behavior:   Abusiveness/immaturity/irresponsibility/ serial infidelity/addiction to gambling/drugs/alcohol/etc -- 
Yan mahirap.  Solvable but it takes more than an upgrade of communication skills. 

When is it time to call it quits?
When you bring out the worst in each other most of the time.
Or, when there is no more/very little  respect, or  kindness,  towards each other.

As for physically abused women --  the 2nd sapakan should be the quitting point.
Puedeng ma Boink! after the 1st upak; so give 1 more chance, if forgiveness is sought with a promise never to do it again.  So, after a 2nd performance -- -  do not hang around for a repeat, you may die before your time.   The violence escalates, take note.
Sure, some will say:   Leave, after the 1st incident of physical abuse.  Realistically, very few women achieve that.  It's a complicated package of love, hope, trust in a promise it will not happen again, lack of options, may be financial dependency, etc etc etc.   So, there.

[imbisibol_]

kaiz, it's hackneyed and probably what you don't want to hear right now, but this is where the "for better or worse" really comes in.  i hope you and your husband get through this.

[jojo2978]

Lahat ng phases sa buhay natin posibleng may ups and downs.  Just be careful sis on deciding whether to push through with annulment.  Consideration is the kids then yourself, huli na siguro yung hubby mo and the in-laws.  Give yourself time to really think things through after that time, kung anuman ang decision mo, stick with it.  In assessing sis, don't find reasons to leave the marriage.  Unahin muna siguro iconsider yung reasons to stay. (Sana mapanindigan ko to when I get married... OT)

[kaiz]

thank you for your replies.

^sis, considering my kids, i feel mas maigi friends nalang kami ni hubby. my hubby kasi, kapag galit, whether nasa harap namin the kids or wala, pag gusto nya magbasag ng things, talagang magbabasag. there was even a time na nilabas niya his gun para ipakita na serious sya when he said bawal ako lumabas that day, nilabas niya the gun infront of everybody including my son.. when i talked to him about it, sabi lang fault ko kasi pinainit ko ulo niya

[sachagirl]

^ sis that incident for me is alarming. i won't take it lightly.it could mean he is capable of doing worse than that. but, this is just me.

blaming you for his anger is i think a sign of a chronic abuser. don't let him make you believe that everything is your fault. as early as now better seek professional help. baka kailangan lang din ni hubby mo ng tulong to help him resolve his issues.when you decide think about yourself. whatever can be good for your wellbeing can be good to your kids, too. ika nga nila you have to love yourself first bago mo matutunang mahalin ang iba. hindi mo maibibigay ang isang bagay n wala k.

for me, more than love, it is respect that has to be, first and foremost, in the relationship. pag wala n kasing respect labo-labo n yan.kahit ano pwede mong sabihin at gawin s partner mo whether makabuti s kanya yan or makasama because you don't see each other as a person and a human being. without respect tingin mo lang s kanya ay gamit or hayop lang that is at your disposal.

sorry, mahaba na.

wish you the best, sis. prayers to you, too. God bless.

[Janet31]

Do what you think is the best sis...
what makes you happy but make sure kaya mong buhayin mga kids mo.

[enitsirhk]

thank you for your replies.

^sis, considering my kids, i feel mas maigi friends nalang kami ni hubby. my hubby kasi, kapag galit, whether nasa harap namin the kids or wala, pag gusto nya magbasag ng things, talagang magbabasag. there was even a time na nilabas niya his gun para ipakita na serious sya when he said bawal ako lumabas that day, nilabas niya the gun infront of everybody including my son.. when i talked to him about it, sabi lang fault ko kasi pinainit ko ulo niya

same tayo sis, ganyan din hubby ko. pag may nagawa na siya physically or may nasabi ng masakit, sasabihin sa akin, pinainit ko daw kasi ulo niya. yung ugali daw niya nakadepende sa kung ano sinabi or ginawa ko. tsk!
sis, if your planning for an annulment, do you think he will agree? diba hindi magpupush through ang filing ng annulment kung yung isa ay hindi agree?

[i_v_y]

^did you file for annulment sis?

sorry sis, super late reply. haven't filed an annulment yet but hopefully this year.

[sachagirl]

wish you luck, sis. God bless.

[sexyladyyy]

hi, if i may also butt in this thread, this is my story

7 years married, both has stable job
2 kids, 6 and 5 years old
5th year - i was able to find out that he ws having affair with his co-worker. i confronted him, gave him a chance, life goes on...
7th year - now, he is having this sexual fantasy with my yaya. he was texting the yaya. basta long story. in short, makati ang asawa ko.

i have now decided that its time to let go, i am just waiting for my plan to materialize next week and then ill speak to him, hopefully he will agree and it will be a mutual decision.
i am sad for my kids but i need to do this coz i cannot take it anymore

[kaiz]

^ano magiging grounds mo sis? sabi kasi pag infedility, legal separation lang daw, hindi annulment.

[japonica]

hi mga sis. i strongly suggest sis that you consult with a psychologist / psychiatrist who can help counsel you regarding your relationship. maganda din ang suggestion na mag couples counseling, pero una sa lahat mahalaga na magkaroon ka ng session with your own doctor who will listen to you to help you sort out your feelings and your experience. this is for your own safety and the safety of your children.

unfortunately, what you have described na behaviour of your husband is "not normal". hindi normal in the sense that the violence displayed is not the normal reaction of a person who is "stable". sis, hindi normal ang labasan kayong mag iina ng baril dahil nagalit siya.  o magbasag ng mga gamit.  sa pag aaral about battered wives, the abuse actually starts with verbal abuse.  sa totoo lang he may be liable for violating the VAWC law - the anti- violence against women and children act - for doing what you just described.

one of the basis for annulment is psychological incapacity. if you file your case based on this, you would need the certification of a Psychologist who could testify in your behalf. so if you really thinking seriously about filing the case, might be good to consult a psychologist na. if you do not know any, i can refer you to someone.

medyo expensive lang talaga ang annulment because of this. cost of filing and completing an annullment case  around 7 years ago ay umaabot na ng 250,000 pesos.  you need to pay for your lawyer and the doctors/ psychologist/ psychiatrist. and hindi din assured na mananalo. i-c-contest kasi yan ng state/ government. look at the case of Amy Perez.  if you are Catholic, may hiwalay din na proseso ang annulment sa Catholic church which you need to undergo na iba pa sa court declared annulment so that you can remarry again in Church.  am not sure with other religions.

sana pumasa ang Divorce Bill para hindi na kailangan magtiis ng maraming babae (at lalake)

[leonilyn]

napadaan lang kasi badtrip ako sa asawa ko.. ahaha..

anyway! makailang beses nakong nagplanong makipaghiwalay sa asawa ko. Marami akong reasons like dependent sa magulang, mahina ang loob, walang kusang palo, kulang sa diskarte etc. Pero tuwing napag uusapan namin ang ganyan hindi niya ako pinapatulan. Sasabihin lang niya HINDI AKO PAPAYAG DAHIL KELANGAN MOKO period! I think of the reasons to stay and parang matatabunan naman ang mga kahinaan ng asawa ko na pwede naman niyang mapunan with my assistance or support.

Pero sa case mo TS parang lalayasan ko siya. Nung oras pa lang na nilabasan ka ng baril, kung ako yun wala nang isip isip pa. I'll pack my things and bring the kids with me na. Mahirap na baka mademonyo siya at makalabit ang gatilyo sorry kayo..

[jojo2978]

^ano magiging grounds mo sis? sabi kasi pag infedility, legal separation lang daw, hindi annulment.

sis, siyempre di gagamitin ng lawyer ni is sexyladyyy if ever mag file ng annulment yung ground na infidelity pero iaanchor nila dito to establish psychological incapacity...

[sexyladyyy]

^ hi, yes most probably this is under pyschological incapacity.... 

[airish_2]

depende sa case depende kung anong dahilan para mag trigger na gusto mo na humiwalay.

 kaya nga "for better or for worse" hindi puro better.

pag gusto mo na humiwalay hahanapan mo talaga ng mali yung tao.