on second chances

[tHea000]

Hello.

I posted it here because I want to get the opinion of married women out there, but pwede ka din magcomment if single ka pa. 

Anyway, separated na ako from my husband for almost 4 years or 3 although hindi pa legally but wala na talaga. He had several flings after me while ako, I remained single. After a year or two, nagsawa na yata sa mga babae nya so he's into us again. He helped me with the finances although clear sakin and siguro sa kanya din na we talk because of the kids, nothing more.

Lately mejo nagiging maayos kami. Several times he asked me before if may bf na ako or if i want him back. I never answered his questions. I was afraid of falling for him again. Until lately, I did. After years of convincing myself na ayaw ko na, the truth came out, I still wanted this family to work. Should I tell him or should I wait for him to ask me? Are second chances ok, even when the cause of the breakup is infidelity? 

[ysa.belle]

are you willing to trust him again? are you willing to risk getting hurt again sis?

[aquacharly]

Do not be the 1 to make the move towards Reconcilation.
Determine 1st, if he is into True Remorse & Reform.  Without that, you are better off where you are. 
It's said:   The 1st Betrayal is his fault;
                The 2nd Betrayal is your stup1dity.
               
But if you do reconcile --
Do not do it for the kids --  even with only 1 functioning, nurturing parent  -- they will thrive.
Do not do it for your marital vows.  --  A marriage is a Contract, not a Life Sentence.
Do it for yourself, because it will make you happy.

Trust?  If you give him a 2nd Chance, you must clear the slate.
A new beginning, no nagging.
Sure, you will never forget  -- but you do not have to go back to the unpleasant memories like watching a lousy movie again & again. 
     

[everythingnice]

hi sis. wala naman masama kung bibigyan mo nang second chance. pero isipin mo po kung ready ka ulit masaktan, kung malilimutan mo ba yung mga painful memories mo sakanya.  mahirap kasi yung mag babalikan kayo tapos in the end mag susumbatan kayo. atsaka sis wait mo po siya  ang gumawa nang move. para kunwari pakipot effect ka hehe.   and isipin mo din po kung willing ka pang ibigay ang trust mo sakanya.

[tHea000]

thanks everyone.

trust, yes i can. with 4 years being separated and we never really talked that time, siguro nakapagpatawad na ako. almost 1 year na when he came back and helped me with the kids. and sa alam ko in this one year span, he did not enter  into any relationship. we have common friends so mejo updated din ako sa buhay nya.

we married young, as in really young so i guess part of the reason why we broke up is our immaturity. now, i can see that he's a changed man.

but i will try to look for more signs if he's really into us na din and yes, i will not be the one to start the reconciliation. 

[chicafabulosa]

I agree with sis aquacharly.. Going back to him will means huge trust. He has done it once, he can do it again. Only trust will make your relationship work again. Dont do it for your kids, do it for yourself. But of course make sure once you go back with him, you musnt mention anything about his past mistakes. You should be able to move forward and even if you're really mad, you must control yourself from bringing up the past..

Good luck sis

[tHea000]

^awww yeah the pains of not knowing what could have been. about counselling, saan kaya kami pwede makakuha nito?

[juni]

Try the Center for Family Ministries sa Ateneo, or you could also go to your local pastor or priest.  What's important is that it should be someone you both trust and who will have all of your best interests at heart.  Good luck sis

[gripfast]

It's really hard to bring bring back yung trust noh?

If you're going to give him a second chance, make sure that lahat ay clear and that you fully trust him and walang doubts. Mahirap kasi pag may doubts.

[ceejhei]

^ trust is also an issue for me. kaya if ever you decided to get back together, let him know na parang you will give your trust again pero its up to him if he will break it again.  or something like that. don't forget to pray for guidance also. God Bless

[break_free]

Ako, baka NO.

Tama si sis Aquacharly, don't do it for the kids or for the marriage to work, do it for yourself.

Baka naman kaya siya babalik ay dahil matanda na siya at hindi na maka kuha ng girls. Eh pano kung naging kayo ulit at may dumating na malanding babae at patulan niya?

Basta hintayin mo siya gumawa ng paraan ng sobra yung tipong talagang kukulitin ka niya at sincere na sincere. Yung aaminin niya pagkakamali niya before. Ngayon kung patanong-tanong lang sa text or chat, wag na.

[wenggat]

personally i believed in second chances. i experienced being betrayed once. we parted ways but after a few months he came to me asking for forgiveness and a second chance to prove himself. to cut the story short, i forgave him and gave him my trust again but i told him na once be betrayed me again, no more reconciliations talaga. and fortunately, he proved his words naman and it's been 3 years na since we reconciled and so far wala na ulit naging issue regarding infidelity. sa una mahirap din talaga mag-adjust kasi you will always remember the pain. pero with prayers na rin, maoovercome naman. wag lang din talaga i-brought up yung past mistakes kasi definitely that will not be of help. make new memories together and pray for your marriage/relationship.