How to deal: malalanding pa-damsel in distress na babae

[miss parker]

ay ganon sis? buti ok na kayo ni hubby. kaya saken pag may ganyan sa hubby ko ay nataas agad ang radar ko.. nakikiramdam agad ako.

[mommylyn]

oh well, I don't need to tell my hubby to stay away from this kind of woman kasi he learned his lesson the hard way because of malalanding pa-damsel in distress.. LOL!  the next time dumikit sya or tumulong, sumama na lang sya, para talagang magtulungan na sila for the rest of their effin lives!

dahil sa thread na ito, naalala ko tuloy yun malanding ex-kabit ng hubby ko.  ganitong-ganito ang naging style ng malanding iyon kaya si hubby naman, feeling nya ang galing nya!! tanda na kiri pa! di makuntento sa asawa nya, makikihati naman sa asawa ng iba. 

[agape]

Last time naawa si hubby sa isang 17 year old poor (but sexy), may baby (pero iniwan ng bf),

she's a minor. buti hindi siya kinasuhan.

[gab54]

^mismo! kaya lang nung na discover ko ang affair 1 year later, kaka debut lang 

[mommylyn]

Last time naawa si hubby sa isang 17 year old poor (but sexy), may baby (pero iniwan ng bf), they ended up having a 1 year affair. At first it's awa, then pwedeng madevelop. Feeling ni hubby siya ang "knight in shining armor" ni damsel in distress. kaya ayun, pinerahan pa! 
pero past na yun. Good boy na uli si hubby. ok kami sobra... 

sis, buti na lang din nun nakipaghiwalay si hubby mo hindi nakaisip manakot or mag demanda kuno para mas perahan ang hubby mo.
ako naman hubby ko lapitin ng mga mas may edad sa kanya. ewan ko ba! puros 7yrs above yun lumalandi sa kanya at may mga asawa pa. kakalokang mga matrona!

[gab54]

^oo nga! buti nalang... 

[anachanel]

Different point of view lang:
Hindi naman lahat ng babaeng may problem, malandi. Sometimes we just need a different point of view that a guy could give. Given that your guys landed girls like you means that madiskarte sila and have a good opinion on things.

I have some guy friends na may gfs who have gotten jealous of me because i ask for their opinion regarding dating, boys, intentions, etc. Some say I'm malandi pero sometimes a guy's opinion is different talaga e, specially a guy who has a gf / wife (in terms of relationship problems) kasi napagdaanan na nila - they give me insights na minsan hindi ko man lang naisip.

If my guy has a girl like that naman and may nararamdaman na ako, I'll tell him that I'm feeling off sa closeness nila ni girl. I trust him enough to respect that or at least to make a more forward effort to appeasing my concern - weather introducing me to the girl, or asking me to help in the girl's situation as well.

[miss parker]

hindi naman yan sis sa basta nag aask ka ng opinion nila. its about those women na ganun ang style.

ikaw nag aask ka lang ng opinion, no HIDDEN AGENDA. Pero kasi yun iba like those mentioned above, meron ibang agenda

[agape]

Prevention is better since a cure is almost impossible, takes years to earn/give forgiveness and earn/give trust and to heal the hurt, forget and move on. Usually, by the time you sense something is wrong, your partner is already in deep sh*t. Up to you to take the risk of ignoring, brushing off the signs and symptoms.

I respect my married guy friends to stay away if needed, I don't want to be cause of anyone's relationship problems, even when you think you are helping, let them be.

most affairs naman siguro hindi sinasadya ng one or both parties, meaning no agenda. People fall in love the same way they fall into affairs. If you want to know about marriage, ask the couple, andnot the married spouse opposite your sex, don't leave room for misinterpretation of your true intentions. Let no one separate them. Relationships are so fragile. Small talks can easily lead to affairs, its called temptation. Everything starts small.

[monbla]

Even if walang malisya, I think we should still respect the boundaries of couples. Kapag sa una, always assume that girlfriends would not be okay. Be considerate of their feelings.

Tsaka lang siguro pwede kapag expressedly sinabi na nung gf or wife na ok. Pero ang default, keep a respectful distance.

Kahit sainyo wala lang yun, may real stress pa rin yun na pwede idulot sa relationship.

[charmedwitch776]

Prevention is better since a cure is almost impossible, takes years to earn/give forgiveness and earn/give trust and to heal the hurt, forget and move on. Usually, by the time you sense something is wrong, your partner is already in deep sh*t. Up to you to take the risk of ignoring, brushing off the signs and symptoms.

-this is so true!

kami ni husband me past na sa ganyan kaya sobrang yun radar ko nakataas na once me umaaligid sa kanya na babae kahit ano pa itawag nya sa kanila! ewan pero naku sobrang wary na ako sa terms na "shoulder to cry on" and " I'm just trying to comfort/help her"!!!

immediately nagtatanong na ako who is she, bakit sya yun kinakausap, anong problem etc pero in a nice way....pag ganon alam na ni husband

hay naku ewan sa mga girls na ganito! kasi naman if me gf/asawa na yun lalaki kahit friends or officemate or whatever diba respeto na lang hwag na sila yun tawagan/text/email pag me problema ! humanap nalang ng single male na pede hingahan or pagsabihan ng loob at galit sa mundo or makasama in times of problem para if me madevelop or mag end up sa bed yun pagiyak eh okay lang..available pareho at walang masasaktan!!!

oh diba violent reaction talaga ako 

[snowflakes]

ang dating kase sa asawang babae bina bypass sha at walang respect sa kanya as wife nung guy. if gusto mo talaga huminge ng opinion ng lalake kung kakausapin mo sha dapat alam ng asawa or kaharap ang asawa. siguro naman friend mo din yung babae diba? if hinde mo naman close yung babae eh maghanap ka na lang ng ibang makakausap kesa ikaw pa pagmulan ng away nila.
hinde selos ang tawag dun sa part ng babae, kundi respeto. pakiramdam namin nababastos kami pag kinakausap ang asawa namin ng private at tngkol sa problema at ayaw kami isama or isali. respeto lang para walang gulo!

[lisse]

Kasama ba dito yung mga babae na nasa resto-bar kayo, tapos nalasing kuno and papaakay or sasandal kunwari sa mg bf/hubby niyo tapos si bf/hubby naman concerned kuntodo alalay sa sasakyan or taxi. Grrr! Haller, 1 bote ng san mig light hindi na makagulapay? Asar talaga ako sa babaeng yun, ex na ng bestfriend ni hubby (kasi ganun pala ugali). kaya pagdating talaga sa bahay nakatikim sakin si hubby, I pointed out the obvious and wag siya masyadong gullible na ganon even if gf pa un ng friend niya (back then).
Parang may pinaghuhugutan talaga eh, haha!

[hisana]

Ok lang naman siguro if every once in a while may humihingi ng advice or simply may gusto lang masabihan ng problema. Ayoko lang talaga yung lagi na lang na kahit simpleng bagay eh takbo agad kay bf or hubby. Yung panay text, call, invite mag-inuman para mapag-usapan yung problema...I would get suspicious (unless na lang long-time friend na nya ito na kilala ko rin at talagang may serious problem). Been there, done that.

To add: Sabi ni bf, wag daw magbulag-bulagan; mini/full-blown affairs sometimes really do arise from situations like this more often than we think. Take note daw na hindi lang yung malandi yung may kasalanan, the bf or hubby is EQUALLY at fault. Hindi yung kesyo na-seduce or what, na nilandi lang daw sya. Kaya trust your instincts.

[sk8rboyswife]

Our sisters here who have commented about being respectful to the wives' feelings, right on to that. As what my husband told me, bakit maglalaan siya ng time sa problema ng iba eh kung may pamilya siyang mas kailangan ang oras niya, unless, he gains any benefit from it, so may "something".

Magsisimula pa lang sila gumawa at maglaro ng apoy, buhusan na agad ng tubig.

[erin1992]

Magsisimula pa lang sila gumawa at maglaro ng apoy, buhusan na agad ng tubig.

naalala ko tuloy yung nagyari samin lately. friend ko yung girl, sakin unang nagsabi at nanghingi ng payo and stuff. so, kinwento ko kay bf.  nagtanong din ako kay bf ano masasabi nya sa sitwasyon ni friend. tas, later on, ayun, magka-chat na pala sila. wala namang malisya yung mga chats nila, pero feeling ko may something (o talagang TH lang ako?) ayun. kinausap ako ni bf, masyado daw akong selosa, lahat daw pinagseselosan ko pati kaibgan ko. well, napagselosan ko nga si friend, so kinausap ko sya tungkol dun. ayun, sa ngayon naman ok na.

sorry kung medyo OT.

[snowflakes]

walang pagkakaiba yan sa babaeng ayaw maging kaibigan ang babae pero gusto lang ang lalake. samnatalang sabay nyo lang sha nakilala. in short may HD na agad ang girl. kung matino kang babae matuto kang rumespeto, tapos!

[prettylalaine]

mejo OT pero i have this super, super close guy friend na married. nakilala ko siya married na siya. generally friendly siya pero lapitin din siya ng chicks. we tell life stories, secrets, lahat na. kilala ako ng asawa niya kasi kinukwento niya ako dun sa wife. at first may konting selos, pero siguro sa sobra tiwala ni wife sa hubby niya never nila ako pinag-awayan. take note, yung mga nakakakilala samin, akala kami. i finally got to meet the wife. konting konting ilang on her part pero parang wala nga, baka guni-guni ko lang. we got along well naman. pero it's not to say na magiging as close kami katulad ng hubby niya. iba kasi foundation namin ni guy. although given a chance i think magiging okay din kami ni wife. but the bottom line is never nila akong naging problema and the guy and i continue to be the best of friends. so depende pa rin sa tao yan. hindi naman porket may asawa ka na wala ka ng sariling mundo. meron pa rin naman. you have to grow both individually and together with your spouse. you always get a choice whom to befriend. kung matinong tao naman yung kaibigan mo pero pinagseselosan pa rin ni partner, eh sorry na lang, live with the fact na makitid si partner.

on topic. may kilala akong ganyan. may bf siya tapos yung nilalandi niya may gf din (parehong live in). she likes the guy a lot although di siya ganun kagarapal verbally pero sa moves niya sobra. ikiskis ba ang boobs sa braso ni guy all the time (laki kasi tlaga, mapapatitig ka. pero parang sag na nga eh). it came to a point pa na on the verge of breaking up na yung guy at gf kasi panay eksena siya, pasama dito, patulong sa ganyan. pero it turned out faithful naman yung guy. mabait lang talaga. ewan ko kay ate kung anong problema niya pero pangalawang landi episode niya na yun eh. yung una sa isang committed guy rin. mahilig siya sa tisoy at pogi (yung mga nilalandi niya) pero ang bf niya kabaliktaran. i really don't understand bakit siya ganyan or bakit may ganyang babae. and i am sharing this kasi naiirita nga ako sa kanya sa ganyang ugali niya.

[monbla]

^ good on you for having a healthy relationship with a married guy. of course, it's possible.

But personally, the wife comes first. Always. Kahit walang malisya or whatever whatever, comfort level niya dapat masusunod. In your case, cool yung wife niya kaya ok lang. (Or baka di lang nila sinasabi if nabother man before yung wife but they were able to work it out). Pero pag wife na yung nagsabi na hindi siya comfortable, I think this should be respected by the husband. Hindi nito ibig sabihin na FO na kayo ng guy, but more of, earn the trust first.

[hisana]

^
Yes. Maybe hindi obvious dun sa "damsel." But if these supposedly harmless interactions are really bothering the wife, I suggest that the guy distance himself a bit from the other girl. Ang daming pwedeng maging kaibigan yan, hindi naman mamamatay yung other girl from loneliness and despair siguro. Plus you wouldn't want your married guy friend to have a strained relationship with his wife, would you?

Pansin ko kasi may mga pa-close na girls sa ibang guys na, while they say there's nothing serious going on, iba pa rin ang dating sa wife at sa ibang tao. So how can you blame the wife for thinking such things when that's how things look to everyone else outside of the friendship. Nakakaparanoid, at nakakahiya na rin sa ibang tao to see your husband is carrying on in such a close way with another girl. 

May best friend yung ex-bf ko dati na girl. Medyo sweet sya kay ex-bf. Mas marami pa syang texts to bf kaysa sa akin at nakakapag out of town sila (with other friends) na hindi ako invited. Ex-bf carried her stuff around, kahit handbag lang yan. Hinahatid kung kailangan or kung saan nagpapasama. He sometimes canceled our dates kung biglang kailangan sya ni best friend. They said na wala lang daw yun. I had a guy best friend din once, pero hindi kami ganito! So ayun, I dropped the boy and left them to their own little world. Sabi nga ni current bf, wag magtanga-tangahan.