JELOUSY PROBLEM

[redhead69]

my brother is like this. syempre siguro pag magkasama sila ng gf nya behave lang sya. pero pag ako kasama nya hindi magkandaugaga ang mga mata nya kaka checkout sa mga pretty girls sa mall, sa kalsada, sa jeep, everywhere! sasabihin pa nya "uy, ate oh, pwede yun oh!" or "hmm pwede." minsan tingin palang nya alam ko nang may chinecheck out sya. LOL! at siguro mas malala sya pag barkada nya kasama nya. does he have a cheating history? uhm, parang meron. not that he told me directly, pero may alam ako. so pag napansin mo na he does this all the time, he might have probably already cheated a bit. hehe. kasi ok lang naman siguro kung minsan lang lalo na pag yung girl eh talagang pansinin with the way she dresses or pag super pretty talaga. kahit naman ako siguro mapapatingin. pero pag  palagi and it really bothers you, kausapin mo na lang bf mo. and you will sense naman pag may ginawa na syang kalokohan. tipong he already went beyond patingin tingin.

^nako siguro mamatay ako sa selos pag ganyan bf ko. Kakadepress bakit ganon ibang guys. ano kaya magandang treatment sa ganyan. Silent Treatment, Torture treatment? hahahaha haaay

[angelzero]

^depends on you. pero mas maganda kung confrontation na talaga lalo na pag garapal. that he doesn't even bother to be subtle. kasi pag silent treatment, hindi nya malalaman bakit ka nagagalit. or pwede ka din nya hindi pansinin. pwede rin tanungin nya bakit ka galit. kung sasabihin mo rin naman lang, direchahan na. that's what i would do.

since it's just my brother who's like that, i just tell him to cut out it out and that he's gross. and i jokingly say i have his gf's number. hehe

[IronLady]

thanks sis jaemi.. pero parang ayoko naman ibe-friend yung mga friend nyang girls. i can only trust him talaga. siguro pag nagloko edi goodbye na..

[redhead69]

Ngayon. Nagturn on nanaman ang pagka selosa ko. Ewan ko kung mayproblem ba sa akin. Lalo na ngayon nalaman ko na all girls ang katrabaho ng bf ko and 2 lang silang lalaki. </3 I dont know what to do. I know kelangan ng trust pero, takot ako masaktan. Ayoko maramdaman yon. Sobrang takot ako.

[IronLady]

^naku sis ganyan din ako. takot tayo mabreak yung trust natin sa kanila. andami na rin kasi malalandi ngayon. at eto pa, usong uso yang mga kwento na naagaw, nalandi. ay nako. kaya paranoid na tayo. pero come to think of it may magagawa ba tayo? alangan naman pagresign-in naten si bf? hay. pero kilala mo naman bf mo diba? kung kaya nyang lokohin o ipagpalit ka? ako mejo mellow down muna ang pagseselos. iniisip ko kung mangyari man yun e, di ako ang pinili nya edi goodbye na lang. baka may ibang guy pa dyan na mamahalin tayo at di magloloko..

[rheinfall18]

Well, problem ko na to ever since. It's not that im insecure. Cute naman ako, Sexy naman ako, Matalino naman ako and im a loving gf (Kapal ng mukha no? haha) pero bakit ganon. Everytime na magkasama kami sa mall or somewhere at pag napapatingin siya sa ibang girls. Nagseselos ako. Well mararamdaman mo naman yun di ba, na tinitignan niya yung girl. Kahit sinasabi niya na "hindi, yung poster yung tinitignan ko." Well, I mist admit na alot of guys talaga mapapatingin sa attractive girls kahit attractive ka na. Human nature na yun e. But bakit ganon. It Turns me off talaga everytime na tumitingin siya sa iba. I feel so bad, and parang gusto ko na lang makipaghiwalay. HELP please.

hiwalayan mo na girlie kesa maging problema nyo pa yan, tapos maghanap ka ng guy na hindi mo magiging problem yan. subtraction lang yan e para di na sumakit ulo mo. e kung ayaw mo naman hiwalayan e di paka-mature ka na para hindi ka magkaron ng ganyang attitude. go girl!

remember: kung hanggang tingin lang si boyet ok lang yan pero kung may intensyon pa syang iba bukod dun e ibang usapan na yan!

[lady_avoidant]

Hayy ganyan din bf ko.. napapatingin sa mga pretty girls.. pag sa fb naman e nag aappreciate sa mga pretty artists pag kasama niya barkada niya.. nakakainis na rin e pag nasasabi niyang.. anganda naman ni ____, swerte si ___ sa kanya... hayyyy di ko pa siya na confront nito e kasi minsan parang nasasagasaan ego ko..hayy

[simang]

Never namin naging problem ang jealousy. Siguro talagang natural akong hindi selosa, and sya din, pero i think more than anything we don't give each other valid reasons to get jealous.

Nung bago pa lang kami siguro mga 3 months into dating ang daming instances na nakikita ko sya tumitingin sa ibang girls. May one time pa nga, sinundan nya ng tingin simula pagkapasok nung girl sa pinto hanggang sa makaupo sya dun sa isang spot sa room where we were in. To begin with, the girl is petite and mestiza and has long hair and nakadress and nakaheels, your typical pretty girl, yung type ng karamihan talaga. I'm very aware from the beginning naman na i'm not his usual type, at least based on his exes. Pero at the back of my head, mas naging proud ako that time, haha. Naisip ko kase, he chose me. He could choose that girl, or any other girl, but in reality, he choose to be with me everyday. He kisses me, he hugs me, we have great sex, and he professes his love for me everyday. May rason pa ba ako magselos nyan? Eh tingin lang ginawa nya dun sa girl diba.

Ako i think one major way to not be insecure about your partner is to be secure with yourself. You know your place naman diba. If he treats you badly, ibang usapan na yun. But if simple glance lang to other people, i think mas may problem ang esteem ng babae instead of the guy having a wandering eye.

Ngayon di ko na sya nakikita na tumitingin sa ibang girls. Maybe di na talaga sya tumitingin, or maybe i just dont waste my energy being all vigilant about him looking at other girls. Either way, our relationship is the healthiest i've been in, and i've never been happier.

[Girltalker2]

Never namin naging problem ang jealousy. Siguro talagang natural akong hindi selosa, and sya din, pero i think more than anything we don't give each other valid reasons to get jealous.

Ako i think one major way to not be insecure about your partner is to be secure with yourself. You know your place naman diba. If he treats you badly, ibang usapan na yun. But if simple glance lang to other people, i think mas may problem ang esteem ng babae instead of the guy having a wandering eye.

Agree sis!

Una una, the guy should not give you a reason to get jealous. Pangalawa, ikaw mismo dapat hindi ka rin insecure and should work on yourself, if ever ikaw ang reason. Pero sometimes nakaka-doubt kasi especially kung first BF mo.

Ito kasi yung dilemma: Iniisip ng iba, baka something is wrong with me, o baka yung BF ang nagpapabigay sakin ng ganitong feeling.

And dito papasok ang lessons 101 about having a BF - huwag magBF ng maaga.  Scout around muna, wait around muna. Know your partner, Know thyself.  Once you have all the answers, then you are ready to have a good relationship.

^nako siguro mamatay ako sa selos pag ganyan bf ko. Kakadepress bakit ganon ibang guys. ano kaya magandang treatment sa ganyan. Silent Treatment, Torture treatment? hahahaha haaay

Meron talagang guys na ganyan. Kasi start palang kasi ng relationship or dating ninyo, you have to be wise enough to drop those you think have great potential to do this - to make you insecure.  At huwag pagtyagaan ang hindi naman talaga worth ng oras mo. Hirap makasama ang ganyan panghabangbuhay.



 

[vainballerina]

Ako naman baliktad. Yung bf ko naman yung super duper mega seloso. As in lahat pati mga kapatid nyang guy pinagseselosan nya lol. Ako di ako masyadong selosa. Hindi ako naiinsecure eh (ganda ko. Chos!) Confident kasi ako na di nya ko ipagpapalit. Siguro kasi alam kong patay na patay siya sakin. Hahaha kapal ko. But I'm a one lucky girl to have him. Honestly, baka nga lugi pa sya kasi hearthrob sya sa campus namin. Super sweet and super bait. Im so lucky talaga eh. Haha lol

[krystalB]

Ako naman baliktad. Yung bf ko naman yung super duper mega seloso. As in lahat pati mga kapatid nyang guy pinagseselosan nya lol. Ako di ako masyadong selosa. Hindi ako naiinsecure eh (ganda ko. Chos!) Confident kasi ako na di nya ko ipagpapalit. Siguro kasi alam kong patay na patay siya sakin. Hahaha kapal ko. But I'm a one lucky girl to have him. Honestly, baka nga lugi pa sya kasi hearthrob sya sa campus namin. Super sweet and super bait. Im so lucky talaga eh. Haha lol

ako din sis lucky girl to have him<3

[j.adore]

Nag-tailspin ang maturity ko dito pero sa isang tao lang.

Background:
I was never the jealous type sa lahat ng mga naging relationships ko kahit sa start ng relationship sa amin ng Fiance ko. Wala ako pakelam at confident naman kasi ako sa kanila.

Me and Fiance started out as real friends as in may time na may kanya kanya kaming relationships. Fiance and his ex were in one group/barkada. Then they broke up tapos shempre magtatanong ka anong nangyari pero fresh pa kasi yung breakup so di pa siya nagkkwento nun. I never really bothered to follow-up tipong kung ayaw mo di wag haha!

Then naging kami ni Fiance at may ibang relationship na din ex niya. Nag-meet pa nga kami lahat sa reunion ng barkada nila. Nalaman ko lang nung nandun na at nagpapakilala ng mga tao na andun pala ex niya pati BF (sinabi daw niya sa akin bago kami pumunta at nag-OK ako - I have a very bad memory so this is possible nga naman).
She's very nice and friendly in-add pa nga ako sa FB and I was ok with that. No negativity whatsoever
Medyo naguluhan si Fiance kung bakit in-add ako kasi pagkatapos ng reunion, nag-usap sila saying he's with me na and she's with her BF so they're really just friends now. Para sa akin, eto yung closure talaga nila at naisip ko, ang tagal namang closure nun haha!

Tapos nakipagbreak ang BF sa ex ni Fiance. This is where it all started..
EVERYONE in their barkada was furious, even Fiance, na ganun yung nangyari kesyo bubugbugin daw yada yada. So napaisip ako, huh bakit? Relationships fail all the time di ba pwede hayaan niyo sila business naman nila yun.

Nagyayaan pa nga ng crying session sa mall as in may dala daw silang mga tissue to comfort the ex. Invited si Fiance pero di siya pumunta out of respect for me daw. Pero naguusap sila online na ayun pa din comforting her.
This was when I asked again why they broke up tapos wala daw siyang oras para dun sa ex kaya nakipagbreak. Tapos in a short time, ex moved on to her then BF. Abangers si kuya (and possibly nanulot) at bumigay naman si ate!
So from Fiance's POV, may galit nga siya sa lalaki at matagal na daw talaga silang di magkasundo nun kaya gusto niyang bugbugin.

After the grieving phase, ex and Fiance were talking about having lunch together (na sila lang ha) kasi magkalapit naman daw office nila. Saka itu-tour daw sa office yada yada.. I'm like, WHAT THE F?

Ayon nag-away ng bongga (first ever real fight we had). He gave me free reign to look at all of their online messages to show na nothing's going on saka he's just telling me nagkayayaan but he's not going na. Ang nakita ko sa messages ay nagkakamustahan sila regularly at ang matindi kasi dun, yung iba eh si Fiance nagsstart ng conversation at yung office tour eh siya nag-offer.

His point was that exes can be friends again saka they are in one barkada. My problem is that I don't believe it's possible unless they were really friends from the very beginning. When I asked how they started out, ligawan agad. Walang foundation ng friendship so wala silang babalikan. It's like they would start as friends pa lang.

So yun, Fiance stopped talking to his ex and deleted their messages. Ewan ko kung dinelete niya yung number. Gusto niya i-unfriend sa FB pero that would mean daw kailangan i-unfriend lahat ng kabarkada niya. Gagawin na niya talaga pero pinigilan ko kasi ayaw ko naman ng ganun.

Since then, naiirita ako sa ex niya. Pag may reunion, nabbwisit ako lalo na kung di ako kasama. Though never pa sila nagkita ulit talaga.
Muntik nga mag-gera ulit kasi gusto niya invite sa wedding namin. Nakalimutan niyang pinagawayan namin few years ago.

Generally, wala ako pakelam at confident sa amin. But when anything related to his ex comes in, ayon na. Ang naisip ko na dahilan bakit ako naging ganito eh:
- insecure ako na mas may pinagsamahan sila Fiance at ex niya at the time (ngayon hindi na siyempre)
- masyado silang friendly sa isa't isa (no communication na daw ngayon)
- deleted messages does not mean di sila naguusap (madali lang kasi magdelete pagtapos)
- hindi nag-jive yung mga sinasabi minsan gaya ng "exes can be friends again" sa "we did not start as friends"
- wala pa din BF si ex hanggang ngayon (I see this as a threat)
- I love my Fiance too much so natatakot ako mawala siya

How to deal with it? I just really have to trust him. Mahirap! Lagi may uncertainty at the back of my head since the incident damaged my trust before pero I let it go.
Recent sample nagreunion ulit at bawal daw magsama. Pinayagan ko at hindi ako nagtanong sino andun. Ending eh wala naman dun ex niya at nag-enjoy naman siya.

Ang haba na pala hihi. Feel free to comment or I hope may lesson somewhere