Flattering or Insulting?!

[kikay9599]

Hi.
I'm a mother of two. My eldest just turned 13 and my youngest is 1 and I'm only 31. Yes, I had my eldest when I was only 18 and hubby was 23 then. But that's not the issue and never was with my family or even with my husband's.

The thing is, when we go out, like in malls or even in my daughter's school, I usually get comments like, "Uy anak mo ba yan, parang sisters lang ah. Ilang taon ka na ba?" "Mommy mo ba yan?!"
 
My dau and I look exactly the same, though I'm on the leaner side but she's now taller than me. Hindi naman sa pagbubuhat ng bangko, I don't look my age, mukha kasi akong nene. Maliit lang kasi ko. Lol!

When I get comments like these, I don't really know what to say or how to react. Of course, at times I feel flattered but at times I get offended too, with side comments and half meant jokes like, "aga kasi lumandi e." 

But an incident happened last Friday. My dau and I went to the Admissions of an exclusive school. She's currently enrolled in a co-ed school. We were just waiting for her permit for the entrance exams since we had it rescheduled. Then, a faculty member or I don't know what her role is in that department asked me, with matching taas kilay ah, "Is she your daughter?" I replied with a yes. Then she smirked at me and went inside a room. WTF! Naloka ko sa kanya! I don't know what her intentions were for asking me that plus a smirk on her freaking fat face! I seriously felt offended and discriminated. Kung hindi ko lang kasama anak ko at wala kami sa school premises, aabangan ko talaga siya sa gate! Lol!

But kidding aside, I felt hurt. I was thinking baka matandang dalaga kaya ganun or dahil sa school values or what? I, myself was a product of an exclusive school in Manila, but never did I hear,maybe behind my back or not that I know of, but  never did I get an IN MY FACE reaction like that! Nawindang talaga ko ng bongga!

Kayo mga sis, young mommies and young at heart ones too, what's your take on this? How would you react given this scenario? Did you happen to be in a similar situation as mine? Please share your thoughts.

[wahmproject]

I'm not a young mommy but I would look at those comments as a compliment. Hayaan mo na sila   Imagine you're 18years older than your daughter but para ka daw sister.  Malaking bagay yun ha. It means you look young. Baka inggit lang sya? hehe.

[molybdenumstudios]

You're not alone. Japanese singer Amuro Namie was 20 when she gave birth to her son Haruto in 1998. Actually, saw their paparazzi photos and parang magkapatid rin sila.

Well, it should never be an issue if you give birth too young :/ I have a batchmate, ganun din eh. My other batchmates who are baby-faced pa nga are actually parents na eh.

Granted, I'm not yet on my twenties and yet, I could actually relate. Society is really judgmental and it's like embedded in every culture. No one is very open-minded about being a very young mother... well another thing to share lang ah: I have a couz that asked this certain guy and his companion, and she asked him, "Anak mo ba 'yan?" He got insulted, and replied, "Asawa ko 'to!" Explanation niya kasi, "Mukha kasing bata ang asawa niya." Parang she tried to be friendly.

Tell me if you're relieved (: One last thing, meron akong mga professors na maaga nagka-anak (:

Overall: You're never alone when it comes to those things, so you shouldn't get insulted at all.

[FieryAngel027]

Hi! Same situation! Sometimes napagkakamalan pa ko student. But I take it as compliments. I do not look like a mother, oftentimes pag bago lang ako sa work they assume or mistook me as single then i usually get that expressions na "ha? Mommy ka na?". Im happy whenever ganyan ang comments sakin. That proves na kahit may asawa at anak na ko hindi ko napapabayaan sarili ko. So for you, be happy ganyan ka. Dont mind them na lang and enjoy your life.

Disadvantage lang sa young looking mommies: ligawin pa rin and marami officemates na single ang jealous kasi imbes na maligawan sila ikaw ang apple of the eye ng mga boys. But, do let it go to your head.

Enjoy life and be thankful hindi mabilis tumanda at kahit stressed eh walang epekto sa mukha.

[kikay9599]

Thanks mga sis! 

At least now, I get to hear from moms in the same situation. My circle of friends kasi are just starting their own families, kumbaga senior na ako sa kanila sa family planning. Lol!

True, sis molybdenumstudios, that our society is very judgmental to those who were married at a young age. But I'm glad that my hubby and I proved them wrong cause we're happily married for 13 years now and counting and still looking good! Lol!

Thanks to your advices. I won't mind na those negative remarks. Stress and excessive thinking pa naman malakas makatanda.

[iwannabeasupermodel]

well, if you look young then that's something to celebrate sis. who cares di ba? sorry na lang kung mukha na silang lola.

though i'd choose "young", ayoko ng nene looking. mas preferred ko yung mukhang dalaga, etc.

and wag mo na isipin yung iniisip ng iba, added stress pa yun. wag ka na lang magwaste ng effort thinking or being pissed off or hurt, hayaang mong energy nila ang malustay sa effort na pagsmirk sayo at pag-isip ng kung anumang malicious na bagay. hahaha

[zy]

One of my best friends is also somehow in the same situation. She had her first kid a year after we graduated from college. Never naisip ng mga tao na sya ang mom ng kids. Hindi sya mukhang mom na and mukha lang sila magkakapatid ng kids nya. Payat sya, pretty, very nice, and laging naka smile. Sanay na sya sa mga comments mapa negative o positive man, wala na sa kanya.

Meron sya kinwento sa akin before na bigla na lang daw na may matanda na nag comment (out of nowhere) na, "Ayan kasi ang aga nag-asawa." Hindi sila magkakilala nung matanda and wala din silang existing conversation, basta na lang daw nagsalita, 28-30 years old na yata sya nung nangyari yung incident na yun.

Another na kwento ay yung neighbor daw nila ay may bagong helper. May inutos yung neighbor nila dun sa helper na pakibigay ang something dun sa hubby ni best friend. Bumalik si helper at sinabi na wala daw yung hubby, yung dalaga lang daw na anak ang nandun. The helper was referring to her.  Tawa ako ng tawa habang kinukwento ng hubby nya sa amin yung nangyari, pati hubby nya sobra din tawa nung maalala nya yung nangyari.

Therefore, sa lahat ng mga Sis na nasa same situation, i-take nyo as a compliment ang comments nila. Hindi kasalanan ang magmukhang dalaga pa rin, ang magmukhang magkakapatid lang kayo ng kids nyo, at magmukhang panganay na anak ng hubby nyo. And besides, it's a special gift, ang magmukhang young kahit not so young na, effortless!

[iwannabeasupermodel]

May ganun pala talagang mga tao. Ako kasi pag may nakita akong mom na looking pretty and looking young naaamaze at naiinggit ako. Iniisip ko pa mga mukhang may kaya kasi siguro may nag-aalaga ng anak niya at di siya mukhang stressed.

[ayami]

I got married at 20 rin and had experienced panlalait din lalo na sa matatanda. Pero feel ko naman mas open na society natin sa ganto kahit papano. Minsan lang kailangan ko pang ilitanya ang kuwento ng maagang pag-aasawa ko at kasama na dun ang pagkamatay ng tatay kong 78 na after akong kinasal at nagkababy (para maging positive talaga, pero true). Ang ayaw ko lang minsan pag di ako tinetake seriously na anak ko nga yung kasama ko and lalo na yung fact na legal kaming kasal ni hubby. Kala nila e syota lang ako madalas kasi parehas nga kami ng edad.

Therefore, sa lahat ng mga Sis na nasa same situation, i-take nyo as a compliment ang comments nila. Hindi kasalanan ang magmukhang dalaga pa rin, ang magmukhang magkakapatid lang kayo ng kids nyo, at magmukhang panganay na anak ng hubby nyo. And besides, it's a special gift, ang magmukhang young kahit not so young na, effortless!

Tama!

[zy]

^Hay naku Sis, late na nga yang 20, may kilala nga ako eh, 14 or 15 lang yata.

Yung iba naman kasi eh kung makapag-judge akala mo kung sino. Lahat tayo may kanya-kanyang desisyon sa mga buhay natin, valid man or invalid eh we don't owe them an explanation, wala sila pakialam lalo na kung hindi naman natin sila inaargabyado. Meron talaga mga tao na kinarir na ang pamimintas at pangingialam sa kapwa. I believe that those are the ones na may insecurities sa katawan at may kinakainggitan dun sa tao na pinipintasan nila, minor or major, basta meron yan.

[chicafabulosa]

sis my take on this is simply ignore. smile is your best weapon. like what you said she has a fat face while you have a youthful glow. inggit lang yun. wag na patulan. may mga taong ganun, ang hilig mang insulto ng ibang tao to make themselves look better. wag mo masyadong dibdibin sis ang importante alam mo na wala kang ginagawang mali sa kanila. wala kang sinasaktan or sinasagasaan sa kanila. wag kang baba sa level nila.

about sa mga nagsa side joke sayo na maaga kang lumandi... smile ka lang.. i have a friend na sinabihan ng ganyan. she had her son when she was 16 pa lang. super tawa ako nung biniro sya ng friend namin na ang aga daw nya kasing naging mainit. sagot lang nya... "oo nga eh, try mo." sabay smile lang sya... medyo hurt sya but she never showed that sa harap ng mga tao na sinusubukan syang insultuhin. remember if you show them na nasasaktan ka, you're just giving them satisfaction kasi affected ka sa kanila. it means whatever they say, it matters to you.

negative people shouldn't matter sis. whatever they say, labas lang sa kabilang tenga. isipin mo na lang you're way better than them. plus you have a beautiful daughter.

[kikay9599]

Thanks to your advices sissies and for sharing your and your friends' experiences. Nakakataba ng puso. Lol! 

At times kasi I can't help but feel affected, but I pretend not to mind them pag kaharap sila, kay hubby lang ako nagkkwento talaga, so sige I will start to learn and master the art of dedma sa mga remarks nila, mukhang madami dami na akong maeencounter na ganyan since my daughter is in her teens na.

Sis ayami, naku I remembered an instance, maliit pa dau ko, our family with MIL attended a party, syempre chika-chika sa mga long lost acquaintance, a tactless lady commented, "Nagpakasal pala yan mga yan. O edi, hindi mga nakatapos ng pag aaral yang mga batang yan." To the rescue si MIL, "Oy hindi ah, nakagraduate yang dalawa." And the interrogation continues but I don't want to explain ourselves, iniwan namin si MIL sa table, we just get ourselves desserts para hindi na marinig usapan nila.

Sometimes, I avoid PTA meetings too. Some parents look down on us, as sis ayami said, parang we're not taken seriously. Hello! Namamaster ba ang parenting? They may have married at the "right age" but it doesn't mean they are better parents. Ang kitid lang ng thinking! Baka nga sila ang insecure sa amin ni hubby! Lol!

[aquacharly]

Don't waste time/emotions on unimportant opinions.  They are entitled to their opinions, but you don't have to take these to heart. 

Your ambivalence reveals your sensitivity to people's thoughts that you may have had a child too soon.  (18 is subjective; it s 15/16 that's iffy.  ) 
So what? 
What's important is, you got married & pinanindigan mo your responsibility as a mom.  They can all go jump off Guada Bridge. .

[Kady_14]

^ Tama!

Wag mo sila pansinin. Wala sila karapatan at di ka nila palamon. (lol) You know what I mean.

Became a mom at 20 too. I'm 30 now and may 2 na akong kids. Daughter is turning 10 and Son is turning 9. Nakakatuwa kapag sinasabing parang magkakapatid lang kami feeling ko mukha pa din akong bata kahit tumaba na ako, as in. hehe... Mas feelingero ang asawa ko kapag sinabihan na mukhang kapatid lang nya ang mga anak namin. Minsan nagugulat ang mga SA sa mall kapag tinawag siya ng kids namin.

Deadma lang, malamang matandang dalaga yun. Dati ang joke ko kapag sinasabing ang aga ko naman nag-asawa. Sasabihin ko, magaganda kasi kami, di uso sa amin yung tumatandang dalaga. LOL.

[aquacharly]

Actually, when they say you look young -- do not be defensive, setting yourself up for a put down by saying maaga ka lumandi.  say, yes we married young coz we were already responsible adults.

Ako at times, I wanna laugh -- I say, I am the yaya. Lolz they do a double take, yaya ba yan with  a Birkin and all made up? Lolz.   

[kikaygimikera]

Nakaka flatter kapag sinasabihan ako na mukha akong hindi mom ng son ko, at the same time it bothers me too kasi parang sa paningin nila, I dont look like "kaseryo-seryoso." That is why I dont attend PTA meetings... etc.

Lalo na my son looks like my ex husband. Walang nakuha saken. Morena ako, and my son is like SOBRANG puti. nakaka insult pag yung tanong "Ikaw pala yung Mommy nya........... (tapos parang ang haba... feeling mo may kasamang.... akala ko ikaw yung yaya...)"

[kikay9599]

Thanks mga sis for the advices, nakalista na siya sa planner ko, reminder ba.

^sis, like what our other sisses advised me, dedma lang sa mga insecure sa paligid. Medyo napperfect ko na yan. We don't really owe them any explanation.

I like what sis aquacharly said, oo nga naman, we're already considered responsible adults given our scenario, we were able to handle all those stress and pressure even at a young age. Not too mention na ayaw natin sayangin ang lahi natin kaya maaga tayo nagparami! Lol!  

Eto nga, may daughter will transfer school next year. Most likely, we'll be meeting new  parents and teachers. So ihahanda ko na sarili ko sa kung ano mang reaction matatanggap ko. Good or bad, I'll make sure to keep my head up high!