i need a break

[sweetsorrow]

hindi ko alam kung saan ko ilalagay ang topic na ito kung sa childcare ba o family issues.

1. last year nakunan ako, and after nalaman ko na i was pregnant again, inalagaan ko na maigi sarili ko, kapag nastress ako, umaabsent ako, and after my maternity leave, sunod sunod naman absences ko pa din dahil walang yaya, nagka-pneumonia si baby, nagka-UTI ako, nagkadengue ako. so ang area ko na hawak so work ko, sa iba na binigay, floating ako sa office, wala akong ginagawa at naghihintay ng gagawin, para lang mabigyan ako ng gagawin, they gave me an area na may kahati ako, so ibig sabihin hindi pa din ako ang may total control. super nawawalan na ko ng gana sa work

2. si hubby naman, super irresponsible, may times na ipad lang ang kaharap niya habang ako sobrang busy kay baby, kelangan utusan ko pa siya para lang kumilos, kaya naman palagi ko nasisigawan.

last night, napuno na ako, depress at stress na ko sa nanyayari, nasigawan ko si hubby hawak niya si baby, bigla nalang sumigaw ang baby ko, at takot na takot.

hanggan ngayon naiisip ko pa din ang face ni baby na terrified at iyak ng iyak. hindi naman ako pwede magresign, wala pa kaming ipon at puro loan pa sa office, my MIL suggests iwan muna namin si baby sa province, so it means magfoformula milk na si baby ko at malalayo sa akin.

sabi ko nga, si baby ko nalang ang the best thing that ever happened to me. i need a break. hindi ko na alam kung ano bang dapat kong gawin.

[ads83]

sis, im frustrated with my husband too. we have two kids now. before, i could easily take care of my first born all by myself. but ngayon since we have a 5 month old, it's been very diffcult. right now, we are not in speaking terms with my husband because everytime i ask for help, he yells at me or he doesn't cooperate with me. when i say something, he gets really annoyed like im an ass. i don't understand why he's behaving this way. im seriously thinking about an annulment, though it's too early to consider it. I don't think that i can live this way for the rest of my life. my mom said that lalo akong mahihirapan if my husband and i are separated because of the children, but i'm so unhappy. i've tried talking to my husband and i've tried telling him that i'm unhappy, but he just laughs and tells me that it's my fault. i know my husband is a good man. he has lots of friends and his family has so much respect for him. but after 3 years of marriage, i've realized that we're not a good match. last saturday, i had a melt down. things are even worse because pinapagalitan ko lahat ng helpers naman including the yaya and all of them left. i didn't stop them because i was so annoyed, i just wanted everyone to leave. it's 9:30pm right now and my husband is still out. ican't text him because i know that he will just reply with something really insulting..

[ravenkate]

Naku, mga sis...I'm sorry to hear that.   Kami din ni hubby, may problems.  Di ko alam kung makaka-help na ikwento ko rin yung problems namin in great detail.  Hindi ko din alam kung super-ungrateful ba ako...kasi hubby and I had been really blessed.  This year, lahat ng hinihintay namin, dumating.  Baby, house, immigration papers, so we can finally be together (long-distance marriage kami for the longest time)... pero I think tama din yung saying na "Be careful what you wish for, because you might get it."  Yung house namin, super hirap na hirap kami bago namin mabili (for some reason, dapat madali lang, pero naging super complicated sa case namin).  So super stressed out kami pareho kasi ang laki ng gastos.  We're both working and living together na, pero parang better off pa yata kami nung magkahiwalay kami.  Kasi ngayon, away kami ng away about everything.  Ngayon lang namin nakikita ang ugali ng isa't isa (after being married for several years, ngayon lang talaga kami nagsama sa isang bubong), and I'm afraid to say it, pero parang di namin makayanan ang ugali namin pareho.  We're finding it very hard to live together and get along.  Minsan nga, naiisip ko na makipag-divorce (we're based overseas), kaso lang, kawawa naman baby namin.  Saka super lugi ako, dahil mahahati lahat ng assets namin (e ako mostly ang nag-invest sa house).  Saka baka matalo ako sa custody battle (di ko kaya na hiwalay kami ni baby).  Wala naman akong ibang masabihan.  I don't want to tell my parents anything kasi mahal na mahal nila hubby ko.  I think he's a good person, too.  And kahit brat ako (sa mata ng hubby ko ngayon), I think I'm a good person, too.  Kaya lang, we don't like the person we're becoming when we're living together.  Hay.  Malabo ba yun?  Ang hirap i-explain without going into much detail.

In any case, mga sis, sana maging maayos yung mga relationships natin.  Good luck and God bless sa atin.

[aquacharly]

Yes, you need a break; childbirth & childcare are  very tiring.
Tired people generally are the ones hard to live with.  Avoid  mo yung pagsigaw mo - disrespectful to hubby and scary to your baby.  Do not let resentments build up in you.

Mothers like  us, we cannot/should not put a limit on what we can do.
Let us not cop out/surrender/yield to the pressures in our lives.
Madali  talaga mag excuse excuse; to say:   eh ganto ganyan lang focus ko sa job kasi ang anak ko ganto ganyan.  IMO, you are fooling yourself to live a life of mediocrity; and a life of   uninterrupted regrets. Do not do that to yourself.

Try to find a solution other than sending your kid  off to the province.
Try to find a solution outside of your husband.
What you are asking from him now is major change -- yang he will share child care more, yang magkusang loob sya tumulong more --  darling, sa dami ng cuento dito -- you know by now, change is a personal decision -- Hindi nakukuha yan sa dakdak, guilt trips, threats, or palakpak.

Motherhood is not a disability. Kung magaling ka noon sa career mo, baket naman hindi ka continue to be magaling?
Imbes na resentful ka, finding excuses for not delivering your best  at work. -- Baka mas productive na you get better organized;  do not waste time fault-finding; do not spend time feeling sorry for yourself; and be proactive more.
You have a healthy baby, a healthy husband who  is at home stuck to his IPad, you did not get a permanent health setback with your delivery/pregnancy,  you have helpful In-laws.   SWEETSORROW, look at your blessings, look at your glass as half-full, not half-empty.

Get rid of the negative  emotions & "surrender ako" attitude. It will not change your circumstances.
Instead, challenge yourself to rise to the challenge of motherhood & becoming a better person & wife because of yor added dimension of motherhood.  Kaya  natin .
Pag nega ka -- bumibigat lang  ang takbo ng araw mo.
Atchaka -- Hindi ba gusto mo kasakasama yang hubby mo. Pwes, be a person he will like to spend time with -- coz Kung lagi mo  shout at him, Baka 1 day eh talagang may reason ka ma depress.

The primary challenge to living is to be a better person each day.   Having a positive attitude & goodwill for all -- is half the effort already.

IMO, the 1st  small step you can do para hindi ka bwiset is to feel good about yourself.  Get a haircut, put red lipstick on, scent yourself, play your favorite songs, flirt & joke with hubby --  small things to perk you up.

Errr, pakialamera talaga ako, sorry -- change your SWEETSORROW  to SWEETSWEET, something like that -- hwag "sweetiek" ha. Hehe.  Take care of yourself. more kahit grrrr ka.   

[aquacharly]

RAVENKATE, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage/relationship until 1 party drops dead. Como wala  na yung ka argue/kausap mo -- o eh di no more disagreements, perfect  na, Lolz.

Sa cuento mo, you choose to stay in your relationship/marriage, for the meantime -- whatever your reasons, it is your choice and decision.  Ok. 
Now, you are astute enough  to see where your discontent lies. Good.
Now, parang you max use of your time, habang  you choose to maintain your marriage in the meantime --  do not dwell on the areas/factors of conflict/discontent.  Focus on where you both agree, what makes you both happy, what big dreams you both share. Instead of your differences,continue to count your blessings -- and focus on your similarities.  You survived a LDR! 

Sabi ko nga in a previous thread:  the times will come that you will need to remember what in your husband/partner made you love him at the start.  Always return to that, pag grrr ka sa kanya.  If such are still in him, fine. IF no more --- errr, mag isip isip ka na.  .

Good luck with your new life. Exciting!  An opportunity for you all to  re-invent yourselves.   .

[Noylabmay]

sweet sorrow...

we have same story nung first time of pregnancy nakunan din ako, sobrang stressful din ang work ko before kakapanganak mo lang ba? bka post partum nararamdaman mo? loans marami din ako nyan during time na same with you... we are herein abroad so mas mahirap maghanap ng help
pero this is not the time na awayin mo si Husband kase eto yung time para magtulungan kau...

1. Una kung depress ka dahil sa work look for a better job, never quit hangga't wala pang kapalit
2. Yung mga lalake ganyan talaga minsan ugali nila, diskartehan mo na lang like dapat super organize
ka and de clutter as much as possible para madali para sau ang kumilos kahit pagod ka.
And ask kung me kakilala mga relative mo na pwedeng maging nanny kase napakalaking tulong ng
nanny na maaasahan.
3. Mature ka na dapat sis lawakan mo pang unawa at pasensha...pagod ka lang kaya nasisigawan mo
c hubby pero never mo or pigilin mo ng husto sarili mo na wag sumigaw kawawa naman chikiting pag ganun.

Exercise ka sis para marelease ang endorphins mo para somehow maging masayahin ka sis

solve problem one at a time makikita mo, matatapos din yan tough times wont last but tough people do.

wag mo hayaan na masira marriage mo ng dahil lang sa depression at stress....

take good care of your baby and your self

[ravenkate]

Aquacharly, thanks for the words of wisdom.  Sometimes kailangan lang talaga ng objective na tao to give us advice.  We know what to do, and what's the right thing to do, pero because we're in the situation, sometimes we lose focus.  So, thank you very much.  Your words hit home -- I really have to keep in mind what made me love my husband during these times.  Kasi anger and frustration are very strong emotions -- ang daling makadala, maka-blur ng good judgment, mag-make ng rash decisions.   So, I think I'll need to take a step back, and breathe.

Sweetsorrow, I hope yung advice ng mga sis natin here, makapagpagaan ng loob mo.  It's hard talaga kasi ang daming stressors sa buhay natin.  Sana makayanan natin lahat.  Sabi ko nga -- we're women.  We're strong.  We love, we live, we cry.  But we're strong.

[sistah!]

i felt like i was reading about my life while reading the posts here. Ive been thinking of posting here as well kasi nahihirapan na ako. i just need room to breathe.

for now, i will soldier on. kakayanin ko naman siguro to.