Husbands who stray despite having a wonderful family.

[FoxyPhoenix]

I think this happens.

Sometimes, at some point in a smooth marriage, the husband strays. I know someone, he has a caring and loving wife, beatiful kid, pero still he cheated. When asked why, ang sagot hindi niya sinasadya at naguiguilty sya sa nagawa niya.

Bakit nga ba may naliligaw ng landas na mga lalaki?

[Anthon888]

Siguro tawag ng laman na akala nung guy ay di malalaman o makakalusot sya.

Kaya ako iwas iwas sa tukso, mahirap na!

[fegloria1954]

Many think that when a spouse (husband OR wife) strays, it is because due to a shortcoming (pagkukulang) of the wife (or husband).  That is so far from the truth, when the root cause eventually comes out.

The root cause?  It is because of a desire to be happy at all costs, and one has arrived at that point where one decides that the happiness is easier to pursue outside the home, and so they engage in infidelity, have an affair.

But then again, one needs to be aware that infidelity is not only about having an affair, maintaining a mistress, or some such other entanglement with a "third party."

Remember that when you married each other, you made THE wedding vow to make your spouse your priority - in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, etc. etc.  The moment your spouse is no longer your priority, for instance your priority is your work - or your children, or your siblings, or your parents, or your interests - then you have also in effect engaged in infidelity.

Mommy Fe

[glamorosa_09]

Naalala ko tuloy yung sermon kahapon.

There was a priest and a man who dresses like a priest. They were in a plane when a stewardess offered them a snack.

Priest: Ay, kayo po muna.
Man: No, thank you, I'm fasting.
Priest: (Thinking to himself) Ay, nakakahiya kay father, magfafasting na rin ako.
Man: You can have that snack if you want.
Priest: I'm also fasting.
Man: What are you fasting about?
Priest: I'm the head of a family ministry in our community. I'm fasting that all families and marriages be strengthened. Kayo what are you fasting about? Are you also a priest?
Man: No. I'm a satanist. And I am fasting for the destruction of families and marriages.

A priest through his book once said, "The evil is pretty clever, slowly destroying the world through marriages and families."

We believe that God truly exist, but we tend to forget that so does evil, who works its ways by tempting us through our weaknesses and desires. Kaya kung mahina ang kapit mo sa taas, bibigay ka talaga.

[aquacharly]

Many think that when a spouse (husband OR wife) strays, it is because due to a shortcoming (pagkukulang) of the wife (or husband).  That is so far from the truth, when the root cause eventually comes out.

The root cause?  It is because of a desire to be happy at all costs, and one has arrived at that point where one decides that the happiness is easier to pursue outside the home, and so they engage in infidelity, have an affair.

Sooooo true.  My Lola says:  Men are like dogs --  they f*ck around


 

We believe that God truly exist, but we tend to forget that so does evil, who works its ways by tempting us through our weaknesses and desires. Kaya kung mahina ang kapit mo sa taas, bibigay ka talaga.

Sooooo true.   When a man scratches where he itches, whenever --  dyan na umpisa ng gulo.   

To add another funny quotation, sorry -- forgot who came up with it:

        God created man with 2 heads, but gave him only enough blood supply to run  1 head at a time.

So there --   there is the reason why when so much is at stake, a man "loses his head" or says: "I wasn't thinking it through...". 

[twelvth_goddess]

IMO, straying is a choice. Hinde yan dahil na-tempt ni ganto, tinempt ni ganyan. Temptations are everywhere but one just starts to notice them when they start looking for things na wala sila. No matter how wonderful or 'perfect' a family life is, it is still bound to go through challenges and trials. Dadating pa din yung plateau time and it's up to the couple to spice things up and reinvent their relationship. Kaya dapat ang kulang hinde hinahanap sa iba.

[IloveMybabs]

Remember that when you married each other, you made THE wedding vow to make your spouse your priority - in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, etc. etc.  The moment your spouse is no longer your priority, for instance your priority is your work - or your children, or your siblings, or your parents, or your interests - then you have also in effect engaged in infidelity.

Mommy Fe

i can relate to this Mommy Fe..
dahil walang ginagawa yong husband ko para kausapin yong FILaw ko regarding dun sa mga sinasabi nea na nakakasakit saken feeling ko hindi ako yong priority nea feeling ko yong feelings ng family nea yong mas mahalaga sa kanya..

yong ibang nambabae naghahanap lang ng mali sa relasyon nila para marationalize yong pambabae nila..kahit perfect family na para sa kanila madami pa ding kulang.. kung dati hindi naman issue yong pagiging nagger ng asawa nila, once na my nauto na sila magiging issue na un.. 

may nabasa ako dati dito sa gt na sa isang relation karamihan 80% lang ng gusto natin eh nakikita natin sa partner natin or yon yong qualities na meron sila.. infidelit starts pag hinanap natin yong 20% na kulang..

[glamorosa_09]

Sa mga strong marriages na alam ko who went through a lot storms, God is in the midst of them.

may nabasa ako dati dito sa gt na sa isang relation karamihan 80% lang ng gusto natin eh nakikita natin sa partner natin or yon yong qualities na meron sila.. infidelit starts pag hinanap natin yong 20% na kulang..

Don’t lose that 90% that you already have ..
by: Bo Sanchez

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don’t have. “Wow,this girl in my office is a real looker. I’m crazy about her because she’s also understanding, intelligent, tender – so many things that my spouse is not.”

Somewhere along the way, you’ll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did. Because no wife or husband is perfect.

Because a spouse will only have 90% of what you’re looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 10%. Let’s say your wife is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laughter. Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pyjamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil,you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt. Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait! That’s only 10% of what you don’t have. Don’t throw away the 90% that you already have! Add to your spouse’s 90% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you’ve accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don’t have. But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have. But I’m not just talking about marriage.I’m talking about life! About your jobs. About your friends. About your children. About your lifestyles. Are you like the economy airline

The main message: If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are is FIRST CLASS!

[ecnarfoj]

The root cause?  It is because of a desire to be happy at all costs, and one has arrived at that point where one decides that the happiness is easier to pursue outside the home, and so they engage in infidelity, have an affair.

Correct!
Kahit maayos yung family niya, hindi sapat sa kanya yun. May ibang happiness siyang hinahanap outside the marriage and outside the family.

Tapos nare-realize lang nila yung kapag nawala na yung kung ano man ang meron at ang natira na lang is yung "kakulangan" na nahanap nila sa labas.
Tsaka sila hihingi ng tawad at sasabihin - hindi ako nag-iisip.

Forgiveness is another thing. Di pa ako expert dun eh.

Basta ang sagot sa mga humahanap sa labas - "ikaw lang ba ang may hinahanap?"

[FayeP]

I am a product of a broken home...

my dad left my mom for another girl, when I was 6 years old....

madami nagsasabi na ok naman ang pagsasama ng parents ko kaya medyo surprising lalo na sa family ng dad ko na nambabae cya....it turned out na matagal na pala ginagawa ng dad ko un, di lang umiimik nanay ko hanggang sa nangyari na un pinakamalala, kasi kaya sila naghiwalay, pinalayas actually ni madir si fadir kasi un kabitch nya (na instructor at that time sa STI recto), eh pinadalhan si madir ng mga letters, pictures, used condom via snail mail (wala pa ata email nun late 80's eh)...since nanggugulo si ka-b****, pinalayas na lang ni madir si fadir...

ang reason ng tatay ko kun bakit cya nagloloko? well di daw pang display nanay ko (kasi nun nagkaanak na cyempre si nanay, kaming mga kids na un nauuna nyang asikasuhin...)

bale un ang reason ng dad ko napakababaw lang...tapos ikinasira ng family namin...dad ko kasi at time mga nasa 25 or 26y.o lang so parang trip pa siguro nya magfool around, aga kasi nag asawa eh

[Pink*ladybug]

^the nerve of that kabitch!! 

at the tender age of 6, how aware were you of what's happening?  i hope somehow you were shielded from the ugly truth till you were mature enough to understand.

one question, sila pa rin ba ng dad mo until now?  curious lang ako... 

[glamorosa_09]

ang reason ng tatay ko kun bakit cya nagloloko? well di daw pang display nanay ko (kasi nun nagkaanak na cyempre si nanay, kaming mga kids na un nauuna nyang asikasuhin...)

If you will try to understand the needs of men, hindi yan mababaw for them. It affects them pag pinapabayaan ng asawa nila yung sarili nila, plus inuuna pa kamo ang mga anak kesa sa asawa. BUT also NOT JUSTIFIABLE din.

re:topic

It's easy to say na, "kasi naghahanap ng wala." But in reality ang infidelity ay hindi sinasadya, hindi pinaplano.

Na tipong, "Mukhang bruha na ang misis ko, pinapabayaan na ang sarili, makapaghanap nga ng maganda, sexy at mabango." No, it doesn't happen that way. In fact, a man may continue with his life dismissing a certain concern, not really knowing na it bothers him pala. 

Ang galing lang ng coincidents, dahil along his way, he will meet/bumped/get glosed to someone, na itong someone has the qualities na wala ang wife nya.  Of all the qualities na mangingibabaw sa kanya, yun pa ang lacking ng wife nya. And itong someone na to, type din sya, willing pumatol sa may asawa. Cleary, a classic example of temptation.

You may think, the man should have communicated, yes he should have. Pero, hindi rin lahat ng concern sa marriage ma-sosolve. You just got to live with it.

And second I personally believe that infidelity doesn't happen overnight. Na tipong, "ganda mo, tayo na ha, the mistress na kita."

Unconscious attraction, when one has no self-awareness, may lead to infatuation. Voluntary and involuntary thoughts, when unchecked, may keep on coming into the person's mind. Minsan, kahit pagkagising sa umaga, automatic yun kagad yung pumapasok sa isip.

We all are susceptible to tempations, spiritual and non-spiritual people alike. Yun lang, and again, Godly people has an edge, kasi they tend to have stronger self-awareness, dependence and fear in God when faced with temptations. Hindi lang temptations, but other kinds of storms and trials.

Kaya sa mga couples, who want to grow old with your partners, sa panahon ngayon, you won't make it without God. You may or may not agree with me, we're all not that strong enough to wheather the intricacies of life.

[chefron]

siguro perception lang ng tao na wonderful family nga hehe.

hindi pwedeng di mo sinasadya kase ikaw mismo you let your guards down. you are aware of your actions. hindi ka naman sanggol na di mo alam kung anung nangyayari. we live with the choices we make everyday.

[FoxyPhoenix]

Ang hirap para sa mga asawang babae nito, especially to those who look after the home, take care of the children, cook for the family, be a loving wife to her husband, do the laundry, grocery, go to work, etc.. We can't complain because this is the role of a wife. AND to add to that myriad of responsibility, we must still look good for the husbands!

"The root cause?  It is because of a desire to be happy at all costs, and one has arrived at that point where one decides that the happiness is easier to pursue outside the home, and so they engage in infidelity, have an affair."

-Kakaalaga ng asawang babae sa pamilya niya, may nagiging kulang.

"ang reason ng tatay ko kun bakit cya nagloloko? well di daw pang display nanay ko (kasi nun nagkaanak na cyempre si nanay, kaming mga kids na un nauuna nyang asikasuhin...)"

-I notice men age better than women. Older men look better than older women, at least in my POV e.g. George Clooney. Naisip ko nga dapat ata 10 years older sakin asawa ko para pag tanda namin, bagay parin. Kaso halos magka-edad lang kami ng H2B haha!

[aquacharly]

IMO, when a man gives in to temptation (scratches when it itches, whenever) -- that's when he sees or perceives his wife's defects. Lol, cheating men never run out of reasons.  Haven't we heard a lot, and raised a lot of our eyebrows?  Second the motion din naman si kab1tch, if there's 1, to assuage her guilt at breaking up a family & padding her kapalmukz.  (Even our 2 Miss Universe -- their husbands cheated on them, in public at that.)

My Lola used to often say (dami kami mga apo,  a barangay):  pag nagloko ang lalaki, sigurado kahit sobrang ganda, bait at o masilbi o malambing ang  asawa -- aswang ang tingin nya sa asawa nya.

[ecnarfoj]

Yung perception naman kasi na OK lahat is kung ano lang din yung gusto natin ipakita sa iba.
Siyempre ang nakakaalam lang talaga is yung mag-asawa.

Pero, di ako naniniwala na hindi sinasadya ang pangangaliwa. Lahat naman tayo we meet people along the way pero some people just chose not to act on it.

Choice nila yan. Pag hinubad ba ang damit, pwedeng sabihin, "di ko sinasadyang alisin yung damit ko"?

[FoxyPhoenix]

^true! minsan kahit anong ganda at alaga mo, basta naloko ang lalaki sa iba, laglag ka na (siguro for the meantime hanggat di siya nagsasawa sa bago). Nasa lalaki na talaga yan kung magapapademonyo siya.

ok, now let's alter the situation..

what if your husband strayed. had a short-time affair. would you rather learn about it or would be better off not learning about it?

[chefron]

Sooner or later malalman mo din ang sekreto 

Same pa din ang intensity ng hurt.

[jenie0519]

Pero, di ako naniniwala na hindi sinasadya ang pangangaliwa. Lahat naman tayo we meet people along the way pero some people just chose not to act on it.

Choice nila yan. Pag hinubad ba ang damit, pwedeng sabihin, "di ko sinasadyang alisin yung damit ko"?

I agree sis...

Sabi ko nga sa asawa ko, alam ko na sabi nila men are born polygamous, pero di nun pwedeng ijustify kung bakit di mapigilan ng iba ang mambabae. Alam naman nila kung anong tama at mali.
 (most of his officemates kasi me babae, actually, dinedemonyo nila ang asawa ko na mambabae din).

I just hope na di maimpluwensiyahan si hubby...

what if your husband strayed. had a short-time affair. would you rather learn about it or would be better off not learning about it?

Ang hirap niyan sis... hehe... Baka kasi pag nalaman ko mawalan ako ng amor at mauwi sa hiwalayan, pag di ko naman nalaman, malamang lamang ulit ulitin niya kasi wala akong alam eh, nakakalusot siya...

[akosiinay]

Hi! Un husband ko nagkaron ng affair 3 years ago, last week ko lang naconfirm na true lahat ng hinala ko. Just imagine 3 years ako halos mabaliw kakaisip kung nagka affair nga talaga sila. Nakausap ko si kabit, pinakwento ko lahat ng ginawa nila ng asawa ko,nagkwento nman ang bruha, she asked for forgiveness masaya na daw buhay nya ngayon kase may asawa at anak na sha