Is it difficult to find time for family?

[yukishih]

Hi, Sisses. I just need to release all my emotions here - anger, disappointments, frustration, rejection and etc. I always have this issue about time. Im SAHM by the way pero malapit ko na ulit ijumpstart ang career ko. I feel neglected, me and my son with my hubby's time. He is workaholic to the point na wala na talaga yung moment namin as family or kung meron man siguro mga 30 mins lang but with distraction pa yan. He comes home earliest is 8pm and leaves the house around 7-730am. Kapag umuuwi sya madalas patulog na ang baby namin and worst syempre from work sya wasted na din sya. Tapos nasa phone pa sya pag uwi dahil sa nature of work nya. No other woman naman sobra lang sya matrabaho kasi he is trying to impress his bosses and make a name for himself daw to the point that he is sacrificing his time for us. Lately, he is complaining na hindi daw close sa kanya ang baby namin and parang ayaw daw sya. I told him he should do something about his sched and not to bring his work pag uwi. Kaso due to his bosses demands mukhang mahirap. Im trying to understand him ng sobra sobra kasi source of income nya to na para din sa amin naman.
Yesterday, i feel so down and i texted him sabi nya if i wanted to go out daw sabi ko no. Tom na lang which is today. So pag uwi nya last night alam mo yung im so excited kasi the whole day talaga dito sa bahay wala ako kausap kaya everytime na umuuwi syan im hoping na kahit sandali makinig sya akin kaso while I was making kwento ayun nagcecelphone kasi daw nakalimutan nya yung name ng tao na hinihingi yung number sa kanya. I really felt rejected kasi while i was talking no reaction sya tapos sabi nya sandali unyil dumating ang pinsan ko at umalis inabot na ng past 11 wala na ako nakwentuhan to share my boring day. Madalas ganito nangyayari kasi preoccupied sa trabaho and hindi ko na
matolerate. Then, kanina paalis dapat kami for our time kaso pinaghintay ako ng matagal kasi andun sa office. Napikon ako. Uwuwi sya and we had an arguement sabi nya we can always find time naman daw bat daw ba lagi ko issue ang time. He spends his time naman daw sa work na para din daw sa amin so bat ba daw ako magalit. Di talaga nya makuha ang point ko. Lost time cant bring back kung ano dapat sana nagawa namin. Sabi ko umalis na lang muna sya at dun magstay sa office kasi madalas na yung away namin at naririnig pa ng anak namin so ayun he left kasi may classmate din sya na punta sa office nya. Im really pissed off. Ayoko na makipag ayos at this moment kasi paulit ulit na lang.

[kwinchesters]

Hi sis.. Men are not always as sensitive to need for family time as they should be. And most men are not flexible in accommodating busy schedule. Sometimes all your busy spouse needs is someone who will take charge and plan some real time together. And that is You..
But before you start to disclose your feelings, First tell him how you appreciate his hard work in providing for the family. Then you introduce your sentiments that unfortunately, because of his busyness and  lack of time, you do not experience the high level of intimacy that you both need which is quality time together. You talk,but only on a surface level.  You want to express to him your innermost thoughts and feelings but you were not able to do this and it's hard to contain it all by yourself. The emotional isolation you felt for being stranger to your relationship was unbearable.  Communication will not take care of itself. It is critically important that you and your spouse keep the lines of communication open at all costs. When you stop communicating, you fear that you'll begin to drift apart and walls of resentments build. And you cannot risk further because you love your marriage and your family.
Sis pray and ask God's wisdom to pour out on you when you talk to your husband. May God gives endurance and encouragement and spirit of unity to your marriage. May you as a wife respond in respect and kindness to your husband.

[m_lim]

pag ang asawa nangaliwa-reklamo
pag ang asawa may bisyo-reklamo
pag ang asawa sobra magtrabaho-reklamo pa rin

ganyan rin ako dati. lalo na nung mag bf/gf pa lang. disappointed ako palagi lalo na sa mga lakad na hindi natutuloy kasi puro trabaho. mga family dinners na hindi niya naaabutan kasi late na.

but na realize ko. life IS NOT a fairytale. pag nag asawa ka, hindi pwede yung palaging sweet sweetan kayo. life is hard. yan ang reality.

nung matanggap ko yan, mas naging masaya ako. promise.

hindi ko sinasabi na hindi importante ang family time. important yan. pero imbes na tingnan ko as negative yung pagiging workaholic ng asawa ko, ngayon pag nagtetext siya na hindi makakasabay sa dinner or hindi matutuloy ang lakad, mag eenjoy nalang ako kung gusto ko talaga lumabas. or watch downloaded movies alone.

hindi na sumasama loob ko. thankful ako na napangasawa ko masipag. hindi palamunin gaya ng iba. may ambition.

minsan kasi kung ano yung wala sayo, yun talaga ang hahanapin mo. nature na ng tao yan.

as long as nakikita ko na gusto naman niya mag spend ng time with me, kaso hindi talaga pwede ipilit all the time kasi kailangan mabuhay ng comfortable ang pamilya. iintindihin ko.

reklamador talaga ako by nature at wala akong patience. pero pag tinitingnan ko asawa ng iba kong kakilala, nagiging thankful ako sa asawa ko.

i know darating yung time na magkakaroon na siya ng time for us. pag talagang stable na at hindi na kailangan magpakasubsob sa work. pero kailangan kumilos para mangyari yan. hindi instant na gusto ko ngayon, mangyayari na.

[pinklilac]

^well said sis...

[yukishih]

Thanks, sisses. Sama lang talaga ng loob ko kasi ang tagal ko ng sinasabi sa kanya yung nararamdaman ko pero parang balewala. I even tried the secrets of fascinating womanhood pero wala pa din. Okay lang naman sa akin yung 5 days a week na late sya umuuwi its just that di ko na macontain yung pati weekend may schedule pa din sya sa work. I can adjust pero alam mo yung sobra na. Pati yung kapag bad day ako and need ko yung asawa to comfort me to talk to me wala eh. I feel so alone. Taken for granted na ang feeling ko kami ng anak ko. Lumalayo na yung loob ko kasi napaka accomodating nya sa iba sa amin parang hirap sya to squeeze us in his sched. Kahit man lang sana an hour pero i think its too much para sa kanya. I appreciate all his efforts naman but i also need his time para sa amin ng anak nya.
Siguro ako lang talaga ang problema because I demand TIME and he cant give it to us. Or immature lang siguro ako. Sana dumating yung time na maging manhid na lang ako sa lahat and wala ng pakialam.

[marose17]

^ Instead of being so demanding, do something to pass the time.  Your husband seems to be working hard for the family and you should be thanking him rather than nagging him.  If he cannot join you sa mga lakad, then kayo na lang ng baby mo ang lumarga.  Maiinggit iyan, for sure, kaya next time, sasama iyan sa inyo.

You are having a bad day?  Pray, read a book, have coffee, go to the salon, ano pa ba?  Marami kang magagawa to make yourself feel better.  You do not need your husband to turn your bad day into a good one.  You are old enough to do something about it.  Happiness is a choice.

Men do not like to be nagged saka yung pinapa-guilty sila.  Since SAHM ka, it is better siguro kung ikaw ang mag-adjust sa time dahil mas maluwag ang schedule mo.

Make your home a haven of peace, harmony and good feelings so that your husband will feel like he is a very lucky man when he comes home.  Hindi yung sasalubungin mo siya ng away.

Just my two cents.

[mdy]

pag ang asawa nangaliwa-reklamo
pag ang asawa may bisyo-reklamo
pag ang asawa sobra magtrabaho-reklamo pa rin

ganyan rin ako dati. lalo na nung mag bf/gf pa lang. disappointed ako palagi lalo na sa mga lakad na hindi natutuloy kasi puro trabaho. mga family dinners na hindi niya naaabutan kasi late na.

but na realize ko. life IS NOT a fairytale. pag nag asawa ka, hindi pwede yung palaging sweet sweetan kayo. life is hard. yan ang reality.

nung matanggap ko yan, mas naging masaya ako. promise.

hindi ko sinasabi na hindi importante ang family time. important yan. pero imbes na tingnan ko as negative yung pagiging workaholic ng asawa ko, ngayon pag nagtetext siya na hindi makakasabay sa dinner or hindi matutuloy ang lakad, mag eenjoy nalang ako kung gusto ko talaga lumabas. or watch downloaded movies alone.

hindi na sumasama loob ko. thankful ako na napangasawa ko masipag. hindi palamunin gaya ng iba. may ambition.

minsan kasi kung ano yung wala sayo, yun talaga ang hahanapin mo. nature na ng tao yan.

as long as nakikita ko na gusto naman niya mag spend ng time with me, kaso hindi talaga pwede ipilit all the time kasi kailangan mabuhay ng comfortable ang pamilya. iintindihin ko.

reklamador talaga ako by nature at wala akong patience. pero pag tinitingnan ko asawa ng iba kong kakilala, nagiging thankful ako sa asawa ko.

i know darating yung time na magkakaroon na siya ng time for us. pag talagang stable na at hindi na kailangan magpakasubsob sa work. pero kailangan kumilos para mangyari yan. hindi instant na gusto ko ngayon, mangyayari na.

I totally agree with you because I can relate so much Eye-opener yang mga sinabi mo. We should be very thankful because we are blessed with a good husband at wala na dapat mashadong reklamo on our part. Thanks for sharing your thoughts 

[yukishih]

Thank you sa inyo mga sisses. Tama lahat ng sinabi nyo. Im so needy lang siguro kasi di rin ako sanay na sa bahay lang. Hahaha. Nag sorry ako kay hubby.

[jhenpretty]

Hello sis yukishih..  I understand your sentiments sis. Nafeel ko din kasi yan nung nabakante ako sa work and nafeel niya din yun nung nabakante si hubby sa work. Paminsan kasi kapag sobrang preoccupied tayo sa daming ginagawa lalo na sa work, hindi na natin alam yung dapat natin unahin at gawin. Kahit gusto natin gawin yung isang bagay hindi pa din natin magawa kasi preoccupied na nga tayo at iisa lang ang katawan natin. Siguro iniisip na din ng hubby mo na magbigay na siya ng time sa inyo kasi ayaw niyang mapalayo sa inyo ng anak niyo ang kaso ang dami niya kailangan gawin sa work. Naisip na lang niya na para sa inyo naman yun kaya maiintindihan mo naman siya. Kaysa naman pare-pareho kayo wala mapagkuhanan ng income di ba? Magtulungan kayo para masgumaan yung responsibilities niyo at huwag kalimutan na iparamdam yung love in a simple ways. Siguro medyo habaan mo pa ang pasensya at pangunawa mo.. try to respond to him in a positive way na macocompliment naman yung mga pagod at hirap na ginagawa niya.. Ikaw na ang gumawa ng paraan para magkatime kayo ng hubby mo at ng anak mo. Bilang mommy punan mo yung kulang na time and affection sa anak mo. Maapprecite ng asawa mo yan at eventually makipagtulungan na din siya para masolusyunan yung problema niyo. Advice ko lang sayo sis, always make yourself busy. Lalo na kung may baby kayo. Why not focus your time sa baby niyo. We should understand na nagttrabaho siya for you and your baby. Baka nga yung hubby mo wala na din time  para sa sarili niya at mapabayaan niya din pati health niya di ba? Tayo ang sensitive, tayo ang mas nakakaunawa kaya dapat tayo yung gumawa ng magandang move para maayos yung problema natin sa pamilya. Kaya mo yan sis.. ^_^

[smoothie]

^That's good sis. Yes, since you are a SAHM, you can entertain yourself by having a hobby, reading a book, etc.

My suggestion is since your hubby cannot make the time for you, why don't you be the one to adjust. Ikaw ang sumama sa office or fetch him if you know how to drive

[twelvth_goddess]

My husband and I are both working and we have a 22 month old daughter. Time is very difficult to balance, it just slips away right in front of us and we feel bad frequently. But this is a choice that we both made and that choice is to be successful individually to provide more for our family and to have personal fulfillment. Most of the time, it's a matter of prioritizing. It's not an exact science but even with our daily routines, choices are still presented and kame na made-decide which one we think is best. Like sometimes, I feel guilty of going to the gym before work kase nababawasan time for my daughter but that would mean na maiinis na naman ako with myself kase hinde ko naa-achieve yung goal ko and it affects my mood too. Minsan I skip but most of the time, I just really go. With my husband, he's very dedicated to his work and I'm happy for him kase I like seeing him fulfilled and successful. Anything that has to do with his career, hinde ko pinapakelaman. I'm blessed to have a wonderful family and career life, it's not perfect but it's very fulfilling.

I agree with Marose, happiness is a choice and we're all old enough to be in charge of our own happiness. Your lucky to have a very hardworking husband, hinde lahat ng men ganyan. Empower yourself, find a hobby and get yourself busy.

[aquacharly]

No marriage is perfect...but count your blessings yan lang problem mo.

Tama plan mo -- revive your career. That way, you will not feel less prioritized, you will grow too, and best of all -- you will be financially self-empowered.

Sabi nga, once married you will know the real worth of this sentence:  Patience is a virtue.

[harlet]

tama, be thankful na ganyan ang asawa mo....compared sa lagi ngang nasa bahay at tambay naman or lasenggero.....

ikaw ang mag-adjust para sa kanya......

[stylishmomy]

I'd rather have that kind of husband sis kesa tamad, walang motivation, walang plano sa buhay. Be thankful

[yukishih]

I really appreciate all your inputs, sisses. I love this forum talaga. Paalis kasi ako kaya naghahabol ng time. LOL. But you are all right, [textspeak!] lang ang lola nyo. Bored kasi walang magawa. Yung pagsundo ginawa ko na na din. I go to the gym din, read books, andtio lagi sa forum lahat. Hahaha. Nagsnap lang ako talaga nung araw na ginawa ko ang thread na to. Hahahaha.

[k_heart]

^But sis Yukishih, may point ka din. Both kami ng hubby ko ay working. Both demanding sa mga oras namin ang mga jobs namin. We have 3 kids by the way. We find ways pa din to spend time with our family. may one day in a week kami na totally devoted lang sa family and in our case it's Sunday. I agree na you can't bring back lost time. Maybe you need to talk again to your hubby, i understand that he works hard for his family but he should also spend time and enjoy moments with his family.
Ano ba naman ang 1 whole hour daily devoted entirely halimbawa sa dinner time with you and your kid. No cellphones di ba? mahirap ba yun? pwede yun kung talagang gusto ng tao. Saka ang mga kids will not be forever kids, the best time to spend sa mga kids natin ay habang bata pa sila. And ako, super nare-relax ako kahit pagod sa work pag nakakausap ko na ang hubby at kids ko.
Talagang time-management lang. I think you need to talk lang to your hubby sweetly, yung tipong hindi nanunumbat or anything and also pray na maenlighten sya.

Good luck sis and i totally get your point.
As a backgrounder sis, may hubby is a military officer which means kung saan saan sya nadedestino sa buong Pilipinas   and i work naman sa media at wala rin kaming oras or holidays. But both of us and our kids, we never feel neglected kasi we really find time kahit mahirap.

Why be satisfied with that kind of husband kung pwede pa naman syang mag improve di ba?

At siguro, pag nag work ka na uli, baka mamiss ka naman nya and he will find time na. he!he!
Basta sis, even if you are working na, always set aside time for your family. Eh ano ngayon kung maraming pera pero di naman ma enjoy di ba. There's time for work but there should also be time for relaxation and enjoyment.

Good luck sis! : ) 

[yukishih]

Thank you. You completely got it all correct. My hubby is also in the service kaya Im sure naiintindihan mo kung san nanggagaling ang drama ko. Or maybe, I'm just really bored and not used to doing nothing. Sometimes I feel so inadequate kasi nga sa bahay lang ako, gym, mall, read ng books at iba pa. Pinakamahirap talaga yung SAHM. I tried to manage our family business for a while but due to some circumstances I had to hand it over to be with hubby. Tsaka ang negosyo based sa province and our home (me and hubby) ay dito sa Manila. As Ive mentioned paalis kasi ako sis kaya gusto ko as much as possible may quality time talaga kami as family.
Sis, I know someone din from media classmate ni husband ang hubby nya and someone na wife ng upperclass. Nagmeet na ba tayo? Hahaha.

[k_heart]

^ha!ha!ha! Anong class ang hubby mo sis? you can pm me na lang. Yes, i totally get your point!:)
So sis, your husband is an Ayer? 
I'm sure pag nag work ka na, sobra ka nya nami-miss. feeling ko medyo nate-take for granted ka nya ngayon kasi andyan ka lang.

[kwinchesters]

^But sis Yukishih, may point ka din. Both kami ng hubby ko ay working. Both demanding sa mga oras namin ang mga jobs namin. We have 3 kids by the way. We find ways pa din to spend time with our family. may one day in a week kami na totally devoted lang sa family and in our case it's Sunday. I agree na you can't bring back lost time. Maybe you need to talk again to your hubby, i understand that he works hard for his family but he should also spend time and enjoy moments with his family.
Ano ba naman ang 1 whole hour daily devoted entirely halimbawa sa dinner time with you and your kid. No cellphones di ba? mahirap ba yun? pwede yun kung talagang gusto ng tao. Saka ang mga kids will not be forever kids, the best time to spend sa mga kids natin ay habang bata pa sila. And ako, super nare-relax ako kahit pagod sa work pag nakakausap ko na ang hubby at kids ko.
Talagang time-management lang. I think you need to talk lang to your hubby sweetly, yung tipong hindi nanunumbat or anything and also pray na maenlighten sya.

Good luck sis and i totally get your point.
As a backgrounder sis, may hubby is a military officer which means kung saan saan sya nadedestino sa buong Pilipinas   and i work naman sa media at wala rin kaming oras or holidays. But both of us and our kids, we never feel neglected kasi we really find time kahit mahirap.

Why be satisfied with that kind of husband kung pwede pa naman syang mag improve di ba?

At siguro, pag nag work ka na uli, baka mamiss ka naman nya and he will find time na. he!he!
Basta sis, even if you are working na, always set aside time for your family. Eh ano ngayon kung maraming pera pero di naman ma enjoy di ba. There's time for work but there should also be time for relaxation and enjoyment.

Good luck sis! : ) 

I agree sis..
Isa pang point dito, kung sakaling nauunawaan mo na nga yung lack of quality time sayo ng husband mo and you settled for that, are you going to decide in behalf of your child/children na magtiis na lang din na ganyan ang arrangement? kahit wala pang malay ang isang bata sa ganyang bagay kung nasanay si mister na ganyan ang arrangement, paglaki ba ng mga anak ganyan pa din. paglaki kaya ng mga anak natin would they agree with our decision na okey na ang tira-tirang time?

[yukishih]

Sis Kwinchester, exactly. Yun naman ang pinakareklamo ko kasi toddler na yung baby namin and gusto ko talaga na magbonding sila. Super closed kasi kami ng baby ko gusto ganun din sya sa dad nya. Kahit anung push ko kung minsan ayaw talaga nya sa dad nya. Reklamo naman si dad nya paano kasi bihira sila maglaro kasi si dad pagod from work. Pero he is trying din. I want them to make up sa mga lost time.