Jobless BF :[

[Yamski]

Para sa'kin, big NO talaga ang lalakeng jobless tapos babae pa ang gumagastos. Pero pag mahal mo pala, matitiis mo talaga eh. Here's my story.

Sabay kaming grumaduate ni bf from college. May job agad ako even before the graduation march. For a year, wala syang job. Tumutulong sya sa family business nila. Pero syempre, unpaid yun. So, for a year, ako gumagastos sa lahat. Pati pamasahe niya. Sa totoo lang, hindi na 'ko umaasa na makakahanap sya ng trabaho kasi nga hindi naman sya naghahanap ng trabaho at parang wala lang sa kanya na babae gumagastos sa dates namin. Hanggang sa isang araw, nalaman ko na papasok sya sa pagsusundalo. Kasi yun na lang daw ang nakikita niyang paraan para magkatrabaho. Kahit na hindi sya pumasa as officer, tinanggap niya. Kaysa naman daw umasa sya forever sa parents nya or sa family business nila. Mula nuong nagstart sya bilang sundalo hanggang ngayon, maliit lang talaga sahod niya. At this moment, not even 1/3 of my basic pay ang tinatanggap niya. Hindi siya nainsecure sa ganun kasi naniniwala daw sya na magiging good provider sya. Lalo na't kanya lang naman ang income nya, i.e., ako tumutulong sa family ko. In fact, mas nakakaipon sya kaysa sa'kin. Ngayon, kahit singko, hindi ako gumagastos sa mga dates namin, including out of town trips. Yun nga lang, we only see each other once every quarter.

[lovemeagain30]

^ nako sis once every quarter lang kayo nagkikita, pag hindi ka pa niya ilibre niyan eh, ewan ko na!
 

hay pag ibig,, nakakabulag talag minsan.  I feel you are a career woman. ikaw rin makaka feel kung okay lang sayo na mas angat na provider sa family niyo kapag nag asawa na kayo, given his financial status. iba kasi girl pag may asawa na at may mga anak na involve. you have to pull your resources together. hindi ka rin matutuwa kung halos 70% of the household expenses eh ikaw nagbabayad. kasi lalaki pa yan as you go along your married life. hindi ko sinabing hiwalayan mo siya ah. pero eto reality ng buhay kapag nagpapamilya na. 

[Yamski]

Naku, sis, sinabi ko yan minsan sa kanya. Sabi ko, "Hindi ka ba nahihiya na mas malaki sahod ko kaysa sa'yo? Pa'no pag magasawa na tayo?" Sabi niya, "Hindi naman eto lang pagkakakitaan ko. Lumaki ako sa negosyo. Magnenegosyo at magnenegosyo ako." Oo na lang ako. Iniisip ko kasi na parang masaya na'ko na kaming dalawa lang sa buhay. Wala rin akong planong magkaanak. Ang labo 'no? Ewan ko ba, ayoko talagang magkaanak. Pero that's another issue. 

[lovemeagain30]

haayy pag ibig talaga ganyan.

di bale sis Yamski yung kaso ng bf mo eh may trabaho naman siya at may plano siyang magnegosyo balang araw para sainyo, hindi siya considered jobless BF gaya ng sa trend na to.  marangal naman din ang work niya at may binabanggit naman siyang pangarap para sainyong dalawa.

na carried away lang siguro ako sa pag comment kanina nung nabasa kong 1/3 lang ng sahod mo ang sahod niya. i hope hindi kita na offend. may pagka career driven din lang kasi ako, naisip ko kasi dati hindi ko yata makakasundo sa buhay ang isang lalaking hindi ako kayang masabayan. kaya eto lumampas ako ng 30 before ako nag asawa. 

[Yamski]

Don't worry, sis, bothered rin naman ako.  iniisip ko na lang na pareho lang kaming nagsimula sa mababa, mas nauna lang akong umangat simply because magkaiba rin naman ang opportunities sa trabaho namin.
 
pinost ko lang din yung story ko para makita lang ng iba na magkaiba yung walang trabaho at walang pangarap vs dun sa walang trabaho pero nagsusumikap.

Hindi ko sya kinulit o tinatanong kung bakit ayaw nya magtrabaho nung mga panahon na wala syang trabaho. Siguro kasi tiwala ako na may balls naman sya to stand on his own kahit hindi na lang para sa'kin eh, para na lang sa sarili niya.

[graZiousa]

ay nako sis ang choosy nga ni bf mo ha.. mahirap ang ganyang tao sis, pero mabuti rin na sa ngayon pa lang nakikita mo na yang side nya na ganyan. hindi naman sa hinuhusgahan ko na sya na forever ganyan na sya kahit magkapamilya na kayo kasi ang tao naman nagbabago. Pero kung ang lahat ng tulong mo e minamasama naman nya, hindi healthy yon sa relasyon. Share ko lang sis, kaibigan ng kaibigan ko (kasama ng friend ko sa work ang girl) since meron silang free transportation nagsasabay sila ng punta sa place where sinusundo sila ng service nagrent ng room itong si friend ni friend ko sa malapit sa bahay ni friend. And nagulat si friend na ang bf ay duon narin nakatira, at ang malala laging uma-absent sa work si guy. kunyare daw magbibihis si guy sa umaga, tapos pag alis ni girl magbibihis ulit ng pambahay si guy (grabe ang tamad). Taka nalang daw si girl na wala na halos sinesweldo at hindi nag-sheshare ng renta at para sa foods nila. Hangang tumugil na si guy magwork, marami daw nararamdaman. Tingin naman namin ok naman sya ang laking lalaki pa, yon pala e nag aaddict itong si guy at sugarol. The worse is pag binabangit ni girl kay guy na maghanap na ng work, nagagalit si guy. at nagwawala, tinututukan daw si girl ng kutsilyo at binabantaan na pag iniwan papatayin daw si girl.. kakatakot naman...

[romantico]

I'm curious, if I got a job that time we were together. Do you girls think it would have make a difference considering the age gap of 16 years? Also, do you think 16 years age gap is big for a 23 year old girl?

[simang]

^there are a lot of factors to consider. If I was in your partner's shoes, yes 16 year gap is a huge thing, but if I get you as a partner, it wouldn't matter much to me. Obviously that wasn't the case.

Of course having a stable job or business will make a difference, but if you still acted clingy and desperate i still would have broken up with you.

[lovemeagain30]

well para kay Mr Romantico ang alam ko pag ang lalake before he hits his 30's kahit papano may stable na career na dapat. im not saying kailangan milyonaryo ka na nun. what I mean is by the time you reach 30 lam mo na yung capacity mo na kaya mong maging good provider time comes na mag asawa ka na.

30's nga for me is ideal age magpamilya ang lalake kasi on their 20's they are just enjoying or starting palang their own career. on their 30's mas matured ka na to know kung kaya mong bumuhay ng pamilya or hinde.


if you hit almost 40 and at lost ka parin ay talagang mahihirapan kang makahanap ng babaeng papayag asawahin ka. yung babae siyempre mag iisip  yun kung pano mo siya bubuhayin kung sakaling magka anak kayo, unless matandang babae na rin ang hanapin mo at wala din balak magkaanak pa.

speaking of anak, abay na try mo na bang bilangin kung ilang taon ka na by the time napagtapos mo na yung anak mo sa college? do you think you will have enough resources and means to sustain given until now wala ka parin stable na career path. abah mahirap din kaya sobrang matanda ka na eh kayod marino parin kasi hindi pa tapos ang mga anak sa highschool.

ngayon sabihin natin, wala kang balak magka anak at gusto mo lang ng may makakasama sa buhay,, ang payo ko lang sayo eh huwag kang maghanap ng bata.  dahil ang mga yan lalo na kung nakapag aral at may career, gusto din nila ay kapareho din lang nila. masasaktan ka lang kung ituturn down ka kasi ang reason eh wala silang mahihita sayo at hindi rin sila magiging proud sayo.

mas attractive sa babae ang lalakeng may career. kahit nga mukhang lupa pinapatulan ng iba basta ma feel nila na may financial security sila dun sa tao.

[romantico]

Thanks guys for the insights and advice.

you guys raised some interesting points. sad but true. i got a couple of questions.

1. let's say i'm lost right now, is it too late to find my way para makahanap ng younger partner pero preferably siya pa rin?

2. let's say i'm lost right now, will working abroad make a difference ba para makahanap ng younger partner?

3. what if the guy is financially stable pero wala lang work right now so doomed pa rin?

4. is it wrong or unethical for a girl's mother to ask her daughter's bf if he is financially stable kung sakaling mag asawa sila anytime during the 1st formal meeting?

[lovemeagain30]

^ I doubt if you can call yourself financially stabled but doesn't have work. ano yun sustentadong yaman ng nanay at tatay niya?? more turn off for you man! even businessman have work and that's their business.

will you go abroad to find a younger woman? man you must be desperate to find a younger chick huh!  ganun ba kalungkot ang buhay mo na ang purpose mo lang para magwork ay dahil gusto mo makahanap ng babae? katakot kang maging bf. i'd say balikan mo muna mama mo ah,, baka you need more love from her than finding it from other people. 

I think its not just stable job that you need to find but also your self esteem.

[nixiquita]

magkaiba yung walang trabaho at walang pangarap vs dun sa walang trabaho pero nagsusumikap.

i super agree with this.

para sa lahat ng nagpost dito

lets not be too hard sa boys din. so long as my effort naman na maghanap at hindi nagdedemand yung guy na gastusan mo, patience nalang muna and tayo nalang magencourage at give ng moral support.

[DianeShishio]

Mr. Romantico, bakit younger partner talaga ang habol mo?

Younger women of high-caliber and breeding are even harder to please because they tend to be more ambitious.

[anirtak127]

romantico here are my answers to your questions:

1. Move on ka na kay young gf. Whatever you do I don't think would matter to her. I think it's very clear naman na na ayaw na nya. Any reason bakit kelangan young?

For me personally, if I were in your ex's shoes, I would not be comfortable with the 16-year age gap. I'm 31 right now at pag may manligaw sakin na 47 years old, matagal na pagmumuni muni ang gagawin ko jan. Hehe. Pero sakin, kung sa simula pa lang hindi na ako comfortable, hindi na ako sasama makipag-date. Ang problema kasi kay young gf, pinaramdam nya sayo na hindi issue yung age gap nyo tapos sa huli eh hindi naman pala nya tanggap yun.

Naisip ko lang, sabi mo kasi honest ka sa kanya from the beginning. Baka naman sa sobrang honest mo eh na-pressure din si young gf. I mean, eto ka talking about the future habang sya naman eh nagsisimula pa lang i-enjoy ang buhay, lalo pa 23 pa lang sya. Baka na-feel nya na sobrang seryoso ka at nasakal naman sya sa mga plans mo.

2. Kahit sang lupalop ka man ng mundo, kung maiinlove ka, maiinlove ka. Wala naman pinipiling lugar ang love diba. Minsan nga hindi ka naghahanap pero may dumadating. Wag mo masyado i-pressure ang sarili mo. Love happens when you least expect it, ika nga. Kaya wag ka pa-pressure. Mas pressure pa nga saming mga girls na kapag umabot ka ng 39 eh wala ka pang asawa or bf man lang. Hehe.

3. Same with lovemeagain30, I don't think you can consider yourself financially stable kung jobless ka. Oo may ipon ka nga, pero syempre mauubos at mauubos yun kung wala ka naman work para palitan yung mga ginagastos mo.

4. I think it's rude for the parents to ask kung financially stable ka sa first meeting pa lang. But then again, since you're 39 na, ang nasa isip ng parents na sa tagal na panahon ka nang nagtatrabaho eh malamang may ipon ka na or naipundar na. Put yourself in the parents' shoes, of course gusto mo na magiging maganda ang buhay ng anak mo sa magiging ka-relasyon nya, in fact, mas maganda pa sa buhay na naibigay mo sa kanya.

[cecilydee]

Romantico,

No. Hindi ka na niya babalikan kahit may trabaho kapa noon. Sinabi na nga niya oh, binreak ka niya kasi sa age mo. Tanggapin mo yang sinabi niya walang bawas at walang kulang. Yun talaga ang dahilan niya kahit magkawork kapa or wala. 16 years or age gap is big for a 23 year old? Hell yes. Unless ikaw si Bossing Vic at Pauleen Luna. Pwede pang ma inlove sayo si girl.

1. let's say i'm lost right now, is it too late to find my way para makahanap ng younger partner pero preferably siya pa rin?

no its not too late. But humanap ka ng younger partner na 2 years below your age hindi 16 years okay? di kapa natuto?

2. let's say i'm lost right now, will working abroad make a difference ba para makahanap ng younger partner?

oo maghanap ka abroad at ang pakasalan mo ay foreigner kung gusto mo ng bata. yung foreigner na conservative upbringing ha hindi mala miley cyrus - hindi ka niyan pakakasalan. kung gusto mo maghanap ng pinay, goodluck sayo.

3. what if the guy is financially stable pero wala lang work right now so doomed pa rin?

paano ka magiging financially stable pero walang work? Are you contradicting yourself? May namana kaba or may business? make sure na ang business mo is pang CEO level hindi lang MLM business or parang mga tingi tingi lang ang nakukuha mo. Hindi kana 20 years old para magspend pa ng time sa high risk na business.

4. is it wrong or unethical for a girl's mother to ask her daughter's bf if he is financially stable kung sakaling mag asawa sila anytime during the 1st formal meeting?

it is never wrong. karapatan nila yan dahil anak nila yan. pagdating sa panliligaw, dont question the parents. ethics doesnt apply here. you are battling with blood vs. a complete stranger like you.

[nathanielle]

Romantico, if I may, your problem is not your job (or lack thereof). It's not even your ex girlfriend. Your problem it seems is that you seem to enter relationships based on this "idea" of a girl in your head. Are you in love with your girlfriend, or are you in love with the "idea" of her? She does after all fulfill your fetish - young, fresh, pretty.

If all you want is a younger woman, there's plenty out there, no need to go abroad. They will be naive, and impressionable and you won't have a hard time making them fall in love with you. I wouldn't call that a relationship of equals though. Seems to me that is more like a relationship based on power - which is unhealthy and very difficult to sustain in the long run. Once the novelty of an older man wears off, she will want to go and explore her other options. The same may be said for you. What happens when she grows old? Will you stay or will you go looking for someone younger? If I were you, I will take a long hard look at what drives your need to have these complicated relationships.

To answer your questions:
1. It's not too late to find a younger partner. You can be 70, or 90 and it still wouldn't be too late. As for your ex - you're really just asking for heartbreak if you go pursuing her.

2. No need to go abroad. What for, when there are plenty of young, willing girls here. As for the quality of relationship you will have, I can't say. But if your priority is getting someone young, there are plenty right here.

3. You made money in the stock market, yes? And you may have some savings. That is not being financially stable. That is just having some money now, and maybe for the foreseeable future.

4. Whether it's rude or unethical doesn't matter. If the mother of the girl asks that of you, you just have to answer her. And truthfully, may I add.

Good luck.

[romantico]

Thanks again for all your opinions.

I guess minalas lang ako at nagkamali ng dikaste with regards to work. Contrary to the experiences you ladies have with your bf, nag effort naman ako kahit papaano. Like I said, nag effort akong magnegosyo with my friends hoping magwork out kasi mas ok to work for yourself at nung a year na nagbusiness kami ay hindi naman ako pwedeng lumabas para magwork dahil ako yung naging main man dun so baka magkasamaan lang ng loob. After the business ended then I met her, I thought since nandito na rin ako then might as well pagisipan saglit  kung may pwede pang inegosyo para kung wala ay concentrate na ako sa pagiging employee. Nagkamali lang ako dahil one of my reason kaya hindi ako nag pursige maghanap ay para iwork out yung relationship. I guess yun yung pagkakamali ko as you guys pointed out pero that time yun talaga naging decision ko dahil gusto ko sanang magwork out kami. Pero ganon pa man, ay nag effort pa rin ako para magpadala ng mga gamit from the US on two occasions para kumita at nagbakasakaling pwedeng maging steady business. I told her rin naman that I have set a time frame naman then maghahanap na ako ng work. Never naman ako nagdemand ng pang gastos sa kanya especially sa date at kapag may occasion ay nabibigyan ko naman siya ng magagandang regalo. Minsan napapaisip ako, if it would make a difference kaya if i have work that time.

@DianeShishio,

Naging preference ko lang talaga yung much younger sa akin. I'm always attracted sa mga mas bata pero kung darating ang kapalaran ko at may magugustuhan akong malapit sa edad ko at maaattract then why not.

@anirtak127,

1. I'm curious, why do some girls do what my ex did na, alam na niyang may pag aalinlangan na siya from the start and perhaps have thought that it might not work out but they still go for it? Kasi ang alam kong decent way ay, pagisipan ng mabuti during the courting stage at wag nang ituloy kapag hindi kayang tanggapin?

2. What do you mean sobrang seryoso? I don't get it, kapag hindi seryoso ang guy nagagalit ang girl, pag seryoso ang guy napepressure ang girl? What I only told her nung nagtapat ako sa kanya ay gusto ko kako ng long term relationship and i'll prove to her kako na seryoso ako despite the age gap. I hope rin kako that she's the one sana. Then after 2 to 3 weeks, nag open up siya sa akin na baka ayain ko daw siyang magpakasal once na maging kami (kasi binibiro daw siya lagi ng dad niya and some friends na baka ayain ko na siya agad) so I assured her na hindi naman ako ganon dahil gusto ko kako inurture yung relationship at patibayin muna at kapag hindi pa siya ready then I won't ever rush her into it. Sabi pa nga ni girl sa akin before that nakwento niya daw sa dad niya that I'm not going to rush her to get married at nagulat daw and said, "ano hindi ka papakasalan ni...?!" pero nag explain naman daw siya that I'm not going to rush her kasi yun yung concern niya. Napagusapan lang naman yung pag aabroad dahil nag brought up siya na may balak siyang mag abroad, so i told her walang problema yun dahil pwede naman ako kako sumunod sa kanya. I told her we can actually go and work there in the future since i finished my studies abroad and have also worked there before and I can go back anytime I want to. Napagusapan lang yan minsan but we don't talked about that kapag nagkikita kami. Madalas lang namin pagawayan ay kung umaatake yung "hesitations" niya at binabaliwala niya ako. Aside from that nagkakasundo kami despite the gap. So please elaborate about what you mean by sobrang seryoso because I think I might learn something from it.

@cecilydee,

That's the problem because hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang reason e. lahat kasi ang nabanggit niya e. Una yung age tapos yung work. As in nagwonder pa daw dad niya na baka katulad daw ako sa kanya na tamad mag work, na hindi alam kung anong work ko before (kahit na nabanggit ko na that I worked as a property manager in a condo for 5 years). Pati mga binebenta kong gamit from abroad nakita rin naman ni girl. Yes malaki yung age gap pero nakuha niya akong sagutin e at hindi ako matahimik kasi nababanggit rin yung about sa walang work. Kaya naging part of the plan ko to let her know once na may work na ako kasi parang ang unfair na nahusgahan agad ako. I just want to have some peace. Kung sakaling hindi magwork yung balak ko at age daw talaga or kung may iba pa ay at least wala akong magiging what-ifs.

Minsan nga I would wonder why hindi niya sinagot yung manliligaw niya before me. Kasing age niya yun at mataas daw sweldo. I know she likes him kasi more than 3 months rin sila lumalabas at niyaya pa niya yung guy sa isang activities sa work niya unlike me pero hindi ko alam kung bakit niya binasted yung guy after she met me. She doesn't know that alam ko binasted niya yung guy nung pumasok ako sa eksena. Reason lang niya sa akin ay wala daw siya nafeel na love sa guy and for her, kapag wala daw siya nafeel na love after 3 months she would drop the guy daw. Then she added that a month after niya binasted si guy tsaka ako dumating which is not the case kasi barely 3 weeks after they watch a concert together tsaka ko nakilala si girl. Kaparehas ko daw si guy sa ugali kasi parehas sweet and etc pero immature lang daw yung isa but then so is she tsaka I don't think she love me kahit na sinabi niyang may nafeel siyang love sa akin at nagfall daw siya. So I don't know which is which.

[simang]

^Sinagot ka ni girl, mahal ka nya. Nakipagbreak sya sayo, oh yes dear she's no longer into you.

I get your point; but you see this girl is young, you were her first, and obviously she's still testing the waters. Stop obsessing over her, get your shvt together and move on. For all you know this girl is already dating someone else her age, with a stable career, and here you are, stressing yourself on why did she leave you. The reason why she left you is not significant -- the fact that she broke up with you says it all.

[lisse]

Minsan, wag din nating i-over analyze ang mga bagay-bagay. The only way na maiintindihan mo si younger ex mo is if you became her - young and a girl. Because the only person who knows what's really in her heart when she called it quits is siya lang. Kahit anong piga mo, analyze mo, or tumbling mo you will never really know. Why? kasi ikaw mismo hindi mo tanggap ang ni-reason niya sayo eh. you think there's more. you may be right, you may also be wrong. but will knowing it bring back the past? make everything right for you? hindi naman diba?

we can say lots of POV's from a woman here, iba-iba, feasible pa halos. pero bottomline is, wag nag hanapin sa kanya ang problema, or sa kultura, or sa parents niya or kaninopaman. like what our sissies here said, how can you fix something when you yourself is broken?

love is great, but money will help sustain it. let's say humirit anak mo ng pang-McDo. hindi mo naman pwede laging sabihin na "anak, sorry wag ka na lang mag-McDo walang pera si daddy eh. dibale, love naman kita eh!" medyo malayo na pero the point is if you aim for high-quality goods, make sure that you can afford the price, shipping, maintenance, the works!  

[cecilydee]

Romantico, why do you keep on wondering. And more importantly, why are your crying over spilled milk?

Eto ang para sayo:

“We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.”
― Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here for

Move on kana please.