My marriage is boring and i'm getting tired

[reb_woods072683]

Pride is the root of all contention, and it's the demon that we must let go of if we want to improve our marriages. Pride stands in the way of true intimacy and causes so much pain in relationships. Turning your back to selfishness will heal your marriage. This is God's way of healing marriages. If your way isn't working, what have you got to lose?


1.      BE THE ONE TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE A PRIORITY.

        Even if your mate isn't one bit interested in improving your marriage, it's ok. You go ahead and lead the way. Soon, it will all change. Your mate will begin to feel more loved, respected, and honored, and he or she will soon begin to make the marriage a priority too.

2        DEFINE PRIDE AND SELFISHNESS, AND CAST THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

        Pride and selfishness begin with the word "I". Stop being so worried that you don't always get "your" way. Whenever you catch yourself thinking, "I didn't deserve...", "I didn't get to...", or "I wish he would..." stop for a minute. Think about your motives. Let go of selfish motives and begin to think of your mate. Show your mate love by putting him or her first. Sure, this is not the natural or worldly way of doing things, but it's God's way. His ways are higher than our ways. If you want to make your marriage something more than you ever imagined it could be, you must be willing to do something more than you've ever done before. Trust me, you will begin to see huge changes if you will swallow your pride and just do this.

 3      HOW YOUR MATE CONSTANT LOVE AND RESPECT.

        Stop speaking to your mate with contempt. Don't roll your eyes or say hurtful comments to him or her EVER. If you've developed this habit, it may take some time to stop it, but you must stop saying unkind words to your mate if you really want to see great changes in your relationship. If it's not respectful, don't say it. Even if your mate says unkind words to you, bite your tongue and don't return the favor. You don't have to say something mean just because someone else did. This is not easy, and I know you're thinking, "why should I let him or her run all over me?" The reason is that you are going to your mate unconditional love. This means you will turn the other cheek, not hit back. Your marriage will truly change I promise.

4        PRAY FOR YOUR MATE AND YOUR MARRIAGE EVERY SINGLE DAY.

        Prayer is more than just saying words, it speaks life into your situation. No matter how bad you think your marriage is, it's nothing that God can't change, and He will change it. It is the Lord's will for your marriage to be wonderful, and if you pray for your mate and truly believe that the Lord has answered that prayer, watch out. Great things are coming your way!!! A marriage unlike anything you could ever imagine will be yours.

I hope maging maayos na po lahat

Thanks for sharing this sis. Super helpful.

[ri-anne]

^^nice sis...

[shineadet]

hi sis stormy_princess! musta na kyo ni hubby mo? medyo nakakrelate din ako sa prob mo pero di naman maximum level. pero before umabot na din ako sa pointna gusto ko na ng counseling and parang ubos na yung love ko. siguro nong nasa 3rd to 5th year kami. daming issues. anyway, baka naririndi na sya sa kakasabi mo sa kanya kung ano ang dapat. baka nega na din tingin nya sa sarili nya kase yun yung naririnig nya sayo lagi. alam mo yung feeling na may isang tao na walang believe sayo? try mo maging positive naman sa kanya kahit maliit na bagay lang. kahit mahirap, hanap ka tapos praise mo sya. but if feeling mo di mo na alam gagawin mo, try mo cold treatment. ginawa ko toh pero nahirapan ako. sanay din kase ako na vinovocalize ko emotions ko. pero tiniis ko talaga. mga 5 days ata na di ko sya kinakausap. ayun, mas nakuha ko attention nya. nakinig naman sya.

[ayka]

girl, as much as possible try to work it out. that's marriage. you need to talk to him and clarify where you stand in his life! 

[chinkywinky]

yah, my marriage is boring and am getting tired, too  ang hirap pala pag may temper yung asawa mo na hindi mo maintindihan. Ang hirap pala na dahil hindi mo sya mabigyan ng anak, nagbago na sya ng treatment sayo. Ang hirap na alam nyong hindi na kayo masaya pero in denial pa rin kayo. Ang hirap hirap na. Minsan, gusto ko na lang talaga sumuko lalo na pag hindi na pareho yung ugali nya nung nililigawan ka pa lang, sa ugali nya nung mapangasawa ka. Hindi ito yung pinangarap ko  I feel so low now na gusto ko na lang umiyak ng umiyak kasi wala naman ako mapagsabihan. Naiisip ko minsan tapusin na lang namin to para pareho kaming hindi mahirapan.  Kasi parang hindi na sya sa akin magiging masaya

[mae18]

it's all about respect... self-respect and his respect for you. akala kasi ng asawa ko dahil wala akong work at naka-asa ako sa kanya eh tatanggapin ko na lahat. i did everything around the house... isa akong full-time houseMAID, not full-time wife. he was also not the sweetest or the most thoughful (sinabihan ko pa yan na bigyan ako ng bulaklak pag valentine's day)... wala man lang pampalubag-loob kumbaga.

i want to try this, tapusin ko lang tong month na to for my son's playschool, tas siguro ill move out and go back to my mom's house....

Pagod na din ako not only physically sa kakasilbi sa kanya ng walang appreciation tas lalaitin o susumbatan ka pa, im emotionally drained na din... gusto ko ma gain back yung self esteem and reliance ko before... sana within this week eh magkawork ako, or makaipon... yun bembe ko na lang ang nasa isip ko ngayon kaya kahit papanu nakakatagal pa ako dto.... 

[BarefootBride]

If your feelings of hurt and anger outweigh the feelings of love, then it's time to move on.

[m_lim]

people change. marriage can become boring. yang ang reality.

ok lang boring, magagawan ng paraan yan. huwag lang complicated.

minsan kailangan mo lang tingnan anong meron ka. hindi yung anong wala ka. count your blessings.

[stylishmomy]

^very well said sis count your blessings and it will surely make a difference.

[aria]

marriages that tend to become boring can still be worked out, that is if you still love each other.  sabi nila you have to get up each morning and look at your hubby like the first time you saw him, parang ganun...pero dapat your hubby should be aware of your feelings too and he is willing to work things out with you. 

kasi sometimes, it is not about the marriage anymore, it is more about being distant to each other and growing separately.  I have been married for 12 years na, we are not on the same level of sweetness anymore, kasi siyempre we already have kids to take care of and problems to solve.  Pero even if that is the case, we still find time for each other, really working on our relationship to let the fire remain , sabi nga. 

If he still loves you, and you still love him, you are able to work things out with him for sure.

[f.t.loe]

Hello! I'm a newbie and just want to share my thoughts on this matter. I have been married for more than 10 years and I have a 7 year old daughter. A lot of times it's the women who have to take the lead in cases like this and I am certain that you have done this so many times. Ipagpatuloy mo lang, sis. Don't give him an excuse to say na puro parinig at reklamo ka lang. Try to stay positive as much as possible. Alam ko mahirap but pray and ask God to give you to the strength to be the kind of wife that can stay true to vows you made before Him. One thing I do to my hubby is I make him laugh--whether nagpapaka-kenkoy ako (in a sexy kind of way), compliment him on something that makes him feel so gwapo, or surprising him with something nice for no reason whatsoever--like, maybe, a foot massage after he takes a shower and just getting ready to go to bed. You have to let him feel that you are fun to be with. Should things get to the point na mag-walk out kang bigla, hopefully, di naman sana mangyari, manghihingyang sya and will be very remorseful sa mga ginawa nya sayo. It's also good to lower your expectation when it comes to his being thoughtful. Maraming lalaki ang kagaya ng hubby mo pero di ibig sabihin di nila mahal asawa nila. I know because we have friends who are like that but the wives have learned to overlook those things. For as long as LOVE is there, maaayos nyo pa yan. In the meantime, take care of yourself--magpaganda ka, magpa-sexy ka, mag-ipon ka ng iyo and, if you can, try to go to the Blessed Sacrament everyday and spend sometime alone with God. Ask Him to help you find a good way to open your heart to your hubby without enumerating his shortcomings. Good luck, sis!

[lindseigh]

Having the same dilemma, mine seems getting worst no talk mode khit maakasama..

[stylishmomy]

^there should always be something to talk about sis, not unless nag away kayo.

[RuChe]

Bat ang daming cases na ganyan including me. Hayyss. Me ganun ata talaga na parang walang pakelam ang mga lalake. Mas gusto pa mag computer kesa makipag usap sa yo. Pero pansin ko lang na pag super maasikaso ako and in a happy mood ganun din si hubs. I've actually tried yung post dito about Secrets of Fascinating wife pero asa Step 3 pa lang ako and kahit pano eh me change naman sa hubs ko. Nga lang di ko na nasustain. Tinamad na ko and nawala na ko sa focus kaya balik na naman sa dati. 

I think it's time to na basahin ko uli yung book. And of course lots of prayers. I believe God doesn't want us to have unhappy marriage and I know that He will answer our prayers for our husband and  our relationship.

[maiandra]

Of course sis RuChe just keep up what you're doing and ako rin kahit hindi ko masyado nasusunod yung book, yung main principles lang naalala ko. Pero since nobody's marriage is perfect, it's worth trying to fight to keep it strong.

[valaina]

puro cellphone. nasa bahay nga puro cellphone naman. paano yun?

[j.adore]

Like with the kids, set limitations like no gadgets during meal times, scheduled interaction, etc.

[valaina]

sobrang obsessed sa bike hobby niya. nasa bahay nga, hindi naman papansinin ang 2 anak namin. other dads are excited to play with their kids after coming home from work. siya hindi. uupo agad yun sa pwesto niya sa kama at mag gogoogle ng bike niya. hanggang matulog na yun, patay na ang ilaw, makikita mo pa rin ang ilaw sa phone niya. bike pa rin. ako na lang bahala magpatulog sa 2 bata daw dahil wala naman akong trabaho. so responsibilidad ko ang bata. so hindi siya tutulong ganon? and to think my kids are just 2 yrs old and 1 yr old.

[SnowBall]

Ganyan naman talaga kapag bagong kasal. Masyadong idealistic, masyadong "by the book", yun bang feeling mo eh happy ever after na after the wedding day..na bed of roses.

Pero gaya ni Cinderella, im sure pagkatapos ng kasal nila ni Prince Charming eh nalaman din niya na walang happy ever after. Lol

Been there done that sis.

13 years na kaming kasal ng mister ko. And 1 beses pa lang niya ako binigyan ng bulaklak. Sa una nag hahanap ako, pero iniisip ko palagi eh hindi naman talaga ako mahilig sa bulaklak sayang pera lang lol.

Small things.. you need to learn how to let it go. Ikibit balikat mo lang.

Date? Hindi din siya nagkukusa na i date ako. Sa una masakit. Pero ang ginawa ko eh di ako ang date planner palagi. Eh ano naman kung ako ang planner palagi ng birthdays, outings, family bondings and iba pang celebrations, ganun eh. Ako ang mahilig sa date eh di ako ang planner. Ganun lang yun.

Magalit ka kung nag plano ka pero hindi sumama sayo. Ah iba na yun.

Pero as long as sumasama sayo eh di okay lang na ikaw ang pasimuno palagi.


Sweet things? Naku matagal ko ng kinalimutan yan. Wala talagang ka sweet sweet sa katawan ang mister ko. Ang importante talaga eh acceptance.

Babae talaga ang magpapa sensiya at magdadala ng relasyon.

Ang mister mo eh parang anak mo yan, anak mong bunso lol.

Natutunan ko sa marriage eh kung maliliit na bagay lang, we need to accept the things and matuto tayong tanggapin at i let go. Kibit balikat.

Ngayon kung big things na like pambababae, sugal etc. Eh iban usapan yan.

So far ang mister ko eh ganyan man siya eh mabuti siyang provider, mabuti siyang ama, and hindi siya babaero at walang bisyo.


Kasi alam mo sis, hiwalayan mo man ang mister mo.. gaano ka kasigurado na ang susunod na lalake sa buhay mo eh walang diperensiya? Lahat ng lalake eh meron.

Kaya kung small things lang naman diperensiya ng mister mo magpasalamat ka na. Kesa hanapin mo si prince charming na sa mga fairy tale books mo lang makikita.

[j.adore]

Excellent points SnowBall!

Exactly how I felt and thought and tried pero 2 years pa lang kami married. End of the day, acceptance is key. What's important is the love and respect for each other.