My marriage is boring and i'm getting tired

[stormy_princess]

sis babymom20, were just married here and don't have a baby pa:) Thanks for quoting. Naiyak naman ako. I think i just need to talk to him. But still, i dont know if saan kami patungo. If he would offer for hiwalayan i think i will give up..

sis glamorosa_09, thank you. I will follow your advise. Before kahit na were two different people were able to get along. Salamat sa advise Sis. I will follow it. Sana nga mga-open up sya sa akin kasi hirap na hirap na ako..

[rianne_mallows]

Read secrets if fascinating womanhood. Yun lang advise na maibibigay ko.
IMO hindi enough ang exchange if post dito
You HAVE to HELP YOURSELF.

We can post countless advise here but i think discovering the wisdom in that book yourself would do your marriage good

What glamorosa and ishopnow advised you was among the many bits of wisdom you can find in it.

[serendipity02]

hindi kaya nagbago ka kaya nagbago din si hubby mo?

sharing the secrets of fascinating womanhood:

SECRET NUMBER ONE
Accept him as he is.

Look to his good side.
Don’t try to change him.
Forgive him for past hurts.
Allow him his freedom.
Compile a list of his masculine virtues.
Humbly apologize to him for your past mistakes.




SECRET NUMBER TWO
Admire his masculine qualities.

Never wound his sensitive pride.
A man’s greatest need is to be admired
for his masculine qualities.
His deepest misery is to be
belittled by a woman.





SECRET NUMBER THREE
Make him Number One in your life.

Comfort him tenderly when
he is tired or discouraged.
Appreciate the heavy responsibility
a man carries.
Use the great power of sympathy.
Comfort him lovingly when he
comes home weary.
Do not raise problems until after he has eaten.





SECRET NUMBER FOUR
Your husband’s God-given role is
to lead you and provide for you.
Allow him to do it.

Your role is to be his companion, a mother
and a homemaker.
Let him know your views, but support
his final decision 100%.
Let him worry about the finances.





SECRET NUMBER FIVE
Men deeply admire inner serenity
and goodness in their wives.

Your husband wants you to be a better
person than himself.
Goodness and inner serenity are required in a
woman for a man to love her deeply.
Inner serenity develops in a woman when she
becomes free of pride and self-righteousness,
always does and says the right thing, is free of
guilt, and has a forgiving heart.




SECRET NUMBER SIX
Your God-given role is that of
mother and homemaker. Enjoy it.

Motherhood is the most noble
and important work on earth. Enjoy the
wonderful satisfaction of raising happy,
secure children. Men respect motherhood.
Allow time to enjoy your homemaking.
Homemaking is a woman’s
life-long career. Do it well.
Cultivate woman friends. Visit together.
Do things together. Confide in each other.
Develop your talents.
Plan your days in advance by using
a desk top calendar planning diary.





SECRET NUMBER SEVEN
Make the most of your hair,
your figure and your health.

Your appearance is important to a man.
Most men find longer, femininely styled
hair highly appealing.
Maintain your ideal weight by regular
exercise and sound nutrition.
A lovely smile is a priceless asset to a woman.
Have your teeth looking their nicest.





SECRET NUMBER EIGHT
Femininity delights a man,
and depending on him
arouses his love.

To be feminine and attractive to men,
do and wear the opposite to what they do.
Appear to be helpless in masculine matters.
Child-like charm in a woman of any age
is delightful to a man.
Speak cheerfully, with a melodious
lilt in your voice





SECRET NUMBER NINE
To obtain your wants from your
husband, just ask with a smile, as
a young girl asks her father.

Just ask submissively, with
a smile and a please.
Your husband will love you more if you
allow him to spoil you a little.
Show feminine appreciation in
an exuberant, childlike way.





SECRET NUMBER TEN
Handle anger in a feminine
and childlike manner

Men respect a spirited woman. Release
your anger as soon a it arises,
in a childlike manner.
Show anger against your husband only
when you have been clearly mistreated.
Express it in a feminine, childlike way that
allows him to feel manly and protective.

[Dhee-Dhee]

^uy sis, thanks for sharing. icopy ko nga yan..

stormy_princess: i agree with sis glamorosa, sis. kung kaya mo pa rin magbigay, ikaw nalang ang maunang kumausap sa kanya. kapag  pareho na kayong malamig ang ulo, saka mo sabihin ng maayos yung concerns mo. bakit mo naman sis naisip na mag offer sya ng hiwalayan? wag mo isipin yun, hope for the best.

[stormy_princess]

thanks sa mga advises sisses! yes i will do talk to him. Ano pa nga ba magagawa ko kasi kung iasa ko sa kanya wala ako maaasahan. Pero siguro not now not later baka some other day na lang pag medyo huminahon na yung sama ng loob ko.

[mheloya]

sis, sa akin lang po ah, mahirap po kasi sa mag-asawa ang mauuna is palaging "Pride" yung laging iniisip na "ako na naman". Sa akin lang naman po sis na why don't you try na ikaw muna ulit ang mauna then, if everything is ok na, then lambingin mo lang siya. Then if mood is ok then, try to talk to him. Wala naman pong problem ang di naayos sa magandang usapan. share ko lang po ito sa inyo

Pride is the root of all contention, and it's the demon that we must let go of if we want to improve our marriages. Pride stands in the way of true intimacy and causes so much pain in relationships. Turning your back to selfishness will heal your marriage. This is God's way of healing marriages. If your way isn't working, what have you got to lose?


1.      BE THE ONE TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE A PRIORITY.

        Even if your mate isn't one bit interested in improving your marriage, it's ok. You go ahead and lead the way. Soon, it will all change. Your mate will begin to feel more loved, respected, and honored, and he or she will soon begin to make the marriage a priority too.

2        DEFINE PRIDE AND SELFISHNESS, AND CAST THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

        Pride and selfishness begin with the word "I". Stop being so worried that you don't always get "your" way. Whenever you catch yourself thinking, "I didn't deserve...", "I didn't get to...", or "I wish he would..." stop for a minute. Think about your motives. Let go of selfish motives and begin to think of your mate. Show your mate love by putting him or her first. Sure, this is not the natural or worldly way of doing things, but it's God's way. His ways are higher than our ways. If you want to make your marriage something more than you ever imagined it could be, you must be willing to do something more than you've ever done before. Trust me, you will begin to see huge changes if you will swallow your pride and just do this.

 3      HOW YOUR MATE CONSTANT LOVE AND RESPECT.

        Stop speaking to your mate with contempt. Don't roll your eyes or say hurtful comments to him or her EVER. If you've developed this habit, it may take some time to stop it, but you must stop saying unkind words to your mate if you really want to see great changes in your relationship. If it's not respectful, don't say it. Even if your mate says unkind words to you, bite your tongue and don't return the favor. You don't have to say something mean just because someone else did. This is not easy, and I know you're thinking, "why should I let him or her run all over me?" The reason is that you are going to your mate unconditional love. This means you will turn the other cheek, not hit back. Your marriage will truly change I promise.

4        PRAY FOR YOUR MATE AND YOUR MARRIAGE EVERY SINGLE DAY.

        Prayer is more than just saying words, it speaks life into your situation. No matter how bad you think your marriage is, it's nothing that God can't change, and He will change it. It is the Lord's will for your marriage to be wonderful, and if you pray for your mate and truly believe that the Lord has answered that prayer, watch out. Great things are coming your way!!! A marriage unlike anything you could ever imagine will be yours.

I hope maging maayos na po lahat

[Dhee-Dhee]

^oo sis, palamig ka rin muna kasi mahirap din magsalit kapag galit ka pa. ganyan talaga minsan, parang walang choice kundi ikaw ang maunang kumausap kasi kahit mamuti ang uwak, hindi siya ang mauunang kakausap sayo. God Bless sis!

[mheloya]

^oo sis, palamig ka rin muna kasi mahirap din magsalit kapag galit ka pa. ganyan talaga minsan, parang walang choice kundi ikaw ang maunang kumausap kasi kahit mamuti ang uwak, hindi siya ang mauunang kakausap sayo. God Bless sis!

^^ tama po, i agree magiging maayos din po yan and di po solution ang "hiwalayan". hoping for the Best

[keidee]

stormy_princess: love for self is very important. you cant give something you don't have. It looks like what you're going through is depleting this from you. I know as a married couple you have a promise to make things work. This promise was done by the couple and not just by one person.
One can only take so much. Ask yourself until when will you go through these hardships. I don't believe in sacrifices because sacrifices result to bitterness. If you're willing to do something, do it with love. If it's done w/ love then it's not a sacrifice. it becomes a joyful and loving act. Always remember that your happiness is very important. Note that I am not saying that your happiness is more important than other's. What I'm saying is you have to put importance for yourself, to your own happiness. Ask yourself, do you want your child to have a bitter, unhappy and resentful mother?

[stormy_princess]

sis keidee, thank you so much. That's what i am asking for myself as well. Gusto ko maayos namin ni hubby to i can be a mother to my child whom she is looking up to. Tama ka sis, unti unti parang nauubos na ang kung ano man meron ako sa sarili ko ng dahil sa treatment sa akin. Salamat talaga.

[raspberryglace04]

sis stormy_princess may work ka ba? i would really suggest you start saving up and preparing for the worst... separation. independent ka sabi mo. then prove it to him!

i refuse to sugar-coat your situation nor my advice. i will also not dignify your husband's behavior by offering excuses or explanations why he is behaving that way towards you. my point is you get treated the way you let other people treat you. nakikita nyang he can get away with it so he does... mababa ang pagtingin nya sa 'yo, for reasons only you will know.

marami din akong frustrations sa asawa ko... mag-7 years na kaming married sa december. the first 5 years were hell (mostly because of his family and his own immaturity). the 6th year i left him with our kid... kahit wala akong work and not a dime to my name... punum-puno na ako.

it's all about respect... self-respect and his respect for you. akala kasi ng asawa ko dahil wala akong work at naka-asa ako sa kanya eh tatanggapin ko na lahat. i did everything around the house... isa akong full-time houseMAID, not full-time wife. he was also not the sweetest or the most thoughful (sinabihan ko pa yan na bigyan ako ng bulaklak pag valentine's day)... wala man lang pampalubag-loob kumbaga.

when i left him, he realized i really don't need him... sanay akong bumangon sa pagkakadapa at sanay na sanay akong mag-umpisa sa wala. sa totoo lang, he needs me more. kasi sanay syang may nag-aasikaso ng lahat. pero yun nga either he changes and treats me better or we will never go back.

na-try ko din yung talak ng talak, usap ng usap at marami pang ibang nai-advice na ng mga sis dito. it didn't really work.

hence, my advice to you is the opposite. wag mo ng kausapin hoping to find out why he behaves the way he does. sabi mo nga nagawa mo na dati at hindi siya interesado sa pag-uusap. so baket mo pa pipilitin kausapin? tama na. magsasayang ka lang ng laway at sasama lang lalo loob mo.

instead, focus on yourself. ayusin mo sarili mo. again, mag-ipon ka. ihanda mo sarili mo for the worst that can happen. wag mong ipilit ang sarili mo sa taong ayaw kang bigyan ng pagmamahal at importansya that you deserve. oo we all want our marriage to work, but sometimes they just don't... no matter how hard we try.

nasa sa 'yo naman yan. kung magtitiis ka then be ready for a lot of pain and suffering ahead. nakikita ng asawa mo na tinatanggap mo lahat, so why would he change anything?

ang lalake typically has to go through their 'realizations' on their own... no one can force them to realize na dapat bigyan ka ng importansya, o dapat sweet sila sa 'yo at mahalin ka ng todo-todo. sila lang ang makakapag-parealize nyan sa sarili nila, and until they do, wala kang maasahan na pagbabago.

again, take my husband for example. umalis lang kami bigla ng anak ko nung punum-puno na ako. hindi ko siya finorce na mag-usap kami to try to fix things. nung na-realize nya what he was losing, nakipag-usap siya saken... at ready na siyang tanggapin lahat ng sasabihin ko, mura and all. yun nag perfect time na ilabas ko lahat ng frustrations ko. kasi alam nyang hindi ako takot na mag-umpisa ulit on my own... alam nyang hindi ako babalik just because i needed him to support us. has he improved? yes!  did i also change? yes din!

kasama sa reconciliation namin ang pag-lower ng aking expectations at pagtanggap sa asawa ko for who he is. pero hindi kasama yung pagtanggap ng crap from him. hindi na pwede yung tatratuhin nya akong maid na walang sweldo! so everytime he slips. i just text him to remind him of his duties. simple na kasi nailabas ko na lahat nung frustrations ko at the perfect time when he was willing to listen. hindi yung pinipilit ko siyang pakinggan ako or mag-usap kami.

[raspberryglace04]

Amen to everything sis Keidee said.

[aquacharly]

Well, you're in for a major long-term program.

In the meantime, you can start by looking at what  he finds interesting &/or enjoyable.
Make time for that  on weekends at least - make it a family event. 
Look for activities you can both enjoy.  Start being his BFF, again.

[k_heart]

Isa lang ang naisip ko dito na kasabihan "ang pag aasawa ay hindi kanin na isusubo pero pag napaso or nainitan ay iluluwa".

Yes,make it work sis! Majority naman talaga ng marriage ay boring! But love,patience and commitment will see you throgh!

Actually sa marriage namin ng hubby ko, ako lagi ang taga plano, pero i enjoyed it a lot and i don't feel naman na i'm lugi or something. And yes,lots of prayers.

[reb_woods072683]

Napaisip ako kung yung mga nirarant ko sa asawa eh sobra na, hindi pala. Mas may matindi pa pala sa sitwasyon ko, kung tutuusin, mababaw pa pala ang sa akin..

I asked a friend weeks ago about my husband's drinking problem and staying with friends late. Ang sinabi lang niya sa akin which struck me big time was, "brad, hindi naman to competition na kung sino ang mas nakakalamang o yung hindi. Mahal niyo naman ang isa't isa diba? So why waste your time magmukmok dyan? Kausapin mo. Nadadaan naman sa usapan lahat yan eh."

I suggest you pray everyday. God can do miracles, i swear. I've been praying for my husband everyday.

[i_v_y]

listen to what your heart says. mahirap magdecide na makipaghiwalay sa asawa for so many reasons. kaya nga yung iba nagtitiis sa marriage nila kahit hindi na sila masaya hoping one day maayos din ang lahat. do you think your reasons are enough para maghiwalay kayo or is it something workable? lahat ba ng dapat mong gawin nagawa mo na to make things work pero wala pa din pagbabago? kaya mo ba yung pain na pagdadaanan mo pag naghiwalay na kayo? paano kapag nadinig mo na nag move on na sia at mag gf na sia na bago, you think you can handle that? do you see your self living (not just existing) after break up?

it all boils down sis to what your heart is telling you. if you love him truly, then make it work. Sumugal ka na sa marriage, then gawin mo na ang best mo. Kung walang pagbabago, dadating din ang araw na ikaw mismo ang mapapagod, then you will know when it is time to separate.

Again sis, listen to your heart. Never make decisions when you are sad, angry or emotional. Based on my personal experience, laging palpak ang desisyon ko when i acted out of my emotions.

What i can suggest sis, pray that God will change how you see things. Ganyan din ako dati. I expected a lot from my husband, until na consume ako ng paghahanap ko. Dahil wala kaming anak din,  I fell into an affair and it changed us forever. Be strong sis, kaya mo yan. You can never change him but you can always change yourself.

God bless you.

[guilleanne]

phase yan sis, pinagdaanan ko rin yan, surprisingly the person that thought me how to get through this is my stepmom.

life lesson i picked up a long the way... don't expect too much

don't expect na yung naiisip natin eh naiisip din ng asawa natin at vice versa. swerte mo kung para kayong B1 at B2 ni hubs mo. kaya kung ideally sayo eh dapat laging may gift for special occassion marahil kay hubs mo eh pagiging praktikal ang nasa isip nya. Or pag tinanong ka nya ano gusto mo gift sabi mo wala naman basta good boy ka lang, and come xmass wala ngang gift tapos nasasad tayo bakit wala?

If they don't show their love to us the way we expect them too, hence we felt un loved, un important, un-queen by our kings, it doesn't mean they don't love us or love us less. People show love differently, love differently and it also changes with time.

yes communication is indeed the key. but communication doesn't just mean sit him down and narrate all your reklamos, demands and utos. it is not synonymous to interrogation. Sometimes men does not respond well to heavy conversation, yung mga tipong "we need to talk" most of the time they just want to get out of the "we need to talk" asap. practice and training yan for the both you, how you talk and how you listen.

pag inis ko sa hubs ko, i think of many reasons why i love him and why he is a good husband, hindi ko ginagatungan ang sarili kong inis. i don't do things like example " lasing nanaman, nakakainis last month nga hindi na ako binati ng monthsary, last week gabi na umuwi, last year nakalimutan birthday ko, tapos mama's boy pa, tapos sinabi ko nang si gibo iboto si noynoy parin yan tuloy ang mahal ng kuryente, demonyo talagang bwisit sya!" hehe..

[maiandra]

^ natawa naman ako dito sis guilleanne. korek. Love keeps no record of wrongs, ika nga

[gab54]

sis, wala naman kayang 3rd paty? i dont wanna be praning pero nung naging cold sa akin si hubby, that was when he was in love with his kabitch! 
pero dont worry, kung willing ka, baka masalba mo pa ang marriage niyo.
i agree with many posts here, sa iyo muna mag simula ang pagbabago, start reading "fascinating womanhood", try to apply the principles, most of the time, life changing ang book na yan...
after u tried & still it doesnt work, saka ka nalang mag give up... kung kaya pa, hold on... 

[TysLolakins]

after reading the initial story, i realized the title of the thread should be 'My husband, the jerk!'.  i'm sad for you mz stormy_princes the way your husband is treating you.  based on what you said, it seems he doesn't love you and respect you, does he even like you?  you cannot be a doormat forever.  if it's as bad as you say it is, i say give the guy an ultimatum and if still no change, leave.  i don't believe in saving a bad relationship because of the kids.