Need your advice for my Male friend

[misis_gh]

hi there! i'll go straight na sa story...

my male friend works abroad. he and his wife got married almost 3 yrs ago pero the whole time theirs is LDR up until now. ok naman sila but last year things got difficult. the wife is not her old self anymore. basta bigla lang sya nanlamig sa friend ko and di nya kinakausap. they had a misunderstanding pero based sa kwento, ang babaw lang talaga. malaki din kasi talaga pinagbago ni wife, may nababalitaan kami na nagbubuhay dalaga sya pero syempre wala naman kami proof. one year has passed, di pa din sila okay. umuwi pa nga 2 times si male friend pero di naman sya hinaharap ng asawa nya. lagi pang umaalis, iniiwasan talaga sya. naaawa kasi ako kay male friend, super mahal na mahal nya asawa nya. liligawan nga daw nya ulit magkaayos lang sila kaso talagang si wife parang di na sya mahal. nauubusan na kasi ako ng advice sa kanya tuwing magcha-chat kami. di ko alam kung dapat bang sabihin na yang asawa mo, ganito na mga tsismis sa kanya. syempre ayoko naman manghimasok sa buhay mag-asawa nila. ano ba tamang gawin ko? should we tell him about those tsismis na wala naman kaming proof? kasi mataas pa din ang respeto nya sa asawa nya na kahit binabalewala na sya. sabi pa nga nya, naging magkaibigan naman daw sila kaya di sya nagagalit man lang.

nakakainis kasi si wife...gusto ko talagang i-confront minsan kaso di nya alam na alam ko na may problema sila. paano ba 'to?

[m_lim]

Huwag mo ng sabihin yung tsismis about the wife, tsismis nga sabi mo. Wala pang proof eh.

Huwag mo in i confront si wife. Imo, wala kang karapatan. Friend ka ni husband so siya lang ang bigyan mo ng advice.

As a friend, advice lang ang magagawa mo. Nasa husband na yan kung gusto niya magbulag bulagan or tanggapin ang katotohanan. Sila lang ang makaka ayos niyan

[glamorosa_09]

Gaano naman kayo kadalas magchat ni male friend sis? Baka naman magulat ka na lang, magsabi yan na, "I'm starting to fall for you, you're always there at the lowest point of my life, always ready to listen." Funny? It happens, a counselee falling for the counselor. Pero kung happy at strong naman ang marriage mo, then nothing to be concerned about.

Tanong mo sa friend mo sis, "Ano ba ang mas importante sayo ngayon? Work o marriage/family? Kung work eh di stay where you are and watch your marriage crumble. No one will fix your marriage for you. Kung marriage/family, go home for good or hanggang sa maayos ang relationship, and fix what needs to be fixed."

As what m_lim said, wala kang magagawa. You can only pray for him and listen sa mga hinaing nya. Pero kung hinaing sya ng hinaing at walang ginagawang actions, eh what does he expect to happen? It's only him and his wife who can do something about their marriage. Hindi enough yung uwi lang sya sandali, and then balik agad abroad. Wala talagang mangyayari.

[misis_gh]

thanks for the advice..

m_lim tama ka, wala naman ako karapatan manghimasok sa buhay asawa nila...hanggang "a shoulder to cry on" lang talaga magagawa ko

[glamorosa_09/b] naku sis, i'm very much happy with my hubby hehe! bihira din naman kami magchat ni male friend yun nga lang kapag nasimulan mahaba-habang usapan. wala kasi sya nakakausap dun about his problem. ayaw din naman nya parating sa mga kasamahan nya na may problema sya sa asawa nya. sige sis, next time na maka-chat ko sya, ask ko sya kung ano ba talaga gusto nya. naisip ko nga din nung isang araw yan na dapat magstay for good na lang sya dito if he still wants to save his marriage.

balitaan ko na lang kayo kung may progress..thanks ulit!

[fortunato]

Just dont be involve sa isang mess/problem ng mag asawa..Your guy friend should do his part to ask/confront/talk to his wife..Ganun kasimple..My 2nd post here...

[misis_gh]

naku sis my friend tried a lot of times to talk to his wife, the 2 times he went home here, pero si wife umiiwas eh. one time, may confrontation sila na nagsisigawan na daw pero wala din nangyari. parang nagshut down na lang si wife...ayaw na sya kausapin sa kahit anong means of communication. hopefully, the next time they'll meet maayos na kung ano dapat ayusin. thanks for the comment sis

[aquacharly]

Huwag mo ng sabihin yung tsismis about the wife, tsismis nga sabi mo. Wala pang proof eh.

Huwag mo in i confront si wife. Imo, wala kang karapatan. Friend ka ni husband so siya lang ang bigyan mo ng advice.

As a friend, advice lang ang magagawa mo. Nasa husband na yan kung gusto niya magbulag
bulagan or tanggapin ang katotohanan. Sila lang ang makaka ayos niyan

Totally agree with this.   Besides, though you may be a friend with the best of intentions -- someone else may be better qualified (trained) to MEDIATE.   it may be best for the  couple to go to a competent and non-judgmental counsellor.   Tell him to make arrangements for his next trip.

1 last thing --  he may appear to you as being open about their relationship -- but he may also be hiding something.  Only the 2 of them are any nearer the whole truth about their relationship and activities.  Things are not always what they seem.  so, be his friend, period -- the rest is none of your business.   

[misis_gh]

Totally agree with this.   Besides, though you may be a friend with the best of intentions -- someone else may be better qualified (trained) to MEDIATE.   it may be best for the  couple to go to a competent and non-judgmental counsellor.   Tell him to make arrangements for his next trip.

1 last thing --  he may appear to you as being open about their relationship -- but he may also be hiding something.  Only the 2 of them are any nearer the whole truth about their relationship and activities.  Things are not always what they seem.  so, be his friend, period -- the rest is none of your business.

alam ko naman na i'm not that QUALIFIED to MEDIATE regarding their marriage. humihingi lang naman ako ng advise para the next time i talk to him, i'll suggest that to him. sinabi ko naman na as much as possible i don't want it to come from me, whatever na naririnig namin about the wife. i'll take your advise na better ask for a PROFESSIONAL who knows more on how to handle this kind of problems. i'm also married and i know the boundaries of a friend when it comes to personal problems but i bet if you're in my shoes, you'll think twice also. pero i guess that's your opinion. thanks anyway for commenting. it's another insight that i can tell him.

[aquacharly]

Yes, and we do give feedback.  No offense/judgment was thrown your way as far as I am concerned.  I was just stating a personal opinion based on your case facts -- which response I would give my sister /BFF/own mom as I packaged it in your thread.

So, if I were in your shoes, as you pointed out --  and I do have male friends coming to me with wife problems -- I would act exactly as I said in my post. It is none of my business - when I do not know for sure is the truth. 

If my tenor hit a raw nerve or  offended you -- let it pass. We are both anonymous here & have no inclination to adjust sensitivity levels.  As long as we are not crass, let it go.  Otherwise, complain to the mods -so we all benefit from their moderation of kabastusan.

[sk8rboyswife]

Tanong mo sa friend mo sis, "Ano ba ang mas importante sayo ngayon? Work o marriage/family? Kung work eh di stay where you are and watch your marriage crumble. No one will fix your marriage for you. Kung marriage/family, go home for good or hanggang sa maayos ang relationship, and fix what needs to be fixed."

Hindi enough yung uwi lang sya sandali, and then balik agad abroad. Wala talagang mangyayari.

^Best question that you can ask your male friend

Nung LDR pa kami ng husband ko, I was so cold to him. Like di masyado nag oonline, naka online man di ko naman siya kakausapin. May picture lagi sa FB nasa inuman (tagged by friends). Minsan na lang magkausap, nag aaway pa. Because I never agreed to have that kind of relationship. He never even told me nag apply siya abroad. I'm always devastated waking up another day na wala siya 

Nung nag resign siya and umuwi dito, everything's fine. Now, he's already working here. Lagi na kaming masaya with our baby. Mag away man kami, sandali lang, nagkakasundo agad.

[guilleanne]

Actually sis very little naman ang binigay mong info. We don't know bakit sila nag fall apart or bakit naging ganun si wife. you said mababaw ang reason bakit sila nag away for all you know maraming reason, pwedeng naipon na reasons bakit ganun na ngayon ang relationship nila.

Sometimes kasi we are bias dun syempre sa mas close satin. we here don't know the whole story, maybe you also don't know the whole story specially yung side ng wife ni friend mo sis.

to think you said na umuwi si pa yung friend mo twice tapos hindi parin nila naayos yung relasyon nila, either lack ng effort mula sa kanila or it's something really big.

about the chismis na wala ka namang proof, ano yun palalalain mo yung sitwasyon? I guess in your opinion you want na magkahiwalay ba sila? you don't need to confront the wife for how she treats her husband. you are married too, you should know which boundaries one shouldn't cross.

Kung may effort talaga yang friend mo ang daming means para magkausap sila ng wife nya, pwede nyang ipakisuyo sa family ni wife or sa family nya para makausap nya.

I guess ang best advise nga sis is for him to choose between his family or career. swerte sya if he gets to keep both pero may possibility rin he might loose both din.