Is cheating genetic/ inherited or environment induced?

[ayami]

Hi mga sis or bros, itatanong ko lang ang ideas nyo on cheating as genetic, or inherited. naloloka lang kasi ako sa dami ng cases sa paligid ko lately. Yung una yung kapitbahay namin sa tapat ng house na sort of family friends na rin. mula sa patriarch, down to all male children, may mga kabit-kabitan. tapos yung next generation (meaning apos) hindi rin papahuli.

Tapos ang shocker sakin yung pinsan kong lalaki. Yung uncle ko kasi cheated on my aunt many years back (di pa ko pinapanganak). They all hated my uncle. Yung pinsan kong yon, he was reportedly nagsusumbong pa at nag-iiiyak sa father ko about his own dad's actions. Later on, siya rin pala mambababae! Nakakainis lang.

Minana kaya yon? Or since ginawa ng dads nila e gagayahin? What do you think? So far, may studies na kaya about it? Curious ako kasi father-in-law ko nagcheat din and may anak sa labas. Natakot naman ako for hubby. E hubby on our bf-gf days flirted with at least 4 women in the span of our 6-year relationship on different times.

[aquacharly]

IMO - all guys cheat.

Suerte na lang ng  babae  if by the time she gets him -- he is done cheating around.
Or, suerte na lang if he decides to stop cheating sooner than later.

The bad news for some -- some guys never stop cheating. 

[guilleanne]

nasa Y chromosome siguro ang cheating. hahaha.

i think din predisposed lahat ng lalaki sa pag cheat and yet environmental rin, kasi kung wala naman ka cheat-an sa environment nila, malamang wala.

sabi nga nila men treat women like cars, pag bago panay ang punas, gusto laging sinasakyan, pag lumalaspag na gusto na itrade in or nakikisakay sa iba. So what do we do about it? mag pa carwash, ipa tune up, make sure comfortable parin sakyan?

sabi nga ni sis aquacharly, swertehan yan, some guys kasi are into vintage cars, some are not.

may ka officemate nga ako dati, while consoling our fellow officemate na niloko ng husband nya, "don't take it personally raw!" waahh pwede ba yung don't take it personally. hahaha...

[gorgeous_mommie]

i think depende sa upbringing eh.. so malamang inherited kasi kung nakikita mo din habang lumalaki ka na meron gumagawa non sa family mo specially kung yong tao na gumagawa eh ina idolize mo, malamang mamanahin mo yon.. plus enhanced by iinvironment narin or sa peers...

[glamorosa_09]

Ang hirap ng tanong... genetics ang pinag-uusapan...

ito lang ang mga alam ko kung bakit nag chicheat ang lalaki in a married relationship

1. may mga unresolved life issues (therefore nagkakaron ng irrational believes, ie. mas tumataas ang ego/self-esteem pag may iba pang babae, macho effect kung baga, etc). Life issues are too broad and complicated. Ang hirap pang iaddress kahit gustong gusto mong magbago.

2. unmet emotional needs (ie walang acceptance, respect, sympathy, appreciation sa relationship etc) and then someone will come along and will give all those and then matutukso yung lalaki.

Kaya in the example you just gave, sa tingin ko lang, possible that it falls under number 1. They just don't have self-awareness, kaya nagagawa nila kung ano yung na-momodel sa kanila. Every member of the family will get hurt naman talaga because of infidelity, the question is how did they cope up with that traumatic experience?

Did they make a strong decision of not following the footsteps of their elders? Or went on with life blindly na kinuha lang kung ano ang kinagisnan?

If you're worried about your bf, kanya kanyang tolerance yan. Pero kung ako yan, NO-NO saken ang flirting with other girls. Kaya habang bf pa lang, break na, or habang nanliligaw pa lang, basted na.

[geekybride]

ang turo ng mga nakatatanda at mas nakakaintindi kaysa sa kin (i.e. my gender professors), you'll know if it is inherited, if the minute you come out of your mother's womb, nandun na yung trait.  e.g. color of eyes, any birth defects, type of sex organ, etc. etc. 

EVERYTHING else that does not fall into that category is a product of SOCIAL LEARNING. 

that includes yung mga inassume at natutunan nating mga gender norms, roles,  expectations and socially-accepted entitlements.  so kung based on a person's social learning (i.e. from peers, school, parents or media), nakita niya, for example, na "socially rewarding" pala ang magcheat kasi "macho" at "matinik ang dating" or "moderno" or "magiging expert ka," ciempre gagawin nia din ito. or if for example, narinig niya kanina sa radio or sa locker room or sa inuman or sa online forum na "natural" o "normal" lang sa lalaki o sa modernong babae ang mag-cheat, mas lalo pa marereinforce yung learning niya na "okay" lang ito. in fact mas mararamdaman pa nga niya na "entitled" cia na gawin ito kasi "normal" lang pala e.

if, on the other hand, ang na-pick up niya sa kanyang social learning is that cheating pala is "immoral" or "unfair" or "cheap" or "will give you STDs," then more likely hindi niya gagawin ito.

so depende kung aling "messages" yung susundan niya when defining his/her choices.  but the mixed messages are out there. 

note, na kasama na din sa social learning natin yung idea na "good" or "bad" ang monogamy or polygamy and whether it is polygamy in favor of both sexes or just one. may mga cultures (lalo na among indigenous peoples both here and abroad) na normal sa kanila ang "polygamy" and "collective marriage" and "collective parenthood", so depende rin sa kung saang kultura ka lumaki. 

[yezzi]

I think it's by choice.

my F-I-L cheated and cheating my M-I-L the status is he never impregnated the mistress he always comes to his family no matter what. My mil knew about it and as much possible she tries to ignores it, yet I can still see she is hurting, ayaw na nya ng stress what she always say is "malalaki na mga anak ko, may kanya-kanya ng pamilya" so....

By far I never see my BIL cheated on his wife since their gf/bf thingy nor my hubby since then (not that I know) I always tell to my hubby wag lang siya papahuli lol! coz' no matter what boys will always be boys diba?

I think a big factor is their upbringing. The Brothers always respect and love their mother they've seen her cry, provide them when their father barely gives money.

as for me, I met and knew some na "nangangaliwa" at babae pa sila hah! pero okay lang hindi ako nagpadala sa tukso ni ayaw kong gumaya sa kanila...LDR kasi kame nun. So again it's by choice

[m_lim]

Inborn yan. Hehe.

Mayaman, mahirap, mataba, payat, pangit, gwapo, lahat yan mangangaliwa at one point. Maniwala ka. Now, depende nalang kung malaman ng babae or hindi.

Kung hindi mabuking edi tingin nila sa husband/bf nila iba siya, mabait. Hulog ng langit. ( ows??? )

Pero sabi ko nga, Madalas at one point lang sa buhay nila. Phase lang kumbaga. Malas nalang nga ng iba ang tagal ng phase. Depende nalang sa pasok ng babae sa buhay ng lalaki kung anong phase na ba siya.

[mom_G]

I think it has more to do with the environment rather than genetics.  I've lived both in the Philippines and the US.  Among the people I know who are married (not bf-gf lang), I noticed na mas maraming infidelity sa pinas.  It's probably because our culture is more tolerant to it and mas madaming time for social activities.  Sa US kasi, people are busier (work during the day, household chores/errands during weekends) so walang masyadong time mag-cheat.  Of course, meron talagang iba na babaero no matter where they are.

[izabelle]

for me no, walang kinalaman ang genetics sa kagustuhan nilang manloko ng asawa nila! haha! for me ha, choice yan ng tao. kahit pa sabihin hindi sinasadya, kalokohan yun for me, alam natin lahat ang ginagawa natin kaya there's no such thing as hindi sinasadya.

when it comes to cheating walang excuse excuse.. choice yun ng tao na manloko. choice nyang makasakit ng tao

[geekybride]

for me no, walang kinalaman ang genetics sa kagustuhan nilang manloko ng asawa nila! haha! for me ha, choice yan ng tao. kahit pa sabihin hindi sinasadya, kalokohan yun for me, alam natin lahat ang ginagawa natin kaya there's no such thing as hindi sinasadya.

when it comes to cheating walang excuse excuse.. choice yun ng tao na manloko. choice nyang makasakit ng tao

izabelle, i like your post.  you rock! 

[mommie_chic]

Cheating has nothing to do with genetics. Every cheater has his/her own reasons.

In my case, I realized I got married for the wrong reasons, I am not even sure if I really love my husband. Really, it takes a lifetime to get to really know one person, so to those contemplating on getting married, you have to be 100% sure. I had a bit of confusion during my time but everything has been prepared and done and it seems backing out is not an option for me. Looking back, I should have cancelled the wedding and stayed single (?). Anyway, it's done.

Few years after getting married, I found myself not happy with my husband. The way he treated me when we were just dating is different since we got married. I started looking for someone else, someone who will somehow understand my situation. I dated someone single but the relationship did not work, we didn't have much time to communicate and see each other because of work. I met someone who is married too but I noticed (after 3 dates) that he seemed not sincere and seems to be in only for financial gain (eewww). Modesty aside, I am in the corporate world and I earn very well.

Few weeks ago, someone from a dating site sent me a message. We communicated regularly and we both learned that we are on the same boat. He is someone I always look forward to talk to, he makes my day a little lighter. It's hard for me to explain how good it feels I got to know him even if I haven't seen him in person. Eventually, we decided to meet. The entire date made me realize I want to keep this person all my life, whether he be a special someone or just a friend. I just love his personality and perspective in life. I didn't expect that he is a high-profile businessman, but I never felt that this is an ego-thing for him.  I would say what we have right now is a special friendship, I don't know what's in store for both of us, but I am happy with what we have. It's obvious we have affection for each other although we haven't gone intimately but if we do, I think it's worth it. I am taking things slowly at a time, I don't know what the future brings but what's important to me right now is that I am happy.

[Nuriko]

Hinding hindi ako naniniwalang may kinalaman ang genes sa pagiging cheater ng isang tao. Pwedeng may kinalaman ang environment pero para sa akin choice pa rin ito. Kaya paulit ulit kong sinasaksak sa kokote ng asawa ko na decision ng isang babaero ang pambababae. Kung mambababae man sya, ginusto nya yun - hindi dahil sa tumaba ako, tumanda, pumanget o hindi responsableng asawa. Wala namang ibang responsable sa action ng isang tao kundi ang sarili nya. Alam nya sa sarili nya na mali ang manloko pero ginawa nya ito kasi ginusto nya at pinili nya.

[klengmorales]

Feeling ko hindi naman namamana sa genes. Siguro kasi yun ang nakikita nila or nakalakihan na diba? kaya sinabi na mana ka sa tatay mo manloloko. Kasi nakita ni guy na ganun ang tatay nya, so feeling nya ok lang.....
Pero para sa akin naman. Kung nanloko na tatay nila dapat hindi nila gayahin. kasi syempre, nakita nila kung pano ang hirap ng nanay nila diba? Kaya lang hindi ganun ang case.. ginagaya pa nila

Sabi nga nila "nature" na ng lalaki yan. Yan ang dahilan nila diba? Normal sa kanila yan. Gwapo/Astig factor ba. Kaya nga swerte ng mga girls na nakakahanap ng faithful na partner

Weak kasi ang mga guys, madaling madala sa tukso. pag may pagkukulang tayo sa kanila at nakakakita or nakahanap sila ng magpupuno nun, dun na sila magsstart mag cheat.
Pero pag tayong mga babae nag cheat immoral na

[ishopnowfeelguiltylater]

neither. cheating is a decision.

a very selfish decision. alam naman ng mga tao ang consequences nito pero ang iba mas pinapaboran ang personal gratification than thinking of who he/she will hurt by doing it.

andun na tayo sa maganda magtry ng something new, yung temptation of the forbidden, pero hanubanaman sana di na lang nagpakasal (or nakipagcommit) kung feel niya magpaka-dora the explorer.

[naizlabonita]

May nabasa akong book ni Gary Chapman about things I wish I knew before I get married. Sabi dun, Like father like son, genetic composition na nya yun..unfortunately if yung father is medyo cheater, my tendency or malaki ang possibilities na maging ganun din yung son nya (and sorry for me, my partner is a cheater so yung Son ko baka maging ganun  din:( ). Yung dad ng partner ko, hindi nagcheat nung nag asawa pero nung bf gf palang madame siyang girlfriend, may mga pinag sabay sabay pa. So kitang kita naman na my pinagmanahan si partner ko. haha (p.s medyo mga pogi din kasi sila haha)

My nabasa din ako sa psychology today about why men cheat, mostly it is because of their own personal issues. Insecurities and Power. Well, depende pa dn yan kung ano yung moral values nung tao at kung paano nya ihandle ang mga situation. Kung hindi strong ang foundation nya emotionally, he can easily be tempted sa mga tukso.

I've seen my partner kung paano siya makipag flirt sa mga girls.. siya din umamin skin na mas madame daw talaga siyang friends na girls at mas comfortable siya kesa sa mga lalake..I asked him why sabi nya mostly daw kasi ng guys eh mayayabang (so I guess, naiinsecure siya sa kapwa guys nya). Dagdag pa yung strong personality ko, hindi ako submissive, kaya minsan siguru nawawalan siya ng power kaya naghahanap ng iba na magiging superior siya.

Im not justifying his cheating.. All are just my opinion ha.  In the end, if the person will cheat he will cheat regardless of the reason, it is still unacceptable. hehe

[khaleesiCersei]

Couldn't care less behind the science of it haha why should i? Para try na intindihin bakit sila nag cheat? Para ma justify or mabigyan ng excuse yung pag cheat na yon? I don't give an F why men cheat. Hindi ko din ito kelangan himay himayin or pag aralan or intindihin. Pag nag cheat eh di goodbye hehe. Pero aminin ko, i give second chances. Hangang 2nd lang hehe. Pag nahuli ulit sa susunod, totoo na talagang goodbye lol!

[ayami]

^ Para maiwasan, hindi para sa damage control lol.

[khaleesiCersei]

^hehe sakin lang naman sis pano mo maiwasan yun? Nasa may katawan yun eh. Dapat ba mag research pa ako about his family background?ilayo ko siya sa friends niya? Palipatin ko ng trabaho? Ikulong ko sa bahay? Kasi matanda na sila eh, siguro naman nakapag aral sila, alam na nila ang tama at mali. Kahit ano naman pag iiwas ang gawin natin eh kung talagang gusto nila mag cheat gagawin pa rin nila. So kung mag cheat siya eh di g@go siya. Plain and simple.

[ayami]

^ okaaaaaaaaay point taken.