I screwed up a budding relationship

[deliciously_ridiculous]

Hi Girltalkers, if you can please help me out, i just want to feel better.

I've been having a hard time moving on from a recent break up. It was a fresh relationship, and it was great. We met each other online, and since we met up, he's been texting me and we've been seeing each other during the weekends for the past 2 months. The first time we slept together, was on our 8th date, and also the last time we have seen each other. He's still constantly texting me after the last date that we slept together, however, i noticed that he suddenly changed and didn't plan anything to do for the weekend. I freaked out and i thought that maybe he's no longer into me. I haven't heard from him for 2 days, and i completely freaked out and sent him a message on Facebook saying something like, hey how are you? if it didn't work out between us, can we at least be friends?: i hope to still hang out with you? i didn't get any response at all and at the end of the week, i called him before midnight but he didn't answer. I got a message from him the next day, and he said, he's been sick with chest infection, and that yes ofcourse he still wants to be friends and he's sorry that things didn't work out. it's been 5 days and i didn't reply to his last message. i knew i screwed it all up. I missed him so much, should i do something to get him back? or just leave it like this?

[deliciously_ridiculous]

Just to describe this guy a little:

He's very attentive, always picks me up and drops me home when we go out. He's 27, so i'm 2 years older than him but he's very mature and good natured guy. He always initiate messaging me and asking me out. Were both been single for 2 years. The only thing that's bothering me a little he's a little broke, and we always have to go dutch on dates, sometimes i offer, but i don't mind it at all. .

[klengmorales]

Hi sis, may  nasabi ka ba sa kanya or nagawa na ikaka t.o. nya?

[Jenny.Dec1]

Brace yourself sis, I'll be straight forward about it.  "He got what he wanted!"

[jepoy22]

any idea how you screwed this up?

no offense though.. but, from my bias of men (i am straight though), it looks like sleeping with him made the relationship turn sour.. i don't really know, and i'm just basing this on manga/anime/dramas, but don't they usually portray men who, once they get what they want (ex: sex, etc), tend to go distant from the women.

i'm not really sure about this though.
But i do know that you really like the guy so much.

[IronLady]

onga sis. parang when you slept with him you screwed it up na? parang hindi naman dapat ganun kung talagang interested o love ka nung guy..

[deliciously_ridiculous]

Thanks for all the replies:
I believe I screwed because: he's been initiating the dates and all the texting while I haven't exerted the same effort to make him feel that I appreciated him.. Then I haven't heard from him for 3 days and nag-assume na agad ako. I was too coward to text him so I messaged him on Facebook instead.. And the message goes: hey mike how are you? If it didn't work out between us can we at least be friends? I still hope to hang with you sometime x ---

It was a really stupid move. If only I can turn back time he didn't reply to my message and I tried to call him a few days later but got no answer then he texted me that he's been sick and ofcourse he still wants to be friends. Sorry that things didn't work out...

I've been analyzing what happened. But I guess I just have to move on and accept its over because clearly it is over

[IronLady]

aww. i see sis. parang nagsave face ka when you said na it didnt work out and wanted to be friends. nagawa mu siguro yun kasi nga your into that guy na talaga. siguro kung sakin din nangyari yun mag-aassume din ako at mappraning na baka ayaw na nya sakin dahil nakuha na nya yun. parang napasama ata nung pagsabi mo na it didnt work out, kasi dahil sayo nanggaling yun, baka naisip nya na ang sinasabi mo its over na..

pero [textspeak!] we are not sure is kung totoo ngang nagkasakit lang sya kaya di nakapagtext e..

[janix athena]

Sis hindi mo nasabi if boyfriend mo na sya nung bigla sya nanlamig. Hindi excuse na may sakit sya kaya hindi naka-text (what a lame excuse). And nung sinabi mo na you can still be friends, sunggab sya agad? Hindi man lang nagtry to win you over. Hindi mo rin dapat sinisi sarili mo na hindi ka nag-exert ng same effort, haler, he's still wooing you sya talaga dapat ang nag-effort. It seems to me that he was out preying on women online, with a sob story na single sya for 2 years ek ek, just to earn your sympathy. He's a predator sis. He's out hunting for one thing, ang maikama ang girls na maloloko nya.

I'm sorry to be saying this sis. He is a jerk, and mukhang nag-fall ka sa trap nya. But try not to be so hard on yourself. Wala ka na magagawa about the past but move forward na lang and if at all possible, next time you like a guy, try mong wag muna isuko ang bataan, at least hanggang hindi pa kayo officially mag-ON. Kung pwedeng antay til 1 year kayong together mas maganda.

[aquacharly]

I've been analyzing what happened. But I guess I just have to move on and accept its over because clearly it is over

Analysis, paralysis...tama na.
Yeah, it must hurt. But do not flog yourself much -- you just fell into the common script of most guy players.   The typical  "max return on minimal investment" strategy:  Online, go Dutch, short timeline, etc.

IMO, it is not in your best interest to continue the friendship. You are in danger there of becoming the stand-by girl he calls when he has nothing better to do, and/or needs a quickie at minimal expense & set-up time.    I mean no offense, just open your eyes and read the writing on the wall. The others already analyzed his "I was sick.." & "of course, let's be friends"  dialogues very very very well, take heed. 

Timing is crucial to everything. Same same with analyzing.  Next time, give it more time -- the analyzing before buying into a script.  Give yourself more time to really get to know each other, before being more generous with  your time & self.    The thing with relationship moves kasi -- it should not be a simple case of just say a golf game:    hit the ball to 1 hole, in less moves.   The better play is as in chess or mahjong:  you get time to discern ano clase player/s kalaban mo, and what their play is likely gonna be as the game progresses.   

So, get over it -- charge it to experience; don't beat yourself up.  Next time, play  your cards well.  Choose to play chess or mahjong, not golf -- Baka hole-in-1 lang objective.   No offense meant there, yun ang inaasam asam ng golfers eh.   

Take care of yourself.

[enilec]

I'm sorry sis ha, but I don't think things went sour cos you said something wrong, messaged instead of texted, worried too much, etc... Thing is, I think he's just not that into you anymore. The fact that you even had to make the 1st move of messaging him about why you haven't heard from each other, says alot about your situation. The reason why you had to run after him in the first place, is cos he already left you. he just didn't have the guts to be straightforward about it cos, well... It would appear that he just used you. No guy wants to make himself look bad.

Don't make things harder for you sis. Opting for friendship when you obviously feel jaded is a no-no. I know this is easier said than done but try to forget him nalang and move on from what happened.

[Jenny.Dec1]

^agree. Sometimes the tendency is to take the blame for a failed relationship. Tough sis but you have to accept that the world is peopled by d*ckheads and beautiful people. Mukhang natapat ka sa d*ckhead this time. Charge it to experience sis!

[deliciously_ridiculous]

hey everyone, thank you sa mga replies nyo, sorry i coudn't address you individually, i'm replying thru my phone. Anyway, i have read the book hes not that into you, and i guess i learned a lot and it applies to what happened.

Men run the world, so if he likes me, a phone call or a message to ask me what he's done wrong, or if we can still see each other would've proven that. But i guess i moved on, tinatawanan ko na lang yung pag-iyak ko last week. Ive been to several failed relationship in the past, and a few days ago, i've moved on, i don't even have any feelings for him anymore. but i've learned some lessons, to take things slow, and start off as friends, before getting intimate with a guy. But i'm staying away from those online sites LOl, most men in that site treats women they met as disposable, maybe not in the phils, but here in australia, there are so many gorgeous single women to cpmpete with, haha, but i still believe there's someone out there for me.. For the mean time, i will use the time alone, to improve myself and be stable in every aspects of my life. AGain, thank you fellow girltalkers/

[franc1sgmp]

I wouldnt say you screwed up your relationship, but I would say that it was he who screwed you up (no pun intended). 

I have known alot of people (women in particular) who were ditched right after the deed. And really, I do not know why since I have no experience of it, but based on what I culled from their stories, men suddenly looked at the women in a very different manner. I know this is not true for every relationship but in your case, I think it is.

[Kriman]

^^ tama

[chichi143]

Tama! Ang natutunan ko sa mga failed relationships ko like this is that don't make excuses for this type of guys. Meron talagang mga ganito... Pagkatapos makuha gusto nila , biglang parang bula mawawala


Pero it's nice that you already are moving on, you deserve a better guy and when you meet him you'll know why this relationship didn't work out