How to Forgive? Ang Hirap Kasi.

[misteryosa]

I grew up felling Unloved by my parent's. That's why nung HS ako hindi ako alam kung anong feeling ang nagmamahal/minamahal, nararamdaman ko lang masakit sa heart kung broken hearted ako, feeling na mabigat sa dibdib. No idea at all what really love was that time.

Lahat na ata ng palo naranasan ko na simula pag kabata ko, lahat ng verbal abuse nasabi na saakin, nung college ako pina stop nila ako pero gumawa ako ng paraan para makatapos ako, nag benta ng bags, clohtes, beauty products, etc. Rason nila wala naman daw ako pakinabang bakit pa daw ako mag aaral(siguro babae kasi ako, pag mag asawa na aalis na ng bahay), mag tinda na lang daw ako ng puto. College na ako naranasan ko pa rin ang sampal at pag palo nila sa ulo ko. Ang hirap makalimot sa lahat ng ginawa nila.

Ngayon, married na ako, as much as possible pag lumuluwas ako ng Maynila hindi ko pinapaalam nasa Maynila ako, hindi ko sila binibisita, kasi yung bahay na yun puno ng sakit saakin, lagi ko lang naalala mga ginawa nila saakin.

May time na may sakit ako, Sobrang sakit ng tyan ko at suka ako ng suka, at nag chill pa ako, that time mag kaaway kami ng nanay ko, hindi kami nag papansinan. Kahit may sakit na ako hindi nya ako dinala sa doctor, kung hindi pa sasabihin ng lola ko na dalhin ako sa hospital, "padabog" pa siyang nag handa ng dadahin nya.

Akala ko ang anak kayang tiising ang magulang pero ang magulang hindi kayang tiisin ang anak. Anong klaseng nanay siya.Meron pa, nakagat ako ng aso, hindi man lang nya ako pina inject ng anti-rabies and tetanus. Ang iniisip nya gastos. Hindi ba ang nanay dapat unang mag aalala kung ano pwedeng mangyari sa anak nya.

Minsan, mag text sila pag kailangan nila ng pera para pambili ng needs nila, bakit ganon ang hirap tumulong sa taong gumawa sayo ng kasamaan. Lagi ko na lang sinasabi sa sarili ko sana pinakitaan nila ako ng mabuti at pagmamahal para masuklian ko iyon.

How can I forgive them? Hirap na hirap ako kung paano. Physically and Verbal Abuse ang naranasan ko sa kanila.

Please help me

[Princess_Chill]

sis i feel for you...

let go of the anger and hatred kasi ikaw lang mag papasan niyan..kung hindi ka nila pinakitaan ng maganda dati hayaan mo na sila...tutal wala ka naman na sa puder nila e...so kaw lang mag suffer kung mag kimkim ka ng galit...hindi ka parin magiging masaa sa buhay mo pag ganoon..

Mahirap talaga magpatawad sa mga taong nakasakit sa iyo ng sobra lalung lalu na magulang mo padiba?Pero para sa ikabubuti mo din iyan kung napatawad mo sila...or kausapin mo sila ng mabuti and ask bakit ganoon diba? so that you'll have the answers na kung bakit ganoon sila.

[k_heart]

Oh wow, medyo mahirap nga sis ang pinag daanan mo. Medyo mahirap talaga makamove-on.
Napaisip tuloy ako at i  sure baka naisip mo rin sis, kung totoo ka ba nilang anak??? Ilan ba kayo sis na magkakapatid at ganun ba ang trato nila sa inyong lahat???

But whatever the truth is, what you want is to be free of the hatred. To be able to forgive them. Im sure, kahit ako, hindi ko carry iconfront sila na bakit sila ganun sa yo. Pero if you can see an opportunity to have a heart to heart na dialogue with them, grab that opportunity.
Actually parang child abuse ang ginawa nila sa yo.

What you can do right now, is go to a priest and confess. Unburden yourself. A priest can really give good advices. At even ako pag nagko confess ako, parang may nali-lift talaga sa akin na burden. Para akong naging free and weightless. Nakakawala ng burden.

And talk also to your close friends. verbalizing your hurts sa iba, can also unburden you.
And pray also sis. Life is too short to be always hating. Yes, mahirap sis, pero in God's Blessings, mawawala yan ng unti unti.

Hugs sis! God Loves you!  : )

[aquacharly]

IMO - Forgiveness is overrated.
The thing to seek Divine Grace for is Acceptance.

Once you Accept - you are able to step back and not take it personally:   
      It is just how  some people are wired... You happened to be in their firing line...
      Sh1t happens even to The Undeserving...
      Their Wrongs are theirs to face/live with/regret... It's not about you.
But all that above is just my opinion.

Once you Accept -- you will not feel guilt about avoiding seeing Those Who Wronged You.
For if they brought such  Grief  into  your Life, isn't it but normal to avoid people like that? 
For if you should and can choose your friends, well -- you can surely choose to limit your exposure  to people who bring you back to bad memories.
See, don't we automatically too move away fom smelly dog poop in our way?
But all that above is just  my opinion.

As for helping those who seek help, given their sangkaterbang atraso sa yo...
Accept that they are what thy are, and can't help themselves being what they are until they  get hit by an epiphany/God's Grace into upgrading their character.
So, whether you give or not, how much or little-- the decision is simpler.  Are you a person who cannot refuse a request for help? Are you a person who gives little or much?  It becomes simpler ---- you now consider extending help because of what you are/strive to be.  Hindi mo na kelangn drag your emotions through your heartbreaking past.  Hindi mo na kelangan think out if the one asking for your help is deserving/kapalmukz/asking for Deserved Rejection.  All you need to focus  on is what You think is the right thing to do now given your current circumstances/constraints.   Know thyself, and be firm.

IMO, Forgiveness can be achieved, is real/sincere/complete  AFTER ACCEPTANCE.

You are a Survivor.  Do not burden yourself with other people's mistakes.  Focus instead on continuing to make a better life for yourself.  Whatever it takes to do that, just do it.    Nobody can judge you but yourself. 

[jonielle]

after reading misteryosa post, I ask my self tunay ka ba nilang anak? para kasing lahat ng pagmamalupit ginawa sayo, lalo na yung nagkasakit ka ayaw ka man lang dalhin sa doctor.

[j a n i z]

di ko maimagine yun nanay ni sis misteryosa. ako nga e, sipon lang meron ang anak ko, d ako mapakali. naubos na nga leave ko sa office dahil sa pag-aalaga sa anak ko. hay. mahirap nga patawarin yun ganyan lalo't sariling mong nanay. siguro una, you need to know bakit naging ganun ang pakitungo nila sayo. that will be the start imo.

[twelvth_goddess]

Hugs Misteryosa....

I'm sure what you experienced with your parents has been haunting you even ot this day. It's not easy to forgive but I agree with what Aquacharly has said, you need to be able to come to terms first with the fact na ganong klaseng parents nga talaga meron ka. At this point, I dont think forgiveness will come easily. You need to accept and to heal first.

[xenos54]

IMO - Forgiveness is overrated.
The thing to seek Divine Grace for is Acceptance.

tama tama.. couldn't agree more..

[phoebe1811]

Well forgiving is hard to achieve when you havent accepted the things that happen along the way. You need to acknowledge that you were hurt and in time you'll soon forgive.hindi naman overnight yun e. Time heals pramis! hehe

[mhy_pie03]

Noong namatay yung tatay ng bf ko last month may nagalok sa kanya na kasama niya sa trabaho na ipagpray over silang magkakapatid. Ang tawag sa ministry nila ay Healing and Deliverance. Kasama nila ako nung ginawa yun. Sobrang nakakaiyak. Bottomline is, unless you hear each other's side then there can only be genuine forgiveness. Mahirap maglabas ng sama ng loob nang hindi mo nasasabi ito ng harap-harapan. Pero bukod diyan sa nasabi ko, it's better if you seek a medical help then spiritual advice. Hindi naman kasi biro pinagdaanan mo. God bless you.

[jenie0519]

Something was done to me. Sabihin na lang natin na heinous crime level.

Honestly, I don't know kung napatawad ko. But I don't feel anything anymore. I don't feel hate or anger whenever I remember what that relative did and whenever I see the person. I've moved on.

I wish i was like you sis.  I think pareho ang nangyari sa tin, but mine was worse.  Kapatid ko na hindi ko kasamang lumaki dahil separated ang parents namin.  Nagkita kita kami when i was in hs already.   Now my mom is wishing na sana mapatawad ko na daw sila lalo na yun.  Hindi niya alam kung anong totoong nangyari sa kin, ang alam lang niya sinubukan akong saksakin ng anak niya kaya niya pinauwi ng province.

Malapit na ang bday ni mom at gusto niya magkita kita kami.  Parang hindi ko ata kaya mga sis... Ngayon pa lang naiiyak na ko kasi ayoko sila makita... Ayaw din ni hubby kasi alam niya yung nangyari sa kin.  Pero ayokong magaway kami ng nanay ko kaya i was thinking na tatapangan ko na lang ang loob ko, pero i really don't know if i could do it... Suklam na suklam pa din ako sa kanya, i don't think i can forgive lalo na ang forget.

[rianne_mallows]

^ you should not go home simply because it will make you uncomfortable.
Huwag mo pansinin nanay mo. Sa situation na ito, isipin mo sarili mo.
Hindi porke gusto ni nanay mo one big happy family eh yun na ang dapat mangyari
Hindi ikaw ang selfish dito kundi nanay mo
Kung magalit siya hayaan mo siya
Better yet take this opportunity to tell her what really happened
Sabihin mo pasalamat siya hindi mo pinakulong anak niya kasi iniiaip mo mama mo
Ngayon sabihin mo ikaw naman intindihin niya na hindi mo kya na forgive and forget na

[jenie0519]

^ hi sis... I don't think i can do that, tell her what really happened.  It will ruin her and i can't do that to her.  Fortunately namove yung get together na pinaplano nila, although nakaplan pa din.  I tried to make an alibi pero di pumuwede, may lusot pa din ang nanay ko. 

Kanina tinatanong ako ni hubby kung sasama daw ba ako, and i told him i had no choice.  Nakita ko na nabadtrip siya, but nadinig ko si mom talking to his eldest son and i heard na imove nga daw since hindi pwede yung wife niya.  Sinabi ko kay hubby and ayun, nakahinga siya ng maluwag, niyakap pa ako kasi alam niya na i really don't want to go. 

Thanks for your input sis, i'll think about it if i can ignore my mom na lang.  Pero i have a feeling na siya pa din ang masusunod in the end.

[rianne_mallows]

Ok buhay mo iyan eh. One last thing though. Pushovers never find true peace.
If you dont make a stand for yourself now kelan pa
Saka iniisip mo mararamdaman ng nanay mo, eh yung nararamdaman ng asawa mo?

Saka may anak ka ba? If you continue down this path, hindi ka na naman makatanggi sa future invites kasi feeling ni mother mo ok na . Bati bati na. Ikaw din,  baka in the future anak mo masalisihan.

Sorry to be nega but people like that are sick in the head. i wont risk may own family for anything jahit anong lalim or babaw kahit magalit buong mundo sakin. But that's me. Buhay mo iyan eh

Its just a simple question.. Who's peace of mind matter to you more? Sa nanay mo? Sa sarili mo? O sa asawa mo?  THINK HARD ...

[jenie0519]

^ I forgot to mention na we live with my mom, unfortunately di pa kami makalipat sa bahay namin kasi wala pa kaming pampaggawa at pampaayos nung bahay.

And ewan ko sis, siguro kasi lumaki ako na hindi ko kaya na nagmamataas sa nanay ko, kahit pa sabihin mo na kasalanan nya why kami nagaway.  Siguro kasi since naghiwalay sila ng tatay ko, kaming 2 lang ang magkasama.  Madami kaming pinagdaanan na kaming 2 lang ang nagsuffer.  I think she is sick which is another thing na gumugulo sa isip ko, she mentioned na when she poops may blood, ayaw niya magpacheck up kasi natatakot siya, nagaaway lang kami pag pinipilit ko.  I'm scared na baka limited na lang ang time na i have with her.  That's why itong nangyari sa kin na to as much as possible ayokong malaman niya dahil she's been through enough already.  She is enjoying her life now thanks to her now husband, di na niya need magwork and di na siya stressed.

Parang ang labo ko no? Humihingi ako ng advise pero parang clear naman na kung anong magiging decision ko.  I guess gusto ko lang maihinga yung fear ko on seeing that person again, and at the same time, yung frustration ko na wag na pasamain ang loob ng nanay ko dahil nga ayoko naman talaga makita yung taong yun...

With regards to my daughter, seriously i never thought of that happening.  Dahil there won't be a chance, im sure of that.

[stylishmomy]

I agree with aquacharly.

Something was done to me. Sabihin na lang natin na heinous crime level.

Honestly, I don't know kung napatawad ko. But I don't feel anything anymore. I don't feel hate or anger whenever I remember what that relative did and whenever I see the person. I've moved on.

One thing I do know, I accepted what happened and I healed myself. If you ask me now, will I act like nothing happened the next time I see that person? No (and I do still see him, not often, but unfortunately, I see him)

Will I make friends with that person? No. Will I try to make small talk with that person? No. Will I make any kind of relationship with that person? No.

I won't have ANYTHING to do with that person and I don't have an obligation to be friends or to talk or anything.

Ang weird kasi dito sa Pilipinas, porke kamag-anak expected ka na dapat mahalin mo, or igalang, or dapat may relationship kayo 'sort of'. Pero hindi dapat ganun. Love, trust, friendship, and respect is earned. It's not given away for the sole reason na magulang or kapatid or kamag-anak.

Hats off to you sis And I honestly agree, just coz its "family" eh dapat igalang na.  Ganun ba dapat kahit hindi naman sila deserving? Definitely NOT. I have burned bridges with my mom's brother and his whole family, for more reasons than one. I dont feel bad about it, not even a tinybit of sadness or guilt. I know one thing is for sure, I dont want to keep negative people in my life - family/relative or not.

If you cant get rid of them, avoid. Lalo na if they only cause grief and pain each time you see them.

misteryosa - I know some parents/granparents who treated their children/family like crap, with all the verbal and physical abuse. May mga tao talagang ganun kasama, sad but true. Ang hirap nga ng forgiveness lalo na if it started since you were little, with all the pain they have caused you, nobody can really force or expect you to be all happy to see them.

[girl24]

hi sis! all i can say is ***hugs*** to you... i can't magine kasi having a mother like that and now i'm a mom also i can't imagine doing that to my child.

[donya_dyosa]

May mga tao talagang masama.. unfortunately... parents mo pa sila... i think you just have to move on. Tama yun na wag mo na sila kibuin. Magpakasuccessful ka sa buhay at wag kalimutan ang mga taong naging mabuti sayo.. also, make sure na lahat ng pagmamahal na kinailangan mo,. Ipakita mo sa anak at family mo... ipagdasal mo nalang ang parents mo...

[rachi_01]

mas mahirap makalimot...mas madali pang mag forgive.

[lonelymiss28]

may mga parents talaga na ganun. ganyang-ganyan din ako ng lumaki although wala naman physical abuse na nangyari. kahit may sakit ako wala man lang gamot and kailangan ko pang ipunin kung may matitira sa baon ko para may pambili ako ng gamot. ayaw din ako pag-aralin dahil makakapag-asawa naman daw ako ng adik. mga ganong bagay. but in a way mabait talaga si Lord, dhail dun sa experience ko na iyon naging saver ako hanggang ngayon ipon lang ako ng ipon. dami kong natutunan sa pangyayaring iyon ng buhay ko na sobrang nagpatatag sa akin bilang tao, wala na both parents ko pero yung naranasan ko sa mom ko i would say naging mabuti akong tao dahil na rin dun.