Dealing with someone with Emotional Immaturity

[FoxyPhoenix]

My partner and I have been together for 2 years but I have had constant problems regarding his behavior. I think he is emotional immature. I read an article about emotional immaturity, it says:

"To illustrate the difference between emotional maturity & immaturity, let's look at the 2008 presidential candidates to see how emotionally mature/immature they are. What do you think about Obama and McCain? Both of their "temperaments" get a fair amount of press. "Temperament" as talked about in the press is a combination of emotions, reactions, and even thinking styles.
Obama is seen as cool, steady, unruffled, and calm, while McCain is seen as hot headed, impulsive, easily triggered, and nervous. We've all seen these in action during the campaign and perhaps more visibly in the debates.

Obama is expected to win the presidency and if he does one reason may be his emotional maturity (versus McCain's emotional immaturity): Obama's even emotions, his control of his emotions, and his ability to keep his destructive emotions in check. Thus, he is projecting someone who is in control of himself and what he's doing -- something people are desperate for in the current financial meltdown.

My partner is like McCain. Perhaps a mild case of McCain palang. Kasi he is okay pag dating sa ibang bagay and that is why I don't want to give up on him. Deep inside him is a good person/husband. I want to understand and help him before his behavior worsen or worst maghiwalay kaming tuluyan.

Do you know someone na parang emotional immature? How do you treat/acknowledge this behaviour of him/her? It sometimes gets into my nerves kasi. Hindi lang ako makapagreply sa kanya agad, galit na siya. Pag biglaang nagleave siya from work, kailangan ako rin magleave para magkasama kami together, or else galit na siya. Galit siya agad lagi without trying to understand why I wasn't able to respond to his text asap or why I can't file a leave straightaway.

Your positive & negative comments are open guys. Thank you in advance..

[ecnarfoj]

Napapagod na ba sis in dealing with him?
Dati kasi yung husband ko ganyan din kapag di ako nakareply kaagad - naiinis talaga siya.
Basta, I tell him my reason and that I'm sorry for makig him feel that way. Tapos may pahabol na, babawi na lang ako sa'yo.

I wouldn't say na my husband was emotionally immature, I describe him as needy.

Ganyan din pag SL siya, lalo nung may times na pwede ako mag-work from home, sasabihan niya ako work from home na lang daw ako. May meeting ako so kailangan ko pumasok.

Kailangan ko lang siyang sanayin na ganun talaga. Pero malambing. di ko pinapantayan yung "inarte" niya. Kung gusto niya ng moment, sige moment niya. Basta wag lang niya akong sasabihan ng masamang words.

Just acknowledge his feelings and try to make an agreement with him na pag di pa ako nakasagot kaagad, baka may meeting ako or im driving pero promise whenever you see a call or a text, you will response just as long as you can.

Kung talagang pwede ka ring umabsent kung may sakit siya, as wives kasi kailagan nila maramdaman satin na aalagan natin sila, absent ka. Kahit hindi everytime, just as long as you can.

[FoxyPhoenix]

Thanks Ecnarfoj Yes, nakakapagod minsan, but I know I shouldn't give up on him kasi he needs someone who will understand him and why he is who/what he is. Siguro I'll try to be more patient, ngayon kasi kapag 'nagiinarte' na siya sinasagot ko na siya, unlike before na sorry agad ako and susuyuin siya.

May 5 year old son ako, not his. We are not yet living together. Plan naming magsama na end of this year, pag napuno na namin yung house na nakuha niya. Tanggap niya anak ko and they are close with each other, tawag na sa kanya is daddy. Pero pag nagiging needy siya and gusto niya time with me alone, gusto niya buong sat & sun kami magkasama, he can't understand that I can't be away from my home always or for a long time kasi I need to look after my son. Needy I  think is the best word to describe him.

I realized, 2 pala ang problem/concern ko sa kanya, needy and emotional immature:(

[glamorosa_09]

make him understand, na sa buhay, hindi lahat ng gusto nya masusunod, na hindi lahat ng tao sa paligid nya ang mag-aadjust sa kanya at sa mga gusto nya. Mas maganda na ngayon pa lang nakikinig na sya sa mga sinasabi mo. Kasi kung hindi, do not expect that you will  have a voice in your marriage.

Yung mga ganyang temperament, they want "my way." Pag hindi nasusunod yung way nila, nagiging magagalitin na. They want to be always in control, and when they think things/people aren't going along their way, ayan na, temper start to show.

Pag nagagalit sya o kaya parang tantrums, do not take it personally na lang. Pasok sa isang tenga, labas sa kabila. Madali namang mag-subside yung galit nya? Hindi naman mahilig mag-ungkat ng past issues? Pag nilalambing mo sya at nagsosorry ka, pakipot lang sya? Hindi ka naman sinasaktan physically, verbally? wala namang threatening or anything?

For as long as wala namang abuse of any form, normal lang sa temperament nya yung ganun. But it does not mean na ganun sya eh ganun na sya. Adjustment is a must to make marriage work. Kung di sya willing mag-adjust, expect na ikaw lagi mag-aadjust sa kanya.

[aquacharly]

Tiring, but relationships generally evolve into control games.

Speak up right way, in a kind way, when something unsettles you. It does not pay  to swallow your resentment/discontent/unhappiness.  1 day, mapupuno ka din. Communicate positively.   you must BOTH develop that: the skill of positive communication. 

so what if he is emotionally immature or needy?  You can adapt, stretch your patience, and help him be a better person.   Focus on his qualities that made him lovable to you.   When you marry another, do not think you have the right to change him.   But you both have the obligation to make each other & yourselves better persons.  Synergy. . 

Teka ha, parang claro  tayo -- I do not advocate martyrdom ha. 

[ladyAsh]

This is my first time to post, this is my problem with my husband, ang alam nya cia lagi ang tama, ang gusto nya cia lagi ang mag decide sa life namin, hinde din ako ang ang humahawak ng money namin. Binibigyan nya lang ako kapag humihingi ako, reason nya for this kasi daw ayaw na nya ko pag intindihin sa pag budget, ayaw daw nya sumakit pa ulo ko kaso naman ano naman role ko sa buhay namin? Hinde rin cia nagpapatalo lagi cia ang tama.

[hedonista]

Ang hirap! - specially when my husband goes into his silent treatment mode. hindi ko alam san ako lulugar. Npapraning ako na sunod agad hiwalayan simply because we cant communicate ng maayos. He doent want to talk about problems. We argue on the phone - text messages and email exchange. then pag ok na, problem will be shoved under the rug. Ang hirap!

I tried to be patient and still do what I am supposed to do but still my mga demands pala sya na di ko alam, i am not a mind reader, sinabihan nya ko na mas may time sya makipag usap sa isang certain girl kasi mas sweet un at mas masarap kausap. What will i do, when i approach him , he's always busy naman. i am afraid it will bring more problem.

How do I deal with this? i am still thinking... i found out na kailangan nya ng lambing - last saturday..... still confused...what he really wants. he is always sarcastic

[glamorosa_09]

^May new baby right sis?

Baka naman na-leleft out or na-leleft behind ang hubby mo with the new mommy-baby charmed tandem, nalimutan mo meron ka pa palang malaking baby, at nagpaparining at nagpapapansin sayo.

IF that is the case, baka pwede nyong laruin ng sabay si baby, o kaya hingi ka ng favor na tulungan ka. Mas maganda na yung arrival of a baby could strengthen your marriage instead of pulling you apart from each other.

Anyways, you have a thread naman on how to be sweet, kailangan lang siguro nya ng lambing. =)

[FoxyPhoenix]

Thanks aquacharly and glamorosa_09. I notice din na as part of emotional immaturity niya, bukod sa being hot tempered at moody niya, he, not all the time, pero often criticize, kahit bestfriend pa niya yan.

I'm learning that to deal with someone with E.I., one must:

-Be open-minded and try to understand him.
-Be patient.
-Speak up (in a kind way).
-Focus on his good qualities.
-Don't tolerate at wag maging martyr.

More advice sana