Hello. Just wanna share my thoughts and vent out my feelings as well towards sa taong sabi nila "nanay" ko daw but no, I can't even call her that anymore. So here it goes..
I'm 17 turning 18 this year (hoping na walang magsabi na I'm too young to understand adult stuffs or for this kind of situation whatsoever)... I hate her. I don't like her ever since. I never did. So she was an OFW for 17 years, yes, hindi ko alam exact na nangyari pero siguro after she gave birth to me ayun nagtrabaho na siya abroad. I grew up with my Dad (whom I really look up to and love but that's another story) and my Kuya na 10 years older than me. As usual routine ng mga OFWs, umuuwi siya once a year for 1 month stay. I can't remember anything na before nung bata ako every time na umuuwi siya. I don't feel any disgust or galit kasi nga bata pa and I was still so innocent to understand things going on around me that time. Siguro nagstart 'tong feelings ko sa kanya (That Mom) na hindi ko madesribe e basta parang I'm not comfortable and can't really like, even love her no matter how much I tried. Nagstart siya once I turned 13-14 something basta nung nagka-isip na ako and aware na ako sa mga adult stuffs... We had a huge family matter that time, siya nasa abroad and I was living with my Dad and Kuya.. this is about financial. So ayun, siguro almost a year kami nagtiis sa patina-tinapay lang and lubog sa utang yung That Mom left and right. Pag naalala ko yun, gusto ko umiyak, feeling ko naiiyak ako not for That Mom but for my dad. Kasi siya yung nakita kong naghihirap ng sobra nung mga panahong ?un... Punta siya dito, doon, kung saan saan para makahiram ng pera pangkain namin. At this point, you'd ask if kung financial problem, why didn't my father find a job and get paid to help That Mom.. the reason is, he can't. He was only a HS Graduate and my father is too old na that time unlike that one na kumikita ng pera who finished College and took board exam and flew abroad. About sa financial problem, it wasn't my dad's fault nor my brother kesyo hindi nagbubudget or what kaya nauubos agad, the thing is, That Mom thinks very highly of herself. I was young but not so innocent na to know and feel that to her. Almost lahat ng sweldo niya is binibigay niya sa Mother niya, and kapag may nanghingi sa kanyang kapatid or nangutang, sobrang luwag ng pera and ibibigay na niya lang agad without thinking na may dalawang anak siyang binubuhay, as well as husband na nagpapakahirap to take care of me and brother and makisama sa mother-in-law dahil nga iba ugali nila when it comes to money. TAKE NOTE, ANIM SILANG MAGKAKAPATID, 3 OF THEM ARE OFWS INCLUDING THAT MOM, THEN THE OTHERS KUMIKITA DIN BECAUSE OF THEIR WORKS... but That Mom, hindi dahil sa siya ang pinakamabit na anak kaya almost lahat binibigay niya for her Mother, but because she wants to brag about what she has achieved sa mga kapatid niya at para sa mata ng Mother niya is siya yung may narating kung baga... pero it's all the opposite.
Mayabang. Mapride. Mataas tingin sa sarili. Those are the names that I can call her. Siguro iniisip niyo, ang sama naman netong anak etc etc. OKAY I KNOW ITS A SIN pero that's the truth. I mentioned na my dad only finished HS, and no stable job.. I mean no job at all but to stand as a REAL PARENT saming dalawa ng kuya ko. That's what my father's job is for 17 years. Pero for That Mom, she sees that work of my dad as simple and easy.. walang sinabi sa hirap na nararanasan niya as an OFW. Well I can't blame her for that, kasi mahirap naman talaga mag OFW but hindi yun yung point ko. She never sees my dad as her Husband. When I turned a bit older, my dad started to tell me things like, he's tired with this life, or pagod na siya magtiis sa That Mom kasi halos lahat ng masasakit na words, sinasabi niya sa dad ko. Minamaliit dad ko kesyo wala siyang sariling income or walang narating sa buhay ganun ganun. Every time I think of it now and then, gusto kong umiyak for my dad, I feel so ashamed to have that kind of MOM. Dun nagstart mamuo ng galit puso ko, I can't even love her nor talk to her. No I just can't. She has her own ways na sobrang mali. Lahat ng gusto niya kailangan masunod and she's full of negativity. I remember on my HS days, when I tell her stuffs like sumali ako sa quiz bee or some competitions in school, she would always answer, "Sus, kaya mo ba yan?" things like that, unlike my dad na full of encouragement even on the simplest things that I do. Pero siya, wala kang mapapala talaga. Until I graduated HS and syempre it's about courses and invesment sa college na, I told her this one course that I really want to take but she all she said to me is, "Be practical." No, you can't take that course, wala kang mararating dyan. SEE? WHAT KIND OF A MOTHER?!
I never liked her! Feeling ko sasabog ako every time nakikita ko siya, even the way she talks is so annoying na for me. I can't even move around the house whenever she's on the same place as I do so I prefer na maglock sa room ko kesa nakikita ko siya. I feel disgust. I'm not gonna say this because of her physical appearance, but one thing similar about the way she acts and the way she IS, is like an Unemployed 30ish Obese Junkfood Eater Man. Sorry for that. She can't even take care of her own hygiene. SHE DISGUST ME IN SO MANY WAYS. I don't mind kung ilang dasal kailangan kong gawin for committing this sin pero willing ako magbigay loob kay Lord, everything that I have.... kesa makisama sa ganong klaseng nanay. She is not a Mom after-all.
I'm really planning to move out na with my dad as soon as we both can kasi hindi ko na masikmura pa na may ganito akong klaseng kasama sa bahay.
PS: My dad got a job now pero hindi ganon kalaki sahod, although we both can save naman for both of our future. My brother has a son and an OFW wife. And that mom? She's unemployed and living her life as what she thinks of herself as a highly-respected-mother-who-spends-most-of-her-money-on-bingo-games.
I never want to be her like her. Will never be. Yun lang.
