Obligasyon ba talaga ng anak na buhayin ang magulang after nilang makapagtapos?

[Purple_Power]

^ you said it right sis! Ang nakasimangot hindi talaga pinapasok ng swerte. I mean if there are others who are into superstitious beliefs like yung mga material na bagay o position ng mga gamit mo eh may malas at swerte. Ganyan rin sa tao kapag masungit at nakakadala ng stress sa bahay hindi seswertihin kasi pwedeng madadala ka sa hinanakit niya. Maigi na rin yung decision mo na ibinukod na lang siya rather than being stress everyday. Ayoko rin ng ganyan.

[harlet]

^oo sis Purple_Power, di ko kinaya, dumating na ako sa punto na ayoko na siyang tignan....ramdam ko yung negative energy niya.....grabe, naka -quota siya ng isang buwan na nakasimangot.....kaya i decided na ibukod na lang.....eto iba ang aura ng bahay....maaliwalas na   at mas ok talaga yung magkahiwalay kami kasi kahit paano nakikita ko na siyang nakangiti.....eh minsan ko lang dalawin haha....pero sabi nung tagabantay niya, minsan nakikita niyang nakasimangot si madir...ewan ko ba dun, dami namang hobby yun pa nakagiliwan, hehe...

[brendzy]

same here mga sis, eversince my parents especially my mom, she keeps on telling us na napalaki na nya kami and parang it's payback time. No problem with me supporting my parents. I am pang 5th na from 7 siblings (6 nalang, kase deads na yung 2nd namin)so parang pang 4th na din. Anyway, when I started working in call center far from my degree because of pressure na din kaya i opted for CC work. Almost 2/3 ng income ko nauuwi sa bahay. I was promoted as sup then manager the more and naibibigay ko till I was treated as the true-blue breadwinner, eventually, my other siblings are not giving their share kasi naiisip nila, I am there naman. Kahit pa we already discussed yung sharing sa bahay. I don't brag but I have the most contribution. aside from the usual panggastos/bigay sa nanay ko, akin pa din grocery, emergency funds nila, pang additional sa mga gastos ng mga pamangkin, meds ng parents, water bill hayyyy...thenafter my bf and I decided to get married, as in wala akong ipon, zero contribution ako sa gastos namin. dun na din nag-start ang cold treatment ng mom ko sa hubby ko (i know it's a bit off-topic, but i can't help). My mom felt na inagaw ang milking cow nila(ako) sa kanila. My mom started telling me, on text na never ko pa daw sila nabigyan ng kaginhawaan, never did they experience yung spending on what they wants. I resigned from my 4more than 4 years working in Call Center with zero savings, no investment whatsoever. Until now na nasa ibang bansa na kami ng hubby ko, they still think na nandito ako to work for them. it's as if they don't want to let go of me. We are on the same dilemma with my other sis, she's already 32 and yet single because of our parents.
I love my parents pero I also feel na they raised us so it's expected na we give it back to them ---ALL! Parang nafeel ko na they do not want us to have our own lives or family. I never regreted yung effort, money, time na shinare ko sa kanila, but sana maisip nila na we're all grown ups and need to move on our own.

[Purple_Power]

^When I've read your post talagang naiba ang reaction ko sa Mom mo  which is there are things that I find it so questionable. Sorry to be rude pero naman nag-anak siya ng 7 tapos as if it is not her decision tapos magtatampo na hindi kayo nagbigay ng kaginhawaan sa kanya where in fact obvious naman na nahirapan siya to raise 7 children na sana naisipan niya mabuti kung kaya ba niya to have more than 1 kid. Parang naman ang laki ng utang niyo sa pagpapalaki niya sa inyo. Feeling ko dyan since marami kayo she is already expecting ever since that you have to pay her. Obviously gusto niya sa inyo aasa Mom niyo and for sure na may magsusuffer nga dyan na hindi makakapagpamilya dahil lang she is obviously obligating your sibling na bigyan responsibilidad ang ina.

[break_free]

sis brendyz, na sad and na hurt naman ako sa text message sa iyo ng mom mo na "never ko pa daw sila nabigyan ng kaginhawaan..."  Tama sis kahit masakit, you and your sis have to move on and live your life. I believe makaka help pa rin naman kayo sa parents and other siblings in some ways pa rin pero this time not 100% kasi pano naman mga personal na buhay ninyo di ba? Hays stay strong sis, mahirap yan lalo na mom mo pa ang parang 'kaaway' (sorry lack of better term). hehe

[brendzy]

Very true sis Purple_power and sis break_free. kasi bata pa lang kami, yung mga kakilala and relatives namin kept on saying na maswerte daw nanay ko paglaki namin kasi halos girls kami, yung only guy yung namatay. My parents can depend daw on us. mabubuhay sila maginhawa. mga sis, i love my parents, naiyak talaga ako, kasi meron pang text yung nanay ko sa hubby ko, things like, you "never thought of us, alam mo naman na si brendzy lang yung nakakatulong ng maayos sa amin", mga ganun. tatay ko kasi was na-stroke ng twice kaya we decided na magresign na sa work. the day before my flight, my parents talk to me, tinanong ako paano ko daw sila padadalhan once na nandito na ko. sabi ko nalang basta makahanap ako ng work kahit magkano lang i'll try na magpadala. My hubby and I were totally opposite sis, kasi siya pag may okasyon lang siya nagpapadala sa parents nya like Christmas ganyan. eh ako, almost monthly ine-expect ng parents ko na me padala ako. I try to send naman monthly, pero dahil super budgeted na pera namin ni hubby, wala ng pang extrang padala. like last month, nagpadala ako ng 10k, after a week nagtext mom ko asking for like 3-5k na padalhan ko daw siya for some reason, which is not emergency. I told her this month na lang once nagsahod ako, she never texted me after that. sis ang hirap kaya malayo, we don't know what will happen to us here, tas kung makapagtampo sila because di mabigyan ---kaloka sila. madalas I'll just cry and pray, ang hirap sis. madalas, I don't call sa Pinas kasi puro problema ang sasabihin nila, they will not ask us first kung kamusta na kami dito. hayyyyy

[Len0523]

Nakarelate naman ako sis. But the difference is I promised them a better life.
And the fact na I obligated myself to be responsible para maging maginhawa sila.
So ito, dahil nagbibigay ako sa kanila monthly ng 10k tapos nag absent ako ng bigay nagffollow up sila
hahaha!! Nagpapagawa kase ako ng bahay para sa kanila.
Tapos alam ko naman na walang maaasahan sa mga japatid kong puro lalake.
Kaya lang, yung savings ko para sa sarili ko wala.
Sabi ng partner at nung mentor ko, magsave daw muna ako paea sa sarili ko.
Iangat ko daw muna ang sarili ko.
Once na stable na ako, saka ako magbigay sa kanila.
Kase hindi pwedeng papakaubos ako dahil unang una ako rin naman tatakbuhan
pag may emergency sila. Eh paano na pag ako nagkasakit tapos wala akong savings?
mamamatay na lang?
Ang hirap kaya kelangan talaga marunong magbudget.

[gab54]

I support my mom, I also support my in laws, monthly. Pag Xmas, big bonus pa. but thats bec I can afford to, and I want to, thats why I support.
In case may mga sis dito hindi kaya, then wag pilitin. Ex Sis Brenzy, 6 naman kayo magkakapatid. Pag every month magbigay kayo ng tig 2k, eh di may 12k na ang magulang niyo. Dapat pwede na yun para mabuhay. If may extra pa kayo, saka na ninyo dagdagan pa. Sa dami ninyong magkakapatid, share the burden naman.

[heaven_charm]

its not an obligation but it is a fulfilling thing to do to be able to take care of my parents. Di ko naman maaatim na maganda ang buhay ko tapos parents ko naghihirap. My parents are 55 years old and hindi ko na sila pinagwowork. i gave them 10k a month nalang for their expenses. di naman masama sa loob ko, in fact it gives me peace of mind. pinaghirapan nila makatapos ako at mapalaki ako ng maayos kaya ako na mismo na nagvolunteer to take care of them

[joban99]

Hi sis Brendzy, Im a guy and I think me and your hubby are in the same situation kaya Id like to give you some ("unsolicited" hehe..) advice from the man's point of view. For the men kasi, our priority is our  new family (the spouse and kids) kaya we try to make sure that our family and the future of our family is provided for. Kaya 2nd na lang ang extended family (parents, siblings, cousins, inlaws, etc.). Kaya for most guys, once your family is doing alright, than that is the time to help out your extended family. Actually we (my wife and I) also give an amount of money to her parents as well. But thats because we have a monthly savings na. Dapat talaga you need to help yourself first, and then youll be able to help others more. The richer you and your family get, the more financial aid you can give to your parents later on. This is also what Fransico Colayco teaches para sa mga Pinoy, lalo na mga female OFWs, you need to help and save for yourself first, then you can help your family. Income - Saving = Expenses (and your assistance to your family really just is an expense just like paying an electric or telephone bill, sorry to be blunt.)

Colayco doesnt say dont give whatsoever until youre ok, but just give what you can afford to give after you make a budget for you and your family. So as you said, you stated you give them 10k/mo. Have a sit down/meeting (kahit sa skype lang) with your mom and be stern with her that this is all you can give. Shell probably make you feel guilty, but you need to be strong and you need to remember that your new family (especially if you have kids) needs you more than your mom needs you. Sorry for being a bit blunt again, but in order to make a good future for your kids, you cant give in to this emotional blackmail. Once she gets used to only having 10k a month, everything will be alright. If she still doesnt get used to it and still asks for more, you just need to be stern and say no.

Fortunately for me, my parents are doing well as they have passive income, but my wifes parents dont so of course we help them out. Pero when we were starting out as a new family in 2007, we could only give them 5k/mo. We talked to them and we said that this was all we could give, pero once we do better in life, well give more. Ngayon, were doing pretty well so now were able to give them 15k/mo. Fortunately again my in-laws were really considerate and never really hassled us much for money. But when they did, we were stern and didnt give (unless it was an emergency like someone was hospitalized) and now that we are doing better, weve been able to give them more. Ifs more of a "live within your means" thing. So again, sit down with them and tell them that this is the monthly budget you can give them and be stern with that budget. I hope this helps not only you Brendzy, but all the people reading this thread.

[Purple_Power]

^Very well said and I totally agree with you.

Actually ito pa nga ang advice from the financial academy eh na magsave for the future especially for the retirement at dyan pumapasok yung mag-iinvest ka. Hindi ini encourage na umasa ang magulang sa anak financially. Tapos nagbase rin sila ng example na namomroblema financially yung mga anak hanggang sa pinagpapasahan yung magulang sabay yung kapatid same dilemma. So ang sinasabi rin sa investment at least kapag nakapag invest ka instead na ipagpasahan mo magulang mo makikipag-agawan ka pa na tulungan siya. Nakakainis lang sa karamihan ng ibang mga magulang ang mentality nila is pag lumaki ang anak ay bigyan sila ng responsibilidad or magtanaw ng utang na loob tapos lakas pa magdemand ng amount of money parang minsan lakas pa maningil na parang inutangan sila ng anak nila ng napakalaking halaga. I think nasabi ko na ito sa early post pero minsan parang ang pakiramdam ko is obligasyon mong bayaran ang buhay mo na kung hindi dahil sa kanila wala ka sa mundo ngayon.

Noong bata ako nasa situation ako na parati akong ineemotional blackmail. Siempre give in ako dyan parati pero sa sobrang galit ko na at nagsawa na ako  hindi na ako ganun kaapektado sa mga paguilty effect feeling tapos yung kinokonsensya ka pa. Paano kasi kahit gawin mo na yung demands nila wala rin naman so either positive or negative equals negative pa rin. It just so happened na nakita nila hirap ako maghanap ng work sabayan mo pa na winawalanghiya ako ng Tatay ko sa mga masasakit na pananalita niya dahil lang wala akong pera. Umabot sa point na tanggap na ng Nanay ko na hindi ako yung type ng tao na may mataas na sahod o yung makakakuha agad ng work. Kaya ito honestly at my age I am still asking finances from her.  tapos wala lang yun sa kanya. Pinagsabihan na niya ako na dapat magsave na ako and hindi na ako nakadepend sa kanya pero nag-explain ako ng kaunti na mashadong maliit sahod ko kaya gusto ko makaipon kaya ito balewala sa kanya kung humingi ako ng pera kahit yung mga pambili ng damit saka gamot. Tapos Nanay ko pa rin until now nagbibigay ng regalo lalo na cash every birthday and Christmas. Ni kahit nga yung pang Universal Studios ko sa SG and Elephant Ride sa Thailand mama ko pa rin nagbayad nun.  It just so happened na generous mama ko both family and other people unlike my father sa ibang tao lang siya generous pero pagdating sa amin as his family sobrang madamot na siya at galit na galit if we are asking favor na parang napakalaki na ang utang na loob namin. Since tanggap na nga ng parents ko na hindi nga ako yung type ng tao na magkakaroon ng malaking sahod hindi na sila nag eexpect something from me saka yun nga tatay ko nagsabi mismo na hindi naman nila hihingin yung sahod ko sa akin.

[angelzero]

para sa kin hindi obligasyon ng anak na buhayin magulang nila after makapag tapos. reading through this thread, naiinis ako in behalf of the sisses na may mga magulang na inoobliga sila. swerte pa rin ako na parents ko hindi ganito. although they ask for a contribution para sa mga utility bills kasi sa kanila pa rin naman kami nakatira, but its very minimal. hindi sya yung tipong maaapektuhan savings ko. ok lang yung tumulong ka since pamilya mo pa rin naman sila, pero yung tipong your life is on hold because of them, hindi tama yun.

[brendzy]

Same advice din nakuha ko sis Len0523 both from my counseller and my hubby. sabi nga nila how can I help them kung kami ay kinukulang din naman? Very same questions to my self too, panu pag ako naman nagkasakit or whatsoever, di ba nga I entered marriage with zero savings, si hubby lahat gumastos as in.

Sis gab54, yung eldest namin may own family na din, she can manage to prioritize her family first above anyone, kung magbigay man yun -- utang naman. yung bali 2nd naman, she gives because yung mother namin nag-aalaga ng 2 kids nya while she works (single mom). Yung 3rd sis ko, kami dalawa talaga nagtutulungan, she is 32 still single, she even told me na maybe is meant to be oldmaid to look after my parents. then yung younger sa akin, yun yung super happy-go-lucky. magbibigay lang yun kung kelan nya gusto. my parents even us cannot force her. nag-aaway kami ng sobra. then yung bunso, still in college. ako yung sa tuition fee nya, kaloka lang pag kinokonsensya pa ko ng nanay ko na, mas mabigat daw yung daily allowance nya. yan profile ng mga sis ko kaya ang hirap sabihin sa kanila to share the burden. 
 

[brendzy]

thanks bro joban99, ganun nga hubby ko, he is the one talaga na masinop sa money, he can tell his extended family na wala, lalo na kung hindi naman emergency or importante. We don't have kids yet, kaya yun yung pagse-save talaga focus ni hubby. Thank you naman at naliwanagan ako with your POV. Akala ko nagdadamot lang hubby ko when saying "no" pag nanghihingi ang parents ko. Kasi nga share kami ng finances so it needs to be known to each other where and for what yung lalabas na pera. And another thing then, you're correct, emotional blackmail talaga ginagawa ng mom ko, even before I was single and working. she uses the same scheme, even before with my father, down to everyone, pero ako lang yata pinaka affected. (kasi, since nagkaisip ako, she keeps on telling me when she's about to give birth to me, she labored for like 5 days, yung pain nya, kaya pag napapagalitan ako, she also tells me, hindi ka pa nakakatulong ganyan na ugali mo, she never even say na proud siya sa mga academic achievements ko...lumaki ako with that attitude na I need to please her so she can be proud of me. she was just vocal sa pagsasabi how proud she was of me nung napromote na ko sa work).
Anyway, sana I will have the courage to tell them 

[brendzy]

^Very well said and I totally agree with you.

Actually ito pa nga ang advice from the financial academy eh na magsave for the future especially for the retirement at dyan pumapasok yung mag-iinvest ka. Hindi ini encourage na umasa ang magulang sa anak financially. Tapos nagbase rin sila ng example na namomroblema financially yung mga anak hanggang sa pinagpapasahan yung magulang sabay yung kapatid same dilemma. So ang sinasabi rin sa investment at least kapag nakapag invest ka instead na ipagpasahan mo magulang mo makikipag-agawan ka pa na tulungan siya. Nakakainis lang sa karamihan ng ibang mga magulang ang mentality nila is pag lumaki ang anak ay bigyan sila ng responsibilidad or magtanaw ng utang na loob tapos lakas pa magdemand ng amount of money parang minsan lakas pa maningil na parang inutangan sila ng anak nila ng napakalaking halaga. I think nasabi ko na ito sa early post pero minsan parang ang pakiramdam ko is obligasyon mong bayaran ang buhay mo na kung hindi dahil sa kanila wala ka sa mundo ngayon.

tama sis, ganyan nga ako, emotional blackmail ng mom ko, super tiklop na ko. As I've said nga isinusumbat pa ng nanay ko yung pain and sufferings nya nung nagle-labor sya sa akin. I think highschool ako, ganun pa din sumbat nya, sinagot ko sya ng "i did not ask you to bear me" kasi sobrang sakit na everytime ganun sinasabi nya. it's like reading between the lines na I can never ever repay yung sacrifice nya for me and whatever I do/give is part of my obligation.

[Purple_Power]

^Sinasabi rin ba niya yan sa ibang mga kapatid mo.  honestly I find it funny ang sakit pala ng paglabor niya sayo pero may mga kasunod ka pa. Sorry to say since namention mo na namatayan kayo ng sibling sabay lalake pa baka mamaya yan ang dahilan kung bakit siya kinuha ni Lord kasi seems that hirap na hirap na siya to have 7 children.

[brendzy]

True sis! natawa din naman ako, ngayon ko lang narealize. Sa akin lang daw nya naranasan yun, so sa akin nya lang sinasabi. Yung brother ko, blue baby talaga yun in born na, he passed away, around 24 y/o na. I love my mom dearly, if I am to choose, I would still choose her but would ask God na medyo baguhin sya especially sa money issue. 

[Len0523]

Di baleng parents ang humingi kesa naman ibang tao.
nanay mo naman yan kaya ok lang.
Di pa rin natin pwedeng idown kase sila yung taong kahit kelan
e di tayo pababayaan.
Kesa naman mawala sila tapos saka natin pagsisisihan
bakit nga ba hindi natin napagbigyan nung sila ay buhay po.
I love my mom so much.
And gusto ko makita ng mga nandown sa kanya na nakakaangat na yung mami ko ngayon.
Kaya binabawasan ko na rin kahit panu yung hirap nya.
Di na rin sila bata, konting panahon na lang silang hihingi at hihiling ng magandang buhay.
=)
Who knows, in the next ten years (wag naman sana) wala ng hihingi sayo at mangungulit at magtatampo. Sana di umabot sa ganito. Pero sabi ko nga sa partner ko,
Since my mum is 50y.o na, ganun na sya katagal nagssacrifice.
maano ba naman na sa 20 0 30 years maging masarap naman buhay nya.
Ayaw ko rin na idown nung iba yun mommy mo brenzy kase naiisip ko si Mama.

[gab54]

Sis gab54, yung eldest namin may own family na din, she can manage to prioritize her family first above anyone, kung magbigay man yun -- utang naman. yung bali 2nd naman, she gives because yung mother namin nag-aalaga ng 2 kids nya while she works (single mom). Yung 3rd sis ko, kami dalawa talaga nagtutulungan, she is 32 still single, she even told me na maybe is meant to be oldmaid to look after my parents. then yung younger sa akin, yun yung super happy-go-lucky. magbibigay lang yun kung kelan nya gusto. my parents even us cannot force her. nag-aaway kami ng sobra. then yung bunso, still in college. ako yung sa tuition fee nya, kaloka lang pag kinokonsensya pa ko ng nanay ko na, mas mabigat daw yung daily allowance nya. yan profile ng mga sis ko kaya ang hirap sabihin sa kanila to share the burden. 
 

U have to put ur foot down, just give what u can, and let ur other siblings take responsibility too, as long as u & ur oldmaid sis take full responsibility, ur other 4 siblings will never help. Its important to help our dear parents, but u have to help urself, ur husband, ur kids (or future kids if wala pa) too. kung ano lang kaya mo, yung lang padala mo, kung kulang sa palagay nila, sorry nalang...
Another idea is instead of giving monthly, why not give them a source of income? ex patayo ng sari sari store at sila magbantay? start w/ 20k worth of grocery items, then pag may benta sila na bahala mag restock at paikutin ang pera.
Kung gusto laging may paraan, kung ayaw maraming dahilan...

[brendzy]

Ou naman sis Len0523, in as much as possible nga I will give what I can, siguro yung nega side na nagawa ko was to let them ask more than I can give and me trying to give them more than my capability. I'll just be more open and communicate with them and set things clearly. Thanks I appreciate your inputs.

thanks din sis gab54, i'll have that as option basta nakaluwag nakami ni hubby, i know magiging ok na lahat. in God's perfect time I know everything will fall into places. Thanks for listening everyone.