Deciding to move on from a failing marriage

[Girltalker2]

I posted my previous post kasi, honestly, I was secretly hoping na sana nag-consult muna si TS sa isang adviser, a priest, a marriage counselor with psycho-spiritual approach who will give her the whole picture before she finally decided to end the relationship. Or she coaxed her husband to see a counselor or attend programs like retrovaille  as their last straw, agreeing that if it didn't work, it's over. And for me, that signals the end of the battle. Personal opinion ko yan.

sis, you have a very valid point.

I did that too. I talked to at least a couple of priests, 1 nun, 2 psychologists and mga 3 sigurong counselors.  Ang dami ano?  Kasi it happened in a span of 10 years (yes isa ako sa mga nagkukunsinti kasi na t@nga t@nga, kaya nga kako, I had my share na, tama na, tapos na).  At hindi lang 1 session, pabugso bugso kung kelan ako tamaan ng topak.

Mine was really a lost case.  Since I tried all avenues (yes all avenues at isama mo narin from  novenas to black magic).  And to no avail. 

But kung fresh pa nga ang pangyayari, best for people to seek help outside, or kung san sila makahagilap ng tulong. Huwag sarilihin ang problema.

[i_v_y]

sis glamorosa - i did not leave my husband for another man. i cheated but i did not leave him for another man. i left the house to let the steam off and lived with my mother. and just a week after leaving the house, my husband (then) started a relationship with a colleague ( hindi eto yung current) and after two months, they were living in our matrimonial house na. i consulted a an elder  couple sa church, ginawa ko yung advise nila; of course which is to be a Godly wife. I tried for a time,  but time came when the pain was unbearable emotionally and physically. my husband was not willing to work on the marriage, hindi man lang ako pinigilan, sabi pa sa akin "kung jan ka masaya baket kita pipigilan"

I dont believe that once a cheater will always be a cheater. I was a cheater once but i was remorseful and actually reformed and i took it as a learning experience. ang importante kapag nadapa ka, is kung paano ka bumangon at how you keep your feet standing still para hindi ka ulet madapa otherwise, tragedy ang tawag ko dun kapag walang pagkatuto.

and by the way sis glamorosa, my husband (then), ganyan na sia noon pa even before we got married. mahilig sa babae, pag may problema, babae ang solusyon nia. i learned that from his closest friends. kaya ngayon, he cheats on his kabit. yes i know kasi alam ko fb password nia.  lol

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, regarding cheater always a cheater.... correction, I was only referring to men. sorry for my chauvinist remark, kasi wala pakong lalaking nakita na nangangaliwa na tumino. Tumitino lang sila pagmatanda na as in lolo na kasi wala na silang choice o di kaya patay na.

[i_v_y]

^ no offense taken. i understand.

[stylishmomy]

^sorry to ask sis ha, you cheated on him first?

[i_v_y]

yes. it was back when my way of thinking was screwed up. instead of dealing with the problems, i sought temporary and wrong solutions.

after a year, after forgiving each other (forgave each other? because after a week i left the house and went to my mom, meron na siang girlfriend agad from work and nag live in sila sa bahay namen after 2 months (broke up after 7 months), we decided to get back together, move on and learn from the mistakes.

[i_v_y]

last sunday night, i got a pm from the kabit saying this

"Im sorry for everything that I've done. I know u cant forgive me but I deserved my karma. Already got it. Very painful but I dont have the right to complain. Now I know how hurt u have been."

tapos ang drama nia sa facebook was "nothing but very painful experience here. i cant find my worth as a woman, time to go home"

si ex hubby naman " time to let go and move on"

tapos kanina lang, nakita ko fb ni kabit, nagpost pa ng pic nilang dalawa at ginawa pang profile pic.

so ano yung sorry nia, self gratification lang.

by the way, hindi ko sinagot yung pm nia.

[Girltalker2]

^ ya sis, no need to react. if ever magreact ka, just say God bless you.

Bakit all these things happen to other people but never to me? hehe Ang s-swerte niyo naman. Sakin kasi kakapal parin ng apog eh, and very alive and kicking pa.

[girl24]

No to abusive relationships. Women deserve to be loved and respected.

buti ka pa sis i_v_y  kasi i can feel na talagang wala ng love ang hubby ko yet he stays in the house kasi wala na siyang ibang mapupuntahan. sana someday i get the courage and enough love for myself to stand for myself... ang baba ng tingin ko sa sarili ko...

[i_v_y]

sis girl24, it all starts with making a decision and everything else will follow. look at me, i was in the same situation last year. i felt like i died but now I am so much alive! Affected pa din ako ng konti pero onting onti na lang. It will go away in time.

but if you can do something to win him back, do it. nagawa mo na ba ang lahat?

[girl24]

  Lahat na sis i_v_y... lahat na rin ng phases dinaanan ko dahil sa paulit ulit na pambababae: nagalit, nagwala, nagrebelde, nandedma, nagoverdose, nadepress, nagsumbong sa pamilya niya, nag try magcounseling, nagdasal, etc, etc, etc... ayoko lang kasi na patuloy lang pananakit niya sa akin emotionally kasi ramdam na ramdam ko that he can't even stand to be near me. eh di sana umalis na siya. let me have the closure na status ko eh separated hindi yung kasama nga namin pero wala naman akong tunay na asawa na maituturing...

[i_v_y]

you need to live again sis. baket hindi mo sia paalisin kung feel mo na he could not stand to be near you. baket andyan pa sia? kasi convenient sa kanya and he does not have the balls to leave kasi wala siang mapupuntahan after lahat ng ginawa nia? why dont you close it, why are you waiting? ikaw ang magdesisyon, the ball is in your court. hihinditayin mo pa ba iwanan ka nia kesa ikaw ang mang iwan or ikaw ang nagpa alis? you choose sister.

[girl24]

ilang beses ko na pinapaalis sis... wala daw siya pupuntahan... i also told him hindi ko na problema yun sa dinamidami na problema na binigay mo sa akin at ikaw ang nagloloko... wala pa rin, ayusin daw namin, etc, etc, etc... me effort naman siya pero hindi siya best actor para hindi ko maramdaman na talagang wala na... why am i waiting? what am i waiting for? i really don't know kung ano ang magtrigger sa akin to just let go... maybe that punch or slap in the face, baka sakali pag nakatikim na ako ng physical hurt eh mahimasmasan na ako at lumaban na talaga... i don't know sis... kaya natutuwa ako for you, nakaya mo, naka pag decide ka... and now you are happy...

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, consult a lawyer.  if sayo ang house na tinitirhan ninyo, paano mo sya mapapalayas.  not sure if you first have to file for separation or annulment para may proof ka na di na sya dapat na andun.

[momentum]

Sis girl24, true sinabi ni sis i_v_y. Make a decision and stick to it and everything will follow, no turning back. Give him a deadline, an ultimatum. If that house you are staying in right now is yours, then tell him since its not working anymore for the both of you, then you want him out of the house in X days, giving him sufficient time to look for another place to stay. Let this be your last and final decision, and if he bulges or takes it for granted, he will, when the deadline comes, find all of his things outside the house, door knobs changed, your parents/siblings/friends with you for support and baranggay tanods/officials on stand-by to help you in case things get ugly.

He has to see that he can't move you anymore once you have decided. You have to be strong and spare yourself from further emotional and psychological damage this man did to you. If you want a new life, you must act on it. Only YOU can change your present situation

[i_v_y]

^ well said.

girl24, mahirap kasi asawa mo yan eh. ganyan talaga. pero this time kelangan mo isipin ang sarili mo and live again.



Update sa akin:

I have been traveling indochina for 2 months now. I am currently in Siem Reap! Life is good sissies!

[funky f]

Parang eat, pray, love lang, sis ah! 

[momentum]

I'm happy for you sis i_v_y
 

[sweetsorrow]

i am married to my husband for almost 2 years. but we were not BF-GF before. we are just friends with benefits. but then when i got pregnant, pinanindigan niya. so i guess, I never consulted God if this is His will. sa umpisa palang mali na. sabi nga nila.

He didn't commit infidelity (i hope not!) pero ALCOHOL naman ang problema ko sa kanya. He was a volleyball player before. MVP pa nga siya. pero hindi niya nakasanayan ang Discipline at ang quick thinking kapag may problema. palagi nalang AKO ang gagawa ng gusot niya.

Buti ka pa sis Ivy wala kayong anak, so madali sayo kahit papano na iwan ang asawa mo. in my case, wala akong matatakbuhang "family" since galit din ako sa father and siblings ko.. kaya siguro akala niya hindi ko siya kayang iwan.

tama kayo mga sis, it is better to let go than to fight for it kung mukhang ikaw lang naman ang lumalaban. with all the lies, madaling araw na paguwi, tamad, irresponsible, mahina magisip, siguro kailangan ko ng iwanan siya. at ayusin ko naman sarili ko at trabaho ko.

[i_v_y]

looks like you have made a decision sis.

remember your family will always be your  family kahit anong mangyari.
you are an engineer, may career ka. kaya mo yan. kayang kaya mo yan.


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