Deciding to move on from a failing marriage

[vangie88]

Glad to hear about your trip sis, you deserve that! I wish you nothing, but happiness 

[sway716]

Nag backread ako! I salute each and every girl here who have the courage and strength to move on despite the painful experiences.

My exbf of 10 years also cheated on me just when we are already planning our marriage. Doctor sya, high profile, achiever... Let's say a bf that you'll be proud to introduce to your family. Ayun, nung natanggap sa surgery, less time together tapos one time na magkasama kami, binasa ko phone and that's when I discovered his affair with a nurse. Para kong binuhasan ng malamig na tubig kasi for 9 years, he was faithful to me. Ayun, eksena kami sa grounds ng school nya. Di ko matanggap na nagawa nya sa kin. Di agad nag sink in na pasira na relp namin siguro kasi ni-try nya pa ko habulin. When i finally gave in, i noticed he's a diff person already. Parang hindi na nya ko nia-adore at parang iritable na sya. Tapos ayun chineck ko fb msgs nya, discovered flirtatious msgs with other girls. Sabi ko talaga, hindi na sya to. Kahit gano ko pa sya kamahal, he's not the same person that I uses to love... So i called it quits, for good. Nag lame effort pa sya na habulin ako by calling and by texting pero 1 araw lang. After nun, wala na. Hindi na ko nagreply kasi na-realize ako self -respect na lang maibibigay ko sa sarili ko after putting him on pedestal. I still love him, though, to date.... Even if it has been two years. He has fully moved on from the past at ako may konting kurot pa din here and there depende sa mababalitaan ko pero at least may peace of mind. In my heart, i know he'll forever be the love of my life pero minsan love is just not enough.

Malaking tulong ang prayers because everyday is a struggle to keep on moving on. I looked better now at madami din akong nagawang bagay na wala akong time gawin before. Yun kasi naging focus ko e, self-improvement. There are moments lang talaga that you'll feel lonely but heck, buhay tayo which means nakaya natin ang mabigat na pagsubok na yun.  I just pray that each and everyone of us na nasaktan will find that person who will treat us right.  After all, we are the gold that survived the refiner's fire.

[maiandra]

^Tama yang mga realizations mo sis, lalo na about the part na natanggap mo na hindi na sya yung dati. I think it takes a lot of courage to admit that someone who was a big part of us is no longer the same person. If it made you a better person, I salute you as well.

[i_v_y]

^^ sis, haha. ako di nasasabi ko din sa sarili ko yan.

moving on is a decision sis, kung sia umeeksena, keber! confront him with dignity.


sis sway716 - you make me proud sis. 9 years is a long time. ako i was only with him for 7 years yun lang we were married.

anyway, the brighter side says " we have the chance to reset or reboot our systems to the way we want it to be and we are not stuck in the mudhole anymore".

[danne]

Lalo ko na sad after reading what happened sa iyo before. Because I am afraid na sooner or later, it might happen to me as well. Lately, I learned na nakikipagflirt husband ko with this girl sa fb she is a single mom and dati niyang classmate. I really hate my husband and this girl after I learned about it. I don't know what to do after the incident kasi nawala na ako ng trust sa kaniya. I hope I will be able to move on tulad mo. It's really hard but I know na posible naman. Thanks for sharing.

[LiSzy]

Hi po. I love reading this forum.. Im glad that i found this thread.. Grabe super nakarelate ako.. Ms. Ivy, we almost have the same story.. Magkaiba lang na we have a two year old daughter. I decided na palayasin ang asawa ko last June.. Pambabae, iresponsable, pambubugbog.. Name it parang naransan ko lahat.. Ang galing pa nya na i press release na kaya daw kami naghiwalay dahil ako daw ang may third party.. Nakakapag ngitngit talaga sa inis un.. Dahil sa ganun na ugali nya parang nwala talaga ang love at respect ko sa kanya kahit na gusto ko pa sanang ayusin para sa baby namen..
Hindi ko na mbilang kung ilang beses ko sya nahuli na may ka flirt, the most recent was katrabaho nya.. And evrytime na mag aaway kami eh pinagbubhatan nya ako ng kamay.. Were married for 4 years.. 3 years kami naging magbf.. So 7 years kaming magkasama.. At all those years umikot ang mundo ko sa kanya.. Nauubos lang dn talaga ang pasensya kahit gaano mo pa kamahal ang isang tao.. 5 mos have passed pero parang wala nman akong nararamdamang pagbabago, selfish pa din sya dahil kahit panggatas ng anak ko eh mabigat pa sa loob nya ang magbigay..
Sa ngayon, am enjoying my life, buti may anak ako, at alam ko na paglaki nya maiintindihan nya din..
Im just praying na sana magbago ang magaling ko g ex husband at maawa sya sa sarili nya..
Im happy with my work now and with my daughter.. Kaya natin to! http://

[i_v_y]

^^ hi sis. there are many reasons why married men flirt kahit mahal na mahal nila asawa nila at pamilya nila. it gives them the feeling of being wanted and still attractive. parang tayo lang. sana ganon nga lang yung sa asawa mo and i hope he will not let it progress at marealize nya that something like that could progress and could eventually hurt the marriage.

if it happens, then for sure sis, you will be able to move on but you will have to make that decision. those who are hurting, mapapagod at mapapagod din sila of crying and getting hurt. just like what happened to me. I am no longer hurting   at wala yang halong kaplastikan.  I never thought it would be this fast. Paano? Kasi i refuse to be hurt anymore.

Karma got served. Wala na yung ex ko at kabit nia. Nahuli ng ex ko na may kasamang lalaki yung kabit nia sa room nung babae.

[sway716]

That was fast karma! Digital na nga ata yun ngayon. Anyway, sis ivy, have you thought of your next step just in case he comes running back to you?

[i_v_y]

That was fast karma! Digital na nga ata yun ngayon. Anyway, sis ivy, have you thought of your next step just in case he comes running back to you?

yes, i have thought about it. first, i thought that i would not allow a situation like that to present itself. like kunwari kapag meron occassion that we are both invited, inevitable to kasi we share the same circle of friends. we hold family days with these friends twice in a year, during xmas and summer times. pero i realized, kelangan harapin ko yung mga sitwasyon na yun para malaman ko talaga otherwise i would end up forever wondering at hanging.

so to answer the question, yes i have figured what to do ( and i have been asked by my friends too ). kung ngayon niya ako tatanungin, i would say NO and that I am very happy with my life right now. At kapag sinabi ko yun, dapat i should really mean na happy talaga ako which i am. Tama na yung 2 beses na nangyari sa amin to, pag pumangatlo pa, kasalanan ko na sa sarili ko.

One more thing, i am pretty sure kung nasubaybayan nio ang novela ko, sobrang HIRAP na HIRAP ako  umalis. Nagawa ko na, i made it through, bakit ko pa pahihirapan ulet ang sarili ko?



at sis LiSzy, namiss ko yung part na pinagbubuhatan ka ng kamay. i believe that women sometimes provoke these animals to hurt women, nevertheless, hindi pa din excuse yun. physical abuse is a big NO sis.

[che2008]

i'm happy for you sis.

[i_v_y]

^^ hi sis. thank you and miss you!

[fegloria1954]

Me, I also decided to move on from a failing marriage.

I decided to start the difficult process of letting go of all my anger, my negqtive feelings, my desire to get even and avenge myself, my evil plans to make him and those women suffer.  I let go - I forgave.  My husband.

Then we went to do this program that taught us many more things that we could do, to move on from our failing marriage, and to rediscover each other, and decide to commit, to love, to forgive and to trust again.

Me I am no dreamer.  I am now fully aware that life is like a bunch of roses.  The roses have soft petals and they exude a lovely heady fragrance, but the stems do have thorns and I must watch out, lest I get hurt.

Mommy Fe

[i_v_y]

Hi Mommy Fe! you are lucky that your husband was a willing to fight for it. mine was not. when i told him i was leaving, he just said " kung yan ang magpapasaya sayo, baket kita pipigilan"

[funky f]

i found this thread last night and was hooked.  i didn't stop reading til I finished it at 1am.  naiyak ako sa messages ng hubby mo, sis i_v_y.  parang he's also hurting and loves you but he's not willing to change.  and kainis din yung mga things that you found out which contradicted what he was saying.  anyway, this thread was an eye-opener for me.  made me realize that do*che bags are so abundant and that i'm so lucky to have my husband.  he's nothing like that.  he's caring, responsible, etc. etc.  i just hope that he remains that way forever.  6 years kami mag-BF and 6 years na married.  ako pa nga masungit sometimes.  this thread made me appreciate him more.  to all sisses who are hurting and confused, my best wishes to all of you.  i really hope maging ok kayo soon.

[i_v_y]

^ hi sis. sorry for the late reply.

thank you for the effort sa pagback read. tama ka, at that time, i felt that he really loved me too but his pride was bigger than his love for me. nakakulong sia sa idea na hindi na sia magbabago.

today, i am so glad that i did it and there is no turning back. im on the right track - is what i always say lalo na kapag nababasa ko yung mga drama ng kabit sa facebook wall nia.

[aquacharly]

Congrats, I V Y!   New Beginnings are truly hard, but these put life back in your life,  &  give you back your life. 

For mga Sis natin, still suffering in troubled marriages -- let's pray for them --  that they get Divine Guidance &  Courage.

[i_v_y]

^^ thanks sis aqua... hindi ko malilimutan yung sinabi mo sa akin dito noon. it definitely got hammered sa  pagninilay nilay ko. this is your calling sis

[brandi]

Ang tagal ko na din hindi naka visit dito sa forum it's like 2-3mos? itong thread na to ang una ko check agad hehe. i jist ended my 7-year relationship with my bf i got so fed up and insensitive na. i did not even had a hard time telling him na i am breaking up with him. After that, i felt free and happy at long last. I've given up years trying and hoping that everything will still turn out fine pero wala talaga. nanghihinayang ako sa pinagsamahan pero thinking about the future, para akong kumuha ng batong ipupukpok sa ulo ko.

So now i'm busy with work, friends, and i am planning my first solo out of town trip ever!haha! alam kong tama ang pinili ko. i'll be in sagada for 2weeks next month.

i deserve a break. i deserve to be happy.

[Girltalker2]

Nag-daan din  sa ganitong sitwasyon ang mother ko, there has been a repeated infidelity on my father's part.

The only difference is, she had a spiritual adviser during the most chaotic and darkest period of her life. Ang parish priest namen, na nagsilbing gabay, liwanag at lakas nuong panahong gulung gulo ang isip nya at hinang hina na sya.

Just like with our two ninangs sa kasal and our pre-cana speaker (nung bago kami ikasal), they were all strongly advised by their spiritual advisers to never leave the house, because of the possibility na dalhin doon ang babae. And as much as possible, hindi ipaalam sa mga bata dahil makakaapekto sa pag-aaral at emosyon nila.

They have different backgrounds, mama is a SAHM, the two of them are career women and the other one a business woman. Fast forward, the families were healed and marriages were restored. They didn't regret the sacrifices at pagtitiis na halos umiyak na sila ng dugo. Yes, they still remember the past, but they are now reaping the harvest of an intact and happy family.

To all who are undergoing this trial, do not try to battle it alone, do not depend on your own strength and understanding. Search for someone, a spiritual adviser na pagkakapitan nyo, na magiging liwanag nyo, na magiging lakas ninyo. That someone should be wise and old enough to guide you in the dark.

To add, a girl friend of my mom told her, "sana nakilala kita noon pa, hindi ko sana hiniwalayan ang asawa ko." Now, she is raising her two kids alone.

Sis, I do not know what miracle na nangyari sa mom mo and 2 friends nya. But I always believe na once a cheater, always a cheater. And some say na happy na family nila, pero there is simply no peace of mind kung alam mong niloloko ka ng paulit ulit. 

Baka nung time kasi noon, hindi pa mga garapal ang mga kabit, kaya talagang umuuwi pa naman talaga sa kanila ang mga hubbies nila.

Pero there are times eh akala ng wife di na sya niloloko pero mas naging wise lang ang lalaki kasi hindi na nagpapahuli.  Only to find out later, pagdating ng libing nung guy, tsaka naglalabasan ang mga anak sa labas.   

Dati, naisip ko narin iyan. Kahit ano gagawin ko just to keep my family intact. Pero kung pati sarili ko nasisira na ang pagkatao, malapit nako maloko sa kakaisip, and I also went overdose once, it is just simply not worth it. 

It is important for people to know when it is worth fighting for or when to give up.  At walang makakapagsabi nyan except the wife herself.  Bottomline, importante masaya ka at hindi mo niloloko ang sarili mo na masaya ka pero in reality, hindi at laging gulong gulo ang utak mo doubting about your hubby's fidelity.

[glamorosa_09]

^Naniniwala pa rin ako sa kakayahan ng isang tao na magbago kung gugustuhin nya at syempre with God's help and other intervention that that person needs.

If you will backread, you will see that it's TS who first left her husband for another man. Will that make her forever a cheater? I don't believe so. But we are all entitled to our own opinion anyway.

I saw in her the sincerity when she wanted to make everything right. She was remorseful and is not proud of what happened. But did the husband considered her effort?

Peace of mind. Tama ka dyan sis, ikaw lang makakapagbigay nyan sa sarili mo, hindi kayang ibigay to ng ibang tao sayo. If this is true for women, this is also true for men. So si husband ni TS may peace of mind kaya? I assume that's the reason na lalong nagpagulo sa kanila, the reason why the husband responded and acted inappropriately. Minumulto sya. But that doesn't make his actions justifiable.

I'm not deviating your respond sis, ina-aaply ko lang sa life nila, since nandito rin naman tayo. Tama naman kasi yung mga sinabi mo, except that we have a different opinion about who cannot change. But as I mentioned, we are all entitled to our own opinion. And yes yes, I have faith to believe in miracles.

Though unsolicited, I'm not really taking any side. Both have erred and hurt each other. I can't blame the husband if he can't have his peace of mind. I can't blame TS for getting tired.

I posted my previous post kasi, honestly, I was secretly hoping na sana nag-consult muna si TS sa isang adviser, a priest, a marriage counselor with psycho-spiritual approach who will give her the whole picture before she finally decided to end the relationship. Or she coaxed her husband to see a counselor or attend programs like retrovaille  as their last straw, agreeing that if it didn't work, it's over. And for me, that signals the end of the battle. Personal opinion ko yan.

It's ok to ask for some advice here, yun nga lang, people here can be sometimes biased. I cannot forget one commenter here who said, "Marami siguro talagang pagkukulang hubby mo sayo kasi naghanap ka ng iba." As if telling, your husband really deserves it and what you did is ok.

Sinasabi ko to kasi tapos na. And I hope they will find happiness wherever they are both right now.