Deciding to move on from a failing marriage

[gab54]

I wish every married couple will live happily ever after. Nambabae rin si hubby, but we were able to both change for the better, forgive ourselves and each other...
It takes 2 to tango, since ayaw talaga mag effort ni hubby, I think tama ang ginawa mo. Its good to know u are coping well now, but Im sure there will be times when u will again feel the pain & loneliness. May the Lord be your strength & comfort.

[honey-ecclaire]

I'm happy for you sis,I'm not happy na you two separate but I'm really glad that you have that courage to stood for yourself,.you see better tomorrow and future,sabi nga di ba?kung para talaga kayo sa isa't isa,mala-maze man ang maging buhay nyo kayo pa din sa end point ng maze...but it's not in the picture right now...

You're full of hope and we like what you are right now,not devastated or full of pain pero accepdted the fact,...Saludo ako sayo mare...God will provide for you!

[i_v_y]

^ thank you sis.

yes, i am happy and and im full of hope and excitement. i have made plans already for my life. it is just im gonna miss being a wife. im not going to miss my husband (not that im bitter), nagseparate na din kami before for a year. i did not really miss him, i missed being a wife, living in a comfortable home and all that jazz. pero it was not that bad after all. i survived. with my situation, i know it is only gonna get better.

just want to share this excerpt i read yesterday : We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth.

before kapag lumalayas ako ng bahay, it was always because i wanted my husband to chase me so i would feel my importance but he never did. until one day, i realized what my worth is, i am GOLD and should be treated as such.

Well hindi pa tapos ang laban until i have finally moved out from this house. it is going to be hard, ma drama. may suggestions ba kayo to make it less dramatic? 

[reb_woods072683]

leave while he's not home. pack all your things and ilabas mo siya sa bahay na yan one time lang, wag yung pabalik balik ka. Baka isipin ng asawa mo, nagpapapigil ka pa. Anyway, alam naman niya na aalis ka eh so wag ka na magpakita. Pareho lang yun. IMO lang ha.

[glamorosa_09]

eto pala story mo sis.. ka-sad naan... I thought happy na ang marriage nyo.

kung tama yung tanda ko, sabi mo, nag-cheat ka before? Sino ba ang nauna magcheat sa inyo? Hindi pa yata nakaka move on ang asawa mo. Theory ko lang naman yan.

Reklamo ng mga feminists, ang lalake tolerable magcheat, ang babae hindi? Men and women are wired differently lang. Iba ang blow sa kanila ng infidelity. Wala na siguro tayong magagawa dyan.

Kung hindi sya willing makipag-cooperate with you, to move on and forgive, siguro nga wag mo na ring pahirapan ang sarili mo, and just be happy where you are right now.

Pero kung gusto mo pang i-restore yung marriage nyo, wala namang imposible kay God, basta through prayer and trust lang.

[i_v_y]

leave while he's not home. pack all your things and ilabas mo siya sa bahay na yan one time lang, wag yung pabalik balik ka. Baka isipin ng asawa mo, nagpapapigil ka pa. Anyway, alam naman niya na aalis ka eh so wag ka na magpakita. Pareho lang yun. IMO lang ha.

Thank you sis for the input. Oo nga eh, mas maganda yung wala sia para walang masyadong drama. ang hirap pag andyan sia.

[i_v_y]

eto pala story mo sis.. ka-sad naan... I thought happy na ang marriage nyo.

kung tama yung tanda ko, sabi mo, nag-cheat ka before? Sino ba ang nauna magcheat sa inyo? Hindi pa yata nakaka move on ang asawa mo. Theory ko lang naman yan.

Reklamo ng mga feminists, ang lalake tolerable magcheat, ang babae hindi? Men and women are wired differently lang. Iba ang blow sa kanila ng infidelity. Wala na siguro tayong magagawa dyan.

Kung hindi sya willing makipag-cooperate with you, to move on and forgive, siguro nga wag mo na ring pahirapan ang sarili mo, and just be happy where you are right now.

Pero kung gusto mo pang i-restore yung marriage nyo, wala namang imposible kay God, basta through prayer and trust lang.

oo nga sis akala ko din magiging okay. i thought na kaya ko. well at one point, maddrain  din pala ako.
I have no regrets sis kasi ive done everything that i could to save it. Minsan okay kami pero more often than not, we're not.  Ang hirap pala when you cant trust the person anymore at hindi ko naman nakita that he wanted my trust back. Going home at 11am from a night out does not tell me he want me trust back. hindi lang yang and incident, marami pang iba. I just woke up one day na indifferent na ako. Hindi na ako nasasaktan.

yes sis, 3 years ago  i had an affair and left home pero i ended the affair. he retaliated by having an affair ( ibang girl ) two weeks after he found out at nag live in sila sa bahay namen until they broke up 7 months after. ang gulo lang di ba.

Para sa akin kasi hindi acceptable sa akin na mag ka affair sia. We have been that road before at dapat natuto kami pareho. Sabi nia sa akin noon when i caught him with this present girl, he was not happy anymore. Sabi ko naman sa kanya, pareho lang tayo siguro but i did not choose to do what i did before because i've learned from it.

ayoko din naman maging separada kasi we bought came from broken homes. kaso hindi na talaga nag wowork and it just brings us more misery than happiness. ni hindi man lang sia nag eeffort to win me back now that i have told him that i am leaving. pero that's okay, it makes leaving a lot easier than i thought.

[glamorosa_09]

I am hoping for your healing, happiness and peace of mind sis. God will see you through. *hugs*

[maiandra]

Sis even if sa tingin mo hopeless now, malay mo magiba ang ihip ng hangin someday. Pero for now have the courage to leave him since tough love ang kailangan nya, kung may love ka pa talaga na nararamdaman.

I enjoy mo yung time alone, and let me leave you with this verse:


Psalm 25:3

No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse.

[stylishmomy]

If you dont mind me asking, what made you cheat on him? it must a sign na you werent happy with him sis, and he retaliated with the same act pa, just made the whole situation complicated.

If his current actions shows na he's not willing to regain the trust and no effort to make the marriage work considering you have done all what you can do to save the relationship sis, I think it's time to call it quits. That's just my opinion.

[i_v_y]

^^ it was 4 years ago when my state of mind was different then. i was unhappy, my needs weren't met. i married a boy not a man. it was wrong in so many levels and unhappiness will not justify what i did. after a year, we got back together. we forgave each other. the first few months seemed blissful as the positive changes were too obvious. until i resigned from work (he asked me to) to become a SAHW.

obviously he did not learn from the past mistake.

I have done everything to save it, hindi ko inaway or sinugod yung babae nia like everyone wanted do, i humbled myself, i swallowed my pride, i even begged. Ginawa ko na lahat, anjan na eh, i todo na. Eh wala pa din. Ni hindi ko man lang naramdaman sa kanya na he wanted to work it out after i said that i was leaving.

[glamorosa_09]

^Maganda yung book na "The Power of a Praying Wife," pero it's up pa rin to you sis if you still want to restore the marriage. With God naman, nothing is impossible eh, it all depends on how big your desire and faith is.

Mas hirap mag-handle ng infidelity issue yung mga lalaki eh unlike women. Unang una, they don't know how to handle emotional turmoils. Unlike women, they can cry or wail it out, pwede nilang ikwento sa mga friends nila at humagulhol ng paulit ulit, which is a big help for the moving on process.

Hindi naman nagagawa ng mga lalaki yan. They don't know how to address and handle their emotions, thus they sometimes do things that fester their relationships.

Infidelity for women, it's like an attack to their dignity, for men it's like an attack to their ego and identity. That's why it's harder for them to forgive. You initially thought na mukhang ok na sya, pero baka meron pa ring nag-pi-play sa isip nya.

I believe God can do miracles, if people will just allow Him to do the work. If He was able to rise from the dead, He can also raise the dead love alive again. But then again, it's all up to you.

[i_v_y]

^^ i have that book, yung compilation pa nga na meron ako.

drained na ako. parang wala na akong zest sa marriage namen. my chips are up.

between the two of us, ako yung may stable means of income. sia kasi, he resigned from work when i found out about the affair. he is not jobless per se but what he does right now is not sustaining or helping. actually never siang nakapag entrega since he had an affair. nung nakakuha sia ng backpay last month, i obliged him to pay the groceries.  i am the one sustaining the family (well kaming 2 lang naman ang the maid). i pay for everything. minsan naiisip ko, that is one reason baket hindi nia ako pinipigilan umalis, dahil sa pride. ayaw nia siguro akong pigilan umalis because ayaw niang isipin ko na he needs me because ako ang breadwinner. thats one reason. another reason could be is, ayaw na din nia talaga.

[glamorosa_09]

3 years of working hard on the relationship (ganyan din ba katagal ang pag-apply mo ng SFW at pag-pray sa hubby mo sis?) and you're drained and out of strength, siguro hanggang dyan na rin talaga yung marriage nyo.

Tingin ko, devastated rin ang hubby mo, hindi naman siguro sya ganyan ka dysfunctional before. When you said na minsan ok sya, masaya kayo, at ito magulo. Then clearly, he too is on an emotional roller coaster ride. Hindi nya ma-sort out yung emotions nya thus the reason for inconsistencies.

When he accepted you and decided to be with you again after that affair, siguro he thought you two can start over again. Kaya lang, minumulto sya. Pareho kayong may issue at trust issue sa isa't isa, hindi lang ikaw sa kanya. For sure meron din syang struggles na hindi nya ma-vocalize. Siguro dahil hindi mo agad makita yung stability and changes na ineexpect mo, napagod ka na.

Hindi ako biased sa kanya sis, just hoping na makita mo yung side nya. Pero since wala nang willing maghintay, umintindi at magpasensya. Wala na talaga. Useless na rin nga itong post ko. Sabi nga ng mga elders ko, pag nagdecide nang sumuko ang babae, tapos na ang laban.

Kaya on this new chapter of your life, yun pa rin ang wish ko sayo, healing and peace of mind.

[i_v_y]

thank you sis. much appreciated yung inputs mo. im aware of that.  na may kanya kanya tayong paraan on things. naiisip ko din yan. im pretty sure tama ka kasi may mga pagkakataon na pag may arguments, na bbring up pa din ang mga past issues. sabi nga sa nabasa ko, usually it takes about 5 years to finally move on from infidelity.

he has an emotional baggage over the brokenness of his family. even before pa nangyari ang lahat, galit sia sa father nia, cold sia sa mom nia. he had made me believe for years na graduate sia na hindi pala. not that i care if he is or not, pero the fact na he hid it from me for years tells me something else.

habang lumalapit yung araw ng pag alis ko, nafifeel ko na yung lungkot. matagal din yung 7 years. but it is time to live again rather than just merely existing.

[stylishmomy]

normal lang talaga ang nafifeel mong sadness sis, 7 years is no joke. But so glad that you have really decided to leave...next step MOVING on, might look and sound so difficult but Im sure it can be done sis. Good luck on your new beginning

[maiandra]

sis, kelan mo ba plan umalis? at san ka titira?

[i_v_y]

^^ im leaving this saturday at 3 weeks na yun after kong sinabi sa asawa ko na aalis na ako.

ill be renting an apartment sa province. im lucky kasi i can take my work anywhere. gusto ko talaga lumayo. as in. gusto nga mag abroad para hindi ako matempt na bumalik or makarinig ng balita about him that would hurt me. parang ganun.

[honey-ecclaire]

better if you can go abroad mas maganda mare,though syempre you may feel you're alone there pero if you're decided na talaga to move on nothing can turn you back pa....

be beautiful,do things na hindi mo nagagawa para sa sarili mo,travel,shop,spa those stuffs na mare-reward-an mo yung sarili mo for seven years of fighting and trying,and experiencing everything...you're now anew hopefully,...soon!

[i_v_y]

thats what i really want to do. i have plans na nga to travel. super excited. with going abroad, it is not far from possibility kasi yung boss ko sa US gusto rin akong magwork with him dun sa US. so early next year, we are going to get the plans rolling. sana matuloy i like traveling talaga.

my friend told me na humanda daw ako kasi there will be days and nights i will feel lonely. kasi nahiwalay din sia sa asawa nia. but ganun talaga, hindi naman lifetime yun.