I'm 30 and My Parents Are Getting an Annulment

[Prunella]

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[sakura_bloom]

I can understand why your mom wants to destroy your dad. Put him in jail etc. Your dad betrayed your mom. Your dad had an affair. your mom gave her life to your dad. She gave her youth to your dad. She's a housewife. She doesn't know where to pick up the pieces of her life. When was the last time she worked? Had her own life?

I'm sure this has been going on a LONG TIME. Didn't they quite often when you were younger?

Your mom wants revenge. That's why she want lawyers, jail etc. And revenge is a dish best served cold. That's why she doesn't want your dad's money nor him.

Don't freak out. Relax. Your already 30 years old. Have your own life. You are not your parents, and they are not you.

What ever circumstance they are having right now, you are out of it. You are not married to your parents.

Your mom has no one to go to. You are her only child. That's why she keeps texting you. Wala na siyang matakbuhang iba. how old is she na ba? Any uncles? aunts?

Don't pill pop. See your shrink more often. Build your life again. Don't convince your mom to stop the annulment. We both know she won't do it.   

[muahmuahmuah]

i say stay away from them and watch out for yourself and your hubby. stop enabling them by supporting the divorce tama na. hanggang saan pa ba dapat.  your mom should learn how to mellow down and appreciate life na she's not struggling with moolah and is living well, unlike a good percent of the world is. instead of just enjoying her life she's taking it upon herself to stress out by taking on revenge and being a prisoner of her past, but then again thats most likely why she's experiencing this because it's something that she needs to go through--like how we all need a learning experience ito yung kanya.  no need to see her, was malaki impact to stand your ground by cutting them off. see how she responds when you ask her in a last phone call na when she gets what she wants and your dad's  finally in jail 'what's next?' 'will it all be worth it in the end'.

as for the aunts don't be bothered by them sige sila na magtulong sa gusto ng mom, probably reason enough na malayo ka kasi you have a more peaceful life where you are not especially since the situation is giving you so much stress, hindi naman rin tama na your parents placed you in that spot.  if you feel wrong about what's going on let them settle it themselves  relationship kasi nila yun eh karma nilang mag asawa i don't think you need to  carry their karma load now that you have a family of your own.

[Prunella]

Sakura Bloom, thanks. I understand why she wants revenge but why now? The affair happened 9 years ago, she found out about it, they split properties and lived their own lives. They even became friends. She had a few boyfriends the past 8 years. I believe this has something to do with her new set of friends because she changed rather dramatically after hanging out with them.


I know I'm old enough but if parents pala ang pag uusapan, one can easily get lost. It's so hard especially if they're competing for your sympathy. One wrong word, and one party gets hurt.

Yes, I'm her only child but she has lots of friends and she's heeding their advice not mine because I'm just her daughter. She's constantly texting me because that's how she is, not because she doesn't have anyone. She's a bit papansin. She did it before na, claiming she had some sort of incurable fatal disease and so I flew back, extremely troubled, only to learn that she just cooked it all up (i dragged her to two reputable doctors).

I would not ask her to stop the annulment process but I'm trying to convince her to not destroy my dad because... what for? Things cannot be undone and getting her revenge will not make life better for her. Besides, it's only stressing her out too and it's not good for her health. I'm equally worried for both of them.




Sis muah, thank you. That's what I wanna do. I really do not want to get involved in this, pero syempre, iba talaga pag parents na ang issue kasi it's always at the back of my head. I feel sorry for my husband. That's exactly what I told my mom, over and over, na she should just enjoy her life. She doesn't need to stress herself. Pero ewan ko ba, alam yata nila na hindi ko sila matitiis that's why they're doing this, pero hanggang kailan? Nakakapagod na rin.

[rainebowbrite]

Sis why not stop paying for the lawyer? Of course susumbatan ka nila when you stop paying for a lawyer pero tiisin mo na lang. Maybe if you stop paying for a lawyer she'll realize that if she has to pay for it, it's not worth the trouble.

Oo naman mahirap maipit dyan and you should not get dragged into it. You are their child, first and foremost.

[Prunella]

Sis Rainebow, thanks. That's what my husband told me to do. He said that I should stop being so easily manipulated by my parents. Ang sad, di ba? Minsan kasi talaga, hindi ko matiis and ayoko talaga na isipin nila na pinapabayaan ko sila. Oh well, siguro talaga it would be best if I would man up.

[rainebowbrite]

^Ganun talaga siyempre maramdaman sis pag lumapit sa yo tapos hindi mo maibigay yung hinihingi. Na parang pinapabayaan mo sila. Pero isipin mo sis, it's just one aspect ng life nila ikaw hindi tutulong. On everything else, tulong ka pa din naman eh.

[phurple0515]

sis, you must understand that when you got married, your responsibility now lies that to your husband and children (if any) and no longer to your parents.  Though, I know as an only child, andon pa rin yong sa ating mga Pinoy na  we have to look after them.  It's understandable naman.

pero, wag mo naman pababayaan ang sarili mo and relationship mo with your hubby.  Di man niya siguro nasasabi sa yo pero he is also affected by what is also happening to you because of your parents dilemma.

matanda ka na, matanda na sila.  just be thre to listen but don't take it too much kasi parang ikaw na ang naaapektuhan masyado. 

[glamorosa_09]

sis mahirap nga siguro maging neutral ano, ang maipit sa dalawang taong importante sayo.

Sabi ng isang quote, "A good soldier knows when to fight and when to retreat." Based on your post, mukhang nagawa mo na lahat to save them and their marriage. Beyond that, it's not under your control anymore. So I suggest, let go and let God. When we try to control what we cannot, stress lang talaga ang aabutin natin. Ipagpa sa Diyos mo na lang.

As for your mom, it's her choice to be ill, it's her choice na magkaganyan ang life nya because of her unwillingness to forgive and her willingness na makinig sa mga amiga nya. You've tried everything to influence her to your thinking but to no avail. Wala ka nang magagawa but to surrender. We cannot save someone who doesn't want to be saved.
 
Baka pag tinuluy-tuloy mo yan, hindi lang marriage ng parents mo ang masira, baka pati marriage mo rin. Baka sabihin ng hubby mo, "Hindi ka na makapagconcentrate sa amin, puro na lang parents mo." Your family needs you more right now, take care of yourself and attend to them. Yes your parents need you, but are they cooperating with you? May magagawa ka pa ba?

In the end, it's still your choice.

[Amphitrite]

Ang hindi ko maintindihan, bakit ngayon lang magdedemanda? 

To make things worse, I got a message from my mom's close friend yesterday insinuating that I am not being a good daughter and that I simply do not care.

Hi sis. Sorry that you're in such a terrible situation right now.

Yan din ang naitanong ko nung nabasa ko yung post mo, na kung bakit after years na naging friends naman sila eh nagdemanda si mom mo. Tapos ayan nabasa ko na yung friends nya ay nagtext ng masasakit sayo.

Feeling ko, feeling ko lang ito ha, based sa nabasa ko. Nasulsulan ang mommy mo ng mga "friends" nya. Whether we accept it or not, malaki talaga ang factor ng friends sa ating mga babae, problema lang kung yung friends ay bad influence.

Ang tita ko kasi noon, nasulsulan ng gym at pta buddies nya na bantayan daw si tito ko kasi baka nambababae. Si tita hindi naman selosa pero nung nagsimula siya mag-gym at magkaron ng "friends" eh sobra na dumikit sa tito ko. Eventually, she stopped going to the gym and stopped hanging out with the pta crowd, so okay na sila ngayon.

Sis, wala na ako masyado masabi na advice kasi I know that you're suffering so much. Medyo brutal kasi ako magpayo, baka lumala pa ang mga nararamdaman mo. Just hang in there and ask for your husband's support. Yung tipong kahit hindi siya nagbibigay ng advice sayo, basta nandyan siya sa tabi mo, hugging you close at night, it will really help.

I truly hope that your situation will clear up really soon.

Brightest blessings to you.