LOVED ONE/RELATIVE whos is drug dependent.

[nessy]

i have a loved one who is a drug-dependent. my partner. i just want to have a thread about this issue. support group kung baga. meron ba ditong mga sisses na may ganitong case? say for example, your dad/mom/brother/sister/cousin/husband/wife. and naka-rehab rin ba sila?

MODERATORS: kung meron ng thread na ganito paki-delete na lang po. thanks....

[N.]

*lets out a sigh of relief* Looks like I'm not alone.

My dad is drug dependent. It has been the most excruciating challenge that my family is going through. Hanggang ngayon, dependent pa din siya. Wala na siyang hiya, mayabang, walang pakialam. Wala siyang trabaho at kumukuha lang ng pera sa nanay ko. I'm still in college and my sister is in high school. Nakakamanage naman kami ng finances pero obviously hirap si mama. Pag nagwawala siya, sinasabi lang ng nanay ko sakin na "wala na tayong magagawa. kailangan irespeto niyo siya dahil tatay niyo pa rin siya."

Which, I believe, is total BS.

In my head, this is what I wanted to say: "nirespeto niya ba kami bilang anak niya? ikaw nirerespeto ka ba niya bilang asawa?"

But as usual, wala nanaman akong sinagot.

I'm sick of seing my family suffer because of him. Dati I've been so passive about this, pero hindi ko na yata kayang ganito nalang palagi. I don't know what to do anymore.

[CityHunter]

Its not easy to have someone who is so.  Major headache yan.  My late uncle who used to live with us developed that habit due to the crowd he associates with.  Mga nabubuhay kasi sa bad businesses though masasabi mo nga na rewarding kasi.  As in when they say they went to Hong Kong just to drink coffee ay literally that's what they did.

Youngest kasi siya sa kanilang magkakapatid so my mom was quite protective of him then.  Yet, my father (bless his soul) was firm that he will not tolerate someone like that at our place.  Thus, kick out na siya. 

By then the power wielded by his friends has weakened due to changes in the political landscape.  Kaya to make a long story short ay he was forced to go cold turkey. 

Nabuhay naman na siya ng mas matino after that though he died just last year due to health complications rin.

Another would be my brother-in-law.  Bad crowd rin kasi but he changed his habit after he was left to rot in jail while his so-called friends (and worthless relatives) kinukutya pa siya being stuck in the cell.  Made him realize what his "friends" really were.

The first thing then to do is to move them away from the crowd they hang out with.  Rehab would be next and strong support must be put into place by those who will be living with them after that rehab.  Dahil temptation can still be strong especially when that worthless crowd that "encouraged" him towards that vice visits the subject. 

I also have a cousin who was into that.  Kasi mga kabarkada niya na in the law enforcement and government offices ang mismong mga ganun.  As in they make his home their pot session place.  And isipin ninyo isasangla yun service pistol just so they can afford to have another taste of drugs.  Mabuti na lang crime then was quite low sa province namin - unlike now na may IEDs na

Ang nangyari sa kanya he got pinned as part of a drug syndicate.  In short he became the fall guy.  I know he recently left jail na after spending years behind bars for that.  Ang mga major movers pa naman ng such sa province namin were what are being headlined then and now as against it.  Ha ha, galing ng cover nila ano.  Walang direction rin kasi yun buhay ng pinsan ko then.  As in binubuhay niya lang sa sabong and those drugs family niya.

Another problem rin ay hindi madali kausapin ang mga yan as the drug addled their brains na nga.  Everyday dito sa mga kalye namin sa place namin sa Manila ang dami ko nakikita na naprito ang utak due to drugs.  As in parang mga zombies na paikot-ikot.  Naglalakad ng walang direction and will latch on someone begging for some money or what.  Tapos whole day nakatulala sa sky or something.  Actually, these are the lucky ones as others of their kind either went crazy or simply died due to the effects of drugs.  The worse part though is that their families now don't care for them.  Or have simply abandoned them.

Again, its not easy to fix such a problem but something must be done now before pa maging worse. 

Ang definite na alam ko lang something triggered them to seek that vice.  Though that is a problem to be tackled na after mapagaling ang subject. 

FYI.  Back in school we were told to avoid seeking as partners in life ang people who used such substances as chances of having sickly babies was much higher. 

[muahmuahmuah]

Youngest kasi siya sa kanilang magkakapatid so my mom was quite protective of him then.  Yet, my father (bless his soul) was firm that he will not tolerate someone like that at our place.  Thus, kick out na siya. 
 

ganyan din with my tito. only boy and tutok ang lola ko sa kanya growing up. he went to the best schools and landed a good job and was doing well. pero the habit di nawala siguro una, together with his other cousins-my other tito's, they were doing drugs casually until fulltime na sila sa pag gamit.

we tried intervening pero kasi yung events that lead to that was slightly violent and umabot sa usapan na ipapulot as their term was and i-jail since most knew someone from somewhere in the ranks pero di na rin na tuloy, the other aunts intervened and tried to fix him up. extreme behaviour rin kasi now last balita nalang namin is he bums around in the village. pag ganyan there's only so much rin you can do not that much was done din by us mas ginusto na namin to disassociate with him for everyones safety. so whoever nalang has grave issues against him own terms na nila how to handle and settle, as for him hiwalay na rin sa wife and ayun bum pa rin pero living in a great grand lola's property.

[CityHunter]

Hi, muahmuahmuah.

A relative did indeed do that to one of ours then na may problem naman with being a compulsive thief.  As sa province naman namin ay magkakakilala ay madali ito mailusot.  They simply put him in jail to learn his lesson until tumino.  Don't know if it did work though.  Unhappy childhood rin kasi yun relative namin na yun.  Sigh, ang masama pa nga noon ay he took my water gun then which looks like a pistol tapos kinuha yun mga name tags ko na luma sa uniform then stitched it on his when he went back sa province. 

Bless his soul though as even if he was like that ay he was quite helpful.  Kailangan mo lang bantayan and remind a bit like a kid. 

Maliban sa cold turkey approach wala pa akong maisip na nice way to fix a person up.  Awareness rin kasi ng situation and mortality nila can help but that is if hindi pa naluto masyado ng drugs yun utak nila.

[muahmuahmuah]

Hi cityhunter yan din issue nangyari with the relatives in cahoots sya kasi with an uncle when he started living with them. H that uncle/lolo was in charge pa of my greatgrand parents accounts and properties so hyvr been siphoning cash na dapat for everyone. Malaki pa pera involved so the other uncle filed estafa na or something kasi he took control of my lola's moolah and pati ng grandparents so everyone is against him. Wala naman kami province to send him to i dont know kung mapapapickup pa nila yun to send to rehab but as you said la na kung hisbrains are fried kasi ibang intervention na kelangan dun.

Kung may kung super extremen a sana may facility nalang to solitary confine them why not isa pang option is pwedeng ipapick up ata sila ng mga drug rehab places and be sent dun. Only boy pa naman yun so sa kanya na nag. End yung linya ng grandparent ko.

Effect rin ng super pagcontrol lola ko to the point na spoil sya sad but how else nga ba fix that.

[i.love.siomai]

My bro is a drug dependent too..since bata pa kami magkakapatid. as in sya problema sa family namin..pinarehab na din sya 2 times,still wala pa rin.dumarating din sa time na mga gamit namin sa bahay nauubos binebenta nya pala! daming perwisyo nagawa,bahay namin di napatapos dahil sa kanya. minsan ok minsan ayan nanaman.kunwari magwowork pero ibang way pala pupuntahan ,uuwi ng bahay walang sahod hindi naman pala nagwork..lahat ng problema nangyayari sa bahay sya dahilan.nastop din ako sa college bec of him.ilang beses na sya pinagbigyan sa mga hiling para magbago. anong ginawa nakaaksidente gastos nanaman.. ang hirap ng ganito minsan natatakot din ako na baka mapatay pa kami. then yung two brothers ko pa marijuana naman.nakikita pa namin yung mga foils sa banyo..naawa talaga ako sa mom ko dahil sila dahilan bakit sya nagkasakit sa puso. until now 2012 wala pa din pagbabago.sabi ng mom ko tatanggapin na lang kung ano man gawin ni god for him dahil puro problema na lang ginawa sa buhay namin.

[N.]

^same situation tayo. Difference lang is tatay ko naman ang ganyan. Ang hirap kasi wala tayong magawa. 

[greyzie]

my eldest brother used to be drug dependent din. ang daming luha at pasakit rin for our family and his own family. grateful lang kami kay God because he has recovered na. long process: 1st rehab, private institution. sweldo ko sa kanya lang napupunta. 2nd rehab, sa taguig na. nag-ok for a time tapos umulit ulet. 3rd and last taguig ulet, entrapment that time kasi he's in denial. eh his kids were being affected na kaya kahit naawa kami we practiced tough love. he's the type kasi na can't handle problems kaya nag-resort sa drugs plus yun barkada nga. after his 3rd stint sa rehab, he got work na na nag-pave ng way para maka-work siya abroad.

sa mga sisters na pinagdadaanan ito, prayers will help a lot lalo na sa mga decisions na mahirap. at sometimes nga tough love ang needed ng mga drug dependent...

[i.love.siomai]

@ sis N.: Oo nga.ang hirap ng ganito. bakit pa kasi nag exist yung illegal drugs!

bro ko kasi hiwalay sa asawa kaya lalo lumala..may anak na din.then nag asawa ulit namatay naman anak sa 2nd wife. yung wife nya ngayon walang alam about this na gumagamit sya..
ang mahirap pa hindi alam ng dad ko mga nangyayari sa bahay..mama ko naman pilit inaayos mga kalokohan nagagawa ng bro ko..nasasayang pera pag kami naman may kailangan wala maibigay mama ko.pag sila na agad agad meron..idk bias mama ko.siguro din sa gusto nya na magbago na.for me ,wala na chance. 33 y/o na ata kuya ko.

@ sis grayzie
yes sis,yan lang talaga pwede gawin as of now i do believe na may plan si God for us.minsan nakakadown na..kami yung halos naapektuhan lalo na nakatira sila lahat dito sa bahay with their kids.

[N.]

^ my mom is thinking of separating with my dad na din. Pero hindi namin alam kung paano. Alam kasi namin na hindi siya makikipag hiwalay and malaki ang possibility na magwala siya pag nalaman niyang ganun.

[CityHunter]

Sigh.  Wala akong alam na strong positive solution on this save resort to some really nasty dark arts stuff but that equals major serious bad karma even more.  Parang out of the pan and into the fire. 

Let's hope and pray someone comes up with a good solution na madali i-apply - though admittedly that is a very tall order

Yan drugs kasi major big business yan.  May gusto nga umupa sa amin na ganyan though we declined - simply not just addicts but pushers at that.  Mahirap na as nakapagpasayaw na ng nakahubad na babae sila minsan sa kalye dahil sa so-called power nila.  Malabong madaling madampot as well entrenched though nothing in the level of where my uncle and his cohorts then was.  Though kahit small fry pa lang sila nakakatakot na rin

[mooncake and leaves]

I have a cousin who used to be a drug addict. Then he became a drunkard. Now, I don't know what he is other than a violent nuisance who destroys our property, steals from us and threatens everyone. What's funny is, all his friends who were allegedly bad influence on him, are somewhat decent people now. The problem din kasi, his mom would defend him to no end and she spoiled him. And in those instances that the police had to intervene due to his violent fits, his mom wouldn't let the police take him. Once, he landed in jail, thanks to our barangay chairman and she didn't file a case against him. Nakikisama daw kasi sa pamilya namin. Like, wtf, she would've done us a bigger favor if he's in jail. I wouldn't spend a single centavo to bail him out.

I don't know what advice to give because we obviously haven't solved our own issues. That brief stint in jail, diabetes, rehab and his parents' death didn't work on the douchebag. The only recourse I can think of now is to sell our property in Manila and move elsewhere just so we can sever our ties with that cousin. Masakit lang because my grandfather worked his a$$ off to acquire that property but I'm tired of fearing for my family, in our own house. F**k sentimentality, blood ties and whatever concepts people use to blackmail their relatives. We don't have to put up with any of this, especially when we've done everything we can to help the other person. Family is a two-way street and we can't keep being miserabke just for the sake of one person who doesn't even value anything.

[N.]

^ True. Each of us here haven't found sound solutions to our problems. Which is kinda sad, I guess. But I am really amazed at how you can make big decisions for your family. I hope that  someday I could do the same to my own. And I totally agree with everything you've said. Sentimentality and blood ties should be thrown out of the window if you'd end up being miserable with it anyway.

[nessy]

update lang mga sis. i sent my partner sa rehab 7 months ago. since relapse siya, meaning 3rd time na niya sa rehab, yung 2nd kasi tumakas siya, yung first natapos niya, then nag bago, kaso yung naging asawa niya (kasal sila) sumama sa boy nila kaya bumalik sa bisyo. nuong naging kami okay na ulit siya, kaso napabayaan ko kasi nga naging busy ako sa work ko, bumalik ulit) malapit na rin siyang lumabas. sabi ng case manager niya, 5 months na lang. so bale, october ang labas niya. i also went through 11 weeks of counselling.para daw sa mga pamilya/kasama sa bahay ng nasa rehab. kaya mas naintindihan ko kung bakit sila drug dependent eh.ngayon, he looks okay na. hoping na paglabas niya, tulut-tuloy na ang pagbabago niya. we plan kasi na lumipat ng bahay,mas maganda sana pag sa province para malayo sa mga barkada niya na bad influence.ganon din kasi recommendation ng psychiatrist sa amin.sana lang, sana nga magbago talaga.i have been praying very hard para dun.good luck sa amin.

[Pretty_ava]

I'm an avid fan of Intervention, it's a docu from TLC. lahat ng addictions napi feature nila,  karamihan sa drugs and alcohol.

ang solution lang talaga is help ng family and rehab, saka dapat wag maging enabler kahit ni isa man sa family nyo.   Support group na matindi ang need ng isang drug dependent, if you can watch that program sisses, malaking help po yun.  ewan ko lang kung meron pa nito till now, ang maganda lang dun sa program na yun, after a year or two, ipapakita nila kung anong nangyari sa addict na natulungan nila.  you can DL the episodes din na lang sa net.

[i.love.siomai]

Goodluck sis nessy. keep updating us
heto,my bro is not working anymore.mga palamunin sa bahay with her wife! kain,tulog,nuod tv..haaay!

[nessy]

update lang mga sis. si partner, lumabas na since november 2012 pa. ang tagal ko ng hindi napuntahan ang thread na ito. naging busy kami parehas mula nung lumabas siya. siyempre very diligent na ako ngayon sa pagbabantay sa kanya. i made sure na hindi siya mababakante kasi as per the psychologist and social worker, dapat daw maging busy siya. well, ngayon, start ulit siya ng business niya. natutuwa naman ako kasi i can see na he's very willing na magbago talaga. okay na kami ngayon. and i hope maging okay na kami forever. hindi namin nakakalimutan siyempre si GOd. lagi siyang nandiyan for us kaya in return, heto kami laging kumakapit sa kanya. nakalipat na rin pala kami ng house. pero hindi nga lang sa malayo. at first kasi  we were thinking sana cavite or laguna. kaso parang hindi ko kaya ang biyahe. anyway, dito rin lang kami sa QC lumipat.okay naman yung place at tahimik. as days passes by, nakikita ko talaga ang improvement kay hubby.

[muahmuahmuah]

^oh that's good news! glad he too is putting in the effort and buti nandyan ka maganda kang support system for him.

[inluvewithmikewesten]

I have a brother who was a drug dependent. We suspected he was doing marijuana then it was already too late when we discovered that he was also doing shabu. He already stopped but now his brain is already messed up. Since 2009 he's been different, he wouldn't work and was very difficult to deal with. He's not violent but very verbally abusive. Tapos we noticed na para na siyang baliw and that's the reason why I moved out. I couldn't handle seeing him like that. Naaawa nga ako sa nanay ko kasi siya yong palagi inaaway nung brother ko. But being the sole breadwinner, I had to separate myself from the stress. We tried to have him treated eversince we noticed his changes. Pero wala ka magagawa sa taong hindi tanggap na may problema siya. Late last year after one of his outburst, my mother and another brother had to rush him to the Mental Hospital for emergency treatment. He was released the next day and was given medications. I heard he's doing better now and I'm hoping na gumaling na talaga siya ng tuluyan. Sa mga sis who are dealing with the same issue, be strong and don't do what I did. Don't leave your loved ones who are in this predicament. I'm not that strong enough  I'm still supporting my family financially pero emotionally hindi na talaga kaya. Mahirap tanggapin na may mahal tayo sa buhay na ganito.