I don't know if this is the right place to unload this. It is concerning my kids, myself as a mother,and my work.
The feelings I am feeling right now: Hurt, Pressured, Confused, Grateful, Ashamed in short mixed emotions.
Please bear with me medyo mahaba po ito...
I have 2 kids, both in preschool palang. Before I was a full pledged stay at home mommy. Never had the chance to work work kase according to my mom I better stay at home and look after my kids. Not unless I find a work appropriate sa natapos ko which is a Psychologist. Anyway, I opted to stay at home na lang din para masubaybayan kids ko while they are growing up. To have an extra income, I sometimes do online selling kase kung aasa lang kami sa income ni hubby, kukulangin talaga.
Then nagstart na pumasok ng eldest, then yung youngest. Since medyo mabigat na gastusin. My sister who is very mabait offered me to work for her. And since kapatid and knows my needs binigyan ako ng magandang offer with regards to income. To which ginrab ko na agad kase sayang yung opportunity and we needed extra income din naman. Yun lang mawawalan na ako time sa kids ko.
And I tell you, napakahirap iwan ang kids and hindi natutukan.
Nag suffer grades nila. Kahit na preschool pa lang sila I can see na nahihirapan yung bunso. Compared to his kuya na natutukan ko nung early years nya sa preschool naproprogress and natuto. Whereas si bunso nahihirapan talaga. I started working nung 1st time nya in school. Although natuto naman pero needs follow up talaga which I rarely can do kase late na ako nakakauwi. Hindi ko na sila na fafollow upan.
Naawa ako for them pero I also need to work. Buti na lang mabait sister ko kase she gives me offs unlike yung normal set-up ng employer pahirapan sa offs. I am grateful for all her offers.
Most of the time yung offs ko na yun is to attend to my children's school events and if exam yun nag ooff ako para maturuan ko man lang. There are times they make lambing na talaga na mega iyak si bunso asking me questions like why daw nung si kuya ako naghahatid and sundo, now hindi na. Haay
At some point, napapaisip na ako if I still want to continue doing this work for my sister. Kase yung nga nagsasacrifice studies ng mga anak ko. But at the same time, we need the extra cash to supply also their needs. I understand I needed to sacrifice things for our family. But what if yun nga naapektuhan na yung study habits nila, and when they are at home hindi naman sila syempre mapagsabihan ng yaya pag nagaaway sila magkapatid. Basta things na dapat ako ang gumagawa hindi pwede iasa sa yaya.
One time I decided na icontinue ang work pa rin, bawi na lang ako sa kids pag no work. De sige. Thats what I did. Now in work, I am really pressured. One siguro i feel this way since I am her sister she expects me to do things na mas higit compared sa previous assistants nya. I understand that. Before I rarely see her gets angry nung hindi pa ako work for her. Now nakikita ko na sya magalit to which nappressure ako kase I don't know what Im doing is correct pa. Nahihiya ako sakanya kase hindi ko alam if tama ba mga ginagawa ko since first time ko to do this. And whatever comes our way new things I need to learn to which nappressure ako kase nahihiya ako sakanya. Ayaw ko magkamali for her kase ayaw ko sya madisappoint saakin pero ayaw ko rin maipit sa duties ko as "tauhan" nya. When Im working for her hindi koiniisip na magkapatid kami para hindi ako mahiya or what. To her clients I never tell them I am her sister para hindi sila mailang sakin. Pero may times na ang susungit ng clients ok lang tiis. Pero may times nagagalit sister ko sakin na sa mga nagagawa ko... haaaayyy hindi ko alam ngayon kung aayaw na ba ako or pano.... Please enlighten me. I want this work. But at the same time na ppressure ako and nahihiya sa sister ko. Then syempre naiisip ko rin kids ko. Haaay
