CASH or GIFT?

[j.adore]

To each his own

It does state that proper etiquette is not to put anything in invitations, whether cash or registry information. But when I attend weddings, I don't mind seeing those in invites because it would mean less thinking for me on what to give to the couple. It would also be something that they want instead of getting whatever and they just give away or keep somewhere, never to see the light of day again. If they want cash, then so be it.

I don't like money dance either. It destroys the attire of the couple and then for me, it's really asking for money. But I read here that it's really part of the culture like in Batangas I think? They need to do it else it's going against tradition that is expected by their clans.

We don't have anything in our invites but when people insist, we do tell. Then, they share with the rest of the guests too.
Our first preference is their attendance, punctuality, and following the dress code. But there will be those who would really want to know what to give us so we tell

[sevenstars]

Chili1113, I couldn't agree more. The fact that something is common doesn't make it proper, and the fact that something is practical doesn't necessarily mean it isn't rude. (You could make the argument that asking guests to subsidise their dinner in lieu of a gift, for example, is very practical... but it certainly wouldn't be gracious, even if some of the guests were okay with it.)

My family is really laid-back but when my cousin sent poems asking for cash in her invitations most of them were really turned off -- no one said anything to the couple, who clearly thought it was a great idea, but I heard a lot of guests talking about it.

[vitug.annie]

It's just actually a matter of open mindedness and a touch of common sense at times. It's the couple's choice to have that written in the invites however, it doesn't mean that they are forcing the guests about it. They are only giving an idea of what they wanted and it only needs to be respected and understood. if you don't wanna give, then don't. No dramas!

[sevenstars]

vitug.annie, I generally agree that as long as the guests are comfortable and taken care of, the marrying couple's wishes should be respected. For example, we're having a non-religious ceremony, and I definitely expect my very religious family to respect that choice.

If people ask for gift preferences, I think it's okay to give them. I think it's the presumptuousness of offering up those preferences before they are requested that has rubbed me and my family the wrong way in the past, and I personally would rather graciously accept an "unwanted" gift than risk offending my guests. Like anything else, I suppose it's a matter of knowing your social circle.

[caleeice]

Wow, I never realized how tricky this subject can be. I have never took offense nor had any judgments against people who have sent us wedding invites containing euphemisms for monetary blessings. My parents share the same sentiment.

Anyway, this is something to think about. Will bring this up for discussion with my fiance, my family and my fiance's family. Thank you all for your thoughts.

[vitug.annie]

Precisely. I agree with you sevenstars, you really have to know your guests well, and the guests in return should consider the couple's preferences as well.  I won't even think that it is "offensive", it's just how the reader would take it.

[Chili1113]

sis sevenstars, very well said. Those are my exact same sentiments

But for me what makes me cringe the most is the idea of a "treasure chest" or similar, with matching cutesy caption or poem, asking for cash for a honeymoon, to help build house or what not. Then guests can drop cash envelopes for that specific intention of the couple.

Seriously, when did this ever become acceptable in a wedding!? The idea closely resembles a donation jar in fundraising events!! Thankfully I have never attended a wedding with a "treasure chest" but I've seen this in a blog.

Hehe and sometimes the poem even indicates that the couple is blessed and has everything they already need, sabay hingi ng cash at the end of the verse. So for me
... Eh ganun pala, blessed ka pala and meron ka ng lahat, bakit ka humihingi ng cash? *cringe* 

Ok lang sana if you know the couple is really in need and asks for cash. I am open minded enough to understand a situation like that. Like a very young couple with baby on the way already, with both bride and groom still in college. Otherwise, wag na mag feeling classy and bongga wedding then ask for cash, bec asking for cash can never be a graceful thing.

[vitug.annie]

^you're right sis caleeice, and who are we to judge the couple's preference right.. at the end of the day, it's their wedding pa rin.. I actually don't mind those captions when i see them in the invites.. whether it's a "sosyal" event or middle class wedding, I don't really care.. choice ng mag asawa yon, at higit sa lahat napag usapan nila yon at agreed on both sides malamang.. convenient pa nga sa mga guests na "open minded". (well, it's not applicable to me at the moment coz I haven't done my invites just yet  ) I haven't discussed it with my husband too.. but we don't mind at all esp. for overseas couple like us.. pretty sure the principal sponsors would think the same since they know where we are right now.
Furthermore..
If you are planning to spend fortune on your wedding, and you don't want to "beg" for money just like how others would describe it, LOL!, then don't do it..  panindigan nga naman ang pagiging bongga ng kasal. other people kasi would always think about what the guests will say.. it's probably because ganun din sila sa iba.. (just sayin') 

[Annie M.]

other people kasi would always think about what the guests will say.. it's probably because ganun din sila sa iba.. (just sayin') 

hahahaha i agree! well said.

i got married recently and we proudly took cash. ayoko kasi maka-receive ng gifts na hindi ko type. san ko yon itatambak? we live in a condo that's fully furnished.

di na namin nilagay sa invitation na we prefer cash.  we only had 100 guests naman, and all of them are close friends and family. naging word of mouth na lang na we prefer cash. i told a friend, who passed on the information to other friends who asked kung ano magandang ibigay sa amin.

nung tinanong yung immediate family members namin ng ibang relatives kung ano ang magandang regalo sa amin, they said "wag na -- may gamit na yung mga yun."  so yung iba hindi na talaga nag-regalo, and yung iba naman who knew that we were going to paris for our honeymoon gave us envelopes with cash, nakalagay "for your trip."

sa tingin ko if you fear that a certain guest will judge you for preferring to receive cash, wag mo imbitahin yun. hindi talaga kayo friends   

[vitug.annie]

^well done sis Annie M.

I think in our situation naman sis, I don't have to state the "we prefer enveloped gifts thingy" in the invites coz they know on the first place na hindi namin madadala here yung mga wrapped boxes..alangan pa Fedex ko pa. Understood na.

Happy trip. Enjoy Europe.

[sevenstars]

Annie M., what you did -- letting people who asked know about your gift preferences via word of mouth, rather than a card in the invitation -- is actually the recommended thing to do, etiquette-wise. It's what I'm planning to do as well (in our case, guests asking about gifts will be asked to donate to charity instead).

Chili1113, I also find the "we have everything we need, but we'd like your money" poems the most cringe-worthy. I think if it has to be done, a nicely-worded statement comes across more tastefully than a poem.

[annamarie88]

other people kasi would always think about what the guests will say.. it's probably because ganun din sila sa iba.. (just sayin') 

I third the motion!

[bagaholic_chewy]

I personally prefer giving money gifts, except for those situations na i personally know what the couple wants/needs (or me registry sila). Actually, minsan kahit may registry, hubby & i still prefer to give cash. Mas practical kasi. Di pa kami mahihirapan magbitbit.

Mas napapamahal nga lang pag cash ang bigay, pero at least they can really spend it on something they need/want, kesa magbigay kami ng item na di rin mapapakinabangan.

Mas gusto ko na the couple will express their preferred gift, whether sa invite or by word of mouth. For the guests' convenience din kasi yun, IMO.

Another alternative na binibigay namin is GC na pwede for major department stores like SM, Robinsons or Rustan's.

On our wedding, we were wed in the province (years ago) so we thought it was understood na wag nila kami bigyan ng bulky stuff since iuuwi pa namin ng Manila yun. But, me mga nagbigay pa din ng mga appliances, doble-doble pa ang iba. Though mas madami din naman na cash ang binigay. Hassle lang sa bagahe, and sayang yung iba kasi di naman namin nagamit.

Re money dance, it was a big no-no for me at our wedding. Ayoko kasi talaga nun. I used to see that being done in some weddings we went to before. parang ang awkward lang. Buti lately, yung mga napupuntahan namin na weddings e walang money dance.
 

[castledoll]

yung nilagay namen sa invitation namen is yung website kung saan sila pwede mag RSVP. our wedsite contains all other information din regarding the wedding: accommodation, ceremony, reception, gift registry, FAQ, among others. Not everyone will take time to visit your wedsite, one way to let your guests know about your preference is by word of mouth. since yung ibang guests naman is kakilala yung parents or kapatid nyo, ipasabi na lang din na ganun.

95% nung guests namen nung wedding, nag bigay ng cash/ cheque. yung mga regalo talaga na binigay, pang bedroom kaya ok lang kung madami nag bigay nung ganun. yung 1% is GCs ang binigay for hotel or sa ibang store na nagsi-sell ng mga gamit pang bahay.

Mas gusto ko na the couple will express their preferred gift, whether sa invite or by word of mouth. For the guests' convenience din kasi yun, IMO.

I agree. ang hirap when you don't know what to give to the couple. Iisipin mo pa kasi baka meron na mag bigay nun or kung ano ano pa.

[vitug.annie]

^yeah right.. convenient--on both sides. most old fashioned women iv spoken to don't like the idea & they prefer gift registry instead. I prefer cash but im not against the gift. Im actually happy to have both. Why not??! but my guests, even if I tell them or not, by mouth or through invites would surely give cash.it was proven during our civil union where I did not send out invites at all, 30 family members invited, still we received money which is almost double our actual expenses. Bit lucky! so in our upcoming church wedding,  I don't think I still need to put that in the invites.

[chizzyness]

We really hope you can join us on our special day
You'll make all our memories complete in every single way
We do not have a gift list and we know you'll understand
Our house and contents are complete with pots, and plates and pans
But should you really want to give and celebrate this way
a gift of money would be great for a rainy day


Nakalagay toh sa isang invitation I received three years back and okay lang naman sakin na may nakalagay na they prefer money. It's not stating naman that you must give..

kahit sa mga mayayaman na kinakasal meron niyan.. hindi ibig sabihin they need money so badly.. sa gusto lang magbigay..

[bagaholic_chewy]

^ true, wala naman pilitan e. Tsaka wala naman nakalagay na magkano. Hehe..

[eilin0823]

gusto sana din namin ng cash pero syempre hindi at never namin ilalagay sa invitation na we prefered cash. hahaha.. baka lalong di pumunta.. share lang: one of our ninong nagtanong kung ano ang gusto namin gift.. syempre sumagot ako "pwede po bang trip na lang outside philippines?" hahaha... at sabi ng ninong "oo sige ba!" ayos diba!. naka free kami ng honeymoon! kung lahat ng bisita namin ay magtatanong ng kung ano ang gusto namin na gift e magandang usapan yon! hahaha.. yon lang!

[rae]

I noticed, wala na din talaga ngayon masyado nagbibigay ng non-cash gifts. On weddings I went to, halos walang laman yung gifts table. Hindi pa ako naka-attend ng weddings outside metro manila, or wedding na hindi manila-based yung couple, so I don't know how it goes everywhere else in the Philippines.

Yung money dance, kebs lang, part ng kultura yun e. Minsan ipinipilit nung family nung couple na mag-money dance because it's 'tradition', kahit ayaw nung couple. Or yung tatalon sa kung saan, babasag ng something. Kahit bonggang wedding may mga ganun pa rin.

Also, most of the time, di ko na nababasa yung invite, tintingnan ko na lang yung mapa, oras, dress code, and RSVP contact info. Sometimes e-vite na lang sa facebook. Haha.

[vitug.annie]

^right! Ganun nga.. kung ano gusto ng mag asawa, just respect na lang diba.. you don't have to say it's offensive to guests or something, na bumabawi lang sa gastos, kesyo nagpapabongga ng kasal tas di nman pla kaya at hihingi ng pera in the end, who are we to say that. hindi naman lahat ng nakakabasa non ay kapareho mag isip ng iba na nakakaintindi sa situation