di ko na alam gagawin ko...

[freelancer_babe]

thank you @snowflakes and @pinklilac,

I am not a psychologist. Far from that.

I finished electronics engineering, but I am currently into IT work.

Blogging and participating in forums like this probably helped me express myself in writing.

I think logically because I have probably developed the analytical mind of an engineer. I like "breaking down" things and analyzing them. hehe.

I got a few-years stint of handling people as an engineer. However brief, I learned a lot more about people than being just another person who simply know technical skills.

I'm also a single parent. That also made me brave and independent. Yan din ang pinaghugutan ng mga sagot ko.

[snowflakes]

alam mo sis yan din tingin ng mga real friends and family ko sa kin. na strong ako at matapang. pero bakit ako di ko yun makita sa sarili ko?

[freelancer_babe]

oo gusto ko simulan ngayon pero di ko alam kung paano. pipilitin ko mag aral mag drive kahit ayaw nya. at ipagpipilitan ko gusto ko. gagawin ko to para sa anak ko. at sa sarili ko.

Tama, start by doing little things muna. It helps to overcome small obstacles first. Palaki nang palaki until you are brave enough to handle them.

alam mo sis yan din tingin ng mga real friends and family ko sa kin. na strong ako at matapang. pero bakit ako di ko yun makita sa sarili ko?

If you admit you can't, at least just live with the pretense na lang that you are that strong at matapang.

[shalikah]

Sis snowflakes gusto mo abunan kita ng lakas ng loob when it comes to career and financial matters? Wahahaha Since nabigay naman ng sisies yun mga answer sa why's mo hindi ko na hihiritan pa yun.

So ano ba ang dapat mong gawin, bibigyan kita ng to do's:

1. Socialize. Go out and meet your neighbors. Wag kang magkulong at magmukmok sa bahay niyo. Make friends. Look for church groups or groups ng kung anong activities dyan especially with mommies para magkaroon ka ng friends. Browse the net and read poster in your community center to be able to find groups. Malamang may mga Pinoy groups din dyan. Bond with them. Make yourself comfortable with the surrounding. Ang problem kasi hindi ka pa sanay sa environment mo so sanayin mo ng kasalamuha sila. So go out and make yourself comfortable. Gain their trust and make them comfortable with you.

Talking with variety of people will inspire you and you can develop more confidence. Learn from them. Develop relationship with them and gather connections.

2. Monitor your finances. Sabi mo nga sayo nakapangalan ang credit cards. Pababain mo ang gastos. Stop him from using the credit cards under your name by asking him to apply new one on his name. You can look for credit card promotions or offers na makaka-free siya ng items tapos i-encourage mo sya to get a new one at i-cut yun ibang CC under your name.

Keep yours, yourself. Tanggalin mo yun responsibility na dapat siya na nga sa'yo.

3. Find a job. Submit resume online and look for jobs. Get your a$$ up and stop being wimpy. You are not a kid anymore. Tigilan ang pagiging tamad. Seriously minsan iniisip lang natin na takot tayo pero ang totoo tamad lang tayo. Tamad tayo to learn. Tamad tayo to embrace the changes. Tamad tayong magbago. Madaming work dyan, apply and then choose the best opportunity. Stop whining, stop being tamad and stop fearing.

If you do the first steps, you'll realize it is so easy...

4. If your baby is too young and you are worried not finding someone to take care of your baby  while you work. You can also ask your neighbors to allow you to baby sit their kids. Hence, that is the reason why you are going to be friend them and you are joining the groups. When we meet people we can have them refer to job openings in their companies and we can have them buy our services / products. In this suggestion, baby sitting their kids is the service we are offering. Also, like sale items, you can take pictures and sell it online. So you just have to buy it when the person pay the items. Mura designer bags sa US. First customer ako. LOL

5. Time to talk to your husband. Pwedeng mapaaga depende kung kakausapin ka na niya. But I suggest you do the first steps first before talking to him. Worst comes to worst stable ka na. If he insist on you paying certain bills, bargain - na kung ano lang ang kaya mo. You can say na mababa lang sweldo mo and para naman mabili mo din yun gusto mo. Speak up. Ask him rin kung ano yun concern niya and make him let you understand why he don't want you to work and such. If he insist on not letting you work, insist on having additional allowance for yourself.

Bargaining. Make you you'd have your own money and savings.

Yun #6 onwards saka ko na sasabihin kapag nagawa mo na yun first 5 steps.

Aminin mo man sis sa hindi kaya ka takot sa asawa mo kasi takot kang mawala siya.

IMO, I don't mind giving money to my family or sa family ng magiging asawa ko if they really need it badly. Kung umabuso, tama na. Pero ganyan na may sakit yun kapamilya mo I think dapat naman tulungan kung may matutulong yun asawa mo. Besides, he never help naman sa'yo sa family mo. Kaya hindi niya pwedeng sabihin umabuso sa kanya. Kung tayo nga natutulungan yun ibang tao, pamilya pa. Ako kasi kung minahal ako ng isang tao dapat kasama yun family ko. At the end of the day, parents ko yun at kapatid ko yun dapat mahal mo rin at ganun din naman ako sa'yo. In time of need tayong kapamilya ang tutulong sa isa't isa.

Sabi nga ni Eriko (Boss- JDrama), "I am always afraid, everyday I am afraid of so many things but I have the option to run or not. I choose not to run. If we think about it, if you run it is still there it will run with you. But if you face it you can resolve it. You can't win by running."

[khat]

sis snowflakes, unang una mong kailangan gawin is matuto kang mag drive, isa yan sa pinaka importante para makapag start ka dito, pilitin mo asawa mo,kung ayaw kapa rin niya tulungan may mga kaibigan ka ba diyan?patulong ka sa kanila pumunta sa DMV at mag apply ng driver's license. dahil once na marunong ka na mag maneho, naku ang sarap sa pakiramdam, diyan mo ma fi-feel na independent kana, lalakas yang loob mo, kaya mo lumabas,pumunta kahit saan ng hindi umaasa sa husband mo or kahit kanino, nung bago dating lang ako dito hindi agad ako nagkaroon ng sasakyan,dahil sa sobrang busy ng husband ko sa trabaho hindi agad ako natulungan kumuha ng driver's licence, (pero marunong na ako mag drive) naku sobrang inip ko sa bahay, parang feeling ko napaka hopeless ko, walang alam, bumagsak ang self esteem ko noon, nagkataon pa na nasa ibang state mga family and friends ko, kaya sobrang hirap, wala akong ibang maasahan kung hindi asawa ko, kaya ayun nag demand talaga ako na mag off muna siya at tulungan ako kumuha ng license, tapos sa awa ng Diyos ayan diyan na nag start, nakaka alis na ako kahit ako lang mag isa, lumakas ang loob ko,parang yung feeling na kaya ko na umalis na kahit ako lang, kapag na homesick ako or stress lumalabas ako, nag mall, hanggang sa may na meet na ako mga Filipina friends, ayun diyan na nag start at bumalik self confidence ko dito, i have a friend na ganyan na ganyan yung situation niya dati katulad sayo, as in di siya binibigyan ng pera ng asawa niya kahit isang penny walang inaabot asawa niya, ayaw din siya turuan mag drive kaya palagi naka kulong sa bahay, until sumagad siya, at hindi na matiis yung situation niya, ayun ang ginawa niya nilakasan daw niya ang loob niya at sumakay sa car nung asawa niya, siyempre sobrang takot yung husband niya kasi baka mabangga niya yung car dahil hindi marunong mag drive, sabi nung friend ko sa husband niya, if mabangga daw yung car hindi niya kasalanan dahil ayaw siya turuan mag drive, kaya ayun no choice husband niya kundi turuan siya,nung natuto na mag drive bumili sila nung pre-owned car, at ayun nakaka alis na siya mag isa at nakahanap na ng trabaho niya, ngayon may pera na siya na sarili niya, pasensiya na napahaba,HTH sis, keep Praying sis, ask for his guidance ata sana bigyan ka niya ng lakas ng loob, kaya mo yan,isipin mo ang anak mo,sa kanya ka kumuha ng lakas ng loob,

[snowflakes]

@shalikah

1. may church group kami pero puro oldies sila. wala akong ka age and lahat sila friends din ng asawa ko ang husbands. i mingled with them every sunday and after that wala na kase they are all busy and no time for hang out or chit chat esp sa kin kase parang anak lang nila ko.

2. binabayaran nya now CC ko, bago pa ko mawalang ng work napuno na nya lahat yun kaya di ko na magamit. and yun yung bniabayaran nya now.

3 and 4.  i can't find a job kase wala mag aalaga sa anak ko, yung sweldo ko if ever pang bayad lang sa day care. i do online jobs pero wala pang $200 ang kinikita ko, nagbebenta rin ako sa ebay pero wala pa kase kong nabebenta sa mga gamit ko, pero lahat nasa ebay na. kase nga di na ko lumalabas so binebenta ko na lang.

5. palage ko naman sha tinatanong if kelan ko pwede mag work. sabi nya kawawa naman daw si baby kung walang mag aalaga. well, di ko rin naman kaya mag yaya sa bahay. natatakot ako. so baka next year pa ko pwede or 2 years pa pag nandito na mami ko at citizen na kami.

oo sis, takot ako mawala sha. yun nga yung fear ko eh, kase mahal ko sha kahit ganon sha. kase iniiisp ko na pwede pa shang magbago. nagawa nya kaseng magbago sa pambaba babae nya i guess pati yung iba pa magagawa nya. pero tama ka rin kung mahal nya ko kasama pamilya ko. ganon naman tayong mga pinoy eh. pero hinde nya mahal ang pamilya ko. pamilya nya nga di nya mahal eh sakin pa kaya? i know mali pero ganon sha kasama pagdating sa akin. mahal nya lang mga friends nya. SUPER!!! 

[snowflakes]

@aquacharly, tama ka sis... sana maging kasing tapang mo ko noh? 
in fairness naman to him, he is working 7 days a week. no day off kase nga nawala na ko ng work, dati 5 days lang sha napasok. kase hati kami sa gastos. i know he doesnt treat me fair, sabi nga ng mga friends nya hayaan nya ko mag drive, pero ayaw nya pa rin.
ayoko na rin magmukmuk, pero kahit nga lumabas lang sa labasan para mag walk papunta sa store or pharmacy nahihiya ako eh, ewan ko ba, ang laki kase ng pinag bago ko since nanganak ako. parang tumaba ako at nahihiya ako makita ng ibang tao. eh paano ako papayat naman kung paglalakad lang sa kanto di ko magawa? waaaaaaaa ang t**** t**** ko.

[marose17]

^ Your husband has been controlling you to the extent that you cannot make a decision on your own.

Alam mo naman what to do, but you are not willing to do it.  You are capable.  But you are afraid to do anything.  Bakit?

[tamarind26]

Sis snowflakes, tama sinasabi ng mga sis natin dito.

Anong gusto mong mangyari sa buhay mo?
Gusto mo bang magtrabaho?
Gusto mo bang magmukmok?
Gusto mo bang lumaki yung baby mo na di kayo priority ni husband?

Postpartum depression is normal pero be strong for yourself and for your baby. It's your call. Wala ring silbi mga advises namin dito if you're not willing to move and make your life better. Gather your strength and pick yourself up. Stop making excuses.

Like what sis aqua said, make the most of all the opportunities in the Land of the Possible.

[stylishmomy]

sis I agree with everyone, enough with all the excuses coz if gusto mo talagang mangyari, then you'll find a way. About you gaining weight after birth and you cant lose weight coz you cant even go out? you dont need to go OUT to lose weight sis, you can definitely do home exercises.

Please evaluate on what you really want to happen sis, nothing will change if you yourself believe na hindi mo kaya.

[snowflakes]

tama kayo mga sis.. kung gusto may paraan diba? salamat mga sis, wala kase ko nakakausap kaya natuyo na utak ko.

[scents01]

^hi sis, i do not want to be devil's advocate, but you mentioned na may history ng pambabae yung asawa mo and he works 7 days a week and hindi ka pinapahawak ng pera?don't get offended, but ask ko lang sana kung what made you say na nagbago na sya?

napansin ko lang kasi there are some reasons that guys do not want you to explore the world outside..it's either may insecurity issues sila that they only want to keep you by themselves alone, or they do not want you to know something from the outside..napaisip lang ako and hindi ko lang napigilang magcomment, wag ka sanang maoffend 

[stylishmomy]

^^Good luck in your decisions sis and always pray for guidance Kaya mo yan!!
Bless you and your family.

[snowflakes]

^^ramdam ko naman sis na wala shang ibang babae. open na celphone nya at on time uwe nya. wala shang extra curricular activities unlike sa phils. na hinde na halos nauwe ng haus. di na rin sha palage galit sakin di gaya ng dati.

^ sis thank you ha.. ;-)

[aquacharly]

^ tama ka. There are little signs that make you realize your hubby is effing around.
Yang may mga unaccounted for hours - nawawala, hindi ma  contact. Grrrrr
Yang galing na sa kapootchahan tapos  drama mainit ang ulo pag pasok sa bahay.  (I used to wish he would just  drop dead sa lungga nila ni kabitch quesa  umuwi mainit ang ulo. Lol )
Yang bantay cerrado ang cellphone, kulang na lang kabitan ng security guard. 
Tama  ka, pag bumait na -- lagi namang nasa bahay, lagi kang hinahanap... Atchaka, lol, takot na takot at baka gawin mo rin ginawa nyang betrayal.... Lol

Pwes, Sis Snowflakes --  every big thing or undertaking starts with 1 Small Step.  Ang daming tv  exercise  programs dyan sa US, sabayan mo.  It is easy to  lose the 1st 5 pounds, my sister jokes  that  it's just poop, lol.   Pag nakita mo nagbawas ka ng 5 lbs -- ma engganyo ka to go on.  Make good use of your time  now.

Another thing --  feelings for friends vs family are not mutually exclusive.  Hwag mo ko batuhin but -- ang family mo, kung que tatanda na eh lahat nakasandal sa yo -- sino bang husband matutuwa?  Parang just talking about them eh alam na  even before you open your mouth -- problema na naman.  Do not  begrudge your husband for any happiness he derives from his friends.  The  ability to maintain friendships is generally a sign of normalcy, remember that.   
But if his friends encourage aberrant/dysfunctional behavior -- alcoholism,  uncontrolled gambling,  philandering,  drug use, etc.....  ---  ibang usapan na yan.   

[snowflakes]

^tama ka sis.. for me malaking pagbabago na yun sa asawa ko since nagka baby kami. thanks to my baby! hehe
at tama ka ulit. sabi nya sakin wag na nga daw ako makipag chat sa amin kase puro problema na lang kwento. nami miss ko na kase sila kaya gusto ko every week nag chat kami. pero yun nga same old kwento na depressing, nakakahawa.
siguro nga tamad ako or wala kong motivation to move. ewan ko ba. di naman ako ganto dati, parang ngayon wala ako gusto gawin sa buhay ko. para kong walang silbi. hahaha every time nag diet ako mas lalo ako nag gain ng weight. nakakaines.
i do wii just dance yun ang exercise ko pero walang nangyayare. kaya siguro ko nafufrustrate kase lahat ng gawin ko walang good result.

[stylishmomy]

^You have to change your mindset sis na there will be changes, you can do it I guess you're already expecting/thinking na "ah wala namang nababawas sa timbang, walang result" so yan talaga sis walang result, but try to have a positive about what you do and I bet there will be a difference.

Good luck sis!

[snowflakes]

^korek sis.. be positive!

[pinkbubbles17]

di ko na alam gagawin ko..

may boyfie ako for almost 3 years,pero until now my mom can't accept him..he's a good man,responsible,hardworking and a very loving man..

[Beng01]

awww sis aquacharly, sa sapul sa bull's eye ang mga sinabi mo, I totally agree with you, maybe I can ask for your advice also very soon. Your comments are all eye openers! :-)

Naka maternity leave ka lang,  wala ka nang madukot na pera?
That indicates financial irresponsibilty on your part.

Tama si RIANNE MALLOWS -  your priority is your family and your  good health. 
Atchaka -- ano naman ma accomplish mo sa pag init ng ulo mo?
Sa ka busy ng buhay sa States,  save your energy. 
Atchaka it is so destructive for family  relationships na tapunan mo ng init ng ulo  mga batang  blameless.   

IF this were just an emergency -- your husband will surely help.
Hindi ka pautangin kasi. -- hindi ka nagbabayad?
Or kasi nagsawa na sya sa pagsandal sa yo ng family  mo?
Nasa lugar sya, either way.
Atchaka.  -- he did not marry you to support 3 adults in the Phils.   

Mga  yan dito,  they must learn to stand on their own 2 feet.
Alam mo, sa totoo lang, madaming trabaho dito. Kaya lang inaayawan.  Puro reklamo. Eh what do you expect but to start at the bottom? 

Ano magagawa mo? Wala. Until you get back to work and have your own money.
Unless you borrow money there, or sell off your jewelry. 
Siguro eto na ang time matauhan mga kapatid mo.

Kung short ang pera,  sabi ng lola ko bumaluktot ka.
Marami nabubuhay sa less than  4thou for utilities. 
Parang financially irresponsible din family mo.  Walang savings.  Hindi nagtitipid.  Inaasahan ka para sa basics na koryente at tubig.   

So yon, take care of yourself so you can go back to work  agad.
You know why your husband is tight, and how tight he can get with you.
Whatever  the reason, the more you should  become financially empowered. 
Hwag ka papayag na tumanda ng ganyan.  Take care of yourself.