LDR dillema...

[_ania_]

hi! i need your advice..

my bf and I are in a 3 year relationship... and been 1 and half year LDR. before, during my first few months abroad we made it to a point to converse daily, as much as possible through skype. but few months after, parang we always fight over petty things. minsan, we can  last  not talking for about a week or minsan a month pag medyo matindi un away...now, it's like a routine na un Good morning, House na ko, pasok na ko and Kain na ko na text messages..

A month ago, I met a guy who is  4yrs younger than I do. nakikita ko  na sya before since we're in the same town here in abroad. pero i got to meet him and talk to him when we joined in an activity in the church. nagkaroon ng exchange of SMS and for me medyo mas nakakausap ko na sya compared to my bf who's rarely texting me o nagpaparamdam, as well. I don't know kung tama un ginagawa ko. He doesn't know pa  na I have a bf since sa fb I don't really post my "in a relationship" status before I meet the "church guy", since ON/Off nga un relationship. He never asks me kung may bf ako and since feeling ko naman friendly text lang no need to inform him.

I have a plan to have a vacation in Philippines next month for 3 weeks and sad to say, medyo nawalan ako ng excitement since parang medyo wala na din un communication pero ofcourse  somewhat I look forward na makauwi dn ako..

I don't know kung ano nararamdaman nung "church guy" for me. I don't want to assume. pero I'm scared lang na paano kung ako un mafall sa kanya...he's mabait and parang sya un nagpupuno ng attention na dapat yun bf ko gumagawa. pano ko sasabihin na may bf na ako na di naman sya nagaask. i know it's inappropriate for a girl to talk or text a guy while still in a relationship pero minsan nakakapagod na maghintay sa bf na rarely lang magparamdam.

[adellaide]

It is not inappropriate to talk to other men while your in a relationship with another per se, just as long as no one is getting hurt in the process. I think you should at least inform the guy, (since friendly lang naman kayo. I don't think it should be a problem if you just drop it in on one of your conversations. Para bang mga "that reminds me my bf also does that...blah blah..." very casual lang, maisiksik lang ba ang topic na si bf mo.) lalo na now that you are quite worried if you ever do fall in love with him (or vice versa).
I agree with sis teyet08, analyze yourself first.
Yan ang catch pag LDR, you are just seeking what you miss from your bf with someone who is more accessible to you and maybe that's all there is to it. It's good malaman din ni church guy para alam niya if may limitations din siya.   

[adellaide]

actually, the CG already knew about my bf na ko.. and maybe for us, friendly talk lang naman un ginagawa namin...

MAYBE. That maybe is the tricky part.
Considering LDR kayo I find it normal that your bf will be suspicious lalo na ngayon  like you said frequent arguments kayo and may emotional gap na.
You know what you should do as a gf reassure mo din bf mo, it can't be helped your bf feels that way, ikaw na din nagsabi from your previous post you were worried of falling for the guy. kaya IMO cut your bf some slack he's entitled to be paranoid naman pala eh.
It all boils down to you as to who you would prefer, are you to stick with church guy because of his company (ayun lang ba dahilan or what?) or your bf.

[ldrwifey]

but few months after, parang we always fight over petty things. minsan, we can  last  not talking for about a week or minsan a month pag medyo matindi un away...

believe it or not normal n samin to ng husband ko, one time we're really upset with each other and it lasted for almost 2mos. mas madaling gawin yan pag LDR kasi simple mo lang isnabin ang cp mo and computer.

i've been on long distance relationship for 7yrs now, 5yrs as bf-gf and 2yrs as married couple, since im the one away, i did a lot of sacrifices (im not saying n hindi nagssacrifice ang husband ko) but "kinulong" ko talaga ang sarili ko, my own decision yun. i never joined any group activities, never really went out with anybody except family and family friends. limited ang interaction ko sa ibang tao kasi natatakot ako n s sobrang lungkot mag-turn ako sa mga taong makikilala ko.. and baka yung taong yun ang maging dahilan para masira ang relationship namin.

why am i telling this? coz sometimes madali nating nasisisi sa LDR ang actions natin. but the thing is, it's your choice n maging "close" kay CG. kasi nga naghahanap k ng time and attention n hindi nabibigay sayo ng bf mo. wala naman talagang masama kung makikipagkaibigan ka sa ibang guy habang may bf ka, but the question is for both of you, or kahit sayo n lang, pagkakaibigan lang ba talaga? tama mga sister natin dito, asses yourself... kasi the fact n natatakot kang baka mafall k kay CG, it only means n malaki ang chance n mangyari nga yun. since uuwi k next month, its best n ayusin mo relationship mo sa bf mo. goodluck to you 

[teyet08]

"but few months after, parang we always fight over petty things. minsan, we can  last  not talking for about a week or minsan a month pag medyo matindi un away..."

from the above quote FROM YOU....you are already making justification sa ginagawa mo (or gagawin pa lang...whichever you decide). Are you trying to convince yourself to fall out of love sa bf mo....or you have fallen out of love na kaya mo nasasabi ang mga ganitong "excuses"?

I think you are confusing yourself din lang. Maawa ka muna sa sarili mo coz you are in a limbo.

You already know what you want to do. You just don't have the GUTS to do it pa. You do not need convincing or somebody to tell you NO... You just want your conscience to take whatever you do as logical and reasonable.

Do it na. Tell your BF you are over.... tell the church guy you like him. End of sory... End of climax. Di ba? Napag-aralan mo na may iba't ibang parts ang story? May CONFLICT? Well your story has inner conflict.... you can only solve it.....kung love triangle ang story mo...mas may climax pa sana.

Do it na....blame it on me after...

[_ania_]

Honestly, I feel na we're better off as friends lang kami ni CG. I feel na younger brother na lang ang tingin ko sa kanya which is good. but my prob is parang ayoko na din kay bf. parang wala na talagang spark/magic pag naguusap kami, ayaw din nya magskype pag online sya. lagi kami nagaargue. he's 24 and still undergrad and jobless. don't know what to do.

[fusacat]

^sis hnd sya single...kakabreak lang nya sa gf nya last januay...

anong bansa ka ngay ania. basta wait mo nlang sya mag open syo.

[_ania_]

^ US po ...

[baliwsayo]

Hindi naman kailangan na laging may lalake sa buhay natin eh. Kung hindi ka na masaya kay BF eh di i-break mo na siya. Hindi ko maintindihan bakit kailangan gawing complicated ang napakasimpleng problema?

[h_mische]

Alam mo sis we're almost on the same boat. only difference is that may baby kami ng partner ko. he's away and about to go home in a couple of months para ikasal na kami but the thing is, parang nawala na rin yung excitement. ewan ko ba. i have a feeling na the feeling is mutual naman. i dont know if this is still post-partum depression since i gave birth 3 months ago. medyo matagal na rin so pwedeng nagpapalusot lang ako. haha. seriously though, ayun nga, we used to communicate everyday pero lately, nabawasan na ng nabawasan and i just got used to it. parang couple na lang kami sa FB lang.

wala akong na-meet na other guy since kay baby lang ang focus ko. pero ewan ko mga sis kasi natatagalan ko na ngayon na hindi kami nag uusap. marami ako naiisip na reasons e.

*pwedeng okay lang na hindi na kami masyado magcommunicate kasi baka pag-uwi nya e wala na kaming pag usapan
*he trusts me kaya kampante sya na wala akong ginagawang kalokohan kahit hindi sya magparamdam minsan
*madalas din kami mag- argue kaya mas okay na yung di kami nag uusap nang hindi magka galit kesa naman sa nag- uusap nga kami everyday, pero away lang ng away.

do you think it would make a difference pag-uwi nya? mabalik kaya yung dating kilig? sana. ayoko naman din makipag hiwalay kasi kawawa naman baby namin. ang cute cute pa man din. kaya kung pwede pa ayusin, aayusin na lang.


sana kayo rin ng Bf mo sis Ania

[stacies83221]

sis Ania, I´ve been in that sitch before, LDR, rocky/losing interest with your current BF and finding someone as an outlet.  I suggest that you should take time and think about as to why you are looking for someone´s attention rather than your BF. I know living abroad is hard and LDR is even F´in harder. But find out what is the reason why you are feeling that way... losing interest... baka naooverwhelm ka lang sa bagong environment, bagong culture, bagong opportunities? Maybe, nakikita mo sarili mo na you would be better without him? (list down here all the reasons) Etc.. all I am saying, know yourself first, your motive, know what you want really.. and from there, you work your way out.

[pinklilac]

 did a lot of sacrifices (im not saying n hindi nagssacrifice ang husband ko) but "kinulong" ko talaga ang sarili ko, my own decision yun. i never joined any group activities, never really went out with anybody except family and family friends. limited ang interaction ko sa ibang tao kasi natatakot ako n s sobrang lungkot mag-turn ako sa mga taong makikilala ko.. and baka yung taong yun ang maging dahilan para masira ang relationship namin.

why am i telling this? coz sometimes madali nating nasisisi sa LDR ang actions natin. but the thing is, it's your choice n maging "close" kay CG. kasi nga naghahanap k ng time and attention n hindi nabibigay sayo ng bf mo. wala naman talagang masama kung makikipagkaibigan ka sa ibang guy habang may bf ka, but the question is for both of you, or kahit sayo n lang, pagkakaibigan lang ba talaga? tama mga sister natin dito, asses yourself... kasi the fact n natatakot kang baka mafall k kay CG, it only means n malaki ang chance n mangyari nga yun. since uuwi k next month, its best n ayusin mo relationship mo sa bf mo. goodluck to you 

very well said sis ldrwifey

[ldrwifey]

thanks sis pinklilac 

mahirap kasi talaga ang ldr pero marami tayong pwedeng gawin to make it work.

[shaney]

im in ldr  din mga sis for 2 yrs na.. seaman kasi si h2b.. so every year 2-3 months lang kami magkasama and back to the cruise na naman siya.. swerte na nga ng iba everyday text and call or online.. sa amin once a day na text or minsan wala pa, 2-3 times a month ang call and online.. still we havent had a problem like that..we dont fight.. hmm is this hehe
maybe because katulad ni sis ldrwifey na i secluded myself.. I dont meet guys and talk to other guys unless it is super important.. and focus lang ako sa anak ko.. it made me/us stronger.. its just if you open yourself with other guys kasi it means nagoopen ka rin ng another opportunity to someone.but  if you really love your bf sa totoo lang first hand pa lang you'll tell that guy na you're in a relationship..unless may iba ka ng nararamdaman hehe

anyways share ko lang, my sister had this 7 yrs relationship (since college ata sila na) hehe dito sa Pinas but when she got there in US and after a year nagkalabuan sila ng bf nya she broke up and then the year after that naman she got a bf which is her colleague then now they are happily married with a baby.. hindi ko naman sinasabi na breakan mo yung bf mo.. just want to let you know na wala sa tagal ng relationship yan..if you are not happy anymore with your current bf then dump him.. maybe you'll find a better man kahit hindi man si CG ito.. basta your happiness will always be in your hand..

[mitchal18]

mas maganda parin pag hindi long distance.. masyado kasing prone sa temptation pag LDR.. 
speaking frm experience 

[h_mische]

ayoko na rin LDR. natutukso ako. huhu

[meisaia]

LDR are a pain in the ass. that's why most people just break up instead of engaging into one.

sabi nila absence makes the heart grow fonder.... what they fail to mention is... fonder of which one? the presence of the same person or simply the presence of a person? ang masaklap lang dyan, we make the LDR status an excuse to fool around which should not be the case.

from the very start, we must understand that LDR's require more effort, more patience, more everything. if you're prepared... or if you're willing to still give "more" then continue on. pero kung hindi na, stop na lang. magkakasakitan lang kayo and it would be unfair for the both of you to continue sailing on a sinking ship.

[shaney]

i agree with you sis Ldr needs more of everything that is needed in a relationship than a typical one..

[yasmine_billie]

mas maganda parin pag hindi long distance.. masyado kasing prone sa temptation pag LDR.. 
speaking frm experience 

Depende naman siguro yan sis. ako nasa 2 years ng LDR, may mga times talagang susuko ka kasi sobrang hirap, pero before you decide think first. nasa US and BF ko at pag may times na nasasad sya hinahayaan ko lang syang lumabas with his friends, i trust him at sya din naman, so siguro nasa tao yan kung mgwwork or hindi.

[featlylady]

My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago just because he's secretly planning to go abroad. I got really mad when I discovered it & I felt betrayed  Okay fine, he's going abroad even if it means losing me kaya ipagpapalit ko na siya