HI sisters!
Super puyatan mode ako dahil kay baby. Pero okay lang, it's worth it
I know I owe you all my birth story, so kopyahin ko nalang yung letter ko for baby Raya na ni-post ko sa facebook
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DEAR RAYA,
It's exactly 9 days since you arrived in this world, and I feel like time has flown so fast and yet so slow.
I remember exactly how you came upon us, and I am amazed that it has stuck into my memory, never ever to fade again.
We have willed for you to come on either March 11 or March 12, because these numbers are significant to me and your dad. It was amazing that I woke up on March 11, seeing fresh blood. Your dad flew out of the room in search of a maternity pad, losing his cellphone in sheer panic as he went to a nearby store. I realized then how different "labor" would be for me, as I felt no pain, and was in fact, quite doubtful if the blood meant that you are coming.
We checked into the hospital just the same, and the doctor said she could admit us so we have the option to wait it out there. At 11am, we went inside the labor room. I was quite relieved to have your dad beside me. We were laughing and joking around, and even planned to watch a DVD, while nurses checked on your heartbeat every hour. I didn't show it, but each time the nurse would check your heartbeat, I would furiously say a prayer in my heart and head, and will things to be alright. You passed all their tests, including the stress test! I was so thankful that God was in our side.
At 5pm the pain was getting quite intese as contractions came fast and hard. I willed my mind to accept the pain and embrace it, knowing that there is no other way but this. Earlier, I had spent the whole early afternoon squatting andalking around the labor room, stopping only to grip your father's hands and shoulders when i was rocked by pain. I told myself if squatting through labor would help you and I, i will do it.
By 6:30 pm, nurses came in for yet another internal exam, this time finding that I was now ready for an IV drip. They struggled to find a vein to stick the needle in, to no avail. Meanwhile, the pain has now escalated i was moaning from the sheer force of it. More blood came out of me, and nurses furiously worked to transfer me to the delivery room. By 7pm, I was in the delivery room, legs wide and open for all to see (the horror!), completely awake and aware, with nurses still trying to get an IV drip on me. I had the nurse explain to me where my doctor was exactly.
At 8pm, the doctor came in and said we will start. She said that she thinks you will come out an hour after. She held up her hands and told me to try to push when the urge comes in. She said she will puncture my bag of waters. Meanwhile, a resident doctor managed to stab a needle to my upper arm (finally, after what seemed like a thousand tries).
The contraction came in and while the doctor was explaining to me what we were supposed to do, i pushed, and my bag of waters literally exploded on her. I remember getting her shirt wet. She went to quickly change.
When she came back, I pushed again. She was surprised to see the crown of your hair. I concentrated on the "quality" of my "push", heaving my upper body up, chin on chest, one deep breath, push while holding my breath and pushing like hell.
After 4 pushes, an intense feeling of relief flooded me, and I saw you for the first time.Well, actually, I saw your butt for the first time. LOL. The doctor said the cord was coiled around your neck. I heard the nurse declare: Baby out 8:11 pm! I smiled. 8 is my favorite number; 11, your dad's.
They took you away to dry you up. By this time they have sedated me. But I remember shouting that I want you to latch immediately, that I will exvlusively breastfeed you, that I want you roomed in, that no formula nor glucose water will be given to you. I repeated all of these to your doctor. I was wheeled out of the room, I saw your dad waiting in the hall. Then I passed out.
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Fast forward to now. I haven't had a decent sleep in 9 days. You are so tiny, yet so helpless and so demanding of our time and attention, that I have found myself unable to really care as to how I look. I found out that taking a bath is a luxury, and that holding you in the wee hours of the morning is really tiring. I have found out that breastfeeding hurts like no other, and that your dad has the talent of holding (and not dropping you) while sleeping.
Caring for you has become our utmost, biggest concern. It is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. The stress of the bar exams, the physical demands of climbing a mountain, the exhaustion of work, all these PALE in comparison to your one single cry that reverberates most loudly at night.
Yet it is the smile that comes after you are appeased that wipes all these out, that convinces me that I am not really tired, that gives me the extra push to stay up until the sun comes out, that reminds me that you are no longer just a mere symbol of our love.
Because, You, Raya, you are our LOVE.
