anong gagawin mo pag nalaman mong may kabit ang husband mo?

[Pretty_ava]

napag usapan na namin ito, pag nag loko sya, katapusan na ng lahat sa amin at ipadala na lang nya sustento nya sa unica hija nya...pag sinasabi ko kung magkano every month ang sustento nya sa unica hija nya, natatawa na lang sya, parang di daw nya kakayanin pag nagloko sya sa laki ng sustento nya.

sabi ko pa lalaki ang sustento mo habang lumalaki ang anak mo...  lol

pero parang di ko ata kakayanin pag nag loko si hubby, I am so confident sa love nya sa akin...kaya naman ako nagpapaganda pa din kasi mahirap na...maraming higad sa mundo.

[Prunella]

I'll probably disembowel him.... using a cuticle trimmer.

[remcute]

mga sis, di ko rin ata kaya if nambabae si hubby. i trust him completely and wala sa ugali nya mambabae. well, di rin ako pwede magsalita ng tapos. but i think, if nahuli ko siya, pag usapan muna.
Kung kaya pa bang ayusin or di na. kung mahal pa ba nya ko or hindi na. If negative lahat ng sagot nya, i'll leave him. pero sisiguraduhin ko na he'll regret it. Maglalaway talaga siya sakin! bwahaha

[girl24]

hmmm ano nga ba ginawa ko during the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th time? lahat na yata, nagalit, umiyak, nagwala, nagmura, pinalayas siya, nadepress, nag attempt mag overdose, etc, etc, etc. pero ito nung saturday lang meron na naman, O.R. sa motel na nasa bulsa. hde ko na alam kung san pa ako kukuha ng lakas. ngayon, alam ko na wala na talaga siya pagbabago kaso kahit anong palayas ko ayaw umalis. wala daw siya pupuntahan at sorry na daw at kung ano pang ekek...

hindi ko malaman kung paano to just break free from him.

mula nung saturday hanggang ngayon yan pa rin palaisipan ko. hanggang kailan ako tatratuhin na ganito at hanggang kailan ako papayag na bastusin? i know, you will all say nasa akin ang desisyon na yan. yun nga problema ko, hindi ko madesisyunan...

[imagodei082990]

lahat naman ng lalaki nambababae my reason man o wala. Ako kase niready ko na ang sarili ko sa ganyang bagay dumating man yung time na malaman ko na my other woman si mister ang gagawin ko kakausapin ko sya ng masinsinan hindi ko aawayin. Tatanungin ko kung bakit nya ginawa yun anong problema anung balak nya . Pero hindi ko hahayaang mawalan ng ama ang mga ank ko. Kakausapin ko yung kabit kaming 3 ang maguusap usap ng maaus sasabihin ko sa kabit na hindi ko hahayaang wasakin nya ang pamilya ko agawan nya ng ama ang mga anak ko .

[neraks]

Sa kin kasi madaling sabihin na hiwalay agad pag nahuling nagloloko ang asawa,di nila hahayaang lokohin sila pero ganun ba talaga lagi ang nangyayari?mahirap magsalita lalo na kapag indi ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon,ako i was betrayed 2x by my husband but still magkasama pa rin kami not because of sasabihin ng mga tao or what ever reasons pa but because MAHAL ko siya at kaya ko pa siyang patawarin.alam ko may mga magtataas ng kilay pero kung lagi natin din iisipin na pag nagkamali hiwalay agad wala ng buong pamilya dito sa mundo.nagpappasalamat ako ngayon alam ko mas matibay na kami sa tulong ng CFC at GOD...sana dumating ang time na wala ng maglolokong mga asawa which is alam kong sa pangarap lang.

[imagodei082990]

agree ako sau sis .. Dapt pinaguusapang mabuti ang problema pinagiisipan ang mga gagawin .. Walang kabit na panghabang buhay ..

[contented]

Actually before I got married yang mga circumstances na yan ang naiisip ko, sabi ko sa sarili ko kapag nangyari yan i still give him another chance and still make a way na mabalik ko siya sa dati. Mahirap yun for sure but I will do anything para maiayos ko ang relationship namin. Pero after marriage until now nawala na skin yan.. though mag more than 2 years palang kaming married.. 7 years kaming mag bf/ gf nun at kahit ni katiting hindi ko siya nakitaan na gumawa ng milagro.. super thankful at happy ako sa kanya! Super family oriented siya, puros plano niya sa amin ang mga naririnig ko sa kanya kaya if ever man na (wag naman sana) magawa nya yan hindi ko talaga siya basta igive up dahil alam at ramdam ko kung paano nya ko at ang pamilya namin sobrang bigyan ng halaga at super love niya kami. Pero maisip ko lang yan nun naiiyak na ko.. hahahaha

[girl24]

Sa kin kasi madaling sabihin na hiwalay agad pag nahuling nagloloko ang asawa,di nila hahayaang lokohin sila pero ganun ba talaga lagi ang nangyayari?mahirap magsalita lalo na kapag indi ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon,ako i was betrayed 2x by my husband but still magkasama pa rin kami not because of sasabihin ng mga tao or what ever reasons pa but because MAHAL ko siya at kaya ko pa siyang patawarin.alam ko may mga magtataas ng kilay pero kung lagi natin din iisipin na pag nagkamali hiwalay agad wala ng buong pamilya dito sa mundo.nagpappasalamat ako ngayon alam ko mas matibay na kami sa tulong ng CFC at GOD...sana dumating ang time na wala ng maglolokong mga asawa which is alam kong sa pangarap lang.

I totally agree with this. Same situation tayo sis, at first nung dalaga pa ako napaka idealistic ko. Akala ko sa isang pagkakamali dapat hiwalay agad. walang usap usap. pero now that I am in that situation kahit pang 6 na discretion na niya ito hindi ko pa rin magawang humiwalay parang ang hirap. sa ngayon, malayo loob ko sa kanya maybe because it only has been days since i caught him again pero parang i am resigning myself to a loveless and sexless marriage na lang kesa humiwalay. not for anything but for the peace of mind of my kids with them seeing a mother and father together. hindi naman kasi kasing toxic na relationship wherein me sakitan ng physical. i don't know, maybe one day i'll wake up and give up but as of now status quo.

[Bash19]

ask ko lang if hindi ba kayang hiwalayan ng lalaki ang kabit niya eh ibig sabihin mahal niya ito talaga? kasi ilang beses na nahuhuli ng asawa iyong lalaki sige pa rin sila.

[neraks]

hugs to you sis girl24,kaya mo yan sis matatapos din yang problema mong pinagdadaanan at alam kong makakaya mo...wala namang problemang di natin kakayanin as long as andiyan si GOD sa tabi natin.ako sis till now ramdam ko pa rin yung pain at bawat detalye ng kwento ng asawa ko sa kin,talagang pinakwento ko kasi sa kanya detalyado praning kasi ako that time.wag kang bibitaw sis tayo ang original at dapat nating ipaglaban ang atin.

[Girltalker2]

Before the first time my husband cheated on me, I used to tell myself na hindi mambababae yung asawa ko, sobrang confident ko nun kasi alam ko hindi nature yun ng asawa ko. But I was wrong, not just once but thrice. Yes, 3 times ko ng nahuli na may babae yung husband ko (If you want to know more about my story, it's in my thread) So now I learned my lessons, we're separated already. Tama na siguro yung magiging martyr ko ng 2 beses. I know I don't deserve how my husband treated me, so I always put in my mind na I deserve more than this and God has better plans for me and my children.

But sisters, if kaya pang ayusin yung relationship nyo, pilitin nyo. Specially if you have kids, kung hindi madali sayo yung pinagdadaanan nyong mag-asawa, mas hindi madali sa kid/s nyo. But in my situation (I have 4 daughters and currently pregnant), alam kong hindi na kaya pilitin na ayusin kasi lalo lang magiging malala. God bless everyone!

Sis halos pareho pala tayo. I was so confident then. We were bf/gf for over a decade, friends since childhood. Never in my wildest dreams that he is capable of doing it. Pero I tried to salvage the marriage. And here are my learnings.

1.  Kung ikaw lang ang nagw-work sa marriage nyo at walang effort on this part, forget it. It is not worth the trouble and it will ultimately fail.
Initially I believe that we should fight for our man. Pero sa tingin ko may hangganan. Una una, is he willing to make the marriage work - you have to find the true answer, not the answer you want to hear. Set your limits. 

2. The problem kasi in fighting for your man - lumalaki ulo ng guy.  Super happy kaya at ego booster to see 2-3 women fighting for him. And it is something na ipagmamalaki pa nya sa mga kaibigan nya. At least this is what I have learned in my experience. Hindi ko alam sa iba.

So in hindsight, I thought to myself, HE should be the one fighting for me at hindi ako.  HE was the one who committed adultery at sya kelangan magsorry bakit ako naghihirap ng ganito?  I should have stepped out earlier, saved myself from further heartaches.  Kasi marami nga din nagsasabi, once a cheater, will always be a cheater.


3. Don't think of any revenge.  The best revenge is to get out of this situation composed, with all your finances, heart, mental intact.  And be beautiful at it!

4. There is always life after marriage, in fact, for me, it has been better, less stressful. Sabi nga ng friends ko, blooming daw ako after marriage. Kasi worry free nanga. And that is the best revenge I can have. When I started announcing my separation, I started dating. Meeting different men but very very very cautious. So far, first 6 months, I  dated 5 men, but now exclusively dating 1 nalang (napagod nako hehe) and very happy. Naisip ko bakit hindi ko pa noon ginawa ito. It is truly a new experience for me since childhood sweetheart ko ang ex ko, so I never dated before. Kung kelan nga ako tumanda (malapit na mawala sa lotto), tsaka ako natuto magdate. 

5. Always take care of yourself no matter what. It is for your own self-esteem. Que happy marriage or philandering husband ang ending mo, you will always remain fulfilled if you are pleased with your own well-being - mind and body.





In summary, if I could turn back the clock - ano ang dapat na ginawa ko nung nalaman ko na may kabit ang asawa ko -

1. prepared myself for the worse - financially and emotionally, mentally as well

2. I would have ended the marriage and asked him to leave. If he comes back, he has to express na sorry talaga sya and I will give him a chance. If he does not come back, I have to be prepared. I believe it is only this way to make him realize what he has lost. 

And also, masakit man, at least sandali lang. Kesa naman magsama pa kami at sila parin ng mistress nya - this is a LIFELONG AGONY, walang katumbas na parusa (for not even doing anything wrong to anyone). Ito ang hindi ko naisip before. Kasi I tried to work on the marriage for 10+ years. Yes ganun katagal ako nag-antay. Did he have the best of me during my younger years?  No, because I was not complete then, I was not happy kahit alam kong kasal ako sa taong mahal ko.  I feel more fulfilled now because I am free to choose who I want to be with, happier at walang inaalala, no more late nights waiting for him and crying, and making sure not to make the same mistake again.

[Girltalker2]

ask ko lang if hindi ba kayang hiwalayan ng lalaki ang kabit niya eh ibig sabihin mahal niya ito talaga? kasi ilang beses na nahuhuli ng asawa iyong lalaki sige pa rin sila.

regardless kung sino ang mahal nya, the fact that he is doing things that can hurt the wife and destroys trust which is one of the basic foundations of marriage, he just does not love and respect you enough. he may love himself most, or other people or whoever. he is just not cut for marriage.

this is just my opinion though. sorry, medyo negative, kasi nga based lang sa nakikita ko sa ibang tao at sa experience ko narin.

[Girltalker2]

hmmm ano nga ba ginawa ko during the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th time? lahat na yata, nagalit, umiyak, nagwala, nagmura, pinalayas siya, nadepress, nag attempt mag overdose, etc, etc, etc. pero ito nung saturday lang meron na naman, O.R. sa motel na nasa bulsa. hde ko na alam kung san pa ako kukuha ng lakas. ngayon, alam ko na wala na talaga siya pagbabago kaso kahit anong palayas ko ayaw umalis. wala daw siya pupuntahan at sorry na daw at kung ano pang ekek...

hindi ko malaman kung paano to just break free from him.

mula nung saturday hanggang ngayon yan pa rin palaisipan ko. hanggang kailan ako tatratuhin na ganito at hanggang kailan ako papayag na bastusin? i know, you will all say nasa akin ang desisyon na yan. yun nga problema ko, hindi ko madesisyunan...

what is preventing you from leaving him?  Kasi sakin dati maraming factors. Anak namin, parents namin, what will people say etc. Haynaku, sa case ko, well, I tried for years. But I must say now, it is worth it. Wala nakong pakialam what they will say, and utlimately, they would understand kasi malalaman naman nila the truth behind it, and all I am is just a good daughter, daughter-in-law, good employee at relative.  So pati side nya na-sad when they learned I was prepared to walk out.

Sa kwento ko, I also missed the part - yes, I also had my share of overdose.  And it was not a good idea. Never do it again. Talk to someone you trust also. If you cannot trust anyone, go to counselling. This is a form of emotional and mental abuse, you definitely need help.  Sakin kasi sinarili ko for quite some time kaya sobrang hirap.


 

[Girltalker2]

I totally agree with this. Same situation tayo sis, at first nung dalaga pa ako napaka idealistic ko. Akala ko sa isang pagkakamali dapat hiwalay agad. walang usap usap. pero now that I am in that situation kahit pang 6 na discretion na niya ito hindi ko pa rin magawang humiwalay parang ang hirap. sa ngayon, malayo loob ko sa kanya maybe because it only has been days since i caught him again pero parang i am resigning myself to a loveless and sexless marriage na lang kesa humiwalay. not for anything but for the peace of mind of my kids with them seeing a mother and father together. hindi naman kasi kasing toxic na relationship wherein me sakitan ng physical. i don't know, maybe one day i'll wake up and give up but as of now status quo.

Sis, I will just play the devil's advocate here. Kasi napagdaanan ko is not so positive.  Pero sana yung mga sis na naging successful naman eh magkwento din. Para at least you can weigh things out and be able to decide for yourself.

Yung nahuli mo ba eh same girl? or iba iba?  Maybe does not matter.  Pero a marriage without love and sex is something na nakakapanghinayang.  Why not have a marriage with love and sex if you can have one?  Isa pa that made me stronger when I was in that situation is ayaw ko kalakihan ng anak ko ang ganyang pananaw.  Babae man o lalaki na anak, it is just a bad role model. Hindi lang ang pambababae ng papa nila, pati narin how they see a loving relationship should work.

Masasabi ko lang, pinakamahirap na ginawa ko sa buhay ko ay humiwalay sa kanya.  In my case, he was the only person I trust since childhood sweethearts nga kami. Hindi ko malaman san ko pupulutin ang sarili ko when I learned about his infidelity. Then I worked on the marriage - take note "I", ako lang.  Those were my dark days. And I really hope that no one will go through what I went through - kasi hindi ko sya ma compare sa any pain na naranasan ko.  I psyched myself to consciously remove my Love for him.  I had to. Otherwise, staying in the marriage would be emotional suicide. Nawala ang glow and bubbly personality ko, lagi akong umiiwas sa tao at laging nakabuhos ang energy ko sa pagbantay sa kanya, pagpapaganda at sa trabaho.  It was soooo stressful.

[Girltalker2]

lahat naman ng lalaki nambababae my reason man o wala. Ako kase niready ko na ang sarili ko sa ganyang bagay dumating man yung time na malaman ko na my other woman si mister ang gagawin ko kakausapin ko sya ng masinsinan hindi ko aawayin. Tatanungin ko kung bakit nya ginawa yun anong problema anung balak nya . Pero hindi ko hahayaang mawalan ng ama ang mga ank ko. Kakausapin ko yung kabit kaming 3 ang maguusap usap ng maaus sasabihin ko sa kabit na hindi ko hahayaang wasakin nya ang pamilya ko agawan nya ng ama ang mga anak ko .

This is very ideal.  Hindi ko magawa ito before, kasi hindi ako robot.  My emotions was just pouring in, overwhelming.  I just cannot help myself but wanting to kill them.

Sinabi ko rin iyan dati, hindi ko puede hayaan ng kung sino sino lang sirain ang buhay ko, sirain ang buhay ng mga anak ko. But at the end of the day, I had to raise the white flag. They deserve each other. And I always believe that God has been good to me and had given me more blessings than I can think of.

Makwento ko lang, one time there is this relative ng ex ko na may asawa din na maraming wives.  She stayed with the marriage through thick and thin.  nung namatay na ang asawa nya, eh di syempre nagdatingan yung mga ibang asawa at mga anak sa labas. Talagang nanginginig sya sa galit.  Then a few years later, she confided na never daw sya nagkaron ng peace of mind until now na namatay na asawa nya kasi alam na nya where he is - 6 feet under.  Unlike nung nabubuhay pa, it was simply traumatic for her as well. Imagine they got married in their 20s, the philandering guy died in their late 60s.  That's 40+ years of agony.  I would not want that to happen to anyone.

 

[Girltalker2]

agree ako sau sis .. Dapt pinaguusapang mabuti ang problema pinagiisipan ang mga gagawin .. Walang kabit na panghabang buhay ..

I dont agree na walang kabit na panghabang buhay. In fact, maraming professional kabits. And these people will haunt your family for the rest of your life, his life, hanggang sa paglibing.

The worse part is kapag may anak sila, where they deliberately did so out of "love" for each other. This is simply DISRESPECT to you. Again, di ko din ito naisip before.  Pero in hindsight, I should not have allowed him to treat me with such disrespect.  Kaya isang lesson din ito, never again.

[Girltalker2]

hugs to you sis girl24,kaya mo yan sis matatapos din yang problema mong pinagdadaanan at alam kong makakaya mo...wala namang problemang di natin kakayanin as long as andiyan si GOD sa tabi natin.ako sis till now ramdam ko pa rin yung pain at bawat detalye ng kwento ng asawa ko sa kin,talagang pinakwento ko kasi sa kanya detalyado praning kasi ako that time.wag kang bibitaw sis tayo ang original at dapat nating ipaglaban ang atin.

Yes, seek help to God. But you should also decide for yourself.  During my dark days, araw araw akong nasa novena.  Wala din naman nangyari. And I think it is God's way of telling me, just leave.  And true enough, he is showering me now with so much blessings.

[neraks]

Yes, seek help to God. But you should also decide for yourself.  During my dark days, araw araw akong nasa novena.  Wala din naman nangyari. And I think it is God's way of telling me, just leave.  And true enough, he is showering me now with so much blessings.

Yes sis,it's a case to case basis...kapag talaga wala ng way para ma save ang marriage much better na maghiwalay na lang.kasi dapat u couple mismo ang gagawa ng paraan para maayos ang relasyon nila,pero kung parehas ayaw na useless na din.

[girl24]

hay, naguguluhan na naman ako... upon reading your posts sises... kasi sa ngayon ayoko gumalaw, ayoko magdesisyon, ayoko magulo kasi kakagulo lang ng buhay ko ng mahuli ko na naman ang hubby ko...ayoko na umiyak, magisip, etc. in short i just want peace... kaya lang tama naman sabi ni sis girltaker 2, do i have to wait for him to die before i can have true peace of mind? ang mas malaking problema baka ako pa ang mauna dahil sa lahat ng sama ng loob na binibigay niya sa akin... i am probably still waiting for that "push", what kind? i don't know yet. personally i think that push maybe in form of physical abuse baka pag nasampal na ako or nasuntok eh literally magigising na ako sa kahibangan ko...

all i have now is prayers, kahit noon naman prayers na rin. nagtampo nga ako ke God bakit hindi ako mapagbigyan sa araw araw na dasal ko na umayos na sana hubby ko...